Disclaimer - Usual.

Chapter 79

Another day passed and, despite having constant company, every time Sirius saw his friends laugh or whisper together, he felt the pain of isolation. When his loneliness finally overrode his pride, he did what he always did when he needed to make things right - he went to the quidditch pitch and sat in the stands, despite the cold. He and James could always talk here.

At the end of practice, James flew over and stood in front of him. He tried to keep Lily's words from the night before in mind, but he was still angry about all that had transpired and Sirius needed to understand what he'd done.

Sirius winced at the knowledge that his friend had chosen not to sit next to him. He figured he'd start off straight and to the point. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" James asked.

The question took Sirius by surprise. "I made a mistake. And it hurt Remus, and I'm sorry."

James was silent for a minute. "You don't get it, do you? You don't… You don't know what you did."

Sirius shook his head and held out his hands, "What do you want me to say? What can I do to make this okay?"

"Just tell me what you did wrong!"

"I told you!" Sirius was getting angry now. "I made a mistake. What more do you want?"

"A mistake that could have exposed Remus as a werewolf to the entire school!"

"But it didn't," Sirius interjected.

James sighed. "It almost got Snape killed."

At this Sirius leaned back in his seat and, spreading his arms casually, he joked, "Like that would have been a loss." But by the look on James' face, and the clenching of his fists, Sirius knew he had said the wrong thing.

James turned and walked away.

Sirius jumped up from his seat and called after him. "James. James! Come on. I'm sorry, all right?"

"You can't be sorry if you don't know what you did wrong."

"Then tell me!"

James turned to look at Sirius, flabbergasted that Sirius honestly didn't seem to have a clue. Maybe he had more of his family in him than James liked to think.

"You crossed a line back there, Sirius. Just because something didn't happen, doesn't mean it couldn't have. You can't just go around killing people!"

Sirius laughed. "I don't 'go around killing people.'"

James continued as if Sirius hadn't spoken. "It makes you no better than… no better than Voldemort."

"What? You've got to be kidding me," Sirius said. But when James just stared back, his smile faded. "How? How can you compare me to him?"

"Voldemort kills people he deems unworthy. And he even finds ways of getting other wizards to do the job for him. You've deemed Snape unworthy of your standards for an acceptable life form, so he can be off-ed. And you were going to use Remus to do it! And you don't see the parallel, there?"

"I was not using Remus to kill someone. I never even considered that as a possibility. Besides Snape deserves what he got. You don't think he's not going to become a Death Eater as soon as he leaves school? Consider it a preemptive strike."

"You can't condemn someone who hasn't done anything. That's exactly what people would do to Remus if they knew. How many arguments have you heard – have you defended against – for locking up all werewolves because of the danger they represent? Do you want Remus killed because of something he might, accidentally, do one day – and deeply regret, I might add?" Sirius listened in silence, James' words slowly sinking in. "Had Remus actually attacked and killed Snape – or me – or even just attacked him and turned him into a werewolf… How do you think Remus would have felt? It'd kill him! And if it didn't, the Ministry sure would. They'd have handed him over to the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures to be executed. Use your head, Sirius. You're better than this. You're better than how you were raised."

They stared at each other a few moments, James out of things to say, and Sirius in silent contemplation. Sirius had not considered most of the things James had said. The idea had come to him on a whim. He was fed up with Snape and his constant badgering. He just wanted to scare him. And while he still felt Snape deserved the scaring he got, he had not thought about the implications of what he'd done.

James turned once again from Sirius and left him on the quidditch pitch with his thoughts. The fact that Sirius was silent gave James hope that things would be okay again. Different, absolutely. James had never before felt responsible for another person's life, and the other night he had suddenly felt the weight of three lives thrust onto his shoulders. Remus had to be protected from himself. Snape had to be saved. And Sirius - well, if James couldn't pull him back from the line he was walking - he'd lose his best friend forever.

