Chapter Six

Unnatural Interest

What's wrong with me?

Why do I feel like this?

I'm going crazy now.

No more gas in the rig, can't even get it started

Nothing heard, nothing said, can't even speak about it

Feels like I'm going insane

It's a thief in the night, to come and grab you

It can creep up inside you and consume you

A disease of the mind, it can control you

It's too close for comfort

-"Disturbia", Rihanna

~0~

He slipped the door open and slid inside quietly, still grinning from the crude banter he had so recently exchanged with Sanji Blackleg. The blonde was something else, that was for sure. Never had he met someone like the man who had saved his ass that day. The guy was a walking paradox. Complex and simple. One moment seemingly shy, the next kicking ass; one moment looking as tough as nails, the next as vulnerable as a child. He was a puzzling enigma that confused, yet intrigued him; a human rubric's cube that Zoro longed to seize and twist until he solved its riddle.

Or if he couldn't, slam the fucking thing against the fucking wall until it gave up its secrets.

Sanji was refined, the polish showed with every word that came out of his smoker's mouth. But the refinement covered a much more primal character which Zoro knew lurked underneath. And when they fought, when they verbally clashed; Sanji's gentlemanly veneer ripped and tore. It was exciting. Exciting to see an angel who acted like a demon.

But the bet.

The fucking bet.

He couldn't forget that.

He couldn't allow himself the luxury of getting carried away by Sanji, no matter how cool of a guy he was turning out to be. In fact, what he needed to do was put these naïve and potentially dangerous whims of delving into Sanji's character, out of his mind. The less he saw Sanji as another person, the less messy this whole shit-storm was going to be.

I told Ace that I was going to fuck this guy up. And what? Now this same guy's a friend? There is no fucking way Ace would ever live long enough to forgive me that. It's not just a matter or finishing a stupid bet. It's something more. It's revenge, baby.

Zoro let himself knock his head against the hallway and groaned softly, a soft whisper in the empty stillness of the narrow hall, and his eyes slipped shut with fatigue. Immediately, images of Sanji's handsome, smiling face swarmed through his mind, seeming to accuse him; echoes of Sanji's velvety baritone bounced through his head, voicing reproach and disapproval which shamed him in some strange way.

It should have been nothing. Sanji Blackleg should have been something entirely different. Where the world gone? What the hell could he do to change it back to the way it had been? Why the hell wasn't he happy that the guy wasn't a complete douchebag? Could someone please explain this to him?

Zoro winced, and closed his eyes, lifting his palm to cover them, as though he was feeling the initial pangs of pain of a massive headache. There were too many questions that had no answers. It was enough to drive Socrates insane.

But the images and thoughts and ideas and complaints flooded into his mind, unbidden. Zoro leaned heavily against a thin wall, trying to find some sort of flimsy support in a world which seemed to have gone insane in one short day. But Sanji, unwittingly, had broken past barriers he hadn't even known existed, and had lodged in the deepest recesses of his mind, defying any of his efforts to dislodge him.

Why? Why? Why? Sanji, Sanji, Sanji, go away, come again some other day.

He wasn't sure why the quirky blonde drew him so intimately. The guy was different, strange, exciting, intense, one crazy motherfucker. Ever since Sanji had arrived in his life less than twenty four hours ago in some kind of cataclysmic whirlwind; the cook was affecting him in more ways than people he had known his whole life had ever done. Zoro honestly thought that he had racked his brain more, in trying to understand the blond, in the last past hours then he had ever thought about people he had known his whole life.

It was love at first sight, minus the love. Weird, inexplicable, unfathomable, definitely unnatural interest in another human being. Had Sanji Blackleg been of the double x chromosome variety, Zoro was sure he would have been following her around, panting and acting suave. But, the guy was a guy, and Zoro was simply puzzled.

If the situation had been a little funnier, Zoro would have likened it to the dramatic movies he sometimes saw on the television late at night, where a man and woman fall in love at first sight among whirling chaos and their lives are never the same again. Zoro would always watch these c-movies with a bemused kind of air, a beer in hand, late at night in his home, when no one else was there and there was nothing to do and nothing better on the other channels.

