Chestnut colored locks were scattered across her docile face, hiding half lidded crimson eyes from view. A younger Shizuru stood rigidly in front of a full length mirror, doing her best to keep her own eyes from roaming her nearly naked form. She was clad in only a pair of plain white cotton panties and a matching training bra. Circling around her was a grown up version of herself minus the eyes.
"As a woman you should have more pride in such things..." Her mother spat, eyes roaming over her daughter, her expression one of disgust. Roughly she pinched Shizuru's sides, tugging the areas around her daughter's waist to further drive her point home. "You've gotten fat." She stated bluntly, a cruel smirk turning the sides of her mouth.
At the age of ten Shizuru was quite beautiful. She was everything a child her age should have been and then some. Pale skin stretched over lengthy bones and in certain areas muscle showed best such as in her shapely thighs and long legs. Oh yes, Shizuru Fujino was for lack of a better word striking. However in her mother's eyes... She was detestable.
Crimson eyes watered but never glanced upward. Shizuru could feel her mother's cold stare boring into the back of her head, the reflection of those eyes showed pure hatred. "Are you listening?" Hanako pinched the skin just under Shizuru's ribcage, causing her to yelp and draw back. That earned a vicious back hand to the cheek which sent her spiraling to the floor in a heap. Her mother smirked and turned on her heels, stalking away.
There had been no food for a solid week, save for what her most trusted servant dared to sneak to her during the night. In that time Shizuru writhed in silent agony inside her bedroom. No solace came, only the rough hands of her mother sizing her up each night.
"How is it possible you haven't lost anything?" Her mother raged, slapping her harshly across the face, effectively splitting her lip. As the warm crimson stained her chin she looked up, matching eyes with her mother for the first time in years. The older Fujino growled at the defiance and roughly grabbed Shizuru by her shoulders, shoving her back first into the wall. "Spoiled brat!" She spat.
"Hanako!" Shizuru's father had just entered the bedroom, closing the distance between himself and his wife in mere seconds. Hanako was grabbed about the wrists and drug away from Shizuru. "Get away from her!" He growled, shoving her out of his daughter's bedroom. With the door slammed he turned and sighed, walking slowly over to Shizuru and offering his chest for her to cry on. However this time no tears came.
In the darkened bedroom Shizuru sat perfectly still in seiza atop her bed. That beautiful tawny hair spilled about her face, framing it and keeping her crimson eyes hidden. Her head seemed to sway ever so slightly as she sniffed the air, delicious aromas filling her nostrils. Was her Natsuki cooking? A faint ghost of a smile tugged the corners of her mouth.
"Natsuki..." That name was nothing more than a whisper caressing her lips as she leaned forward and bowed her head to the bedspread. Underneath the sheets her right hand found her inner thigh and squeezed. Those crimson eyes went dead and she bit her inner lip while razor sharp fingernails dug deeper into her thigh. She drug those nails up the tender flesh slowly, painfully tearing it open with each pass. Soon the red scratches turned to bleeding cuts, spilling red across the inside of her night gown.
A slow gasp passed her lips as she raised herself upright and rolled back the sheets to survey her handiwork. Her head tilted to the side slightly, sending shimmering brunette tendrils across her cheek. She lifted her hand to examine the blood dripping from underneath her nails and that same ghost of a smile flittered across her lips. One finger was brought to her mouth and suckled, followed by the others. One by one each digit was cleaned of the cursed blood she'd drawn from herself.
Keen ears perked at the sound of someone advancing down the hall and Shizuru quickly slipped under the covers once more, closing her eyes just as the door slid open. She felt the bed shift and then someone delicately shake her. There was a beat before she opened her eyes and rolled onto her side, smiling up to the dark haired girl hovering just above. "Are you hungry?" Natsuki asked, brushing a couple strands of hair from the brunette's face. Shizuru pursed her lips cutely and then gave a slight nod of her head before rising with a yawn, making sure to give the appearance she'd been sleeping by rubbing her eyes.
"Good, come on there is a lot of good food waiting." Hand in hand she allowed Natsuki to lead her from the bedroom and toward the kitchen. However once in the doorway her heart clenched in her chest. Two violet eyes were staring at her from the table.