James headed back to the common room. He wanted to speak with Remus and Peter. He hadn't gotten a chance the night before. After he and Lily had parted ways, James had stayed up for quite a while thinking about all she had said. Though Sirius didn't know it, James had even watched as the lone figure turned into the nearly invisible black dog and made his way into the tree, and had arrived back at the boys' dorm long after the other two were asleep.

When he got back to the common room, he nodded with his head and the other two followed him up to the dorm. Addison was still out for the evening.

"I spoke with Sirius tonight," James stated. "I think he gets what happened. And I know he didn't think it through."

"He always was rather impulsive," Remus said quietly.

James stared at Remus for a minute. Lily was right; Remus would have gone to him sooner had James not remained opposed to the idea. "There was nothing going on between him and Lily, either."

"No. I didn't think there would be." Remus knew that James was finally getting past everything that happened. It was funny how he could deal with things, knowing that his friends would become indignant on his behalf. This was no different. With James carrying the burden of anger, he was free to forgive Sirius - once his own initial anger passed. He knew what Sirius was like, and that he would never intentionally do anything to put him in jeopardy. He also knew that Sirius would never step on James' toes, even for revenge, and would keep Lily off-limits.

"Lily would never go for someone like him," Peter said.

Remus glanced at Peter, then back at James. "Sirius would never try anything with Lily, knowing how you feel about her," he corrected.

James nodded. "Pads is sleeping in the Shrieking Shack."

Remus smiled at James' use of Sirius' nickname. Things were about to return to the way they should be. "Shall we?"

James grabbed his invisibility cloak and the three of them headed out of the dorm.

Peter watched this whole event unfold and he was torn by what had happened. Part of him was angry at Sirius for his betrayal of Remus, though he knew it wasn't what Sirius intended. Part of him was angry simply because the others were angry; after all, nothing had been done directly to him. Part of him missed having the other teen around. Sirius' absence had left a gaping hole in the group – a vacancy that could be felt by all. But now, with reconciliation so close, part of him was jealous and he couldn't really explain why, except that he had spent more time with James over the last couple of days than he ever had before, and he knew that would change with Sirius back.

He tried to focus on the positive. If Sirius could pull such an enormous stunt and be forgiven, surely that meant they could all expect to be forgiven. But he still doubted that he would be welcomed back so easily if he ever did anything to betray the trust of the others. He would, of course, go along with what the others decided if for no other reason than to keep his place in the group. But he was beginning to feel the same paradox with his friends as he had felt with his mother. He loved her; he needed her; he needed to be her whole world; but he also wanted to be free of her. Well now he loved his friends and he needed them. And it was that "need" that made him want to be free of them. But he would stay where he was, knowing that he would not change until forced to – perhaps when they finished school.

Lily watched the guys come down the dorm stairs and wondered what decision had been made, if any. She had hoped to see Sirius back with his friends by now but, then again, it had only been a day. "Potter," she called.

"Evans."

"Professor Dumbledore wants to speak with you." She walked over and handed him a short note that simply contained the password for the gargoyle.

James frowned in confusion. "Thanks."

"We can all go. We'll wait for you in the corridor. Then we can go see Sirius," Remus suggested.

Had Lily been as much of a stickler for rules as everyone assumed, she would have given Remus and Peter detentions, or at least docked points, for being out of the common room so late. James had an excuse since the Headmaster, himself, had extended an invitation to him. Instead, having overheard what Remus said, she looked over at Gillette, and the two girls smiled as they watched the friends leave to bring back their wayward fellow.

When James arrived at the Headmaster's office, he was surprised to see there was someone else waiting to see Dumbledore.

"Sirius?"

Sirius, who had been deep in thought, was surprised by the familiar voice. "P… James? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

They stood, facing each other in silence. Sirius thought if he tried to say anything, he would either lose his nerve or break down entirely. He was saved by the bell, so to speak, as Dumbledore opened the door to his office.