He would just sit there and watch the flickering television screen cast shadows on the wall. Sometimes he would mute it and watch the silent dramas unfold before his tired and disillusioned eyes; man meets woman, man loves woman, woman has problems, man helps woman, man marries woman, and they live happily ever after in marital bliss. He hadn't done it for a while.

Zoro would wonder when he would meet his life partner, his better half, the love of his life; all those clichés which described the person that he would dedicate the rest of his life to.

On female companionship he wasn't lacking, Zoro had filled his bed with an assortment of women since he had first been introduced to the mysteries of sex; but they had come and gone, as noiseless and as unsubstantial as ghosts. Either they wouldn't be there in the morning or he wouldn't. Sex he had; it was on love he came up short.

Where Sanji fit into all these musings, Zoro was unsure, but he did know that, just that for once, here was someone that Zoro could connect to, maybe someone that he could be able to trust enough to share his secrets and dreams too, that he could trust even more than Ace, who thought he knew everything but didn't; and now some perverse twist of fate had decreed that Zoro should set himself against him. More-betray him.

Because wouldn't that be what he was going to do? What he had already started to do? In some way, he would have to gain Sanji's trust and then betray him. And from what he saw, Sanji was already halfway there. Sanji wanted to be friends. Sanji stuck up for him. Sanji Blackleg had his fucking back. Sanji could be his pen pal, his boy scout buddy. They could bake cookies together.

What the fuck!

Zoro clenched his fists in frustration and impotent anger, and started to question again his decision in this matter. He didn't know what was what anymore. Except for one thing. He knew that Sanji Blackleg had fucked up his mind. Seriously fucked it up. With his foul manners, his righteousness, his goddamn idiocy. Where was the snotty, aristocratic bastard-sonuvabitch-whoreson of Sanji Blackleg?

Wasn't it-But then…wait-I'm losing it, I'm really losing it. And it's all that idiot's fault-

"Goddamn you, you fucking, idiotic, blond, cooking, bastard! Rot in fucking hell for eternity! I hope the devil rips your balls off and wraps them around your goddamn ears, shithead!" Zoro yelled suddenly, pounding his fists against the wall.

"Zoro! What's with the anger issues?" A surprised and disapproving voice suddenly spoke up, clucking their tongue in disapproval.

Zoro opened his eyes, which had been squeezed shut, and blearily beheld his fellow gang member, Usopp Sogeking, who had suddenly appeared in the hallway like smoke to witness his brief episode of insanity. "What…?"

Usopp shook his head mournfully, "Good thing, my kids aren't here!" he commented, shaking his head glumly. "How would I've explained that to them? They don't even know that 'crap' isn't a bad word. You're a bad influence, Zoro. Next you'll be selling them cocaine."

Usopp's 'kids' weren't really his kids, they were the three young boys that he had taken in when their parents had died in an arson attack on the building they had lived in. Usopp, feeling compassion, had allowed them to move in with him, after he had found them squabbling for scraps from a trashcan in front of his own shabby hovel. Usopp's own parents had died or left-leaving only a small house behind for their only son. The trio went by the names of Carrot, Onion, and Pepper, to everybody's amusement and chagrin.

"I don't want any rug monkeys anyway.", Zoro muttered back, "I'm going to be one of those parents who has that bumper sticker on his car-my kid sells weed to your honor student, watch. Or, 'my kid beat the fucking shit out of your honor student.'"

"That's terrible, Zoro.", Usopp admonished, playing around with a hole in his overalls, "My kids aren't going to be hanging out with your kids…Anyway-Ace heard the door open and we thought that was you, but then you didn't come out for, like, five minutes, so I went to go check it out in case it was a thief." The sharpshooter said, chest puffing out at his supposed bravery. Zoro rolled his eyes-Ace had probably forced Usopp to go see what was up and the chances that the longnose had hid behind the ornamental palm tree in the hallway until he was certain there was no clear danger, were high.

"That was really kickass of you Usopp." Zoro said, trying to keep the sarcasm in his voice to a bare minimum, "I commend your bravery."

Usopp puffed up even more under the praise and said happily, "I once threw out five robbers from this very house-using only my thumb- oh, hey, I heard you got in a fight?" Usopp looked at him eagerly, hoping to hear another story in which Zoro kicked ass. "Who was it?"