Natsuki turned to look at her when she'd noticed the brunette wasn't following anymore. Standing there a million feelings washed over Shizuru at once but the most noticeable was anger. Her body felt hot, she was sure everyone looking at her could see the flush overcoming her pale skin. Unable to tear her eyes away from Mai's she stared the other girl down for what seemed at eternity. Muscles ached as she fought to make them move... Finally her feet reacted and she bolted back down the hallway.
Quietly she slid the bedroom door shut behind her and leaned against it with a slow sigh. Why had Natsuki allowed someone into her home? Her jaw clenched silently along with her hands which were at her sides. She stepped away from the door and took a seat on the edge of the bed, dropping her head slowly. Wrapping her arms around herself she stared at the floor for a long moment until finally the door slid open and Natsuki walked hesitantly inside the room.
"Shizuru, I'm sorry." She said quietly while advancing toward the brunette. "I shouldn't have surprised you like that." Her voice was soft, soothing, or attempting to be anyway. Natsuki kneeled before Shizuru, concern showing in those beautiful emerald eyes.
The brunette kept her head lowered, not meeting the other's gaze. "Shizuru..." Natsuki repeated softly, regret evident in her voice. Suddenly she was shoved backwards, landing roughly on her ass. She grunted and furrowed her brows. "What the hell!" She yelled while narrowing her eyes toward Shizuru.
With a sigh she picked herself up and went back to Shizuru's side, sitting with her on the edge of the bed. "Alright I deserved that I guess." She conceded with a sigh. "She was only here because there were no groceries in the house. I didn't want to leave you alone and I didn't think you would want to go to the store so... I called her. She even cooked dinner so you wouldn't have to struggle to down one of my experiments!" A light chuckle came from her as she worked to try and ease the tension she could feel about to strangle her.
A hand came up and ran through chestnut colored hair. Shizuru pulled away and turned her head from Natsuki who just sighed and rubbed her temples. "Don't be mad at me..." She murmured softly, she truly couldn't handle it if Shizuru were upset at her. "I know, give me a minute okay?" Natsuki said while quickly walking out of the room.
Shizuru looked up as the bluenette departed and furrowed her brows. From the kitchen there was a lot of noise then a moment later Natsuki appeared in the doorway with a tray in hand. She strolled over to the bed and sat it down in the center, taking up her spot on the edge once more but this time with a gentle smile. Shizuru blinked while crimson eyes scanned the tray. Natsuki had brought her dinner in bed.
"How about a little picnic in bed? Just the two of us." The bluenette said, her smile growing a bit wider. Shizuru licked her lips slowly. The food smelled and looked so very delicious and her stomach was tied in knots from hunger. Reluctantly she gave a slight nod causing Natsuki's smile to grow into a broad, proud grin.
Chopsticks in hand Natsuki scooped up some rice and offered it out to Shizuru who gratefully opened her mouth and allowed the food to enter. It was tasty for being just rice. When the bluenette tried to feed her again Shizuru smiled and shook her head, taking her own pair of chopsticks from the tray.
"Feeling well enough to feed your self huh?" Natsuki said, pouting only slightly. The look made Shizuru's heart leap into her throat but she retained her simple smile and began eating. After a moment Natsuki did the same and they shared a mostly quiet dinner together.
--
"Are you sure you don't need me to help you?" Natsuki asked hesitantly while leaning against the door jamb to the bathroom. Shizuru was seated on the edge of the massive tub letting warm water run across her hands. With a smile she turned and rolled her shoulders, allowing the top of her night gown to slide down just enough so her shoulders and part of her back were showing. Natsuki swallowed as a bright blush enveloped her cheeks. Quickly she high tailed it out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her. "Ah okay, seems you got it!"
Outside Natsuki rubbed her forehead viciously trying to erase the image now burned there. Honestly, why did Shizuru always have to do such inappropriate things? Her nose twitched briefly as she considered the fact it was at least comforting to see have a little of the 'old Shizuru' back for a change. She sighed and decided to keep her mind busy by cleaning up the small mess left over from dinner.
In the bathroom Shizuru's smile had faded quickly and was replaced by a placid, 'not quite there' look. As the warm water continued to fill the tub she slipped from the edge and took a knee beside the porcelain toilet. Her eyes reflected back at her in the rippling water for a long moment as she concentrated on her worn face. It looked like she had aged significantly over the past few months. Her mind barely registered that little fact.
