Past Mistakes, Future surprises chapter 6
Sorry this update was so long in coming, I have been having major issues with reoccurring breaks to my leg and the painkillers that go along with it messing with my head. I hope to have the next chapter up today or tomorrow after another visit to the hospital. I hope you all forgive me and thanks for reading in advance Jaybee x
Disclaimer : I still don't own the vampire diaries
Bonnie's POV
I finally made my way down for lunch, I knew better than to be late. I didn't know how I was going to be able to make it through the meal. My whole body still ached from using my powers to heal Damon.
Damon was another issue I would have to deal with over lunch. He had been so cold and distant to me this morning. Maybe waking up with me wasn't as pleasant as waking up with him would have been for me, well if he had given me the chance to.
Maybe I was just fooling myself; Damon just wasn't that into me. Maybe I just needed to accept the fact that he just wasn't meant to be mine and move on. I had no other choice but to understand that he didn't feel anything for me in the past, present or the future.
By the time I reached the dining room, I was struggling to hold back my tears.
"Good afternoon" I said as I entered the room and curtsied to MR Salvatore.
"Oh Bonnie, there is no need to be so formal." MR Salvatore said as I took my seat at the table, next to Damon.
"Good afternoon Bonnie" Damon said to me and my heart skipped a beat.
Would my body ever stop responding to Damon? Would I always have to put up with the torture of having my heart ripped out, every time he spoke to me?
"Good afternoon Damon." I managed to say through the pain that was trying to crush my heart in my chest. I couldn't do this; I couldn't sit here next to the man I loved and pretend that everything was fine.
"I'm sorry MR Salvatore, but may I be excused to my room? I'm still feeling a little unwell." I asked as I looked down at the table, afraid that the tears that were stinging my eyes would betray me.
"Of course my dear…Would you like me to call the doctor for you?" He asked, looking truly concerned.
"No thank you sir, I think I just need to rest." I said as I stood up from the table.
As I made my way out of the dining room, I had to fight the urge to run up to my room. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. And I felt that somehow they all knew the reason I wanted to leave.
Damon's POV
"What do you think we should do to entertain the lovely Elena this afternoon Brother?" Stefan asked me from across the table just as Bonnie had left the room looking upset and hurt.
"I think I may just stay here, just in case Bonnie needs anything." I said to Stefan who smiled at me across the table knowingly, while Elena just looked angry.
"I think you have done enough for Bonnie, Damon." She said bitterly.."
"I may just stay in my room and read then." I said hoping that Elena wouldn't try to force me into going out with her and Stefan. I needed to talk to Bonnie, and make things right with her.
"Well since it looks like it will only be you and me Elena, how about we take another ride?" Stefan said winking at me slyly, knowing that I wouldn't be able to take part in that activity. Not after my fall, and I was grateful to him.
As I walked to my room to read I paused at Bonnie's door. I could hear her weeping quietly and the sound hurt me. Most of all knowing that I was the cause of them, Elena was right; I had done enough to Bonnie.
"Bonnie?" I said as I knocked on the door gently.
"Go away Damon." She said between her tears.
"What's wrong Bonnie?" I asked, but she didn't answer and she was quiet for so long that I thought she wasn't going to answer me.
"I want to go home." She said quietly. It was so quiet that I had to struggle just to understand what she had said.
"If you really want to go home Bonnie, I'm sure I will be able to get you there." I told her even though it was the last thing I wanted her to do and it left an ache in my chest.
"You can't help me - I can't even help me." She said with a bitter laugh.
"I would do anything I could to get you back home. I would do anything to make you happy again." I told her, hoping that she would believe me because I would rip out my own heart and hand it to her still beating if that is what was needed of me, just to see her happy again.
She was quiet for a while again, and I thought that somehow I had offended her again.
"Bonnie can I come in?" I asked her. I wanted to be able to comfort her, the sound of the hurt in her voice was almost enough to break my heart and I was getting sick of talking to the closed door.
"It's your house Damon." She said bitterly.
Sometimes the things that Bonnie said confused me. I spoke very good English. Our father had hired a tutor for Stefan and I when we were young. But she spoke some strange variant of the langue that left me unsure of what she meant.
"I said you could come in Damon." She said sounding angry with me now.
When I walked into the room Bonnie was sat on her bed, gently dabbing at her red and swollen eyes and I just wanted to take her in my arms and hold her until her tears stopped.
"Bonnie what has made you so upset?" I asked her, it couldn't just be that she was home sick, or be that I had upset her this morning.
"I just want to go home." She said as fresh tears made their way down her face.
"I will do whatever I can to make that possible for you Bonnie. I am sorry that staying here has made you so unhappy." I told her a little too harshly, but the thought of Bonnie leaving hurt me deeply.
"Damon I have not been unhappy here, I just need to be with people that care about me right now." She said, but how could she think that nobody here cared for her. I did, maybe a little too much.
