Chuck watched the other Ranger depart, feeling a swirl of emotions. Part of him cheered at the victory, but a tiny voice lamented about his harmful behavior. Emotions were coming from Raleigh, none of them happy, and he tried to pull up a shield.
It was threadbare at least.
He was longing for something instinctually that his logical side wanted to have no part of. Well, not completely.
He didn't need a mate. If he acknowledged the bond, the PPDC would pair him up with Raleigh in a Jaeger.
If there was one thing Chuck reacted aversely to it was force. Push him into a role and he would balk and fight back.
His co-pilot was his alpha; no one else!
But his alpha was also the new Marshall of Hong Kong. There was barely a chance that Herc would get into a Jaeger again, even if the Kaijus returned.
No one took out any bets that the Breach was forever closed. The world had to rebuild itself, but they were also highly aware that shutting down the Jaegers, closing the last Shatterdome, would be foolish.
So Hong Kong was still running.
So two restored Jaegers would come in from Oblivion Bay in maybe two or three months, the finalizing touches to be made in Hong Kong.
So Chuck would pilot again – and he didn't want someone else in his head.
But I have him in my soul already, he thought numbly.
And Raleigh hurt. He hurt Chuck, he hurt himself.
We would be perfectly Drift compatible. But he has Mako and I got my dad. No one else. I want no one else!
That evil little voice that he thought had to be the bond whispered to him.
Really no one else? Really, Chuck? You have grown accustomed to Raleigh. You feel him with you, even though he won't give you the same benefits. You want him. You want his body. You can already feel echoes of his soul. Why do you fight?
Chuck found himself outside the Shatterdome's Jaeger Bay, staring out over the ocean, the vast landing pad behind him, the endless sea in front of him. The weather was rather good today; no rain, no fog, the wind moderate. It was still cool and the darkness was already falling.
Fuck, he thought. He was so utterly fucked.
Chuck had won that last argument - one of many. Raleigh had only silently glared, turned away and walked off. But now, afterwards, the feeling of triumph had slowly dissipated into one of emptiness.
He felt worse after each argument, but he couldn't bring himself to react any other way to Becket than that. He struck out and always hit; he always hurt and inflicted pain.
He wanted to shatter those shields around Raleigh's soul. He wanted the other man to just feel! Feel what he was doing, what could be, and be sure he would be rejected. Then Chuck could easily break the bond.
But he couldn't.
He felt sick and lost and alone.
XOXOXO
The look the Kaidanovskys shot him was tell-tale. If Chuck didn't know Aleksis so well, he would be running away in terror. The man was a mountain of muscle and intimidation without even trying to be threatening.
Sasha was even worse.
Half her husband's size she wore danger like a second skin. They might both be betas, but any alpha would be given a run for their money if the Kaidanovskys didn't had no respect for them.
And the way they were holding themselves, it was as if the two Shifters had decided Raleigh was… pack.
They protected pack.
And Chuck was on their shit list.
Well, fun.
Why are we so different? he thought desperately. All the others compliment each other, just we are total opposites.
Aleksis and Sasha shared a common calm center, this absolute serenity, and that fierce fire that burned throughout a fight. They looked like opposites, but they weren't.
Newton and Hermann were so much alike, despite how different they appeared on the outside. Chuck knew there had been fights, and there still ere, but it was only on the outside. The harmony of the soul mate was there.
Not with him and Raleigh. They had to be the first soulmate pair that nature got wrong.
Nature isn't wrong, Herc had told him.
In his case, it was. Chuck Hansen wasn't a normal Shifter. He was a triple changer. He wasn't just a wolf. He was also the were-koala, the fuzzy little ball of bad temper, claws and fangs that was as dangerous as the wolf.
And his pack consisted of nothing but him and his alpha.
Wrong, an evil little voice whispered. So very wrong! Sasha and Aleksis, it continued. They accept Herc as their alpha. Two such powerful Shifters and he has their loyalty; not just as the Marshall, no, also as wolves. They could crush him. And they protect Raleigh. Raleigh's part of it, too.
Chuck clenched his hands into fists. Something must be wrong with him. They couldn't ever work together. They were too different! But instead of working it out, they hurt each other.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Saving the world from giant monsters and their masters meant that they held a great media interest. Chuck found himself giving interviews, visiting talk shows, answering a million questions about the final mission, about being a Jaeger pilot, about his life and family, about whatever reporters could think of. There were questions about his scars, about whether he could actually drive a Jaeger again, but he fielded those like a pro.
