A/N: Not so angsty this time around. Well, a little angst at first, but then it gets better. Way better, but I don't want to spoil it by telling you how. You'll just have to read and find out. ;-)
Disclaimer: This is only a fanfic. It is not intended to make any money. Pandorum does not belong to me.
Shepard woke to the soft buzz of Ivanov's snores. He rolled onto his side and peered at the tent's plastic window. The light outside was gloomy. He wasn't sure if it was because the sun was only just coming up or if the weather had taken a turn during the night. He really didn't care which. He rolled out of the cot, slipped his shoes on, and unzipped the tent's entrance, careful not to wake his roommate. He slipped out into the cool morning and zipped the tent closed behind him. It appeared he was the only one up at the moment. Nothing stirred in the campsite. The area along the beach was cluttered with white domes like some kind of giant mushroom infestation. Shepard shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking. He didn't really care where he went, he just needed to put some distance between himself and everyone else.
A light drizzle started to fall. Soon his hair was plastered to his head and his uniform clung to him. He didn't mind, though. The air was warm enough that the rainfall actually felt kind of pleasant. Shepard wandered along the coastline until the shelters were lost from sight. Colorful birdlike creatures wheeled overhead, unfazed by the weather, their cries reminding him of recordings he'd heard of long-extinct hawks. They were the only living things he saw, aside from the greenery.
He paused for a moment and turned to face inland. There were mountains in the distance, tall and imposing, capped with perfectly white snow. The sight of them sparked a memory. He felt around in his pocket and pulled out the photo of the mountainscape he'd found in his locker what seemed like ages ago. Holding it up so he could view it beside the real mountains, he compared details and realized they were the same. A memory tickled the edge of his mind. Him watching footage taken by the probes, catching a glimpse of those pristine mountains. The image had captivated him to the point that he printed off a still from the footage. The desire to see that mountain range was one of the reasons he'd signed up for Elysium in the first place. He'd wanted to know what it was like to be on a planet where the air was so clear he could see sights like that every day.
"That's one mystery solved," he muttered, shoving the picture back into his pocket. He continued walking. The rain grew steadily heavier until Shepard was totally drenched. He didn't care. He made no move to turn around and head back to camp.
A few minutes later he noticed something ahead of him. The rain made it difficult to make out any details, but it looked like someone sitting or kneeling on the beach. Puzzled, he picked up the pace and closed the distance between them. It wasn't long before he recognized the figure ahead.
"Jethro!" Shepard jogged the remaining distance between them. Jethro didn't react, even though he was standing right next to her. She sat in the wet sand with her knees drawn to her chest, facing out towards the ocean. Her raggedly cut hair hung in wet tendrils that dripped onto her shoulders. Shepard knelt beside her. He raised a hand, hesitated, then touched her shoulder. "Hey. You okay?"
"I'm fine," she answered in a dull monotone, "I found Kuri. Our pods brought us both to this spot. Guess we both got caught in the same current." She pointed her thumb over her shoulder. "I buried her over there."
Shepard turned and saw a fresh mound of disturbed soil a little farther inland. How long did that take? He didn't see any tools. He looked at Jethro's hands, saw cuts and scrapes, dirt embedded under short nails.
"Why didn't you come looking for the rest of us?"
She shrugged. "I'm not the best company right now."
"Ivanov was worried about you." And so was I, he thought. "We were afraid you'd drowned or something."
"Well, now you can tell him alright."
"Why don't you come back with me and tell him yourself?"
The rain was lessening and the sky above them grew noticeably lighter as the clouds started to withdraw.
Jethro's chin trembled. "Because I just buried a friend who died for nothing."
Shepard frowned. "What're you talking about? Imahara didn't die for nothing. She tried to help save everyone-"
"Yeah, but we didn't save everyone, did we?" she snapped, turning her pain-filled glare on him, "The evacuation sequence got activated because of a fucking accident. We didn't do anything! We might as well not have even been there!" She choked back a sob. Her hands wiped rainwater and tears from her face. "I didn't save anyone. I only got Kuri killed."