"I care about you Bonnie, probably more than I should." I told her, and I meant every word.
"You do Damon, as a friend- as a sister….?" She asked me, the bitter edge to her voice obvious.
How was I supposed to tell her my true feelings? It wasn't the gentlemanly thing to do.
"I do care for you as a friend; you're the only friend I have had in years….you have helped me so much, in such a short time. You stayed with me after my accident, you didn't have to." I told her. Trying to show her that I cared, while trying to hold on to what little dignity I had left. I wasn't sure that I could take the rejection, if she didn't have the same romantic feelings for me, as I had for her.
"That's nice Damon; I'm glad that I mean something to you." She said angry with me again, I just didn't understand why.
"Bonnie, why are you so angry with me?" I asked her, hoping the pain she was causing me wasn't evident in my voice.
"Because Damon, the man I love just told me he cares only for me as a friend." She said getting off the bed and walking over to the window.
"You shouldn't love me Bonnie, I am not worthy of it…You deserve so much more than I can give you." I said as I walked over to where she now stood and reached out and brushed a stray lock of her red hair off her beautiful face.
"It's up to me who I love Damon, and I love you. I don't want anyone else." She said to me and I would be lying to say that I wasn't flattered, that my heart didn't skip a beat when she said it. I only wished that I was worthy of such a beautiful young maidens love.
"Damon I am not asking anything of you, if you don't feel the same way… then I would gladly stay out of your way until I feel well enough, then Elena and I will leave, and I will be out of your life forever." She said as the tears began to fall down her pretty cheeks again.
I didn't want her out of my life that was the last thing that I wanted. I did have feelings for her, but I wasn't sure what they meant. I just knew that my heart ached at the thought of her leaving, when I was away from her I wished to be at her side .And most of all it caused me great pain to see her unhappy.
"Your silence speaks volumes Damon. I will be out of your way as soon as possible." She said, not even giving me a chance to reply and it was infuriating.
"Bonnie I don't wish you to leave. I want you to stay here for as long as you want to." I said hoping that this would bring an end to her tears.
"Damon I would stay here forever if I could, but I can't for so many reasons…I have to go home to my family and friends. But most of all I can't stay with a man that doesn't love me." She said looking out of the window at Elena and Stefan bringing back the horses.
I had forgotten that she would have family and friends that would miss her. I was just being selfish, I knew that. But I wanted her to stay here with me forever and that confused me beyond belief.
"I need to think." I said as I walked towards the door. "May we talk later?" I asked almost positive her answer would be no.
"If that's what you need Damon, then fine." She said as she turned to look out of the window again as I walked out the door.
I wished I could believe that an angel like Bonnie could really love me. But what had I ever done to deserve such a blessing?
I wished I could tell her how much I cared for her, how I would give anything to be with her. But I didn't have any experience with women, none at all. Unlike Stefan who had more experience with the opposite sex, than I couldn't ever dream to have.
I wished I could talk to Stefan about things like this. For him to give me advice like a real brother should, but I could never trust him with anything like that. Given the first opportunity he would surly run off and tell father, and I would be rewarded with another beating.
"Brother" I heard Stefan say from behind me, startling me out of my thoughts.
"Stefan did you and Elena, have a pleasant ride?" I asked and the smirk on his face was all the answer I needed.
"We did very much so and you do not need to worry brother, I returned her with her honor intact." He said taking me by surprise.
"Stefan, can we talk?" I asked him, unsure as to why I had even asked the question.
""What would you like to talk about?" Stefan asked with a genuine smile on his face and it made me want to share my problem with him.
"Its Bonnie, I'm confused about my feelings towards her." I told him, sure that he would laugh at me.
"She is not confused about her feelings for you brother, nor is she afraid to show the world."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked and he just smiled at me.
"I mean that after your accident Bonnie never left your side. She was so heartbroken at the thought that you may die, she made herself unwell." He said, his smile growing wider.
I didn't know what to say, I couldn't believe that she cared so much when nobody else had ever cared about me.
"Brother I know you feel the same way about her. You stayed up all night with her when she was ill. You climbed out of your sick bed when she needed you." Stefan said as he lent against the door frame to his room.
"What do I do now, what should I say to her?" I almost begged him for the answer.
"Well if I were you I would start by telling her how you feel about her, I would take her to the ball. You could even ask her to marry you brother; she would make you a wonderful wife." He said without even the slightest hint of jest.
"What would you do if it were you?" I asked him, not sure I wanted to hear the answer.
"I would not be as honorable as you are brother. I would take advantage of her feelings, take her to my bed and then I would just take her. But I will never have the love that you have brother, you are a very lucky man." He said looking slightly envious.
"But she plans to resume her journey." I said feeling her loss already.
"So then you love her for as long and as well as you can. Then she may want to return to you when she has done what she must." He said slapping me on the back like a real brother or friend would.