He had been injured before; granted, never this badly. Chuck knew how to handle himself in that situation. And his scars were nothing but superficial anymore anyway.
Sometimes he was accompanied by Mako and Raleigh, who were persons of interest to the world as well. They were bombarded with questions about their partnership, working together, the final battle moments, the Anteverse, the explosion, Raleigh nearly dying, Mako saving his life.
Romance, some papers called it. Destiny. A connection between two Jaeger pilots, born out of fire.
Chuck wanted to be violently sick.
No, they weren't a couple. Mako and Raleigh repeated that over and over, one statement following the next.
Every time Chuck gritted his teeth against the illogical feeling of jealousy.
From the way Mako looked at him, she knew.
XOXOXO
Raleigh's shields were growing more brittle.
Things went through. Things that Chuck felt and that made him want more. He was reacting to the blond in a way that was rather tell-tale.
His own control was waning.
That point was driven home to him when he wanked off in the shower to the image of the blond American. He cursed softly as he came, water washing away the evidence, his lungs heaving big breaths of air.
XOXOXO
There was one memorable occasion where a bunch of Jaeger groupies harassed them right back to the hotel. One girl was rather forward and stole a kiss from Raleigh, which had the tall blond reel back like he had been bitten.
The girl smiled widely. "I love you," she declared. "You're my hero!"
Chuck wanted to pound her into the pavement. Red edged in from the sides. From the way Mako gripped his arm and glared at him, he must have shifted a little.
Yep, claws, he saw. And he probably had the wolf eyes.
"Chuck," she said under her breath, voice intense, a not-so hidden warning in it. "Control."
He hadn't had control issues ever since he had been a teenager. Not for the wolf, not for the were-koala. The Academy had taught him that, too.
Now one man was getting under his skin and destroying that control.
Raleigh's expression was schooled politeness as he drew back from his fan group. He said something the barely legal girl, then walked off into the hotel. She still looked at him with adoring eyes, but appeared somewhat show down.
Chuck still wanted to rip her throat out, claw her face off, just take her out of the equation.
"Either you accept what you have, let it grow and do not try to tear it to pieces, or you will let it go, Chuck Hansen," Mako stated.
With that she followed her co-pilot.
Chuck remained where he was, hands clenched into fists, finger nails too pointy and hard to be human. Then he stalked toward the bar.
The bond was twanging sharply, a fractured but not broken connection. A connection he despised and wanted in one.
XOXOXO
He wasn't quite sober when he fell into bed that night.
Well, early morning.
It numbed him, it gave him a neat little black out.
The next morning was hell, though.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Raleigh gulped down some aspirin and sighed, closing his eyes. Damn this headache! The pain had subsided a bit through the pain medication, but it was still there and he had yet to learn how to shut it out completely.
Mako had given him hope. She had told him that what he felt wasn't just an echo of a long-dead past. It wasn't a memory.
It was happening.
He was feeling a fledgling bond.
He might be able to connect to his mate – who was Chuck Hansen.
Who apparently hated the very thought of being bonded… to him.
Who had made it quite clear he despised Raleigh as a candidate.
They had fought against Kaijus, had won, had saved the world, and they were perfectly able to co-exist in a professional environment. Interviews had been smooth and like they had never been rivals of sort.
The moment they were behind closed doors, Chuck shut down and pushed him away.
Raleigh pounded his fist into the wall until his hand bled. The pain in his body couldn't mask the pain in his soul. He stared at the blood as it ran down. He concentrated on it, shutting out all other parts of his mind.
If it had to be this way, then so be it.
There was nothing left to lose for him.
He had fulfilled his job.
The Breach was closed. Humanity, their whole planet, was safe. If there was no relief for him, Raleigh Becket would accept it.
He was alone. Had been alone for over five years, feeling the scars and the loss.
He knew that pain and he could live with it for the rest of his life, however long that life would be.
He had been a fool; believing that it was possible. Raleigh knew there was only one thing to do. He put all he had into a shield, blocking Chuck out entirely. If felt good to be sheltered from the other man's anger again.
Well, it was painful, he had to admit. But it was a good kind of pain... just like his hand.