Damn, the system which Water 7 implemented to transmit information which was better said in whispers, was rudimentary, yet effective. The news had traveled faster than himself. "Let's go see Ace. I'd rather tell it only once." Zoro said, "You guys working in the garage?" Usopp nodded happily, and they walked a little further down the corridor to a door on the left which led out into the garage, or the small, dingy thing which liked to call itself a garage.

Ace was sitting down propped against the garage wall, cross-legged. On his knees was a disassembled sawed-off shotgun. He glanced up as they entered and broke into a sunny grin when he saw his green-haired friend, "Hey, Zoro! What happened? Heard you got into a fight! No wonder you didn't answer any of my calls! I was worried for a bit, but I know you."

Zoro slapped palms, "Oh, yeah. It was Sanji Blackleg." Go for the casual approach, man. Approach with dignity.

This elicited a burst of good-natured laughter from the freckled man, "Oh man, Zoro! Did you try to fulfill your part of the bet a little too early? Maybe felt up his boner through those cashmere slacks of his? Cop a little feel?"

"Heh. The guy's not that lucky yet." Zoro laughed, "It just kinda happened…He was in my home Ec. class and I tried to talk to him…and I kind of went downhill from there…" Zoro trailed off, thinking that he was definitely not going to tell Ace exactly what had happened. He felt a small pang of guilt as he passed on this half-truth to his best friend. But Zoro knew that Ace wouldn't understand, and would only be upset or pissed if Zoro tried to explain. Upset that he was associating with their self-sworn rivals. Those of the fat moneybag.

Zoro didn't blame him-with Ace's history it was hard for him to trust or accept. Anyway, he didn't know what exactly what to explain- Zoro didn't understand the situation himself.

"Did you win?" Ace asked eagerly, blissfully unaware of these long thoughts currently circling through his best friend's head.

Zoro shook his head, "Security stopped us before we finished."

Ace nearly dropped the shotgun he was holding, looking surprised, "You mean you couldn't beat him before security came?"

Zoro shrugged, feeling a twinge of annoyance pass through him again, at that intolerable thought that he hadn't won. Really, for some weird reason that nagging thought had seemed to replace the entire bet idea. Call him an immature child with a penchant for completion if you would, but he should have won. "He's pretty strong actually."

"But you're Zoro!" Ace looked at him with disbelief, "You telling the prince of Enies Lobby is a bad-ass fighter? Dude, the guy wears a pink apron while he cooks! I've seen him!" Ace looked slightly offended, "With a panda! A panda!"

"True shit. The guy fights like some kind of martial artist. Jackie Chan, Caucasian style." Zoro decided that the simpler the explanation, the less room where he could trip up and have Ace catch him in a lie or half-truth. Who had ever known it was so fucking confusing to deceive?

Ace shook his head in confusion, then shrugged, "Well, you just squandered your chances of fucking him then. Thou hast attempted to cozen and seduce the lady fair too soon, dear Zoro."

"Nah, actually he wasn't too mad." Zoro said, walking over and plopping down on a beat-up armchair that Usopp had left in the garage for the sole express purpose of serving him. The chair even had his body-imprint sunken into its dull green cushions.

"Really?" Ace crooked an eyebrow in surprise, then answered himself, "Well, of course not, he wasn't the one suspended."

"No, actually, he was the one suspended, I got off."

This time both Usopp and Ace exclaimed, "What!"

"What, why?" Usopp demanded.

"There were a lot of witnesses. He attacked me first." Zoro said, again dancing just outside the realm of truth, not wanting to give the real reason. Not because he was ashamed at being protected by Sanji, but again because he himself didn't understand the situation or why Sanji had done as he did, and he wanted to examine the whole thing more deeply before he gave the information out to anybody else.

"Well, that's a fucking miracle." Ace said, approval in his voice. "I just can't believe he wasn't mad at you. Did he say anything about this morning?"

"Not really. Just sort of confused about you."

"Well that's good." Ace said and then stood up, setting the now assembled shotgun aside on the floor next to him carefully, "Look, you guys, I need to split. Blackbeard wants to talk with me about something."

"About what?" Zoro asked.