Crimson eyes closed tightly as she leaned forward and heaved up the dinner she'd eaten only half an hour ago. With a sigh she sat back on her heels and wiped her mouth with the back side of her hand, flushing the toilet with the other. Her head throbbed but she refused to acknowledge it as she stood and shrugged off her night gown, letting it pool at her feet. As she went to step into the bath tub she noted the full length mirror behind her and tilted her head. Her thighs were smeared with blood.
Blood.
She bit the inside corner of her mouth as her body began to tremble slightly.
Warm... Blood.
A ripple of pleasure rolled through her core and she turned to view her self in the mirror. Lifting a single finger to the glass she traced the outline of her own face while biting down harder into the corner of her mouth. Metallic rust tickled her taste buds and she grimaced at the familiar allure as it swished around her teeth. At once she crumpled to the tiled floor and began sobbing into her hands, a trail of blood glistening from her lip down her chin.
Jerking her head upward she slammed a fist into the mirror, shattering it. Glass fell around her, on her, cutting her flesh in various places. With a growl she lifted one of the pieces and dug it into her thigh, dragging it upward with a bitter cry of agony.
The pain was real.
The pain was something she could relate to.
The pain was everything she deserved for the sins she'd committed.
Her mind screamed these points at her wanting her to always remember what a monster she truly was. She deserved no comfort. Blood leaked from the self-inflicted wound... While it wasn't deep enough to warrant immediate medical attention the brunette now sat in a pool of red. With a ragged breath she looked into the remaining shattered bits of mirror still hanging and examined her cracked face.
There was her true reflection.
It mocked her as it stared back.
The cracked shell of everything she once was.
Grinning at her.
With a distant expression she dipped her fingers into the fresh blood around her thigh and reached up dragging her index finger across the remaining glass. A grin flashed across her lips but only briefly as she stood with a grimace and began painting the wall. Outside the door handle rattled due to Natsuki knocking loudly. "Shizuru, are you alright? Open up!" Louder knocking followed but Shizuru didn't hear a thing. She kept painting.
Natsuki finally managed to get the door unstuck and flung it open, stepping inside. She stopped in her tracks with a gasp. Shizuru was standing naked in front of a shattered mirror covered in blood. Her hair was matted down with the red Substance, her cheeks were crusted over as well and she was... Smiling? Natsuki's brows furrowed as she stepped closer but that was when she noticed the glass shard in her friend's hand.
"Shizuru..." She said softly, extending a hand. "Put that down." Her eyes scanned her friend's body and she grimaced at the large wounds on her thigh. With a sigh she inched closer, wrapping a hand around the glass. That one action seemed to break Shizuru from her trance. She cried out and swung her hand, slicing Natsuki's that had been trying to ease the glass shard away.
"Ah!" Natsuki winced and jumped back, cradling her hand as she looked wide eyed at Shizuru whose chest was heaving. "Shizuru..." The bluenette tried again, breathing out slowly. "Please put that down, it's alright, it's me. Natsuki." She held her hands up, the right smeared with her own blood, and swallowed. Shizuru blinked and tilted her head, furrowing her brows as she caught sight of Natsuki's bleeding hand. A soft whimper passed her lips and the glass shard clattered to the floor. The brunette rushed over and took hold of Natsuki's injured hand, fresh tears springing to her eyes.
"It's alright, really.. It's not bad." Natsuki tried to reason but to her surprise there was a gentle sucking on her hand. Those emerald eyes widened when she noticed Shizuru's luscious lips were around the wound, sucking it clean.
Sweet.
That was the first thing Shizuru thought when Natsuki's blood touched her tongue. A soft moan crossed her lips at the first taste. It was much more delicious than that of district one's lackeys. A shiver coursed through her as she suckled, matching eyes with the emerald ones now staring intently down at her. To her dismay though, Natsuki gingerly pulled her hand away with a bright blush on her cheeks.
"What did you do?" Natsuki asked softly as her uninjured hand gestured toward the wounds gaping on her friend's thigh. Shizuru looked down at herself and furrowed her brows, a confused look overtaking her face. "Sit, please I need to take care of those..."
Natsuki led Shizuru to the toilet, dropped the lid and sat her friend down careful not to allow her to put too much pressure on the open wounds. She quickly retrieved the now well worn medical kit from the closet and took a knee in front of Shizuru.
