Sam turned away as Dean chopped off Lucy's head; he flinched as it happened. He couldn't help but think about Madison. It was so hard watching people who didn't understand and couldn't control what they had become. It was the gray area of hunting; a zone between good and evil. It was a place Sam had been himself and thought about often. It was a place that he didn't enjoy being in, and the only thing worse was having to take the life of someone else in that zone. At least this time it wasn't someone he cared about.

Dean must have noticed Sam's mind drifting away because he shouted over to his brother. "Hey, Sammy, I got this. I'll be back" Sam wasn't about to argue at this point, and Dean deftly removed Lucy's body and took off.

That's when Sam felt her presence behind him as her hand gently slid against his back.

"Hi, Sam." Jen said quietly.

"Why us? Why do we have to be the ones to make these decisions?" Sam asked quietly, tears pricking at his eyes.

"I have all the knowledge of Mother Earth and can answer nearly any question of what or how that you have, but why is something each person has to discover for themselves."

Sam sighed. "Is that Goddess of Wisdom stuff or philosophy major stuff?"

Jen smiled. "I found that the two overlapped quite nicely."

"Did we do the right thing?" Sam whispered.

"What else could you have done?"

Sam nodded and sniffed, the corners of his mouth twitching up in an attempt at a smile. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly and quickly wiped away the bit of moisture that had collected in his eyes.

He turned to Jen. "Thanks."

Jen smiled back and then vanished.

Just because Dean enjoyed acting invincible, that didn't seem to convince his subconscious. The nightmares were happening more often. Jen was staying away though, so she clearly listened to him. The most recent one was the worst though, and Dean accidentally let loose a small shout upon waking.

Sam heard that one. He roused for just a moment and turned toward Dean. "You okay, man?"

Dean coughed. "Yeah. Thought I felt a spider on me."

Sam turned back over. "Wuss."

Dean wasn't about to worry about the insult so long as Sam bought the story.

Jen remained unseen.

Sam returned to the motel while Dean was still out trying to track down Gordon. He figured that perhaps there was something he was missing, something that would help. He was so focused that when he walked in the door he didn't even see Jen sitting in the chair at the table.

"Hi Sam."

Sam's head snapped up in shock, then he noticed her. "Oh, hey. What's up?"

She looked at Sam, expressionless and eyes wide. "We need to talk about Dean."

Sam sat down next to her and sighed. "You mean my increasingly reckless, older, stupider brother,"

Jen's expression remained still. "Yes, that one."

"So, what do you want to talk about? I thought you were just going to handle him?" Not that Sam had actually seen any progress there. Sam started to get nervous. He didn't know where this was going, but Jen was too serious, and he didn't like it.

"I've been trying, but he won't talk to me. Not at all. He's sidestepping me and he's blocking me. It's just like after John died, but it's been over six months, and we're running out of time. Anyway, I can't even tell if it's on purpose or because he's trying to fool himself into thinking that this isn't a big deal."

Sam gave a slight eye-roll at the thought of how his brother typically operates. "I vote for option two."

"I agree." Jen nodded and then pulled herself slightly closer to Sam and looked him directly in the eyes. "Here's the thing: I know you want to do what you can to get him out of this deal, but if we can't, his best chance of managing Hell is by being at a point of real acceptance when he gets there, and right now he's still in the denial and bargaining game."

Sam was transfixed by her eyes, and though he didn't want to hear what she said, the words seemed to burn straight into his brain. When she finished, he was able to turn away and he did so quickly. He felt a lump in his throat, but he managed to swallow it back. Jen reached over and took Sam's hand. He looked back up at her.

"What do you need to talk to me for? I don't know if you've noticed, but he doesn't listen to me. He doesn't want to hear any ideas about getting out of his contract and he knows I don't like the invincible act, but he does it anyway."

Jen sighed. "Dean listens to you, but what he hears is that you can't handle him going to Hell, and that's what he's responding to. He thinks that this will help you let go." Sam's eyes filled with tears.

"Well, I can't handle it," he said, just a whisper. Jen pulled her chair even closer to Sam and gave his hand a squeeze. Sam shut his eyes against the tears and her voice sounded again nearly right inside his head.

"The thing is, what Dean needs to hear is the rest of the story. The part where you feel like you've lost your brother already because of the way he's acting. The part where you need him here with you while you still have that chance, and especially the part where he needs to stop trying to protect you, and himself, from the inevitable."

Tears pushed past Sam's eyelids and began falling down his cheeks now and he brushed them away with his free hand, the other still gripping Jen's tightly. He didn't want to think of his brother being dragged down to Hell, but it was creeping closer every day. Jen continued.

"Dean will listen. You are still the most important thing in the world to him, and I really believe that hearing it from you will help him to realize what he's been doing and how much it hurts both of you."

Sam knew that Jen was right. He also knew that she wouldn't be here talking to him like this unless she truly needed his help. Sam was aware that he was beginning to shake now and Jen reached up and wiped the tears from his cheek with her thumb. She sighed.

"I'm sorry, honey," Jen whispered. "I hate to do this to you."

Sam reached across and wrapped his arms around Jen. She reciprocated and stopped talking. She just held him quietly as sobs shook his body.

Sam was getting tired of this. He was tired of Dean's little mind games and denials. He was tired of being caught on the wrong end of them, and he was tired of it always being about Dean. Sam needed his brother too, now, while they had the time. Jen was right, and it was not going to be easy, but he had to get through to Dean. He had to.

