Goodness me, it's been a crazy long time since I have posted a chapter here. I've seriously been working on this since I posted the last one it's just been a crazy life. Plus once Cory died, I sort of lost my drive for a little while and writing became just... sad. So my condolences to the entire fandom and know that anytime I reference Finn in this story, it comes from what Sage is feeling about Finn and not a judgement on Cory. I'd also like to point out that Sage certainly isn't an entirely reliable narrator, she's biased about some things, including the way Finn is treating Blaine at this point in season 3. She's not necessarily right.
There are a few trigger warnings for this chapter, references to physical violence, verbal abuse, discrimination, mental illness and suicide. Only small references, but still. I know, it's a heavy one.
Many thanks to my sister and Beta Emalinaloo who continues to bug me about this story.
Much loves, Bella
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters, all are the property of Fox and RIB
It was completely bizarre, I decided as I stood in the entryway Friday morning staring at my reflection in the large gilt mirror. I had officially made it through my first week at McKinley high school. I had managed to make friends, make a passable attempt at learning the layout, even joined a few clubs. The odd part wasn't that I had made it through or that I was starting to feel at home. Well okay, maybe that was a little unexpected, but a good kind of unexpected. The totally weird part was the sense of complete deja-vu as I stood waiting in the entryway on Friday morning. Who knew that the end of my first week at McKinley would look and feel so exactly like the beginning of my first week at McKinley? I pulled absently at a rogue strand of hair that had managed to fight its way out of place and obsessively flicked at a miniscule spec of dust on the bodice of my light blue dress. Blaine had left on his own about a half hour ago, waving off my offer of a ride as he walked towards his own car, for once sans-Kurt who was apparently with Rachel for some sort of NYADA emergency. If it hadn't been for mine and Sam's current state of awkward confusion I would have gone with him. As it was, though... I really didn't know how this was going to go. From all the obsessive consideration I had given our situation since last night, I had come up with two possible alternatives. First: that everything would be totally awkward, our easy camaraderie would be shattered and our friendship would awkwardly peter off into nothing. Second, the far more desirable of the two scenarios, that things would be totally fine. We would laugh it off and our friendship would only get closer as the weeks went by. My head snapped up as two sharp knocks sounded hollowly at the door. Sam's knock. My gaze zeroed in on the mahogany wood of the front door, wondering exactly how eager I should seem in opening it. I gave myself a few seconds leeway, brushing at my dress and smoothing down my hair after one last glance in the mirror.
"Here goes nothing." I muttered to myself and stepped forward, twisting the knob and pulling the door open. There he was, cute as ever and standing on my doorstep with a hesitant smile on his face. He looked nervous, I thought as I watched him shuffle on the step. It was somewhat comforting to know that I wasn't the only one who was nervous.
"Hey." he said as I smiled weekly, glad I hadn't had to say something first. He rubbed the back of his neck and flipped his hair off of his forehead before crossing one arm across his chest, gripping the pale skin of his other arm.
"Hi." I smiled and pulled nervously at the hem of my dress. This dress was suddenly all wrong.
"No uniform?" he asked awkwardly as I followed his gaze down to my flowy light blue dress. I shrugged, my mind and stomach both doing somersaults as I tried to wrack my brain for a way to make the two of us feel right again. Talking to him like this, so detached and awkward, felt wrong.
"I only have to wear it on game or spirit days." I mumbled, giving him the argument I had prepared for coach Sylvester's inevitable objection. The cheerleaders in this school were fanatic about wearing their uniforms. In fact I'd never seen any of them in anything else but I certainly wasn't willing to give up my clothes for a red and white polyester nightmare if I didn't have to.
"You look nice." He said as I smiled tightly at the compliment and gulped as an awkward silence stretched out between us, both of us standing hesitantly, waiting for the other person to say something. Oh God, what if he didn't say anything? I really wasn't good under pressure. In fact, I was terrible under pressure and if he didn't say something soon, there was no telling what would pop involuntarily out of my mouth like word vomit. 'Think of something to say, Sage.' I thought frantically.
"The sun is really beautiful today... The trees are so... green." I announced loudly, the words popping out my mouth without any warning. It was like my brain had taken a holiday from thinking. The weather, really? That was the only thing I could come up with?
"Yeah..." Sam said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck again the way he did when he was nervous. "The leaves should start changing pretty soon." Great, now this was even more awkward because of my stupid loud mouth. Another long silence stretched between us as I mentally berated myself. We were going to be late for school if we didn't leave soon and we would be stuck in the weird limbo of awkwardness the whole way there. Sam let out a loud breath, my eyes popping up to focus on him, desperately hoping he was about to say something before I blew this whole thing again with my supreme awkwardness. "This is stupid." He said, running his hands through his hair and rolling his eyes. "We've done this before, it shouldn't be awkward."