"I can't tell you. Otherwise it's premeditated." Ace said, cockily, and grinned.

"All right, no problem.", Zoro said, taking the subtle hint and backing off. Though they were friends, they still had their own secrets.

Ace turned to Usopp, "9 o' clock then?" Just attach the scope to that thing and bring the ammo."

Usopp nodded.

Ace grabbed his bag of stuff that he always carried around and threw it over his shoulder, "All right I'm leaving now, I'll call up Marcos to give me a ride so you can ride home on your bike." he said to Zoro, "It's in the driveway in case you didn't notice, which knowing you, you probably didn't." He cast a puzzled glance at the green-haired man, "How did you get here anyway?"

"Got a ride from someone." Yes, from none other than Sanji Blackleg! Chew on that shit for a while Ace!

Ace nodded "Figured." And then pushed the garage door opener button, the door slowly trundled open with a mechanized grumble. Ace ducked under its opening flap and then turned around as it started to close again, "See ya!" he called with a wave, right before the door cut him off from view.

"See ya, Ace.", Zoro muttered drowsily, before the Sandman took him away. It had been a long day after all.

~0~

Sanji hadn't been there the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. Zoro wasn't sure why he kept expecting the blond man to show up, Zoro knew suspension personally, after all. He was on first name basis with the principle.

But he hadn't even seen Sanji in forever, it just seemed so odd-like the guy had disappeared off the face of the Earth. It seemed too anticlimactic to be trusted-Zoro had been left feeling like something had been left hanging.

It was just plain unhealthy how much time Zoro had devoted to the blond man these last few days. Simply unnatural . He had even asked around to see if he could get any more information on the guy, if he had ever lived in Water 7, that kind of stuff. But nothing of note ever turned up.

Sanji Blackleg was one cool motherfucker, that was undeniably the stone, cold truth. He was friendly and pretty much kickass. And Zoro was already entertaining notions of approaching the guy to get to know him better. As for betting with Ace that Zoro would be able to fuck him backwards-Zoro had put it into a little box, sealed it up, and decided to deal with it later.

Not the greatest remedy for problems that needed to be dealt with, but hey, he was no Dr. Phil.

"Do you always space out like this when you're on date?", an annoyed voice broke into his thoughts as an insistent hand tugged at his shirtsleeve.

Oh, that's right. He was supposed to be paying attention to this one chick so that they would feel less troubled when they ripped each other's clothes of and rutted like a pair of dogs.

Zoro laughed and wrapped an arm around Alvida's shoulders, "Sorry, there's so much I have to think about…" They were sitting on his couch in front of his TV, a small blanket thrown over their bodies. They had been giving each other those secretive glances for a while now, and tonight was the night of consummation.

"Oh, Blackbeard?", Alvida asked, running her hand across his jawline, smiling softly.

Zoro closed his eyes and tried not to let out a little moan as Alvida traced her hand across his chest and down his stomach, "Yeah, that and all the shit-" All thoughts of Sanji were neatly shoved to a corner of his mind.

"But let's not talk about that right now, hmm?", Alvida leaned forward, the perfume reaching out and tickling Zoro's nose, she kissed his chin. And suddenly, just like that, Zoro needed her.

He reached out and brought her forward so that he could slide her out of the small shirt she was wearing, "In fact, let's not talk about anything, eh Alvida?"

"Just relish my beauty.", Alvida murmured in his ear, as Zoro busily unhooked her strapless bra, "Tell me how beautiful I am-" She let out a throaty moan as Zoro cupped breast and rubbed her nipple to hardness. He grinned as he heard her absolutely egotistical commands, but then it turned her on to be worshipped. And turned on was to his benefit in the end, wasn't it?

The television blared on in the background, oblivious to their actions.

"You're hot.", he whispered back into her ear, "You're the hottest woman in the world. Everyone wants you.", Zoro pinched her nipple harshly, and Alvida threw back her head and moaned, thrusting her hips out, in an obvious plea to relieve her of the restrictive clothing which was hampering her sex.

He was glad to unbuckle her capris; pushing her down into the couch and lying her flat on her back so that he could lean over her and suck her right tit, licking and biting so that the flesh turned pink.

