Truth Be Told, but Not By I

Time to go back to school, oh joy of all times how school means to us. By the way, surprisingly sarcasm isn't a native tongue to me, but it's not a difficult language. If one in two could learn it, then why do we speak? By our teenage standards, no one can tell between seriousness and kidding. Anyways, sorry to get off track there, I like to soliloquize. I dressed in good attire, made myself smell nice, all the preparations just for the first day of school. But why you might ask. Hmm, poor self esteem you might say. And you wonder why my hair is ravenous. Messy and charcoal black.

"Come down here Shane, Nate and Jason's waiting."

"Just a sec." I stuffed everything so neatly, organized in my backpack and slipped on a pair of shoes. I scuttled down the stairs and attacked Jason while his back was turned.

"Shane, this use to be cute, but you got heavy overnight. Stop packing the pounds before we find ourselves in China." Jason shrugged me off his shoulders to fall on the ground. It was a good thing school was on, the bag cushioned my falling impact.

"So I need to know, why is Shane on the ground, and Jason tensed up. What happened while I was gone?" Nate stood by the entrance with hands on his hips

"Nothing." We both said in unison, nothing happened, right.

"Let's go, we're late as it is and it doesn't help when we're late to school on the first day." Nate bellowed, already gone out the door.

"What's riding your pants today. What's so different about today than it was any other year before that." Jason followed out. I grabbed a quick banana and told my mother farewell as I ran to catch up to them.

–

We arrived at school, caught up to everything that we may have missed before we had our year group orientation. We went through the basics, classes, teachers, what's new, what's out, two classrooms full of so so people.

"Excuse me. I need a volunteer who would like to escort our new students through our school programming."

"I'll do it," Mitchie, who was sitting next to me, raised her hand, being the good girl that she's always been. Now departed, leaving the seat vacant next to me, I laid me head down on my arms. I became lost and everything faded into a dull tone, but that was until I had my focus on the one person in the corner. Needless to say, it was Nate. Oh dear, I could never look at him the same way again. Now the way I see him now.

It's different. It's like the feeling you get when you switch girls into women within your sight, and they become interesting all of a sudden. When love is a concept that seems to be important. It could only happen at our age. With all the pressure and demand for a soul mate, people in my eyes can't be seen in true colors. But I've known Nate for a while so it's different. I've seen him in a light that only I can see, or can only be interpreted by me. That's how I see it. So, it can be seen that he's special to me. If something were to happen that made me change my view, I'd be lost forever. So this can't happen.

–

It only became a downfall as time ticked off the face of the present. I sat alone in the top Science class, because most of my friends were in middle class. It wasn't so bad, Barron was also in this class so at least I had someone to talk to. Only a few minutes in had Mitchie shown up in class, bringing with her a couple of people. It must have been some new students.

"Sir, we have some new people joining this class." She let them stand their ground up to the teacher before taking a seat in my row, Mitchie sat in front of me. There were three here, 2 guys and a girl. We talked for a bit just to introduce ourselves. From what I've heard, there was Jacob, a tanned, spiked up black hair and well muscled. He looked tough but he gave such a gentle soul. The girl was called Alyson, blonde and long haired like Mitchie, she was so full of life and yapped more than normal. But it was a good thing, she was pretty funny and made me smile a lot. And the next one was Ashton. He was a little pale and had long, shaggy hair with blonde highlights. He didn't talk much and wasn't very open, but his heart was in the right place so he didn't seem so bad.

"So Shane, don't mind me asking but you're not taken are you?" Alyson asked, she had a small smirk on her face as if there was an ulterior motive.

"Um, no, not really but I don't expect to be with someone for a while"

"Rebound?" Jacob asked, as if he was tuned in now.

"No, it's...complicated."

"How?" Ashton was next to ask.

"It's long and difficult in explanation and...confusing."

"Confusing?" They said together. Deja vu, because I felt this before. Too easy to recognize for me. They knew. It was the cliche that would have given it away. 'I'm confused.' Two words to tell too many tales.