"We've made it to the car." I agreed, laughing a little breathily and looking down at the rough white leather of his familiar sneakers. Seeing those beat up old shoes made something tiny click into place for me. This was Sam for god's sake,we had moved past nervousness already. Well, no he still made me nervous but it was more of an exciting nervousness rather than an 'Oh God, I'm going to throw up' nervousness. I looked up at him as he let out a disgruntled sound from the back of his throat.
"I'm just going to do this, ok." he said, reaching out and placing his hands on my arms "It's for the greater good." I snorted and rolled my eyes, grinning out how cheesy he was as he pulled me towards him into a hug. We'd hugged enough times over the past week that it felt completely natural now that he should slouch a little to be closer to my height, that my arms should stretch around his back, my chin resting in the crook of his shoulder. "I'm really sorry." he said quietly, his breath tickling my ear as I allowed myself a split second to just feel Sam. This felt right, natural.
"Me too." I whispered, giving myself a little leeway and laying my head flat against his shoulder for a minute before pulling away, not feeling the slightest bit awkward about his arm still wrapped loosely around my waist. "We're good?" I asked as he smiled softly his eyes crinkling a little in the corners. His smile widened as he gently tucked my hair behind my ear and nodded before stepping slightly away from me and offering me his arm as if he were Gene Kelly taking me to the Easter Parade.
"The trees are really green though." he said teasingly as we walked towards the car.
"Shut up." I blushed, smacking his arm. Just like that, all was right with the world.
"The state flower of Pennsylvania." Sam's voice said loudly over the sound of the lunch bell as I placed my chemistry books in my locker. I glanced over, a surprised smile stretching across my face as he sidled over and leaned against Blaine's closed locker, his eyes twinkling as he flipped his head to move his hair off of his forehead. "Your favourite flower, the mountain laurel." he said as if this needed explanation. "Which makes sense considering you grew up in Pennsylvania." He conceded, grinning widely at what I'm sure was a look of completely dumbfounded shock on my face.
"You googled my favourite flower?" I managed disbelievingly after a minute of staring at him silently, wondering how on earth he had even remembered the name of my favourite flower, let alone remembered to look it up.
"Of course I did." he said, scoffing at my shock and grinning like a proud six year old with a brand new finger painting to go on the fridge. He was completely adorable.
"We're good Sam." I laughed lightly, "You don't need to keep trying to make up." It felt like I was made of champagne when I was around him. This was the ridiculous thought that ran through my head as I grinned up at him. Being with him was like drinking champagne, bubbly and light and intoxicating. I had absolutely no other way to describe it. He gasped and clutched at his chest jokingly.
"Are you trying to suggest that I wouldn't have looked it up if I didn't want to make up for being a jackass?" He asked in mock pain over my lack of faith. I rolled my eyes but couldn't control the smile spreading across my face as he staggered a little, allegedly under the weight of my disbelief.
"Would I do that?" I asked teasingly as he abandoned his dramatic reaction to grin widely at me, making my stomach flip involuntarily.
"You should go out with me this weekend to make it up to me." He said, casually as I froze, my hand still in my locker clasped around my french book. Was that him asking me out? The words 'We should go out' certainly sounded like asking me out didn't they? I mean that was what people typically said when they were asking someone out, wasn't it? Was Sam asking me out on a date? "You know, we should get a group together if you want," he amended quickly, "Blaine, Kurt, maybe Mike and Tina... you and me. We could go see a movie or something... if you want" my heart started back up in my chest as oxygen starting flowing back into my body. I couldn't decide if I was relieved or disappointed at his inclusion of other people. A group meant not a date. Or it could be a triple date, come to think of it.
"I have to go to Pittsburgh." I realized, letting go of my french book and pulling my hand out of the locker. "I have to go get my stuff from Burnham." I explained at his look of confusion.
"Ahh, right... I forgot." he said slowly, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans as I stole a look towards him before busying myself with my bag. "Is Blaine going with you?" He asked after a minute of silence.
"Only because he won't take "I don't need your help" as an answer" I rolled my eyes as I struggled with the irritatingly sticky lock on my locker, grunting as I finally managed to click it into place. Sam pushed himself off of Blaine's locker suddenly.
"Well neither will I." he announced planting his feet squarely in front of me as my eyebrows knit in confusion. This was starting to sound suspiciously like more of that damsel in distress crap, I thought as I pursed my lips. I got enough of that from Blaine already, I didn't need it from Sam too.
"Sam," I started, a little annoyed. He winced at my tone and held up his hands apologetically.
"That came out wrong." He amended as I crossed my arms, waiting skeptically for him to continue. " I just meant that I want to help, if you'll let me."