Shepard grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him. "Don't say that. Kuri was an adult. She made up her own mind to come with us."
Jethro shook her head. "I talked her into it. I talked all of you into it. And it all wound up being total bullshit. None of it mattered."
Shepard shook his head. "If I hadn't gone along with you," he said solemnly, "I would've hated myself for it. I was a coward. All I did since I woke up was run away. You got me to run to something, and I'm grateful for that. I stopped letting my fear decide for me. And now here we are," he indicated their surroundings with a sweep of his arm, "On Tanis! We made it and now we all have a chance at something better."
She stared at him, her eyes filled with despair. "Everyone I ever loved is dead. My parents. My brothers. My...my...oh, fuck!" she moaned in despair, "I don't know! I can't remember!" She struck the heel of her hand against her temple as if she might dislodge the memory of who she lost.
Shepard took her wrist and made her lower her arm, then cradled her head in his hands. He gazed into her dark eyes, willing her to listen. "Whoever you're trying to remember, you didn't lose 'em. I don't know how I know this, but I do."
Jethro swallowed. "Even if that's true, why would they want anything to do with me? I've been awake for ten years. I'm half-crazy and scarred up. Look," she pulled down her collar, revealing a diagonal scar across her throat, the reason for her husky voice, "And that's not even the worst one."
Shepard could imagine the hell she'd lived through since she woke up. The horrors committed against her, and that she committed in order to survive. The wounds she'd received, the lives she'd taken. And all the while searching for someone whose face she couldn't recall, who might have died horribly centuries ago and who existed as something less than a memory. Shepard could imagine these things because he'd lived them, too, though not for nearly as long. He'd searched every face amongst the survivors in hopes of finding something, some reminder that would break through the wall that hypersleep and put up inside his head. Something to let him know that the woman whose absence was like a gaping hole in his heart was still alive. But no inkling came. She was either long gone or he simply hadn't recognized her. He wasn't sure which was worse.
He shook his head again, his eyes stinging. "The scars don't matter."
The clouds overhead parted.
"They matter," Jethro choked, "Why would he want somebody damaged?"
The sun peeked through, brightening the world. A ray of sunlight hit them at just the right angle. Jethro's hair wasn't dark brown like Shepard had thought, but was revealed instead to be a rich auburn color.
"It doesn't matter," he repeated, a tear escaping his left eye and trickling down his cheek, "It doesn't matter, Lennie."
Jethro's breath caught in her throat. Shepard reached into his pocket and withdrew the arrowhead. He held it up for her to see. "It's me, Lennie. It's..." But the name wouldn't come. It was lodged behind the wall and no amount of concentration could budge it.
Jethro touched the arrowhead with trembling fingers. She sobbed, "Zach."
The wall in his mind dissolved at the sound of his name, and all the memories denied him flooded in...
...approaching her for the first time in the domed park. "Hey, I'm Zach." "Lenora, but everybody calls me Lennie..."
...their first kiss, and the way his heart sped until he thought it might explode from his chest...
"...Y'know, a gentleman would kiss you goodnight and head for home." "Good thing you're not a gentleman," and laughing, she dragged him by the collar of his shirt into her quarters...
...the arrowhead nestled between her breasts...
I love you...
Tears of love and remorse fell from his eyes. "Christ, baby, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't see it was you."
He touched her face. She leaned into his hand even as she wept, "I'm sorry you had to find me like this."
"I don't care," he whispered intensely, "I don't care that you're older. I don't care if you're covered in scars. You're alive! That's all that matters to me." While he said those things he leaned closer, as if drawn by invisible strings. He touched his forehead to hers. "I love you, Lennie."
"I love you," she said, and closed the distance between their lips.
It felt like their first kiss. Like a part of him he hadn't even known was missing was finally made whole. When they eventually, reluctantly parted, Shepard asked, "You still wanna marry me?"
