I wonder how many of the original readers of this are still alive. I assume that at least one would have died of old age by now. A meme of a skeleton waiting in front of a computer (usually to portray slow downloading or waiting for an update) immediately comes to mind.

Thank you to all reviewers of this fic, in particular Shadow's Interceptor (my beta). Also thanks to SageQuill and The124C41 for their awesome reviews.

What may offend: if you have strong views on the purpose of holidays. Kefka also goes a little into his views on life again.

Kefka Palazzo on Holidays

Well would you look at that, it's that time of year again. Important holidays one after another and people simultaneously happy that they're coming and dreading preparing for them. It seems like a perfect time to explain why all of it is STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!

You may be wondering why I have never declared a holiday in my honor. My question to you is: why should I? Shouldn't you be honoring my glorious achievements every day? (hint: the answer begins with a 'y' and ends with a 'IF YOU DON'T I CAN GUARANTEE A DEATH COMPLETE WITH A NEAR INFINITE AMOUNT OF SUFFERING') I mean, it would just be cruel to declare a day specifically to honoring my existence if you're supposed to be honoring it to the fullest extent of your being every single waking hour of every single day. That would imply that on that day, you would have to honor me even more, which of course would be impossible. I would have no other choice than to destroy this pathetic wasteland and create a new one. You wouldn't want THAT now, would you?

Honestly though, what is a holiday anyways? People declare holidays to commemorate certain mortals and special events, but it DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! It's not like that mortal is doing something on that day (most of the time the idiot is already dead), or that event magically reoccurs. Of course, YOU IMBECILES will just say, "Oh, well we're remembering what happened on this day two hundred years ago." Well guess what mortal? THAT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE! All you're saying is that the earth is in approximately the same position in its orbit around the sun as when that stupid event happened. How does that make it better than any other position in its orbit? LIKE I SAID, it's not like that event is happening today!

This brings me to what I believe (and therefore is undoubtedly true) the real reasons that you mortals have holidays. Before I even explained it to you, you must have known how pointless life was. Every day felt the same, and that feeling was entirely meaningless. (just as it should) But then suddenly, some BLASPHEMOUS HERETIC decided that one day they would do something different, and that every time the earth hit this point in its orbit, they would do something different again. That gave them something to look forward to, other than the eternal void of death of course. This idea then spun wildly out of control until there were thousands of BLASPHEMOUS HERETICS celebrating multiple holidays. My conclusion is that holidays only exist so that you mortals have something to look forward to in your meaningless lives. It also gives some of you the hope that you will someday do something important enough to have your own holiday named after you, so you will be remembered forever. These beliefs are obviously COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY LIMITLESS POWER TO REVERSE THE ACTIONS OF THAT BLASPHEMOUS HERETIC!

Not only do holidays give you mortals a false sense of hope, but they distract you from what you really should be doing, which, as I said, is HONORING ME TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF YOUR BEING EVERY SINGLE WAKING HOUR OF EVERY SINGLE DAY! Anyone caught celebrating these abominable holidays will be left on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean with nothing but the corpses of everyone you love to keep you company/feed you. We'll see how much hope you have after that!

Uwee hee hee!

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