"It really isn't that much stuff." I told him, "I can handle it." Maybe it was being the only girl in the family or always being smaller than everyone else but this idea that I couldn't do things for myself really bugged me. I hadn't realized quite how much it bugged until I started seeing hints of it in Sam though. He grinned, unfazed by my knitted eyebrows and wary glare.
"Oh yeah, I have total faith that you can handle it." he informed me with an easy smile that had the effect of deflating my irritation a little. "I'm more offering to go so I can help keep you from killing people, not actually because I want to lift a bunch of stuff, even though I'm good at lifting stuff."
"Killing people?" I asked skeptically as he resumed his position, leaning against Blaine's locker casually.
"Hey, from what you've told me about the people at your old school I wouldn't blame you." I felt somewhat mollified as he gazed down at me. It struck me again at that moment how transparent he was sometimes. Every once in a while he would look at me with so much honesty and earnestness that he reminded me of a little kid who hadn't learned to hide his feelings yet. I sighed and rubbed my temples tiredly, wondering how on earth I was going to explain to him the other part of my reticence.
"Sam..." I started, shaking my head slowly as I pursed my lips. "The people there, they aren't good people." Treacherous thoughts of Sam starting to look at me the way the people at Burnham did were floating irritatingly through my head. Even worse, the thought of what they would say about him if he were there. I didn't want him to have to go through that. He obviously didn't get it, I decided as he shrugged and gazed at me with his signature smile.
"That's why extra hands are good." he wheedled reaching out and nudging my arm lightly. "You'll be out of there a lot sooner and you'll never have to see them again." he paused as I bit my lip speculatively. "Look, Blaine will agree with me!" He exclaimed triumphantly, pushing himself off of Blaine's locker as my brother made his way over with his books in hand. Blaine glanced confusedly at Sam and started to twiddle the lock.
"I will?" he asked, shooting me a questioning look as Sam nodded enthusiastically.
"Tell Sage that I would be very helpful if she lets me come to Pittsburgh." He insisted as I rolled my eyes at his persistence and Blaine glanced at me in confusion before turning back to look at Sam.
"You want to go to Burnham with us?" he asked, his voice as skeptical as mine had been in the face of Sam's optimism. "Why?"
"I'm good at lifting things." Sam announced as Blaine started putting his books in his locker slowly.
"So am I!" I exclaimed, putting my hands on my hips. I was determined not to let the two of them steamroll me in this. If Sam was coming it would be because I decided he was coming. Both of the boys glanced at me at that statement, Blaine with an annoyingly skeptical eyebrow raise and Sam with a somewhat pleading grin. So maybe I wasn't that good at lifting things but Blaine didn't really need to make it quite that obvious. I glared sullenly at his skepticism as he glanced at Sam before turning to me and shrugging his shoulders.
"If nothing else, it'll make the trip fun instead of awful." He intoned, closing the door of his locker with a bang and wincing as Sam enthusiastically slapped his hand on Blaine's shoulder in what I could only assume was a gesture of excitement or something equally unintelligible. You could really tell from his excitement that he had never been to Burnham before.
"See!" Sam exclaimed loudly earning a few shocked looks from the students filing through the hallway and a disapproving glare from two teachers standing at a classroom door. "I totally bring in the fun. There are so many reasons to let me come." Blaine shrugged his shoulders and moved to stand beside me, grinning annoyingly as I groaned and lightly banged my head against my locker. He did have a good point about getting out more quickly. There was a selfish part of me that really wanted both Sam and Blaine to be there.
"Okay." I muttered, half to myself. I turned to look at Sam, my head still resting on the cool metal of my locker. He was looking back at me hopefully.
"Okay?" he asked.
"Okay!" I exclaimed, rolling my eyes as he fist bumped the air enthusiastically."I'm so gonna regret this." I muttered, allowing him and Blaine to lead me down the hall to the lunch room.
Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny, the sky a cloudless blue. It was one of those early autumn days that make you think that winter will never come. I would have almost preferred if it had been pouring rain, it would have suited my sense of melodrama far better. I sat on the edge of my bed pulling on a pair of electric blue boots that I would never have bought without Kurt's insistence. I had been tempted to wear sneakers and my Dalton sweatshirt to go and take part in the necessary but inevitably painful ritual but it turned out I felt safer in these clothes. Like if I could control my outfit right down to the last piece then maybe I would have control over this day.
"Ready to go?" Blaine asked from the bedroom doorway as I dropped my booted feet to the ground and nodded. He raised his eyebrows at the state of my normally meticulous bedroom but thankfully refrained from commenting, just as I stopped myself from commenting on the state of his hair. It vaguely resembled cement and would probably take him an hour to wash out, but who was I to judge? If that was the one thing that would prepare him to go back there to that place, then more power to him. He had his hair gel and I had my blue boots. Let the games begin.