Shizuru gasped at the first touch of the antiseptic to her wounds. The reaction caused Natsuki to pull back slightly but with a slight bite of her lip she continued, trying to go about the cleaning as quickly as possibly. She was able to keep the stinging to a minimum by softly blowing a cool stream of air to each affected area. It seemed to calm the brunette, at least for now. With little effort the wounds were bandaged tightly and the night gown Shizuru had previously cast aside was wrapped back around her body.
After her friend had been taken care of Natsuki began putting the supplies back into the small medical kit. To her surprise Shizuru caught her hand and stopped her. Emerald met crimson and for a long moment they shared an intense gaze. Natsuki could feel the kit being pulled from her hands and she looked down, breaking their staring contest. Shizuru delicately took hold of Natsuki's injured hand, turning it over in her own. Sadness overtook those beautiful crimson eyes and it caused emerald to soften.
"I'm fine, really it's nothing serious." Natsuki tried to gently reassure her friend but Shizuru was already wrapping a bandage similar to her own around the injury. The act caused a smile to tug faintly at the corners of Natsuki's mouth. Even now her friend's concern wasn't for herself. From peripherals emerald eyes caught sight of the red smeared across the wall and that's when she furrowed her brows. What the hell had Shizuru been doing?
Natsuki sat back on her heels before rocking upward to her full height with a sigh. Her eyes scanned the walls and the remnants of the broken mirror. Blood smeared out the word "KILLER" across the once light violet surface. "Shizuru..." She breathed out slowly. From the toilet seat Shizuru dipped her head, allowing chestnut bangs to scatter in front of her eyes.
So this was it? Natsuki clenched her jaw involuntarily as her eyes burned into the shattered mirror. Her own eyes reflected the anger coursing through her body.
"Natsuki... I will always be here to protect you..."
Words from the past rang through Natsuki's mind.
"Don't worry; I'll defeat all the other Hime... If there's anything you don't like, I'll take care of it for you, Natsuki. You just watch..."
Slowly her bottom lip began to quiver slightly, tears welling in the corners of her eyes.
"I truly am in love... With you."
The coldness that enveloped her heart was like no other she'd felt before. Something deep inside ached as it tried to twist its way to the surface. What was this feeling? She turned, swiftly taking to her knees in front of Shizuru and grabbing hold of the other girl's hands. Startled, the brunette looked up, eyes widened.
"Shizuru..." Natsuki said, her body trembling slightly. "I'm so sorry..." Her words were simple whispers that danced across her tongue. She felt regret bubbling to the surface but fought hard to suppress the feelings as they began growing stronger. The reality of what she'd put her friend through without even knowing, it had slammed into her full force and it felt like she'd been flattened by a bus.
Her eyes closed slowly as she leaned forward and laid her head in Shizuru's lap. Tears burned the corners of her eyes but she couldn't, no she wouldn't, let Shizuru see her cry. The older girl needed Natsuki to be strong, she knew that. Gentle hands came upon the top of her head and began playing in her dark locks, twirling them between long fingers and letting pieces drop across pale cheeks.
"Oh Natsuki..." Shizuru said in that slow, drawn out fashion. "It seems my actions haven't only damned me..." Regret laced with her words causing her eyes to darken slightly.
Natsuki furrowed her brows but the hands continued playing in her hair, keeping her from lifting her head to match crimson eyes. Shizuru was speaking again... She was... Natsuki swallowed as the brunette continued.
"You said you weren't here out of guilt but I can see it in your eyes." Shizuru ticked her tongue. "Liar."
Emerald eyes widened and Natsuki's heart clenched in her chest. Fingers stilled in her hair and quietly withdrew as Shizuru stood; causing Natsuki to slide back onto her knees and look up. The brunette stood in front of her, head lowered and eyes newly closed.
There was a slight smile at the corner of her mouth. "I knew someone like you could never truly love someone like me..." Slowly her eyes opened half way and focused on the dark haired girl before her. The look that reflected back at her was one of infinite sorrow. Her head tilted and she broadened that smile but only slightly. "How could anyone love a murderer? No. It's only guilt that now binds you to me and that..." She allowed a smirk to grace those plump lips. "That will just never do.."
Murderer.
Shizuru was a murderer.
The truth of that statement slammed into Natsuki's heart, causing her entire chest to tighten. As Shizuru turned to leave the hem of her night gown was caught in Natsuki's hand but she didn't look down at her friend, rather her eyes closed once more and her jaw clenched.