With his other hand, Zoro unzipped his jeans and slid them down, pausing a moment his caresses of Alvida's body to slide them all the way off and throw off his shirt. Good things his parents were at work all day.

"Come on, Zoro-say my name-", Alvida moaned, jerking her hips up and rubbing her hairless crotch against his own erection; the woman was nearly visibly dripping before his very eyes. It was arousing to watch as Alvida opened her legs wide, her eyes demanding his immediate and aggressive entrance.

Zoro first slipped his fingers in through the moistness, until he felt the silky bud which he knew would make Alvida scream and come, his fingers ghosted over it.

Alvida shuddered and panted, tilting her hips and opening her legs wider so that his fingers could work with ease; Zoro obliged her, and gently rubbed his forefinger over the bud, his other hand teased her entrance, sliding his fingers easily in before slipping out. "You like this?"

"Aghh-Zoro, come on-fuck me-tell me-"

He rubbed harder, squeezing her spot between his fingers and drawing his hand out to rub her crotch. Alvida moaned and cried out, her skin blushing prettily, the tumble of black hair falling gorgeously over the couch.

And then, he gripped her thighs, and slid his erection in, leaning over her so that they could kiss, or at least lick each other's mouths. The first thrusts made Alvida cry out and claw at his back in vain, he'd have scratches there later.

She wasn't vain for nothing; Zoro drew back for a moment so he could drink the sight of her nakedness, big breasts with dark nipples, skin a nice peach, curves with not an ounce of superfluous fat on them. Alvida was fucking sexy. No Hancock Boa, but hey, no one was.

There was a small half-smile playing around Alvida's lips, as Zoro began to thrust his body in slow, languid motions, letting the leisure play with their arousals for a while. She was no doubt relishing his need to see her, relishing her own beauty. Selfish bitch. But then, he was a chronic bastard himself.

And she was beautiful, lying there underneath him as they fucked. Her skin was flushed and sweaty, breasts perky with the force of gravity, nipples still glistening with his saliva. Hair a mess, and the curls closest to her face stuck to the side of her face with her own sweat. Looking both utterly sated and absolutely reveling in pleasure.

Another slow thrust, in which both of them let out small sighs, and Zoro suddenly found himself wondering if Sanji would look the same way when he, Zoro, was finally screwing him, fulfilling his part of the bet. If he's look like that.

Sanji, who had looked the same way as Alvida when they had been fighting. Pink with fury, and under. Both sweaty, handsome creatures, drunk with their own life.

Head thrown back in ecstasy instead of exertion, moans of lust instead of pain, soft hands running over his body eagerly pulling him closer, not trying to push him off. Sanji's smile hovered above Alvida's. Blonde fought with black.

Zoro gave a little half-moan as the scene came to life inside his mind, and Alvida's smile grew, mistaking his vocal as one for her own benefit. But once thought, the scene would not go away, on the contrary, it was becoming more and more detailed by the second with the help of his traitorous subconscious, and his cock, already inside Alvida's heat, throbbed.

Sanji would be pink and sweaty as he lay on top of him, hair a golden mess on the couch, peachy skin flushed prettily, and his head turned in profile in total capitulation, as he moved inside, thrusting hips so that they both cried out. Sanji, whom he hadn't beaten.

Zoro gripped Alvida's sides and sent himself deep, fast; and Alvida, unprepared for the sudden thrust, cried out loudly. But she wasn't female anymore, and Zoro was fucking sure that Sanji Blackleg could take this. This was what he said he was going to do, so why not-

Come on-

Blond man with curly eyebrows, strong muscular abdomen, defined pectorals. Dirty mouth.

Alvida smiled up at him, liking the assault on her body, small grunts escaping her mouth each time Zoro fucked her. Talking had long ago ceased it seemed.

She came first, the muscles in her legs and thighs tensed tightly and then relaxed, her pants froze and shuddered.

Zoro didn't mind her coming, he wasn't finished, and Alvida cried out again and again as he refused to let her recuperate. He could take it, after all.

Come on, fucking Sanji.

Sanji Blackleg would be tighter than this woman underneath him, he'd be on fire, burning, tighter, everything. It'd be fun to see the blond shudder and whimper as Alvida was doing. Struggle and strain impotently as he had been doing. So fun.