'I vote no Katy Perry." I announced loudly as I sat in the passenger's seat of Blaine's car, flipping through the songs on his phone skeptically. This was some kind of weird collection of songs. Blaine gasped dramatically from the driver's seat as he pulled out of the driveway.
"You can't vote no Katy Perry!' He exclaimed loudly, his voice echoing in the car as he twisted the steering wheel and turned onto the road heading out of our gated community. "I vote that your vote doesn't count." I rolled my eyes at the shocked outrage in his voice.
"You can't vote away other people's votes." I said calmly smoothing my hair down and enjoying my ability to send Blaine into a state of wild over reaction at any point.
"That's really not how a democracy works, bro." Sam chimed in from the backseat as Blaine huffed from beside me and glared into the rear view mirror.
"This is my car and I'm declaring it a dictatorship, not a democracy." He announced, sniffing snootily and turning pointedly to the road ahead of him. I shook my head, letting my mouth drop into an expression of shock.
"You would break the sacred vows of family?" I joked in mock disbelief.
"and friendship?" Sam asked, leaning forward from the backseat, his head in between Blaine's and my chairs.
"and loyalty?" I continued earning a huffy eye roll from Blaine.
"yes, yes I would." He informed the two of us. Sam shook his head sadly as he sat back against his seat.
"I thought I knew you man." he said sorrowfully. I grinned as he winked broadly at me before resuming his look of sorrowful disappointment and gazing pathetically at Blaine in the rear view mirror.
"It's a moot point anyway." I insisted earning a look of frustration from Blaine as I leaned back in the soft leather of my seat and flipped through the songs on the phone. "Guess who has control of the phone and would therefore be the leader of said dictatorship?" Blaine let out a frustrated groan as the gate attendant buzzed us out of our housing community. I laughed at his ridiculous over the top reaction. "You're so easy to tease, Blainey-Bear." I said in a baby voice, leaning over to jokingly pinch his cheek. He scowled and slapped my hand away as I giggled immaturely at him.
"Evil." He rolled his eyes but couldn't hide the fact that he was relieved I was only joking. "Just put the phone on shuffle and we'll see what comes up" He suggested as we headed toward the high way.
That was how we ended up listening to the most oddly eclectic road trip soundtrack I had ever heard. We made our way across Ohio and finally into Pennsylvania jamming along to Wham, Pink, Katy Perry, Styx and Frank Sinatra. There was even some random country music in there which made Sam whoop with joy from the backseat. Blaine thankfully kept his mouth shut about the smile on my face every time Sam got adorably excited about something, although he did shoot me a couple of knowing looks which I ignored. I started getting more and more nervous the closer we got to Pittsburgh. Every familiar sight twisted a new knot deeper into my stomach. The car got suspiciously quiet as we drove through the city I'd spent the majority of my life in. Even Sam was quiet, most likely reacting to the waves of tension both Blaine and I were probably emitting. I could see Burnham towering above the other buildings, as tall and imposing as ever as we finally pulled through the gates and into the parking lot closest to my old dorm building.
"Are those gargoyles?" Sam asked, shifting closer to the window. I nodded mutely and glanced over at Blaine who sat with his hands clenched on the steering wheel, his gaze staring unblinkingly at the building in front of us.
"Are you ok?" I asked feeling simultaneously guilty that I had let him come back here and nervous about the whole debacle that was about to occur. He nodded slowly and smoothed a hand over his already perfectly gelled down hair.
"I'm fine." he said mechanically. Sam cleared his throat awkwardly from the back seat as the three of us sat in silence, staring at the imposing stone structure in front of us.
"I have a plan." He said, breaking the silence abruptly and snapping me out of the worried trance I had been in. "How about I go get the stuff and you two do something else." I had to admit that I appreciated the sentiment no matter how little practical sense it made. "You could get a cheese steaks, isn't Pittsburgh famous for cheese steaks?" he asked, earning a surprised laugh from Blaine.
"That's Philadelphia." He told Sam, adjusting his hair again in the rear view mirror. His smile darkened as he glanced at the building again. "Lets get this over with" he muttered, unclicking his seat belt and pulling himself out of the car, waiting silently for Sam and I before locking the car behind us and turning towards Hamilton house.
"Okay." I said taking a deep breath and leading them both towards the building I had slept in for eleven years.
"Wow." Sam said in an awed tone as I opened the doors and trudged into the building, making a beeline for the grand staircase that led up to the dorm rooms. "There is a pool table and a wide screen TV in that room." He whispered, pointing to the student lounge as he followed me up the stairs, Blaine trailing silently along behind us.
