Disclaimer: I'm sad. I don't own LotR. If I did then I would be rich. And as we all know, money is the one thing that can buy happiness. I think. Anyway, I'm sad, so obviously I don't own LotR. Massive Sigh.

Someone was shaking me. I let out a massive groan.

"Leave me alone! Please!" I rolled over in my bed, and curled into the foetal position under the covers, trying to escape from the shaking hands. Another groan erupted from the other bed. It sounded like Simon was also being woken by those evil hands.

I peeled open my eyes, and looked around the room. The hands belonged to a tall, elegant-looking elf. My vision focused and I recognised it. It was a guy. His name was Figwit.

"Why? Why, Figwit? I thought we were friends. Or at least reasonable acquaintances. There was no reason to commit such a heinous act as waking us up." I realised the only light was coming from a lamp that had been put on the table in the corner.

"And in the middle of the night too!" I wailed.

"By the way, you might want to leave Simon alone. He tends to bite when you try to wake him before the sun comes up too." Figwit looked disbelieving but he pulled his hands away when Simon snapped his jaws together. I pulled myself out of bed and stood up.

"I'll show you how to wake him safely." I thought about it and added, "For us at least."

I grabbed a chair and placed it over him so that it kept his arms, head and body separate.

"Now for the fun bit." I grinned evilly as I spoke. I found Simon's knife and pulled the scabbard off it. I put the knife on my bed, and advanced on Simon.

"Hold the chair down." I told Figwit. He complied, looking doubtful. I leaned towards Simon and rapped him on the nose and his chin. His eyes flicked open, and his arms writhed around trying to grab my leg or some other part of me, but the chair being held down by Figwit kept him stillish.

He stopped struggling. He looked at the two of us.

"What?" short and sweet. That's Simon early in the morning. Ok, maybe not that sweet.

"Figwit wants to tell us something." I turned to Figwit and asked, quite pleasantly,

"What do you want to tell us? By the way, you might want to shave. You've got one of them five o'clock shadows." I said, noticing a slight haze of hair along his chin.

"Wait a second. Elves don't shave. They don't have facial hair!" It hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Cirdain has a beard." This startling piece of information came from Simon's bed, where he'd slipped back under the covers.

"True. And you are his kin." I said to Figwit.

"Ah, but you would be wrong if you assumed that. I am not actually an elf." His voice changed abruptly from an elegant elf voice to a flat-vowel-ed New Zealand voice.

"I am Bret McKenzie, of the fourth most popular folk comedy band in New Zealand, The Flight of the Conchords. I was playing an extra in the Lord of the Rings film, and I got stuck here. Strangely enough, the pointy ears haven't come off yet."

"Wow. We like your music." I said. (It's true we really do like his music. We think he and Jermaine are brilliant.)

"But that doesn't explain why you woke us up." Simon's bed irritably said.

"True. I came to ask for help. I think that I need to complete some sort of quest to be able to return. My theory is that heaps of Mary-sues have entered Middle-earth, and have opened a rift in the canon which has allowed us to enter. I think we need to kill enough sues to prevent canon from being changed too much. If we do this we may be sent home."

"Ok. We've already killed a sue. So It shouldn't be too hard to kill some more."

"Excellent." He smiled, and slipped out of the room, saying,

"I will stay here, doing all I can to keep canon staying canon."

"Hey, when your taking Arwen to the Grey Havens, she's gonna turn back. Try to stop her but not too much. She has to return to Rivendell." Simon called at him. Honestly, I thought I was the LotR freak. But then Simon spouts out these random things I completely forget about.

Author's note: sorry about the waffling. Next chapter they will leave Rivendell, I promise. And I'll do a shout out to all three of my reviewers and any others that review, but only if you review. Poll's are still open on the gifts of Lady Galadriel. And if you've got an idea for the Next Mary-sues, please share. Any and all randomness will be greatly rewarded.