Raleigh managed to gain control of his emotions and slowly sank down onto the floor. Sightless eyes stared at the opposite wall.
He hadn't really expected to live.
Now he did and with him lived this half-formed connection to someone he hadn't even gotten to know for real.
He truly had a fucked-up life.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
For several days, Chuck and Raleigh ignored each other aside from when they were interviewed together. They rarely occupied the same general area except in those hours.
Mako's worry was no longer hidden behind a polite mask.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
The three weeks assigned for the media tour around the world stretched into four and by the end of that month, Mako was ready to kick their asses.
Questions as to their continued partnership as co-pilots for the new Jaeger that would soon be stationed at the Shatterdome were politely but superficially answered. Chuck didn't comment on a possible change in his co-pilot, now that Herc Hansen was officially the Marshall of the only running Shatterdome.
He didn't want another co-pilot.
He didn't want to lose this connection.
But something else was already there, the bond, the place that was an aching darkness inside him.
XOXOXO
He dreamed of being alone in the Conn-Pod at night now.
Every night.
There was the shadow of his father and the presence of his mate.
But his mate had a partner. And he didn't want Raleigh.
Didn't need him.
Right?
XOXOXO
Chuck woke in his third form, pissed off, growling to himself, absolutely cranky.
Rolling around on the bed, he faced the huge window. Outside the sky was gray, stormy, and the weather forecast had warned of thunderstorms and lots of rain.
It was a mirror of what he felt inside. A lot more than the sunny days before.
XOXOXO
It took a while to get the necessary concentration together to shift back to human.
Today wouldn't get any better, he just knew it.
XO
And he was right.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
They returned to the Shatterdome in Hong Kong, nerves raw, tempers barely under control. The whole media campaign had only made matters worse. They had been too close, the budding connection thrumming between them, and Chuck had pushed it all away.
Raleigh became edgy, easily startled. He looked too pale, his face too sharp, too narrow.
Chuck snapped at everyone and he made more mistakes in practice runs in the virtual Conn-Pod. He pushed people aside. He prowled through the bays and the corridors for hours, ate alone, worked at night at one project or another.
Herc's expression was dark and foreboding, growing worse every day.
Something was about to give.
Soon.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Soon was… was coming.
Barriers fell.
Shields started to crumble.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
It was another quiet night in the lab. The lights were turned down in the unoccupied parts and only a few illuminated tanks shone like eerie beacons in the huge room.
Newton was entering data into his ever-growing data base, now and then taking a bite out of his sandwich. Raleigh had brought it with him when he had wandered into the lab after another outing with Sasha and Aleksis, feeling nicely worn out and mellow. He had turned down their offer o curl up and take a nap with them, even though it had sounded really, really good.
"Y'know, it's a shame, really," Newton commented out of the blue.
Raleigh looked up from where he was browsing an old science journal.
Newton swiveled around in his chair, leg jittering a little. "I'm not a Shifter," he stated out of the blue without adding to his first comment.
Raleigh gave him a patient look, amusement reflecting in a smile. "I know."
The K-scientist nodded. "Yep. For sure. What's the tell for you? Scent? I know some feel their kind, but not the specific Shifter manifestation in general. Could you tell what Mako, Chuck or Herc were when you first met?"
Raleigh laughed softly. "I can recognize wolves. And generally canine, lupine or feline. So yes, I knew what the Hansens were. Mako was a bit more difficult, though she had a feline air about her."
"That's cool, right? To know."
"It is," Raleigh shrugged. "Doesn't help in life, though. Some can tell, some can't."
The leg kept jittering.
It was common knowledge about Shifters that some identified others of their kind, some couldn't. Raleigh knew about Newton because Tendo had briefly mentioned it in some conversation or other. He also knew that the other man was an expert when it came to Shifter biology and genetics.
"Hermann's one. Didn't know that when we met. I mean, we actually never talked in person, just exchanged emails, got along fabulously as colleagues, then had an epic blow-up when we met personally." Newton snorted a little laugh. "Epic and nuclear. Hated each other after ten minutes in the same room."
Raleigh kept his silence. Rumors flew wild about those two. There was no official proclamation that they were together, but everyone kind of knew. Just like everyone had heard about how they were best of enemies and the harshest friends in one.
