A/N: Hey guys, this chapter contains a few spoilers for the episode 3x02.

This is a bit of a nicer chapter than previous ones. But you can expect some bumps in the road ahead, as well as some sexy times.

JPOV

It had been two days from hell. Maura and I survived a close call following a lead at Sensei Matta's retreat. We got back from the hospital this afternoon and Ma gave us a kick up the ass for our behaviour since the warehouse. We both apologised and eventually the clan cleared off.

Desperate to get clean, but not quite ready to leave, I'm in Maura's shower scrubbing the dirt from my body. I got most of her blood off my hands at the hospital but I'm still discovering dried remains. As each speck of red falls from my skin it reminds me of the fact I could've lost her forever. The thought of that way too real possibility makes me want to throw up. Thankfully her leg is fine but I was so fucking terrified I'd done more damage than good when I cut her open.

What if I had lost her never got the chance to fix this fucked up mess. No matter how screwed up its been, I can't live without her.

A shiver tears through my naked body and I feel like I wanna punch the bathroom wall. I take a deep breath and remind myself she's alright.

It's not too late, Jane.

We need to talk all this through and figure out what's next. I know we probably can't fix it tonight, we're both exhausted, but there's still shit that needs to be said.

The day after we had an argument at Maura's and I took her against the door I struggled to imagine a way back to being friends again. We had our 'cat fight' in her office, I got transferred, Maura resigned and it all felt so definite.

I regret not being her support through the discoveries she made about her birth mother but maybe that was a journey she had to take on her own. Hopefully we can find a way back to the Jane and Maura we once were and she'll let me make up for that screw up.

I'm not an idiot; I can't deny my attraction to Maura any more. I've fucked her twice now and each time an uncontrollable desire took control of me. I've come to accept that any feeling felt that intensely can't be nothing, especially desire. But I don't understand it and I'm beginning to think I never will.

I don't know what I want and I don't know what the hell to do with it. And until I know, without a smidgen of a doubt, what it means I won't play with fire any longer. Going in blind is a taking a risk I'm not willing to take, I've only just got her back and I ain't about to lose her again anytime soon.

Our close call today and almost losing Maura forever has reaffirmed just how much she means to me. She loves me as much as I love her and she shouldn't have to put up with the rest of my bullshit. I want Maura to be happy and I'm way too fucking messed up to be that special person. Just look at how I've been treating her, I'm an ass and a narcissist just like she said.

Christ, Jane. Stop your self-pity act and go be with your best friend.

A moment of clarity snaps me out of my downward spiral. I turn off the shower and reach for a towel. I dry my body and I throw on some of the clothes I've left at Maura's. It feels good to be in comfort clothes, my BPD exercise shirt and running shorts feel pretty dandy right about now.

I look in the mirror to fix my frazzled hair and for the first time in a while I feel at ease with myself. I guess acceptance and the hope of forgiveness can do wonders for a person. I sigh and head back out to find Maura.

I walk in to the living room and can't see her anywhere. Damn it, she shouldn't have been walking around.

"Maur?"

"In here," I hear a muffled reply from the direction of her bedroom. I grab two glasses of water and her painkillers just in case she needs them.

Maura's lying on her bed listening to some mellow music and playing with an app on her I-phone. She looks up to me as I enter and sits up with a warm smile on her face.

God, even in pain she's adorable.

I smile and hand her the glass of water, "Here are your painkillers if you need them. Can I get you anything else?"

"I'm fine. Thank you, Jane" she pats the bed next to her, "Come lay with me"

It's more of a demand than a question but I don't care, I want to be near her. I walk back over to my usual side of the bed and climb on.

Maura watches as I get comfortable, "Are you feeling better after your shower?"

I prop my head up on my elbow to look at her, "much better. More importantly, how are you feeling?"

"I'm a little sore but glad to be home. I have become quite skilled on those crutches. I even managed to have a shower"

I frown with concern, "I thought you looked showered. You shoulda waited and I would've helped you, Maura"

She tries to reassure me, "I appreciate your concern, Jane" she pauses to smile at me, "I'm not about to run a marathon, I promise. Maintaining some movement is a key factor in the healing process"

"Whatever you say doctor, just don't rush it okay?" I respond in a playful but somewhat serious tone.

It's nice to be talking like this again. It's nice to be talking at all, really. Our conversation is pleasant, no bitter tones or passive aggressive attacks. There is something still there though, lurking under the pleasantries.