"Yeah." I muttered, "All you have to do is surrender your credit card, your dignity and your soul and you can have a fancy student lounge too." Sam chose to stay silent at that remark as we reached the top of the staircase and I turned sharply towards the end of the long hallway known to Burn ham's student body as 'The flush end'. The space between bedroom doors kept getting wider as the bedrooms got bigger. This was the part of Burnham that catered to the students who's parents were most willing to fork over a great amount of cash for the comfort of dear little Bitsy or darling James. It was rather telling that at a school where the basic tuition went for 50, 000 dollars a year, monetary hierarchy took precedent over everything. According to Burnham tradition, mere millionaires deserved to be shunned and relegated to "cheapside", other wise known as the dorm rooms on the first floor. A "Cheapie" who could manage to get in with the "flushes" was a social climber indeed. The whole thing made me more than a little sick. I stopped abruptly at the last door on the left and stared at the heavy mahogany. I could still see a faint impression of the word "slut" written in permanent marker on the expensive wood. The caretaker had probably had a fit when he saw that. I jumped as Blaine laid a light hand on my shoulder.
"We aren't going to get anything packed if we just stand and look at the door all day." he said quietly as I sighed and nodded slowly in agreement. Getting out of here for good was the primary objective and if the way to accomplish that was by facing the entire student body then so be it. I pushed open the door and cautiously stuck my head inside, noting the fact that Carys thankfully wasn't anywhere to be seen.
"Ok, let's get started." Sam said, loudly clapping his hands together. I rolled my eyes at his enthusiasm but was kind of glad he was taking charge of the whole over whelming operation. I moved into the room and walked towards my bed, sitting on the duvet I had neatly pulled straight the morning I left. Just looking around this room made it feel like my transfer and the week since I'd left here hadn't happened at all. I looked around the room, my gaze lingering on my pictures, my books, my guitar. It didn't look like Carys had burned or defaced any of my stuff so that was definitely good news. I let out a deep breath and pulled my fingers through my hair. This wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. I glanced over at where Sam was building boxes and dropping them, letting them clatter onto the floor with hollow 'pong'. Blaine had already started piling my books into one of the boxes, moving quickly through the shelves and using up boxes as quickly as Sam was unfolding them. Blaine glanced over at me, his face breaking into a teasing smile as I pondered the two of them.
"Get to work Anderson!" He exclaimed, gesturing around the room still full of my stuff. I was only too happy to oblige. We all set down to work, each of us making our way through the room as quickly and thoroughly as possible. It felt like I was tempting fate with every second we spent packing, that something was bound to explode if I spent too much time here.
"Toss me your keys, Blaine, I'll go out and put these in the car." Sam said half an hour later as I carefully folded the last of my clothes into a box, fervently wishing I had thought to bring garment bags.
"Need a hand?" Blaine asked, standing from where he had been crouched at the now empty bookcase and moving his neck from side to side, wincing as his bones cracked and popped loudly.
"Sure, yeah." Sam said, hefting two or three boxes into his arms, grunting quietly with exertion.
"Are you going to be ok here?" Blaine asked, pausing on his way to the door with his own stack of boxes. I rolled my eyes, moving to wrap my picture frames in towels to keep the glass from smashing before placing them in a box.
"Ill be fine." I told him as he nodded and left the room with Sam. I continued moving through the room, placing the left-over knick-knacks in an empty box sitting on my newly stripped bed. I was kind of relieved to be alone for a minute. It was true, the past two or three years without Blaine here had been relatively awful, but before that, with our mother only a train ride away in New York, this had been our home, our room. It was hard to dismiss the good memories as easily as I could the bad.
"Well well, if it isn't baby Anderson returning to the scene of the crime." I grimaced at the voice echoing from the doorway and glanced up into Carys' glaring face. I had known that her absence was far too good to be true. She sauntered into the room and stood pointedly in front of her bed, crossing her arms against her chest as I stood to face her.
"What do you want, Carys?" I asked tiredly, running a hand through my hair. I was in no mood to deal with her today. She sneered and shifted her weight onto one foot, her angular hip jutting out prominently through her almost indecently tight dress. She often bragged that she had lived on diet soda and Prozac alone since the ninth grade and the skeletal physique she seemed to think was attractive certainly defended that statement.
"Moi?" she asked raising her eyebrows haughtily and examining her fire-engine red nails. "I certainly don't want anything to do with you." She flipped her iron board straight blond hair off her shoulder and glared at me with one perfectly tweezed eyebrow raised. I sighed and rolled my eyes, crossing my own arms against my chest defensively.