He stilled as he felt orgasm shudder and rip its way through his groin and mind, the tension running off, carried away with his spurting semen.

Alvida reached up and pulled him close, humming sweetly. Zoro lets himself snuggle with her for a while; and for once, he's feeling more confused than sated. But the thoughts are eluding him, and Zoro decides to let them go, this once. There's nothing much to be worried about when he's lying in the arms of a beautiful woman.

But is nagged. A small but steady worm, eating its nefarious way to the innermost realms of his psyche.

What…?

~0~

At Usopp's again.

This time, it was just him and the longnose, since Franky and Robin were most likely banging each other in some remote area and Ace was probably burning something down.

Zoro shifted more comfortably in the armchair he had been lazily wallowing in for the better part of an hour and glanced at Usopp. The sharpshooter was sitting on the floor and was attempting to attach the scope onto some sort of rifle. His tongue was out and his eyes were squinting through a pair of ridiculous goggles in concentration. A comfortable silence was between them.

It was a day after his date with Alvida, and the most he's done is get himself confused even more than usual. Sanji just simply refused to go away. Goddamn man was worse than a hookworm taped to his ducking large intestine.

After a while of listening to Usopp quietly curse the stubborn scope, Zoro felt himself beginning to drift off inevitably to the land of sleep and dreams, where a suspiciously familiar blonde figure was beckoning him, to come and fight bastard moss, and spoke up sleepily, "Hey, Usopp."

I think about this kid too much. It's not good for the damn health. I need to get some closure on this. Talk to someone…Usopp's no Maury, but Zoro didn't think he needed a paternity test.

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever been in that kind of situation, where you can't stop thinking about someone, for even one second?" Zoro asked drowsily, and then jerked awake as he heard the crash of Usopp dropping the heavy gun he had been holding and looked up to see the shooter ogling him like he saw something green...that wasn't his hair.

The long-nosed man was openly gaping at him, after a few seconds of his mouth opening and closing like a fish, Usopp finally gasped out, "Shit Zoro! Don't scare me like that!"

Zoro frowned at him, jolted awake from his right-about-to-sleep mood, "What's wrong with you? Did I ask you if you had genital warts or what?"

Usopp picked up his gun and then said nervously, "Well, that hardly sounds like something you would say. That's kind of sounds like, um, love. I mean, you and Ace don't really…you know…kings of promiscuity and all that."

"I'm just asking. Fuck." Zoro said, and turned away, burying his face in the armchair cushions, making a mental note to find a reason to kick Usopp's ass before the week was over.

There was silence for a moment and then finally Zoro heard Usopp say in a muffled voice, "Um, Zoro-I do, uh, think about someone like that."

He turned back, surprised. Usopp was fixedly not looking at him, but was studying the weapon in his hand as though he had never seen it before.

"Yeah?" Zoro prompted.

The longnosed man finally glanced at him, and then sighed, "I don't even know why I'm going to tell you this, but you have to swear not to tell anyone. You hear me? You can't tell anyone. Not even Ace."

Zoro nodded. "I won't"

Usopp studied Zoro's serious expression for a while and then nodded back, "Ok. Listen." He said, and then fell paradoxically silent. A minute passed in which Usopp seemed to be struggling to find the right words. Zoro was right about to prompt him again, but Usopp suddenly spoke up again. "I've been in love with this one girl for five years." he confessed. "And I mean, in love."

"Damn." Zoro said respectfully. "Why aren't you with her? And who's the girl?" And how does this answer my question? I meant,' think about', not, 'love'.

"Her name's Kaya Merry." Usopp continued, as though he hadn't heard Zoro at all. "She's the most beautiful, most amazing girl you'll ever meet." He sighed and looked down at his dirty hands, "She's an angel. Like, I know I don't deserve her."

Kaya? The name rung a faint bell of recognition in Zoro's mind. But for some fucking reason he associated that name with Sanji. But he seemed to see Sanji everywhere now, including underneath him in bed, so Zoro guessed it was just his fucked up mind playing games with him. He didn't mention it to the sharpshooter, Usopp seemed to be in his own dimension.