"Look, it's just a personal thing. He'll be able to tell when he's ready." Mitchie stood up for me as she dragged Alyson from us. At least the speech center was out. It just left the three of us to talk. But wouldn't have I guessed that they wouldn't let this go.

"Shane, I know about personal issues and thing that you may be too afraid to tell. Just swear to me that you'll never make it too personal. You should let us know so we can help. I'm sure whatever it may be, it's not as bad as some other people." He placed a comforting arm around me and I just tilted my head down and nodded. It was all just a 'Yeah, yeah' attitude but I knew he was right. And I have passed that stage already. But I'm too afraid to take the second step.

"Thanks, I'll let you know. It's nice to know I have someone to turn to." I tried my best to smile, but at least my attempt was feasible. I looked into his brown orbs and saw something weird. Almost terrifying. It scared me but not in the frightening sense. Something more on topic. I tried to look away but it was almost magnetizing. No matter what happened, something seemed to attract my eyes onto his.

That was until we were told to look back and take notes on the board.

–

The day went long, and tiring. The sun heated intensely on the Summer day, I swear that if there was not a table with stains or puddles of sweat, you had air conditioning. It was so hot, the metal roofing filled the silence with expansion. You were sweating more when you had PE that day. I'm glad I didn't have it today. But it was worse when we sat outside. The ice cream instantly melted from the stick, making sticky hands and stains on white shirts.

By the time it was lunch, we sat in the west side, a grassy meadow behind the school. There was a large wooden picnic bench there where we all sat. Alyson found a couple of people she could relate to. She was in middle classes too besides science. Jacob and Ashton have joined our group. Ashton found a few people he could relate to and it seems as if he was enjoying himself. I sat next to Jacob and talked more with him. We had a lot in common when we talked. Nothing seemed to die out in our conversation. I felt more comfortable just talking to him. But including him, we also had massive talks among the table. Laughs and dirty talk, talking about how bad the school day was. It was halfway passed lunch when Nate and Jason finally came back.

"Where were you two just now?" I asked and met them halfway

"Jason got held back and he begged me to wait for him." He talked through his lunch.

"What did you do this time?"

"I was talking to Tess and we were apparently the loudest."

"Doesn't make sense to make me wait while Tess was there as well." He walked passed me and sat down in my seat.

"Hey I was sitting there." I complained to him.

"Okay fine, your majesty. Sir Bi-a-lot" Oh, he did not just imply what I thought he did. He took a stab at me. Sure it was meant for a joke but it still meant something to me. Of course taking in the fact that he doesn't know about my feelings.

"Nate, don't be mean. Be the bigger man." Mitchie continued to stand up. But as this was occurring, Tess made her way at our table. Being such the diva I make her out to be, something happened that I couldn't bare to face.

"I already am, ha ha," Nate just continued to poke fun.

"What's all this then?" Tess just broke in.

"Nate's making fun of Shane."

"Oh is this about..." she muttered some things in Nate's ear. He nodded. I could only tell what they were talking about. I became nervous. I just sat next to Jacob, trying to get away from all this drama. I was sweating in nervousness but I couldn't get this out of my head.

"Shane, was that what you were confused about?" He held me at either end of my shoulders in hopes that I wouldn't avoid the issue. I just felt tears glisten my eyes and nodded.

"Yes. The truth is that I'm bi." I broke out off his grip and stood my back to him. He came around to me and lifted my head up.

"Shane, I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with that. It's only natural to have felt that way. Don't feel so insecure. You're being paranoid about feeling disrespect. I'll be there for you." Just hearing those words made me smile again. But I phased him out when I saw Nate and Tess walk away. Together. Seeming to be really deep in conversation. I was stunned at what I could only imagine would have been my confession. Words that imply the message, yet presented badly. Oh no, I could only guess his reaction.

"She's gonna tell him." I whispered quietly. Jacob could hear this and could only snap me out of my state of shock.

I felt light headed, and numb. My head's spinning until all thought was turned off. He knew, and that's all that mattered.