"Well obviously you have something to say otherwise you would just leave me the hell alone for the next hour so I can leave here and never see you again." I retorted, angry that she was deliberately here to make my last hour at Burnham as hard as possible. It would have been nice to get some kind of sense of closure from this place but it didn't look like that was going to happen. I shook my head at her silence and turned pointedly away. She could stand there and glare all she wanted but I wasn't going to let her bother me or drag out the time I had to spend here.
"You know he doesn't care about you at all." She blurted, making me stop abruptly in my trip from my desk to the box. I turned back towards her warily as she smiled triumphantly at getting my attention. "He thinks you're a joke." she continued, looking for words that would dig into me, hurt me as much as possible. "He never loved you, so you can take your pathetic dreams back to public school." I walked slowly towards her, stopping when I was a few feet away.
"I don't give a crap about Everett, Carys." I said, a grin spreading on my face as I realized that I was actually telling the truth. Somehow, without me noticing, I had stopped caring. The fact that she had sought me out just to disabuse me of his indifference was even a little funny. "You obviously have some misplaced jealousy going on there, though." I said smugly as her face started turning red at my insinuation. She took a step closer to me, which would have been intimidating if she hadn't looked so malnourished that her bones might shatter at any moment.
"Jealousy? How about you listen to me, Anderson." She shrieked wildly as I stood calmly, raising my eyebrows at her tantrum. "You are nothing. I'm tired of you getting your way and throwing your name and money around this school like they mean something. They don't. Nobody cares what you think." I snorted as she breathed heavily like a winded bull.
"You're the name dropper, Carys, not me." I informed her reveling in the fact that I was completely indifferent to what she thought or said. Her power of being able to get under my skin just wasn't quite working today and she was obviously not happy about it. I turned back towards my desk and started gathering my notebooks into my arms and taking them over to the box on the bed.
"You know your daddy doesn't even want you." She spat out "Who cares if you're an Anderson, they've given you up for dead. You might as well be an orphan." I stopped short, my gaze freezing as I dropped the notebooks into my empty box. My father's lack of anything like affection was a secret I'd kept carefully to myself for years, not interested in the digs from classmates. It was something I'd only told Everett. I should have expected it to be common knowledge by the time I got back.
"What the hell did you just say to her?" My head snapped up as Blaine walked slowly into the room, glaring at Carys as he came over to stand in front of her. A wave of relief crashed over me. I had had just about as much of her as I could handle on my own. Sam quietly made his way over to me, touching my hand lightly and questioningly. I glanced up at his look of concern and nodded slightly, letting him know that I was fine but still feeling a little better as his hand closed comfortingly over mine. We turned back to where Carys and Blaine were standing off against each other, Carys' sneer faltering a little now that she had more than one opponent.
"You brought your fairy godmother after all." She said to me, recovering herself as Sam's eyebrows raised. Blaine's jaw tightened visibly as he glared angrily at her, opening his mouth to reply. "Have I struck a chord?" She asked in a simpering voice as Blaine's fists flexed at his sides. "You know your mommy really did a number on the two of you when she offed herself, didn't she? Maybe she should have stuck around." She glanced over at me "You probably could have found a cure for your lady of a brother over here." I stepped forward angrily as she gestured towards Blaine.
"Has anybody told you that you're kind of a bitch?" Sam said from behind me, earning a surprised snort from Blaine and a scowl from Carys.
"I thought I heard something interesting in here." Another voice said from the doorway as a tall boy with movie star good looks stepped into the room. I groaned inwardly, as we all turned to face him, annoyed that I had to face both Carys and Everett at the same time. Was it really so much to ask for them to stop existing for the hour and half that I was here? Carys' face lit up triumphantly as she gained a compatriot, moving happily towards where he was casually leaning against the wall. He didn't acknowledge her in the slightest as he smirked knowingly at me, his eyes openly trailing up and down my body in a possessive way. I felt a wave of revulsion at the way he was looking at me, as if he had some kind of claim on my body. How he had managed to look sincere for an entire two months, I had no idea. He winked broadly at Sam, noting our linked hands immediately "She's a feisty one man, I suggest handcuffs to keep that one locked down" He leered openly at me as my cheeks reddened in mortification.
"You really want to stop talking now." Sam's voice was low and angry from beside me as his hand tightened almost painfully around mine. I glanced up at him as he stared menacingly at Everett who merely smirked and crossed his arms casually, not in the least bothered by Sam's threat.
"Oh, Sage and I are old friends" Everett sneered, ignoring Blaine's angry face and Sam's menacing stature as he walked towards me.
"You're disgusting." I spat out, pacing forward a step. The last time he had stood in front of me I had run away but there was no way I was going to let him see me back down again. I wasn't running away anymore.
