Echoes in the Dark

by x-Maisy-x

After the loss of a loved one, Lucas and Peyton struggle to navigate their way through grief and love. Self doubt and insecurities test their relationship to the limit. Will they overcome the darkness that haunts them and get the happily ever after that they deserve? A/U L&P of course. M for a reason.

6. Chapter 6

She didn't know how long she'd been stood there. She wrung her hands together and inhaled sharply because she couldn't cry over this. Not when she couldn't cry over her father's death. Her nose prickled and her eyes stung at the thought and tears quickly blurred her vision despite her efforts to ward them off.

'Fuck. Fuck. Fuck' She choked out. She blinked furiously, stubbornly fighting the lump in the back of her throat as she paced back and forth in the small box room.

'Peyton?'

She startled, yelping out in surprise at the intrusion. 'Fuck!'

'Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you'

'Derek' She held her hand to her heart.

'What're you doing in here?' He regarded her with both curiosity and concern.

She scraped her hand through her hair and her eyes did a little lap of the small space. Two photocopiers sat beside her and a row of filing cabinets lined the opposite wall 'Oh I dunno. I guess I use to spend so much time in here when I first started that it's my little den away from the stresses of my office'

He smiled in amusement.

'You're stressed because?' He lent against the doorframe.

She looked down, trailing her finger over the copying machine. She'd hated this contraption but she had a sudden longing to just go back to that time when everything had been so exciting and new and just easier.

'John offered me a promotion this morning'

'Oh my god' He marched towards her and within two strides cocooned her in his strong arms. 'That's great news Peyton!'

His abrupt hug took her by surprise and she awkwardly let her hands briefly reciprocate but she didn't answer verbally. Couldn't process an answer.

'Isn't it?' He pulled back, his hands holding her forearms as he looked down at her.

'It's in LA for the first 8 weeks'

'And?'

'And Lucas isn't in LA!' She flailed her arms. 'I can't take it. I can't. I just can't.' She kicked the copier in frustration. 'He's done this on purpose. He's just trying to fuck up my life because I won't fuck him'

Derek opened and closed his mouth 'I...' He trailed off, cautiously biting his tongue.

'What?' She looked up at him sensing he wanted to say something and she was interested in his thoughts on the matter.

'I don't want to get in the middle of you and Lucas-'

'You're not. You're my friend. We're just talking Derek'

He looked down uncertainly but then he was looking up at her again, eyes dark and intense. 'Lucas is a good guy. Don't get me wrong. I like him. I just, I think you've sacrificed a lot for him. You came here because of him right? He went to New York, you followed. But what about you. Maybe this job offer in LA would be good for you. It could be the best thing. Sometimes you have to be selfish. For your own sake'

'I haven't sacrificed anything for Lucas. I wanted to come here just as much as him' Her brow crumpled in thought, because he was right; after high school she'd been offered an internship in LA but had turned it down without even informing Lucas of the opportunity because by that time he'd decided that he'd be coming to New York. It had not even been a decision in her mind, because she had to be where he was. So in a sense Derek was right; Lucas was her only motivation for being here. But it wasn't like he put it. 'We've both made compromises but that's what you do in a relationship. You give and take and Lucas constantly gives to me. He gives me happiness' That was the truth. He'd do anything for her in a heartbeat. She knew that. He'd proved that to her many a time. He took time away from working whenever she was slightly under the weather just to fuss over her. He surprised her with weekends away. He bought her flowers for no reason. He bailed on his book tour just to support her.

'It's not really a compromise if you're always the one that loses out'

Her eyes narrowed because she didn't really understand how he'd came to this conclusion because she was sure he didn't know enough about her relationship to be making comments like that.

'You're wrong'

'I've upset you. I'm sorry' He shook his head and quickly took her hands. 'Maybe I didn't word that very well...I just mean, he's got success and you've moaned on more than one occasion that he's hinted that he wants to go back to Tree Hill and settle down. You just make it sound like he wants you to be a kept woman. You know?' She wondered if that's what everyone perceived of their relationship. Surely not. Because it was all wrong.

'He...he doesn't want that. He just sees that place as home. He has fond memories of there and as much pain as I associate with Tree Hill, my happiest memories are there too' She mutters. 'He just wants me to be happy'

'Okay. So he'll be happy for you and okay with you doing this' Derek shrugged his shoulders. 'Right?'