"We're total opposites. He's introverted, I'm… yeah, well, do I have to explain it?" Newton asked easily, spreading his arms wide. "And he loves his math. It's his baby and everything. He's a genius and he hates anyone contradicting him. Yeah, we blew up in each other's faces. And here we are. Together."
He leaned back, leg taking up the nervous motion again.
"Still working on communication. Being bonded would make it so much easier." Newton shrugged, looking a bit dejected. "I mean, I'm human and humans can't even have a secondary bond. Not even that. And I've tried to find a way. I know his instincts are all there and what if he finds the one meant for him?"
"It's a children's story that the one perfect mate is out there, waiting for you," Raleigh said gently. "I know Shifters who found their happiness with someone they didn't bond."
Newton looked at him, the eyes behind his large glasses more vulnerable than Raleigh had ever seen before.
"When he told me he's a Shifter, y'know, I was so excited. I wanted to see his alternate form. He refused and I kept needling him until he did. He's a painted dog." He laughed softly, his left hand brushing back and forth over his right lower arm. Over the Kaiju tattoos. "African wild dog. Painted. I'm…" He gestured at the colors on his skin. "And he's a painted dog. He can run in that shape. He's beautiful, Raleigh. Really beautiful. And I so wish I could be that person for him, the one who understands his soul instinctively, who can touch him like no one can. But I'm not. Somewhere there is someone who is. And they might meet. Children's stories or not."
"You can reject a bond," Raleigh said and felt something inside of him clench painfully.
Fuck.
Newton shook his head. "How can you push away something that means so much to you?"
The pilot felt his breath catch in his throat at the thought. The shield he had erected was under constant attack. It hurt to maintain it, needed maintenance, a conscious effort.
Chuck didn't want this; he couldn't… wouldn't force the issue.
"Drifting with Hermann was… amazing. Sure, there was a Kaiju in the middle, and doesn't that sound like some bad porn, but it was… I think it was like a brief bond." Newton scrubbed a hand over his already wildly tousled hair. "Not that I would know about that. I mean, I'm a Non. But maybe it was close enough. Why would he reject that in a mate to be with me?"
"Because it is you, you idiot," a sharp voice startled them.
Well, Raleigh had been aware of another presence. His senses had already included Hermann into the tight circle of pack-not-pack.
Gottlieb was leaning on his cane, mouth pulled into a thin line of disapproval, eyes boring into Newton.
"I met my possible mate already."
Newton's eyes were wide, mouth opening and closing in a silent exclamation. Raleigh's brow furrowed as he took in the stiff line of Hermann's body, the white-knuckled grip he had on his cane.
"Five years ago. Her name was Vanessa Engel. She worked as a model at the time."
"What?!" Newton finally managed, erupting from the chair. "Wait. Wait a sec! You… you what?!"
Hermann's jaw was clenched, chin jutting out, as he met the irate gaze.
"You met your mate? What happened? Did she reject you? Why did you never tell me? Dude…"
"We parted amiably. We both agreed, like mature adults, that a bond wouldn't be in our best interest. She was already married, was expecting a baby. She was in a very happy, loving relationship. As much as there was a pull, we both knew it wouldn't end in happiness due to our relationships."
Newton's hand were fluttering around. Raleigh felt his stomach clench at the matter-of-fact delivery.
"Sometimes a bond doesn't happen for very clear, logical reasons." Hermann's dark eyes briefly bore into Raleigh. "We might be animals in one form, but we are human. I decide who I want to spend the rest of my life with."
"B-but… Me?" Newton's voice had taken on an almost hysterical quality. "How… Me?!"
"Do you find that so hard to believe, Newton?"
By now Gottlieb had limped closer; close enough to be right inside Newt's personal space.
"I… yeah, kinda, I mean… She was your mate! You don't… you just don't!"
"You are an idiot," Hermann repeated.
It was the time Raleigh decided to leave quietly and give the two men room.
"Ranger Becket?"
He stopped at Hermann's clipped voice and turned.
"Rejecting a bond is your right," the scientist said evenly. "When you have good reason. Vanessa had this reason; I have this reason."
Newton was openly beaming now, though part of him was visibly hopelessly overwhelmed.
"You have to make a decision."
"It's not mine alone."
"I believe by this point, your decision is the only one that's still out."
Raleigh met the steady gaze, then bit his lip and nodded. He left the lab, thoughts whirling.
tbc...