"And I know all about what you are, don't I?" He asked mockingly as he kept moving closer towards me "All about what you like," He leaned forward, the feel of his breath on my neck making my skin crawl with revulsion " I know things about you that no one else does." He whispered. Something in my mind snapped, my hand flashing with a loud crack against his face. I watched with a glow of satisfaction as he stumbled back a few steps, his hand flying up to his reddened cheek, his eyes widening in surprise.
"Get away from me." I said, the steal in my voice halting him in his tracks. I ignored the painful throbbing in my hand and glared warily at Everett as he collected himself enough to walk across the room. Sam was looking at me with wide eyed surprise and more than a little admiration.
"I think you should leave now, Montgomery." Blaine said, with a tiny smile on his lips as a red hand print bloomed on Everett's cheek.
"I'm not done yet, Anderson" Everett replied, his polished veneer cracking as he glared lividly at me. "See what I mean about being feisty?" he sneered, directing his remark at Sam, the effect marred a little bit by Sam's outright laughter at his expense. Everett leaned against Carys desk, re-grouping and smiling sourly. "You know, I'm proud of myself." he informed us as I rolled my eyes. Of course he was, that wasn't a surprise at all. "I managed to get rid of two Anderson's all by myself." I stopped for a minute,his newest speech leaving me totally confused. Me, I understood, although Everett was taking far more credit then he should. But what had he done to Blaine? Blaine hadn't even seen him in three years. Since he had transferred. My body went cold as my mind started to connect the dots. Blaine's reaction when I had told him about Everett at the beginning of the week, Everett's dogged pursuit of me, no matter how many times I rebuffed him. Everett's many vague references to Blaine ran through my head, the way I had always felt a little ill at ease with the way he responded to my stories about my brother. My gaze flickered over to Blaine who was glancing nervously at me, his eyes pleading and apologetic. I could feel the world tilting a little as I realized what this must mean.
"I think I'm going to be sick." I muttered quietly, placing my hands on my knees.
"This isn't quite the A plus I was hoping for, to be honest." Everett continued, oblivious of the bomb he had just dropped on me. "I was really hoping that I'd manage to get you both sent to the nut house like your mommy, but I guess there's plenty of time for that still." I saw a flash of dark blue as Blaine launched himself at Everett, his fist connecting solidly, cracking against Everett's perfectly proportioned face. Carys shrieked and rushed to his aid as Everett doubled over, his hands cupping his jaw.
"We're done here." Blaine ground out, turning on his heel and walking out the doorway as Sam swept the last of my things into a box, the two of us following Blaine silently from the room. My mind was still spinning as we made our way out of the building.
"Dude, that was awesome." Sam said, barely able to contain the wide grin on his face as we walked across the parking lot. I could feel Blaine's gaze on me as I walked, staring straight ahead as my brain tried to process what I had just learned. I couldn't look at him yet, not until I had figured this out. It was Everett. The one at the Sadie Hawkins dance, the one that had put Blaine in the hospital. It was Everett and I hadn't known for three years. I opened the car door and sank down into the leather passenger's seat in a daze, making a non-committal grunt in answer to something Sam said as Blaine started the car and drove out of the Burnham parking lot.
The trip back to Ohio was total radio silence between Blaine and I. We both responded to Sam's questions or comments but neither of us said a word to each other for five entire hours. I was still reeling from the whole revelation, a million emotions teeming through my head. The fact that I had actually let Everett touch me once upon a time was making me feel like I needed to boil and scrub every inch of my body just to get rid of him. The fact that Blaine had actually lied to me for three entire years... I didn't even know how I felt about that. All I knew was that for once, I had no idea what was going on in his head and even more, I didn't want to.
It was almost 6:00 by the time we pulled into our driveway, the sun low on the horizon, the trees casting long shadows on the driveway.
"I have to get home for dinner." Sam said as we got out of the car. I nodded silently and closed my door with a bang, my gaze following Blaine as he made his way up to the house without a word. I flinched as the door closed loudly behind him. I sighed and turned back towards Sam who gazing worriedly into my face. I managed a weak smile and shrugged.
"Thanks for coming Sam." I said quietly as he pulled me into a hug, holding me a bit tighter and a bit longer than he normally would have.
"Call me if you need to." he said earnestly before hugging me again and turning to walk down the driveway. I watched him walk down the street until he was beyond my eyesight, taking those extra few seconds to collect myself. A part of me wanted to scoff at the suggestion that I would need to get away from Blaine. Blaine was my best friend, my family. There was no deal breaker for us, nothing that would be strong enough to tear us apart. At the same time another part of me, the more significant part if I was being perfectly honest, was so confused. Mad and confused. I let out a deep breath and squared my shoulders before heading into the house to have this out with Blaine. I could hear the thundering sound of classical music as I walked towards the music room standing in the door way and watching him play. His fingers flew across the keyboard as he played, the notes discordant and angry. I leaned against the doorway and crossed my arms against my chest as he stopped playing abruptly, hitting a few discordant notes before sitting silently on the piano bench.