She cleared her throat. 'Right' Was her unconvinced murmur.

'It's not like it's forever, it's 8 weeks. That's nothing'

'Right' She nodded more assertively this time. He was right. 8 weeks wasn't a long time at all. It would fly by. But this conversation hadn't eased the unpleasant feeling in her stomach. She'd hoped Derek's words would have the same result that her best friend's always had. In times of need she always had the answer and a motivational speech that would leave her certain of her decision.

But right now she was just as confused as she had been when Derek had found her.

-X-

Things had been better the last couple of days. She'd been coming home at a reasonable hour. They'd eaten together. They'd spent the evening cuddled on the sofa together watching a film. And he treasured moments like those. Sometimes he was sure he was the girl in their relationship.

'I made dinner' He announced as he heard the front door close.

'Luke' She mewled softly as she joined him in the kitchen. He was hovering over the stove, dish rag draped over his shoulder. 'I would've done that' She kissed his cheek.

'I like cooking' He pulled her into his side and pressed his lips to her tangled mess of hair.

'I know' She nodded but she felt like he'd been doing everything lately. Cooking. Cleaning. Food shopping. Bills. You name it, if she hadn't done it he'd do it without any complaint. He never complained. She snaked her arms around hims and closed her eyes.

'Everything okay?' He rubbed her back with one hand and stirred the appetising concoction that was bubbling on the hob. 'Was work okay?'

'I just miss you when I'm not with you' She murmured.

He smiled fondly and kissed her head again.

'Luke?'

'Mm'

'There's something I need to tell you'

His smile dwindled. 'Oh?' He set his spoon on the side as she detached herself from his warm inviting body and looked up at him anxiously.

He tried to not look concerned but with everything that had been going on lately he couldn't help but let his brow furrow and his eyes squint at her with worry.

She worried her bottom lip. Just spit it out.

'Peyton?'

'I got offered a promotion'

'What?' A slow grin appeared on his face. 'Baby! That's great'

It made her heart flutter because he cared. He cared so god damn much. She could see it in moments like these. His sheer delight for her said a thousand things.

'Com're' He pulled her into a hug. 'Fuck, you scared me. I thought you were going to say something awful then'

'It's in LA' She muffled into his shoulder.

She could feel the change, feel him stiffen.

'LA' He repeated.

She hesitantly pulled away to reluctantly inspect his expression.

'LA' He tested out the word again. 'And you, you're thinking about it?'

His happiness was gone. Confusion instead masked his face.

She opened her mouth to answer but he shook his head. 'You are!' He blurted, a mixture of disbelief and anger encasing his exclamation. 'How could...what... what about-'

'This is what I've been waiting for Luke. It's a big deal'

'We'll be apart'

'It's not like it's a different country' She tried.

'It might as well be. It's not down the fucking road Peyton!- we're talking states here. We're talking east coast, west coast'

'It's doable'

'I don't care. I don't want to-'

'What about me? What about what I want?' She flung her hands out in exasperation. Gone were the butterflies of excitement that his happiness for her bought about. Instead she felt dread bubbling in the pit of her belly.

'You can't. You can't seriously be considering this. We've made a home here. Our friends. Everything. Our life is here now' His outrage fuelled her own anger.

'But you'd happily move back to Tree Hill' She snorted.

'That's not the same thing. You can't-'

'I'm not asking your permission Luke'

'I'm not saying you should be but you're not considering me either!' He shouted back.

'Of course I'm considering you, it's all I've been doing for the last forty eight hours' She growled back just as fiercely.

'You've known...you've known about this for the last two days'

She sheepishly looked down, his tone flaring up a mixture of guilt and frustration. 'I wanted to get everything clear in my mind before I spoke to you about it' She muttered quietly.

'No. You wanted to fucking make a decision without me! In case I convinced you otherwise' His smile was anything but happy as he shook his head back and forth in dismay.

'And so what?! So what if that's what I was doing. This is my decision, not yours. Yes I didn't want your opinions affecting my judgement-'

'Right' He nodded. 'Because my opinion doesn't fucking matter does it Peyton?'

'Of course it does. That's not what I meant-' She spoke quickly, urgently searching for the right words to appease his sad eyes but he didn't want to listen and was quick to interrupt.