The sobs slowly calmed and Sam picked his head up off Jen's shoulder but looked at her for a moment before letting go completely. He nodded.

" I can do it."

Jen smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

Dean sat on the bed of the empty motel room watching some stupid paid programming for some stupid exercise machine. Sam was off to the library, working on a possible case.

Dean was thinking about what had happened the evening before, with Sam, and with Gordon. He wondered what finally pushed Sam over the edge to say those things to Dean. They were almost too well planned, or at least considered ahead of time. Dean was pretty sure someone was behind it, and he was pretty sure she was there right at that moment.

"You might as well show yourself."

Jen appeared. "Even when you're being stupid you're really very smart." She smiled at him.

"So, you talked to Sam about that stuff he said?"

"I may have. Although, the thoughts always belonged to him. I just helped him to articulate them."

"I guess I haven't really been all that nice to either one of you lately."

Jen shrugged. "You have had a lot on your mind."

"Yeah …" Dean's voice trailed off for a moment as he thought about his predicament. It actually wasn't something he did very often. He has been working harder and harder not to think about it. Of course, that seemed to be what got him in this position with Sam and Jen, so maybe it wasn't the best course of action.

Dean looked over at Jen. He realized that he had an opportunity here that he didn't get often. It was just him and Jen. Sam would probably be out for another hour or so. Jen had always been easier to talk to, maybe he should try. He flipped off the tv and swung himself to the side of the bed, looking away from Jen.

"You know, Sam's right. I'm scared. Who wouldn't be scared. I mean, it's Hell. It's not exactly going to be sunshine and candy." He paused for a moment and looked up at Jen again. "Do you know what Hell's like? Have you seen it?"

Jen's eyes darkened for a moment and she came over and sat beside Dean on the bed.

"No, I haven't been there. Our domain is Earth, and Hell is not of Earth, so we are forbidden to enter without permission, but I do know what happens there." Jen paused and took in a deep breath then turned to look right at Dean. "It's torture, physical and mental torture." Even though she spoke in her typical, non-expressive way, the words themselves just sounded ominous to Dean. Jen continued. "Those who

hold on the longest are the ones who can hold on to the connections, memories, and accomplishments of their lives. They are the ones who accomplished what they needed to, left the fewest regrets, and knew there were those remaining who loved and remembered them."

Dean was beginning to remember why he didn't like to think about this whole situation. Originally, he had almost thought about it as an escape. Get away from this crazy fucked-up life, but now, listening to Jen, he wasn't so sure it was an escape.

Jen reached over and took Dean's hand. He held it tightly.

Of course, that was part of the point too, wasn't it? Dean fucked up, and he would have to face the consequences. He was supposed to save Sam, and now, well, that's what he did, the only way he knew how. He saved Sam, just not himself. In some ways, he still felt like he deserved this.

"It sounds like a lot to do and I don't have much time left." Dean spoke quietly. He knew that Jen meant that he needed to forgive himself, for everything. He wasn't sure that he could do it.

"You can do what you need to. I know you can. Just listen to yourself, and Sam."

"And you?" Dean looked over at Jen, aware that tears were tight in his eyes.

"I'm here to help you, too."

Dean squeezed Jen's hand again, and then grabbed her in a huge hug. He shut his eyes against the tears, holding them back, and letting her strength pull him back together.

When Dean felt alright again, he let go. "Thank you." He said to Jen. He felt surprisingly okay, better than he had in a while. He could barely remember any more why he had pushed Jen away for these last months.

"Of course." Jen replied, a sparkle in her eyes over her calm expression. There was a moment's pause after which Jen stood up and took a few steps back. "I'll leave you to the tv now." She said as she faded away into a breeze.

Dean smiled to himself.

That night, Dean slept soundly, but the next, the nightmares returned with a vengeance. This time, just as the hellhounds charged for Dean, Sam got in the way. They tore and clawed at Dean's little brother as he stood, frozen, awaiting his turn. He woke up in the same cold sweat, his eyes immediately turning to Sam in the next bed, anxiously watching the rise and fall of his chest. Even after the assurance of Sam's presence, Dean couldn't shake the pit in his stomach or the clammy sensation. Though it had been months, he knew he needed her. He almost didn't want to call. What if she didn't come? He had pushed her away so many times now he couldn't be certain that she would. Still, he had to try.

"Jen." Dean whispered, only barely audible.

Almost instantly, Jen was standing beside Dean. She reached over to take Dean's hand and he squeezed it. She sat down in a chair beside Dean. He wasn't sure the chair was there a moment before, but wouldn't be surprised if Jen was able to move it to her. They seemed to learn new things about her every day. Still, he wasn't going to worry about anything right now except for shaking that nightmare. Jen's voice echoed inside his head.

It was just a dream. I'll be there for Sam.

Tears welled up in Dean's eyes thinking about it all. I wish I didn't have to leave him. He directed the thought to Jen.

I know. Jen reached over and ran her hand gently through Dean's hair. His composure finally broke as a tear escaped from each eye, running down his cheek. More followed those, though not many. It was still hard to think about it, and Dean's natural inclination was to avoid doing so. He knew Jen wanted more. She wanted him to talk more about it, but Dean couldn't do it. Not yet. The nightmare was past and he was ready to sleep again. He gave Jen's hand a squeeze and grinned at her.

"Thanks" He whispered.

Jen just smiled in return and let go of his hand. Dean shut his eyes and drifted off, free of nightmares, at least for the rest of the night.