"Ah, Mr. Potter. I see you received my note. I have some matters to discuss with Mr. Black and then I will be with you."

"What matters?" James asked nosily.

"Matters that deal with Mr. Black," Dumbledore said with finality. He then ushered Sirius into his office, leaving James to stew in his curiosity. "Mr. Black, you wanted to see me?"

"Yes sir. It's about my punishment." Dumbledore raised his eyebrow, but let Sirius continue. "I'm just wondering why you haven't expelled me yet."

"Should I?"

Sirius was surprised by the question, and so gave it genuine thought. "Yes sir."

"And why is that?"

Sirius stared at the floor. He hadn't spoken aloud to anyone the full extent of what he had done. Having to verbalize it made it real, gave it weight, and it was crushing. "I almost got three people killed – two of which are my best friends." Sirius paused, still taking in the magnitude of what he'd done. "I betrayed a trust given to me." He stopped, unable to say anything else, but there really wasn't anything else to say.

Dumbledore leaned back in his seat, his fingertips making peaks where they came together, his elbows resting on the arms of his chair. "Do you wish to leave the school?"

"No sir," he whispered. Though he'd gained a new-found empathy for what Remus must experience seeing Aden everyday, he really didn't want to leave the school. Staying was the only way he could possibly put things right, if he ever could; not that it ever worked for him and Regulus. Besides, practically speaking, he had to remain in school if he wanted to accomplish anything in life – like get a job. He was also a little afraid of what his parents would do to him if he was expelled.

"Sometimes, people in charge – those who are assigned to keep order – can do nothing more than that – keep order. And no punishment we dole out can make a person truly repentant. Friends, however, do more to keep each other on the straight path than authority figures. One changes behavior, the other affects the heart. This is not to say there shouldn't, or won't, be consequences for misbehavior. Do you understand?"

Sirius nodded. He knew that any punishment he received from the school would be nothing compared to what he was going through with his friends. Losing his friends was far worse than any detention he could receive.

"Very good. You have a month of detention with Professor McGonagall starting next week. You have also lost your Hogsmeade privileges for the rest of the year, and you cost your house 150 points. That shall be your punishment."

"Yes, sir."

Sirius turned to leave the office, but Dumbledore called after him. "Mr. Black, send in Mr. Potter, if you will."

"Yes sir."

Sirius stepped through the door of the office and saw James sitting in a nearby seat. He had the look of exaggerated innocence that said James had been up to something. But the fact that he knew James well enough to know that pained him, and he shoved the thoughts away. Clearing his throat, and looking at the ground in front of James, he said, "Professor Dumbledore is ready for you."

"Sirius… Pads." Sirius held his breath at the sound of his familiar name. James sighed. "Wait for me here."

Sirius looked up at James, making eye contact, trying to determine what James had in mind. He nodded.

James stood just a moment longer, pained by the guarded look in Sirius' eyes, before heading into Professor Dumbledore's office and closing the door.

"Mr. Potter. Take a seat," Dumbledore said warmly. James complied. "As you know, one of Gryffindor's prefects recently resigned his position."

James nodded, frowning slightly. He still didn't completely understand why Remus had made that decision, but he couldn't blame him either, with all that had happened over the last couple of months.

"That has left me with a vacancy for the male prefect of your year. I have decided that you will be the one to take up the position."

"Me? Wha… Why?" James asked, more confused now than ever.

"Because you are suited to the task. I have full confidence in your abilities, and I am not alone in my assessment." Dumbledore reached out his hand, holding the prefect badge for James to take.

James looked from the badge to the headmaster and back to the badge again. Reaching out to take it, he said, "I… Thank you, sir."

"Very good. Speak with Remus or Lily. Either one can give you a rundown of your exact duties. Good evening."

"Good evening sir," James said, sounding distracted. He turned slowly and left, feeling a bit bewildered. He nearly ran into Sirius, who was standing on the other side of the door, waiting for him. When he did notice Sirius, he quickly put the badge in his pocket. He had other things to deal with first. "Sirius…"

"James," Sirius said in a guarded tone.