'Well I don't see what else you could possibly mean' He waltzed out of the kitchen and she followed his stomping feet. He only stopped once he was stood, hovering before his precious bookshelf, to the treasured items that provided him with a safe haven.

They argued, sure, mostly about things like him putting her stuff back in the wrong place or her eating the stash of chocolate he'd hidden from her. Silly things. This wasn't one of those times and the crack in her voice emphasised that. 'Luke you're scaring me'

'Good' He rested his head against the shelf. 'Cause you're fucking scaring me'

'I'm just...just asking you to be supportive'

'You're asking me to let you go'

'That's not what this is. I don't want that. I never fucking want that. You know that'

'Do I?' He twisted his head to look at her.

Her teary eyes blinked. 'I don't ever want that. Ever'

He eyed her attentively and then he was walking towards her and the next words that left his mouth were the last thing she ever expected. 'Marry me then'

'What?

'Marry me'

She didn't know what to feel.

Her bugged out eyes conveyed her surprise.

She'd thought about this moment a lot. She'd always seen this moment with him, always wanted it to be him. They'd had the talk, marriage, kids; their future. They wanted it together, only they'd agreed to wait. To concentrate on their careers, both confident in their love for each other.

Only his blurted request amidst an argument was never in any of her visions.

She'd never imagined an exuberant display, never wanted that but this?

'You did not just say that. Not like that' Her head shook slowly back and forth, refusing to believe his abrupt proposition.

'I-'

'No' Her head moved irately now.

'I want you to be my wife-'

'And this is going to be such a sweet story to relay to the kids isn't it?' Her eyes fired a scathing look at him as she retreated back. 'It was really romantic, we were having a screaming match when your Daddy decided to pop the question' She acted out sarcastically.

'Okay so it wasn't the best moment but I need you to be Peyton Scott now, I know we said we'd wait but I don't want to' He didn't want to wait a second more because they'd overcome so much to be living this life together. They'd made it through teenage and college years, they'd made the transition into adulthood, they'd made it to the other side unscathed but he feared that if things didn't change soon that that wouldn't stay the case. Because it was all slipping, slipping from beneath their feet and he was grabbing on and tugging back. 'I barely see you. You're always at work and when you're not you're completely exhausted'

'What so putting a ring on my finger is going to fix that is it?'

'We can go to Tree Hill-'

'I don't want to fucking move back to Tree Hill Lucas. How many times? If you wanted a pretty little housewife-'

'That's not what I'm saying. Why do you have it in your head that you're not what I want? You're all I want. And all I want is for you to be happy Peyton and I don't think you are and that breaks my heart. It's like you think you can't be happy unless you're successful, like you don't deserve happiness but you're already a success in my eyes and we're all that matters. Money. Careers that's just part of our life but you, you are my life. Don't you know that? Don't you know that I'd give up everything. The book, my writing. I'd throw it all away for you'

His words made her stomach somersault. His words always had that effect.

'I know we said we'd wait. That it would be good to wait. But waiting is fucking stupid. What are we waiting for? Waiting to work on our careers? I don't care about that baby. I care about living my life. Living it with you'

'It's not forever' She abruptly announced and he was momentarily confused. 'LA. They're setting up new offices over there and they want my help. It'll be a few months tops. Then I'll be back here'

He opened and closed his mouth.

'If you don't think we can survive a few months then I don't' She shook her head. 'I don't know how you can be proposing forever right now'

He gritted his teeth. He felt tricked. As though her announcement had all been a big test. Because she'd left out a pretty vital piece of information. And he wanted to scream at her, shake her because he'd found this, them, he'd found all of it so hard lately. He'd been strong, he'd been trying his utmost to be the rock she needed, to be her support system as she struggled to comprehend the loss of her father, as she grieved. But her behaviour hadn't been what he could have ever anticipated; it was erratic and at times completely out of character. And at times, like this specific moment, it all felt like a big mind game.

'Fine go. You should go' He nodded and then migrated toward the door. Because he needed to get out. He needed to get away from her.

'Luke-'

'I need some air'

'Lucas'

The front door clicked shut and then as if to serenade her demise the smoke alarm sounded from the kitchen alerting her to their charred dinner.

-X-

Lucas stuffed his hands into his pockets and leant back against the brick of the house for a moment.