"You're only what I turned you into." Natsuki said quietly under her breath, her own eyes closing. "It was.." She hesitated momentarily but pushed herself onward despite the agony tugging her heart strings. "It is my fault."
A dark laugh filled Natsuki's ears causing her eyes to snap open. She peered upward at Shizuru who had her head thrown back, a broad smile across her lips. The corner of her eye twitched subtly. "You were simply a trigger, Natsuki. You have no idea what burns inside of me..." Her words were dry, without emotion.
Natsuki lifted herself from the floor and grabbed onto Shizuru's shoulders, roughly turning the older girl to face her. "You are not alone, Shizuru!" Her grip tightened causing Shizuru to wince the slightest bit. She eyed the hands on her shoulders before matching crimson with emerald. "You're not the only one who has done things they regret, please... Stop torturing yourself over something none of us had any control over." Natsuki's voice was pleading but it didn't seem to do anything besides further push Shizuru toward the edge she was already teetering on.
"Two hundred and forty seven." Shizuru suddenly said, her teeth bearing in a sudden outburst of rage. Natsuki's brows furrowed and she stepped back, releasing her hold on her friend. Shizuru took a breath and composed herself, lowering her eyes to the ground. For a long moment she silently seethed. "That is how many people I killed. How many people did you kill?" Her head tilted to the side almost as if she was mocking the dark haired Hime. "How many people did Mai kill? What about Mikoto, or Midori? Yukino?" A grin touched upon her lips but it wasn't comforting in the least. No, it was purely terrifying.
Natsuki was sure the blood in her veins had frozen solid with that one look. Emerald eyes widened and she took a step back, breathing out a heavy gasp. Shizuru's brows twitched at the reaction and she chuckled. "I completely annihilated District One." Her voice was soft, barely a whisper as she slowly locked eyes with the dark haired girl. "For you."
"Shizuru..." Natsuki began but Shizuru held up a hand, stopping her before anything else could be said.
"I want to die!" Shizuru cried out, baring her teeth once more as she took a step forward, causing Natsuki to stumble backwards into the broken mirror. "I deserve... to die!" Crimson eyes widened as tears began to fall. That well constructed mask cracked in half. Her shoulders began to tremble, her head dropped and she cried into her hands. "Can't you see..." She said softly through her sobs. "My peace lies in death. Only then can this blackened heart of mine mend.."
Natsuki swallowed the lump in her throat and stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Shizuru and pulling her into a firm embrace. "Let me go!" Shizuru growled as she roughly shoved Natsuki away from her and turned toward the door.
"Stop!" The bluenette cried out, reaching out and grabbing hold of Shizuru's upper arm. "Don't walk away from me, Damnit." She said roughly as she jerked the brunette back into her strong arms. "I'm not going to let you go through this alone... Not again, never... Again."
As she spoke the words there was emptiness inside of her heart that seemed to be growing. It was as if the darkness consuming Shizuru was working its way into her as well. She wasn't sure she had enough strength for this battle but if she could manage to save her friend...
That would suffice.
"Leave Natsuki." Shizuru stated weakly against the dark haired girl's shoulder. Shizuru sighed heavily, her forehead creasing as she furrowed her brows. "Before you're consumed like me." She had seen the darkness working its way into the beautiful biker's once brightly shining eyes. "Leave me..." She whispered and a single tear made its way down her cheek. Exhaustion took hold, strangling her will to remain upright and slowly she succumbed, falling limp into Natsuki's strong embrace.
Natsuki released a breath she hadn't even known she was holding and peered down to the now slumbering girl she held in her arms. With a quiet sniffle she lifted Shizuru best she could and carried her from the bathroom into her bedroom. Carefully the brunette was hoisted onto the bed and covered. Natsuki settled beside her a moment later and ran a hand through her shimmering blue hair. What was she going to do?
Guilt, anger, frustration...
A myriad of emotions gnawed at her gut but none offered any guidance. With a clench of her jaw she steeled herself and straightened on the bed. "I won't leave you." She whispered while running the backside of her hand down her sleeping friend's cheek. "Some how... I will fix this mess I've made." The last part of her promise was a mere whisper. She'd resigned herself to the realization that if not for her... She simply sighed rather than finish that thought.
Yes. This was her responsibility.