Silence fills the room, except for the music playing quietly in the background. I listen closer and immediately notice the words are in a foreign language. I'm not surprised; this is Maura we're talking about. I have no idea what the woman is singing about, she sounds pretty damn passionate.

Curiosity gets the better of me, "what ya listenin to? Sounds a bit fancy for me"

Maura's eyes are on the ceiling as she tells me, "I'm listening to Edith Piaf, a wonderful French artist from the mid-1900's. This particular song is called Hymne a L'amour which means Hymn to Love" she returns her eyes to mine, "and don't sell yourself short because you don't understand the language, Jane. The ultimate meaning behind all of her work is universal"

I let out a huff and lie down flat, "what's she singing about then?"

I cross my arms and do my best to appear uninterested. From the corner of my eye I see a small grin escape her lips. She knows I'm mucking around. The truth is I'm always interested when Maura goes all Dr Smartypants on me like this. Plus the whole 'watch me translate French' thing is sexy.

Eventually my mind is able to focus and we both lay silent tuning in to the music.

"Je renierais ma patrie
Je renierais mes amis
Si tu me le demandais
On peut bien rire de moi
Je ferais n'importe quoi
Si tu me le demandais"

After Maura pressed pause the song I joke, "I gotta give her some credit. That Edith whatever belts those words out like a trooper"

She doesn't laugh this time. Instead she jumps right in to the translation, "Yes, she has quite the vocal range. The words of that verse mean; I would renounce my homeland. I would disown my friends, if you asked it of me. They might well laugh at me. I would do anything, it doesn't matter what, If you asked it of me"

I gulp at the message behind the lyrics, I cannot deny their power. Maura doesn't wait long and hits the play button.

"Si un jour la vie t'arrache à moi
Si tu meurs, que tu sois loin de moi
Peu m'importe, si tu m'aimes
Car moi je mourrai aussi"

"If one day life tears you away from me. If you die or you might be far away from me. It matters little to me, if you love me. Because I will die also," Maura pauses but the song continues. I can see a tear forming in her eye as she clears her throat, "you...you get the point"

She stops translating, doing her best to hold back the tears. A lump forms in my own throat, the lyrics hit a little close to home after recent events. As I listen to the rest of the song I let myself imagine what the words mean. I hope the French lady is talking about reuniting lost love. I'm just gonna assume she is.

That song ends and another one starts up. Maura is still staring at the ceiling but I turn back over to face her.

She wipes away the tear. I hear another soft chuckle as her eyes meet mine, "come on, Jane. Aren't you going to use your usual sarcasm or humour as a means of deflection?"

"Not right now, Maura," I smile at her, "sorry to disappoint"

We share a brief laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood. It doesn't last long before the intense atmosphere returns. Our eyes are locked and thoughts gather as we contemplate our next words.

"I'm glad you're here, Jane"

"There is nowhere else I'd rather be, Maur" I reassure her, "I'm just so unbelievably glad you're okay"

"That's only because you didn't leave me"

"I would never leave you," I softly tell her.

But I know it's a lie. I have left her, I left her that morning.

I decide to go all out and jump straight in, "I know I left you alone in my bed that morning, and I'm so sorry. I panicked and I ran away from you like some pathetic coward," I reach out and grab her hand in mind, "No matter how messed up shit gets in my head or if, god forbid, we're ever arguing again, I promise I will never leave your side"

Maura removes her hand from mine. She is listening intently but I see her mouth open to speak, "Jane-"

"I'm almost there, please just let me finish," she nods in agreement, "Maura, I swear to you I will always be right there beside you," I pause to take a deep breath, "trying my damn hardest to be the best friend that you so rightfully deserve"

My heart is racing and I can feel my palms are sweaty. I close my eyes for a moment, nervous for her reaction. When I open them to look at her I see a mixture of gratitude and hurt in her eyes.

Maura sighs, "Jane, I appreciate the fact you are willing to promise that to me. Our friendship means more to me than anything else in my life. You mean more to me than anyone I have ever met," she pauses and I wait for the but, "But you can't make a promise that we both know you can't keep"

"I mean it, Maura-" I try to defend but she cuts me off.

"No, Jane, it's my turn now. There are no guarantees in life. The life we choose to lead and the work we do simply add to that uncertainty. Considering the amount of times you or someone close to you has looked death in the face, you or all people should know we are not immortal"

Things are getting way too fucking heavy so I try to loosen her up, "What drugs have they given you? I want some, hand 'em over"

My comment only serves to fire her up more, "Don't belittle me, Jane. I mean every word, even if I did get a bit lost in the details"

"Maura Isles, lost in the details? Never!"