The moon was full and lit up the street. It was quieter here than the apartment building where he and Peyton lived. He could remember being somewhat surprised when Brooke had announced she was moving away from the hustle and bustle of her previous abode just one year ago. But now, now that little Lara was here her decision made sense.

He sighed. He couldn't stand on the door step forever and with that thought he wrapped his hand against the wood.

It took a few moments but the brunette soon appeared.

'Luke hey, what...'

'Can I come in?' He cut her off, shifting his weight.

'Of course' Brooke stepped back, pulling the door open.

'Is this a bad time? I know you're probably run off your feet with Lara and-'

'She's asleep. I just poured myself a glass of wine. And even if it wasn't a good time, I've always got time for you broody' She ushered him into her kitchen and handed him the her red wine before pouring herself a new glass.

'Thanks cheery' An appreciative smile touched his lips.

'What's wrong? What's happened?'

'I just...I needed someone to talk to and well I tried calling Nate but he's apparently got a game tonight and Hales is with the kids and...'

'That left me' Brooke smirked, gesturing for him to take a seat. 'Gee you really know how to make a gal feel special Scott'

He smiled sheepishly. 'It's not like that, you're, you're Peyton's best friend. It feels kinda weird keep coming to you to talk about her- I guess I feel like I'm breaking some freaky girl code or something'

She laughed. 'I'm your friend as well as hers Luke. You can talk to me whenever'

'Thanks Brooke'

'So whats that bitch done?' Brooke teased.

He offered her a wane smile and ran his hand through his hair. 'She...god she just told me she got a promotion and initially I was so pleased for her but it's in LA'

Brooke's brow raised in surprise.

'And we had this huge row and the thing is she doesn't mention till the end that it's only for a few months so I come off like the jackass that doesn't want her to go and...I dunno I'm just really pissed off. Pissed off that she'd made a decision before even talking to me. Like I don't even matter'

'Of course you matter Luke. You're at the heart of every decision she makes'

'Well it doesn't feel like it' He grumbled. 'Did you know?'

'No. She hadn't told me' Brooke licked her lips. 'But I guess her wanting to go isn't a great surprise to me either' She admitted. She was use to Peyton keeping things to herself but recently she'd taken her privacy to a new level. And although Brooke knew she too had left her friend in the dark, this seemed different. But as always, she was obligated to trying to not only understand her best friend's decisions but also support them. 'I mean it's not forever-'

'I know. I didn't know that when she sprouted it on me though Brooke' He groaned. ' I mean I'd never have objected if I'd known that'

'I know. I'm not having a go at you Luke. I get why you're upset but I also know Peyton and she's been acting weird lately, well not weird because her abnormal behaviour is expected, she lost her father not even eight months ago. That's not a long time when you loose someone you love, it doesn't just go away. You know that. Of course she's going through things and on top of that you know how stubborn she can be and it's like she's got it in her head that she needs to I dunno, achieve something bigger than what she has so far.' Brooke shared the viewpoint she'd wound up coming to. 'I think she feels a bit like a failure which I guess is understandable- all your dreams have come true Luke and hers, well, she's been at a standstill with her career for a good while now'

'I know!- I've told her to start her own label, I've told her but she doesn't see it like I do, she doesn't want to take my money but it's hers. I don't see it as just mine and I know she wouldn't if it were the other way round either' He exclaimed. 'She's just so...so fucking difficult'

'Uhuh but you knew that when you fell in love with her at fifteen' Brooke recollected with an affectionate smile.

'Mm' He muttered. 'I just hate seeing her miserable. I just, I want nothing but for her to be happy'

'I know Luke, but if one thing Peyton Sawyer has always been it's stubborn' Brooke chewed on the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. 'Go home. Go tell her that you want her to go'

He looked pained at the thought. 'What if her boss is going to be there? I got so mad that I don't even know what she's going to be fucking doing out there. But what if this is all him, what if he's luring her out there to be alone with her-'

'I doubt that's the case Luke, I know she was stupid in not telling you about all that but now you know she'd be fucking dumb to try and hide something as big because she knows how worried you are and that you'd find out at some point' Brooke reasoned. 'Anyway, you can go and ask her now what she's going to be doing out there because you're only going to drive yourself crazy with all your little theories when she could just put your mind at ease'

He nodded and she rubbed his arm soothingly.