"Thank you Stefan. If you would excuse me, I think I will go and speak to Bonnie." I said as I walked back down the hall to Bonnie's room.
I was nervous as I stood outside her bedroom door. I needed to tell her how I felt about her. But I could already feel the words becoming lost to me.
"Bonnie, may I come in." I asked as I tapped lightly on her door.
"Come in Damon." She said sadly.
As I walked into the room I could see that she hadn't stopped crying since I was in here last.
"Bonnie I'm sorry…" I started, but she cut me off.
"It's ok Damon, I understand." She said as fresh tears began falling down her beautiful face.
"Bonnie I mean I'm sorry that I left, I'm sorry that I didn't show you how I feel. But most of all I am sorry that I hurt you, I don't ever want to hurt you." I said as I reached out to her and wiped away her tears.
"Bonnie, I only want to be with you to." I said as I leant down and gently kissed away a teardrop that was rolling down her face and as I started to pull away, Bonnie's lips were on mine.
Her lips were soft and warm as she kissed me gently. Each feather light touch of her lips on mine reminded me of the brush of butterfly wings and I couldn't get enough.
I knew that I should stop our kiss. That I was not behaving at all like a gentleman. But I just couldn't pull myself away from her luscious lips.
"Oh Bonnie" I moaned into our kiss and I could feel her lips gently turn up into a smile, as she continued to kiss me.
"I love you Damon" she said as she pulled away for a much needed breath. Before she crashing her lips back to mine and taking my breath away instantly.
Bonnie's kisses were becoming more urgent as she began to gently run her tongue along my bottom lip, and gently tugging it with her teeth.
I never dreamed that kissing someone could feel like that, or that such a beautiful young maiden would be interested enough in me to want to kiss me, let alone awaken such desires in me. I felt like my whole body was on fire and my mind was racing just as fast as my heart beat was and I was being deafened by te sound of my own blood pulsing through my ears.
"Oh Bonnie" I said as I opened my mouth to let out a groan of desire that I had desperately been trying to hold in, and as I did Bonnie slipped her warm tongue into my mouth and began exploring and my knee's began to feel weak.
"Damon, hold me please." Bonnie said as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and moved so that her body was flush with mine.
I wanted to hold her as tightly as she was holding onto me, but I couldn't… I didn't want her to feel my growing excitement. So I pulled away from her and gently laid my forehead against hers hoping to catch my breath and maybe regain some control over my own body.
"Bonnie as much as I would love to stay here and kiss you all day, I can't… We need to go have dinner with father and get ourselves ready for the ball tonight." I told her when I had finally caught my breath. I hoped that Bonnie didn't think that I was once again rejecting her; I couldn't stand the thought of seeing tears in my beautiful Bonnie's eyes again.
"You're right Damon." She said as she started to pull away from me, but I wasn't ready for her to just yet. So I pulled her back into my arms and kissed her softly on the lips and letting her go slowly, already missing the warmth of her body.
"Until tonight, il mio amore" I whispered in her ear, before walking out of her room and to my own room, my heart feeling lighter than it ever had.
Bonnie's POV
When Damon left the room I was happier than I had ever been. The simple touch of his lips to mine had left me feeling gloriously happy and invigorated and I could feel my powers returning with every passing minute, as I basked in the afterglow of Damon and I's earth shattering make out session and the feeling of my increasing power was enough to kill my good mood instantly.
I knew I should be rejoicing at the surge of power that was now pulsating though my veins, but that meant that I was physically up for the journey home. And I just was not ready to leave yet, not after what had just happened between Damon and I.
I wanted to stay here and I wanted to be with Damon, I loved him. I loved the Damon from my time to but I knew there was no hope for us. He didn't care for me the way that I did for him, maybe that was his Vampire nature or maybe he just hadn't gotten over Katharine's betrayal. Whatever it was, I now knew that he would never be mine and I needed to get over it and move on with my life, no matter how much it hurt to do so.
If only I could stay here with the human Damon. He deserved a chance at a normal life, to be married, have children and grow old and I would be willing to do all those things with him if he would have me. But I knew I couldn't, Damon needed to become what he did. To get out of the shadow of his brother and his overbearing father but most of all to save the lives of everyone that I loved. But knowing it didn't stop me dreaming of the life that we could have together.
All the happy feelings I had after Damon had kissed me were now vanishing fast and I was beginning to feel depression creeping up on me and I didn't want that. What I wanted was to spend as much time with the man I loved as I could, and to make sure that I enjoyed every moment of it because when I got home things would be very different.
Damon was going to be mad as hell with me for sending him away to god knows where and we would never get that first date, because he could hold a grudge for more years than I had left in my short human life, well that's if he wasn't mad enough to end it as soon as he saw me. Maybe that would be for the best, it would save me having to live out my life without either Damon.
TBC