"It was Everett." I said hollowly pressing my lips together tensely "I asked you point blank and you said you didn't see them." My voice whipped out harshly as he turned on the piano bench and clenched his hands in his lap. He stared ahead at a spot on the wall, his jaw tightening as he ground his teeth together.
"I was terrified, Sage." he said his words slow and deliberate as he pinched his jeans between his fingers. "I couldn't say anything."
"For three years?" I demanded, my voice rising an octave as the reality of it flashed in my mind. Three years.
"I was in a Coma." he exclaimed, standing up suddenly and clenching his fists. I noticed absently that the skin on his knuckles had broken from where he had hit Everett, dried blood webbing into the creases of his fingers. I took a deep breath and sat silently on the arm of the sofa, trying to keep myself from saying something I would regret.
"I know you were in a coma." I said, making an effort to keep tight control on every single word, suspecting that I was fighting a losing battle. "I was the one who had to sit there beside your hospital bed for three days, Blaine. I was completely alone and nobody would tell me anything because I was only fourteen years old." I blinked rapidly and crossed my arms defensively as I watched the look of pain cross his features. Sure, now he was feeling bad for me.
"I know that." he said quietly, turning his back to me as he stared out the long, mullioned windows to where the last rays of sun were touching the tips of grass in our front yard. My mind flew back to the white-washed walls and his I.V., watching liquid drugs dripping from tubes into my brother's arms. I had gone through all of that and he hadn't even felt the need to tell me the truth.
"Do you have any idea what it was like for me? Watching you in that hospital bed everyday?" I demanded as his purple and swollen face swam into my memory. "You didn't wake up for three days, Blaine and I was dying, knowing that I couldn't do anything about it." I took a shuddering breath as those unwanted memories flashed through my head. I remembered spending the days writing jokes and drawing pictures on his casts so that he would see them when he woke up. I remembered repeating to myself over and over again that he was going to wake up. I raised my head to look at where he stood, his back tense. "You are all I have, you are everything and you almost died. I lost mom and then five months later I almost lost you and I had no way of making it better." I was almost yelling at this point, my hard earned control completely gone.
"You're blaming me for being attacked?" he asked angrily, spinning around to look at me and dropping his hand to his sides. I absently noted that the persona was gone. The charming, debonair farce that Blaine liked to project in public was nowhere on his face.
"No!" I exclaimed, horrified by the thought but irritated that he was only taking what he wanted out of what I was saying. "I'm blaming you for letting the people who did that to you go free to hurt other people." His eyes widened as I got up from my perch and stood in front of him. "Who knows? He's older and stronger now, maybe this time he'll manage to finish the job and actually kill someone." he winced as I said exactly what i knew he was secretly afraid of. I was angry enough though, that i could ignore the flash of guilt that flamed in my chest at the look on his face.
"Don't say that." he said quietly. I took a step towards him, my blood boiling as I laughed sarcastically.
"Why not? It's the truth. No one knows what kind of person he is except for you. He should be rotting in jail right now, and he isn't because of you." I could hear my heart roaring in my ears, my breath shallow as I stood a few feet away from him, watching his eyes flash between anger and guilt in seconds. He took a deep breath, his shoulders slumping forwards.
"You have no idea how scared I was. How scared I still am whenever I think about it." he sounded tired and defeated as I watched the anger deflate out of him.
"So you just give up?" I demanded "You let him think that he's right and you run away with your tail between your legs like you've done something wrong?"
"Why are you so mad about this?" he asked, his voice exasperated as he threw his hands in the air. How could he still not get this? I wondered, frustrated. How could I ram this into his head?
"I'm mad because you didn't tell me!" I exclaimed as I watched him pull roughly at his bow tie, leaving it hanging undone along his chest. "I'm mad because you could have done something and you didn't. I'm mad because some other poor confused kid could have gotten hurt because you weren't brave enough to say something."
"No, You're mad because you were weak enough to believe all of his bullshit." He retorted, dropping his hands to his sides and glaring at the ceiling. The silence in the room was deafening as I watched him sigh loudly and drop his face into his hands " I shouldn't have said that." he muttered to himself I stared at him disbelievingly.
"I need to get some air." I said suddenly, feeling boxed in and restless all at once. I turned on my heel and walked towards the door.
There was no sound coming from the music room as I pulled my car keys off of the table in the entryway and grabbed the first jacket my hand closed around. He followed me into the hallway and watched, not saying a word as I closed the door firmly behind me. All I knew was that I had no desire to be anywhere near him at that moment.