"I'm sorry."

Sirius blinked owlishly at James, not comprehending what was going on. "Why?"

"Because. Because I forgot what it means to be brothers."

Sirius frowned and lowered his head. "It doesn't mean anything," he whispered.

James was taken aback by this statement and wasn't sure how to respond. "It does to me."

Sirius shook his head. "You don't have a brother, James. And I… don't deserve one."

James was reminded of what Lily had said about Sirius feeling he had lost his blood-brother and not feeling worthy of having another. There was something heartbreaking about his normally overly-confident friend filled with such self-loathing. He stepped forward and put his hand on the back of Sirius neck. "I don't love you because you're perfect or because you're 'deserving.' I love you because of who you are – idiotic, impulsive prat and all." Sirius chuckled slightly at this. "Besides, I think mum would disown me if I disowned you." Sirius' weak chuckle turned into a sob and James pulled him into a brotherly embrace.

They stood like that for a moment before Sirius whispered, "I'm sorry."

"I know," James said, pulling away so he could look Sirius in the eye. "But I'm not the one who really needs to hear it."

Sirius nodded as he wiped his eyes. "Will he forgive me?"

"Oh, you know Moony. He would have let you back in the dorm the next day. Sorry about that," James said sincerely.

"You were right in what you did. I wouldn't have understood otherwise."

"Sometimes it takes a two-by-four to get something through your thick skull," James said jovially.

"Yeah well… Next time, I think I'd rather have the two-by-four." James laughed and the sound brought a smile to Sirius' face. He didn't deserve it – being allowed back – but there was no place he'd rather be.

Dumbledore stood silently on the other side of the door to his office. He smiled lightly at the extraordinary boys in his waiting room. He was pleased with how things had turned out and, though he wouldn't have wished this experience on any of the boys involved, these were the very things that shaped the future, and at this particular moment, the future looked bright despite the darkness trying to blot it out. The headmaster sighed as he was struck again with how quickly time moves for someone his age. He would have to confront them soon and try to win them to his side. He didn't think that would be a problem at all. What made him hesitate was the knowledge that, once their side was chosen, they would become targets of the forces of darkness, and what threatened to tear them apart today would be nothing compared to what they would face. Did this experience galvanize them or weaken them? Only time would tell.

As they descended the stairs to the corridor below, James wrapped an arm around Sirius. "Pads, you and I have to have a serious discussion." Sirius spocked his eyebrow at James. "I want to know everything you and Lily talked about – at least whatever had to do with me." James grinned broadly and Sirius snorted with laughter. He would have been more exuberant, but he was still nervous about the next apology.

James retracted his arm before they reached the bottom. He had full confidence that Remus would forgive Sirius, but he also didn't want to discount anything Remus might be feeling. So he would wait until Remus gave the official okay to welcome him back into the group.

Sirius stepped off the last stair and stood nervously before Remus and Peter. Neither of them said anything to him, though they were in obvious surprise that he was there.

Remus glanced quickly at James who nodded at him. He supposed he should be angry with Sirius after what he had done but, in truth, he was just relieved to have all of his friends back. He'd already lost so much that he would fight tooth and nail to keep what he had, even if that meant putting up with a little more than he perhaps should.

"Remus," Sirius said, breaking the tense silence, his voice cracking at the end. He frowned and cleared his throat. "I'm really, really, sorry. I know… I… It was really stupid – what I did. I'm sorry for putting you in that position. I don't blame you if you won't trust me again. But… I'm just… sorry." Sirius wasn't looking at Remus when he apologized, so he was taken by surprise when he was suddenly pulled into a hug.

Remus pulled back and touched his forehead to Sirius'. "I forgive you," Remus said, then added with a smile, "cretin."

Sirius smiled back. "Saint."