She playfully swats at my arm, "Well, I'm glad your impeccable ability to deflect has returned in full force"

We laugh for a moment and I gently pinch her, "Hey is that sarcasm? Now you're stealing my tactics!"

Relief washes over me as laughter fills the room. The playfulness and tendency to mock each other has returned. And so has the flirting. Maybe in the past, before we crossed a line, I didn't notice that side of our friendship. Now it's impossible to ignore.

I feel a blush on my cheeks but it's Maura who turns serious quicker than I'm comfortable with. I could swear she was thinking the same thoughts, analysing how natural it is to flirt with each other. Her eyes bore in to mine like they are desperate for something, anything, but I dunno what.

"Jane, what happens next? For us, I mean"

I can hear the nervousness in her voice as she speaks and it tears at my heart. If only I knew how to answer that. She reaches out and brushes a strand of frazzled hair behind my ear before stroking my cheek. It's a delicate move and it sends a shiver down my spine.

I let out a shaky sigh and smile at her, "I don't know exactly," she looks disappointed but I continue, "I'll tell you what I do know... we'll be just fine"

There is plenty more that we should talk about. Certain boundaries need to me made clear, but when she touches me I can't think and I have no choice but to surrender. My eyes drift down to her injured leg and I am reminded of the stakes. I can't lose her, I won't risk it again.

Her hand stiffens and moves from my cheek to hold my chin. Maura lifts my head back up to look at her and does not look satisfied with my last answer, "After everything that's-"

"Hey, I'm not trying to pretend we don't have a lot more stuff to talk through and I'm not ignoring the fact it's been pretty messed up between us," I pause and she grips my chin tighter to make sure I don't look away, "but we don't need to hash it all out tonight, Maur. I just got you back, I'm not going anywhere and I hope you aren't either"

She loosens her grip and I can tell she's a little more at ease, "Okay so we're back to LLBFF's then?"

"Yeah, LLBFF's"

I agree but notice that her eyes tell me that question was not as simple as it sounded. There was definitely a hint of something more. We've already agreed to leave it for tonight so I don't add anything further. After a reassuring smile reach up to pull her hand off my chin and move our hands to rest on her stomach. While remaining cautious of her leg, I shift closer to her on the bed. I rest my head on the pillow close enough to rest it on her shoulder.

My hope is the new position and lack of eye contact will hit the brakes on whatever fire was building. We're both exhausted; there'll be plenty of time for talk later. Maura needs to get some rest and I don't want to upset her while she's recovering. I get comfortable quicker than I thought; my body sinks in to the mattress. Maybe Maura's not the only one who needs rest.

That passionate French music is still playing and my ears tune back in. I quietly ask, "what does this one mean?"

Maura sighs and turns her head to rest on top of mine, "this song is called Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien which means No, I Regret Nothing. It's definitely one of my favourites"

"Balayées les amours
Et tous leurs trémolos
Balayés pour toujours
Je repars à zéro"

"Wiped away the romances and all their instabilities. Swept away for eternity, I restart at zero," she whispers the words to me and I smile at the softness of her voice.

"Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal; tout ça m'est bien égal!"

She removes her hand from underneath mine to place it on top. I feel her shift our hands so that they're rest on top of her chest. The comfort and warmth sends me to a blissful state of calm.

I can feel her heartbeat as she continues, "No, nothing at all. No, I regret nothing. Not the good things they did to me. Nor the bad - may as well be the same to me"

"Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Car ma vie, car mes joies
Aujourd'hui, ça commence avec toi"

I'm drifting further in to the calm, comfortable, blissful place. Thoughts start to fade away, all the fear and concerns I felt earlier are somewhere on the distance horizon.

It sounds like she's far away but I hear her whisper to me, "No, nothing at all. No, I regret nothing. Because my life, because my joys. Today, I begin with you"

Something warm and wet moves across my forehead, it feels like her lips. Sleep starts to wash over me. Consciousness slips away and all that remains is the feeling of her heartbeat beating against my hand.

Thanks for reading guys!

I'd really like to hear whether you guys liked or disliked my approach with this chapter. Did this fit with previous chapters or was it too bigger shift in theme? Any feedback at all would mean a lot. It is my first fanfic and criticism is the key to improvement.

The next chapter references episode 3x03; Maura talks Jane in to doing something "crazy" so they get drunk and return to Merch.