"We met five years ago…At the funeral of her mother. I was working at the funeral parlor as a janitor, I was taking out all the trash and this funeral was going on, and so I was interested to see who had died, sounds morbid, I know, but I've seen worse, believe me, and then I was walking around the mourners and then…"

Usopp paused and took a deep breath, his eyes were shining softly, no doubt reliving the moment he had first seen the woman of his dreams. "and then…I saw her. I haven't looked at another woman since. Zoro, I fell so hard and so deep for her. She was crying and so her dad asked her to step outside for a moment and I followed her. I comforted her and took her in my arms…In these arms!" Usopp held his arms wide to demonstrate. "And then she stopped crying, asked my name, told me hers, told me it was her mom's funeral, then she gave me her number and went back inside."

"Well then why aren't you with her?" Zoro asked, he still couldn't seem to see the bad part. Maybe it was just him.

"She's from Enies Lobby." Usopp said abruptly as though that explained everything, and seemed to return to reality with an unpleasant jolt. He picked up the shotgun, with scope attached now, and gave it an appraising look over. But it was a look which was too cold and calculated for Zoro's taste. And it seemed to go beyond the metal weapon.

Zoro was dumbfounded, "What! That's all? Just because she's from Enies Lobby doesn't mean shit!" The words stunk badly of hypocrisy. But he didn't care; what mattered was that Usopp, his friend, was being fucked over by life.

Usopp glared at him, "Don't be naïve. You know how big of a gap is between us. And for your information, I did go see her off and on for a year. Her father found out and had be put in jail for 'trespassing', 'harassment' and god knows what else. It was only for a week, but still, it was humiliating. Shit, Zoro, I thought you'd understand." The sharpshooter angrily jerked the gun's barrel open and peered inside.

"No, I do." Zoro protested and with no idea he was going to say it opened his mouth and blurted, "I like someone who lives in Enies Lobby too." God…how many more feet could he get into his mouth? A couple hundred? A few fucking million? Yes, he liked Sanji Blackleg, maybe a little too much for it to be healthy. But liked in the buddy-buddy-guy sense. As in the horsing around, shoving each other, tearing each other's nutsacks off sense. Usopp liked Kaya in the nuzzling, giving roses on Valentine's, kissing, touchy-touchy sense. Simply put, Usopp's like wasn't his like.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit-

Usopp opened his eyes wide and made a little strangled sound, "No shit? And then answered himself immediately, "Yeah, I think so. That's why you're asking all this sentimental stuff, isn't it?"

Zoro made a choked sound in the back of his throat and managed to croak out, "Yeah. That's pretty much why." He might as well roll with the shit. What did they say you were supposed to do when you caught fire? Stop, drop, and roll? That's what he was doing now, rolling it. Hopefully the fire would extinguish itself with the goddamn urine of his utter idiocy.

Usopp was looked delighted, "No wonder you never settled down with anyone, even though everyone wants you! Who is it? Nami? I thought you were watching her a little oddly at lunch! I mean, you were fixated."

"Uh, no, it's not…Nami." Hahahaha, Wrong! It's Sanji Blackleg, motherfucker! You do not get the stuffed bear!

This is going to drive me insane. Mark my damn words.

"Who?" Usopp demanded, eager. Oblivious.

"I'd rather not say…" Zoro mumbled, his face heating up again. His mind still in confusing shambles. How could he tell Usopp that he did like someone, that someone was a guy, but he liked him not in the way that Usopp liked Kaya. That he liked him in the way that Usopp liked Ace, or in the way Usopp liked a good, comfortable condom?

Usopp looked disappointed, but nodded, "All right, you can tell me on your own time. And before you ask, yeah, I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks." Zoro croaked. He stood up and wobbled unsteadily on his feet, wondering if this day could get any weirder. "I think I'll go home now." I need to find my sanity, you see. I seem to have dropped it somewhere.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow. We can catch a game or something on the tube."

Zoro nodded and pushed the garage door open, stepping out into the driveway and waved at Usopp who was now fiddling around with a smaller automatic pistol, and then the door shut, cutting Usopp from view and leaving Zoro alone with his jumble of confused thoughts.

~0~

Author's Note-Chapter 6 Revised. :X Thank you for reading and reviewing!