'I'm not saying the next couple of months will be easy but you're Lucas and Peyton. You'll get through it' Brooke smiled. 'Where's your faith gone?'

'It's not my faith I'm worried about'

Brooke shook her head. 'Lucas you taught her what faith is. I asked her once, how it was different with you compared to Nate and Jake and you know what she said?' She paused. 'Because I don't even think about if it will end with Luke. Because I just know it won't. It's written in the stars'

'Huh' He snorted. 'That doesn't put my mind at rest Brooke. You know what she said to me recently- that she thinks about if we were to ever split up'

Brooke's nose scrunched up because her friend had blurted those fears out to her under her prying but she'd not realised that Lucas had too endured her paranoid ramblings.

'Okay...so her faith is wavering a little. But she did say that Luke! I swear. She just needs time and you're the one that instilled the notion of fate in her in the first place, you can do it again' Brooke assured him.

He pushed his tongue to the roof of his mouth, surprised by the lump lodged in the back of his throat. 'You're right' He quietly agreed. 'She just needs time'

'Yes' Brooke's heart ached for him.

'I should go'

'I love you buddy' She affectionately nudged him in the arm.

'You too cheery. And thank you. You know. For being there. For me. For her'

'Always'

-X-

'I'm sorry' He exhaled as he walked into there room.

She was curled up on his side of the bed, her arms curled round his pillow. She startled at his voice, lurching upright.

'No, I'm sorry' She gushed.

He could tell by her wobbly delivery and splotchy complexion that she'd been crying.

He ventured over to the bed, gently confiscating the pillow that had been his replacement in his absence.

She watched him anxiously as he sat down, her eyes fretful and uncertain.

'Where have you been?' She wondered aloud, desperate to break the awkward the silence.

'I walked for a bit and then I ended up at Brooke's' He relayed honestly.

'Brooke's?'

'Yeah. I needed someone to talk to'

She opened and closed her mouth. She didn't like the idea of them talking about her, which they undoubtably were. She forced herself not to comment though, after all, he hadn't needed to tell her the honest truth of his whereabouts. She would never have questioned him. Besides, she was the reason he'd had to seek out their friend to talk to.

She took a shaky breath and then he was talking.

'Is he going to be there?'

'Huh?'

'John Knight. Will it be just you and him in LA?'

'No' She answered quickly. 'No. He'll stay here. They want to have offices over there and he wants me to help with setting up. I don't, I don't know exactly what yet, I said I needed a couple of days'

He nodded slowly. 'Well getting you away from that ass is a plus' He sighed. 'Okay... you should go. When you told me, I thought it was permeant. I hate the idea of not waking up next to you every day but I can survive' He swallowed. 'I can survive a couple of months tops. It'll be difficult but you've been strong when I've been away on work and I'll do it for you too'

'I really appreciate that' She bit her lip, her body shuddering with relief. She'd been driving herself crazy to the point that she'd assumed when he'd walked back in here he'd be announcing that they were over. 'It's not cause I want to get away from you, you don't think that do you?' She blurted abruptly.

'Of course not' He shook his head, and least he hoped she meant that.

'You keep telling me about me trying to take some time for me and that I need to process my Dad's death. Maybe you're a little right, and maybe this will give me the opportunity to figure it out' She shrugged. 'Because I want to be better for you. And there'll be no pressure you know? No you, no friends. Just me and my job'

'I don't put you under pressure, you think I put you under pressure?' He squinted at her.

'No' She spouted, her head shaking vigorously back and forth. 'No I didn't mean that. That came out wrong. I just, I guess I'm trying to act normal all the time, for you and for everyone else' She confessed. 'I'm trying to act like I'm okay and apparently I'm just acting more and more like a psycho despite my efforts'

'Peyton' He cut off her nonsensical ramblings and gripped her hands. 'You're not a psycho' He announced sternly. 'You're grieving, you don't have to keep up this front that you're ok, not with me. That's why I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. However crazy it gets' He declared.

She nodded once and then she was crying. 'I'm sorry' She threw her arms around him and he exhaled wearily.

'Sh' He hummed in her ear, easily bringing her into his lap, his hand sliding soothingly up and down her back. 'It's okay'

'It..it's not. I'm sorry'

He closed his eyes. 'We're going to be okay baby. We're Lucas and Peyton' He reiterated what Brooke had said to him so certainly. 'We're written in the stars'.