Jethro uttered a shaky laugh and wiped her tears with her damp sleeve. "Thinking about you is all that kept me going for so many years. Of course I still wanna marry you. Do you still want me? Even like this?"
Shepard grinned. "You have no fucking idea how much I want you." And the not-so-subtle double entendre made Jethro's smile widen.
They found a relatively dry spot beneath a large tree with far-ranging branches. There on a cushion of grass and leaf-litter, they made love on Tanis for the first time. Jethro was timid at first, self-conscious of all the battle scars she believed disfigured her. Shepard's gentle coaxing gradually eased her fears. He kissed and caressed each visible reminder of the harsh life she'd led aboard the Elysium. Her body had changed with age and injury, but it was still her, and to Shepard she would always be beautiful.
As they reached their climax they wept again, this time in joy. After all but giving up hope, they were finally together, and nothing would ever separate them again.
Shepard lay with his head pillowed against Jethro's breast. The arrowhead, which he'd tenderly placed around her neck, lay a scant inch from the tip of his nose. The leafy branches overhead rustled in a gentle susurrus counterpoint to Jethro's heartbeat.
"We can't tell the others about us," she murmured suddenly, "Any of them. It'd bee too cruel, especially once they get their memories back and know what they've lost."
Shepard sobered at the thought. She was right. Finding each other had been nothing short of a miracle. The rest of the survivors, how many of them carried the memories of families long gone locked away in their minds? Shepard thought of the sorrow he'd felt after waking from his resurfacing memories of Lennie and finding himself alone. Seeing someone else find their happiness would only have made his anguish that much worse.
"Okay," he said, "Guess we'll just have to court each other all over again."
"But not too long," she cautioned, running her fingers through his short hair, "Ten years is long enough a wait. I still want us to be the first people to marry on this planet."
Shepard raised his head and propped himself up on his elbows, gazing down at her with a grin. "So, a short, fiery courtship followed by a picturesque outdoor wedding and a honeymoon that'll have the neighbors gossiping for months. Sounds like a plan."
"And babies," Jethro added, stroking the side of his face.
Shepard's smile faltered for a second, then broadened as the concept had a chance to gain a foothold. "Babies."
"'Cause we're an endangered species now," she murmured as she kissed him sweetly.
"And we need to increase our numbers if we wanna keep humanity going," he agreed, kissing her back. His tongue slid past her lips and and explored the familiar contours of her mouth. He then kissed her chin, along her jaw line, and down her slender neck. When he reached the scar on her throat he ran the tip of his tongue over its uneven length.
Jethro moaned, "And I want a family with you."
"Me, too," he said in a husky voice, then started planting kisses along her collarbone, "I wanna have a dozen kids with you."
"Let's not go overboard," she laughed. Then Shepard slid his throbbing length into her and her laughter turned to other sounds.
It was well past noon when they finally returned to the camp. Ivanov was overjoyed to see Jethro alive and well and knocked the wind out of her in the resulting embrace. "You worried us, devushka," he chided good-naturedly, "You should not have stayed away so long!"
"I'm sorry, Mike. Guess I was more lost than I thought."
"Good thing Shepard decided to wander off this morning, da?" The grinning doctor slapped the smaller man's shoulder hard enough to almost knock him down. "Luck smiled on you both to have found each other."
For a second the couple wondered if he knew, but before worry had a chance to set in Ivanov slipped a beefy arm around Jethro's waist and escorted her further into camp. "Come! You must meet some of our fellow survivors. Over there is Bower and his companion Nadia. They are the ones we have to thank for breaching the hull and setting off the evacuation. And that elegant young lady over there is Popowitz. She is a metallurgist of some renown, or so she tells me. And over there..."
As the garrulous Russian dragged her off on an impromptu tour of the encampment, Jethro glanced over her shoulder and risked a brief, secretive smile, which Shepard returned wholeheartedly.
Russian word:
Devushka - Girl/Young woman