They stepped apart. Sirius then turned his gaze to Peter. He stood in silence, wondering if Peter would be as forgiving as the others, though he had less to forgive.

Peter stared back, and actually contemplated walking away; but to break fellowship with Sirius would be to break with the others as well, and he could not do that. Peter took a deep breath and held out his hand, initiating the Marauder's handshake. He and Sirius went through the motions and he was surprised when, at the end of it, Sirius pulled him into a one-armed hug, melting away his apprehension.

The Marauders walked back to their common room together. When they stepped through the portrait hole, they heard a loud "Squee!" and suddenly Gillette was flying at them. She pulled Sirius and James into a hug, one arm around each teen's neck and kissed them both on the cheek. Then she did the same to Remus and Peter. She gazed contently at the four guys she had just thoroughly embarrassed, and then walked away, beaming. Lily watched Gillette's antics and smiled, both at her friend and at the fact that the boys were four again.

Once the guys settled in their usual places, the girls came over and joined them. Even Patty and Stacey were smiling brightly at the reunion.

There was a flurry of small talk before Lily asked, "So what did Professor Dumbledore want to see you about?"

"Oh, I forgot." He reached into his pocket and then paused, glancing at Remus, and suddenly feeling slightly uncomfortable. Pulling the badge the rest of the way out of his pocket, he blushed and said, "Dumbledore made me prefect."

Remus smiled. He was glad that Dumbledore had chosen James, and as much as he missed the "status" of prefect, he didn't miss the responsibility. He carried enough of that on his own. And he had never been one for status anyway.

Once the shock of one of the masterminds behind the Marauders becoming a prefect had passed, Lily groaned and smacked her forehead with her hand. "Oh, no," she said, feigning disapproval. "I take back what I said about Dumbledore being the most intelligent wizard alive."

Sirius started laughing. The twinkle was back in his eyes when he said, "Imagine the possibilities… A prefect helping us get away with stuff."

Lily stuck her fingers in her ears. "La la la la la la…" Everyone looked at her, wondering at her sudden insanity. "You do realize I can't hear this. I'm a prefect, too, you know." The laughter started with a snort and rolled from there, growing in volume and exuberance until the group – Lily the Prefect, included – was hushed by a fifth-year. They immediately quieted, only to start laughing again a moment later.

Once the laughter died down, James said, "Oi, Moony. I need you to show me the ropes and explain my duties."

Remus held up his hands, a smirk playing on his lips. "No. I'm not a prefect anymore. It's not my responsibility. Get Evans to do it."

"Nooo!" Lily said, dramatically falling across Gillette's lap, who was sitting next to her on the couch. "Why do they torture me so?"

"Mm, think of it this way. It's a couple of hours of bossing James around," Gillette said comfortingly. "Could be fun."

Sirius wrapped an arm around Gillette. He winked at James and said, "I love it when the woman's in charge, personally." Gillette tsked him and gently smacked his arm.

"Honestly, do you think of anything besides girls, Sirius?" Lily asked.

"Food," Sirius answered with a roguish grin. "Now, combine the two and then…"

"Sirius!" the girls yelled to stop him from expounding.

"On that note, I'll think I'll go to bed," Patty said.

"See," Sirius gestured toward Patty with his head. "We're on the same wave length."

"Get a grip," Patty said, smacking him on the back of the head as she headed toward the stairs.

"Bed sounds good, actually," Remus said around a yawn. The others agreed it was late and sleep was calling.

When Sirius stepped into the dorm, he took in the sight of the familiar room. He was home again, and he couldn't have been happier. He'd learned his lesson well and swore to himself that he would never do anything to hurt any of them again if he could help it. They would never regret giving him a second chance. He would prove them right in their decision – with everything he had.

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A/N – Thanks again for the wonderful reviews and great encouragement. I love hearing from y'all. Thanks also to my wonderful betas – Mom, mei mei, and J.A. Carlton. Love ya.