CHAPTER 5: Confused
Chloe spent the following morning rummaging through her mother´s stuff to see if she could get any clue concerning her death, and found several photo albums stashed away. There were dozens of pictures featuring Moira and her smiling at the camera. Chloe felt a sudden tug at her heart. How had she forgotten a woman who clearly loved her so much?
Around five o´clock she began dinner preparations. Since she was no gourmet cook, she decided to play it safe; roasted chicken with vegetables and gravy, and a green salad using the fresh produce from her own orchard as a main course. For dessert she tried out a family recipe and baked a coffee cake with whipped cream, which had been her dad´s favourite. It was the first time she cooked for a man other than Gabe and she felt somewhat insecure. To relieve the discomfort she still experienced whenever she spent too much time inside the house; she took advantage of the warm evening and laid the table on the verandah.
The bell rang and Chloe stopped in the corridor to check her hair and make-up. Then, she frowned. He was there because there was the possibility of them becoming partners in her investigation not because he was interested in her in a romantic way. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Lex looked as impeccably groomed as on the previous occasions they had met; the only concession he had made to give his appearance a more informal look was to do without a tie. Chloe tried not to stare at him, but he was a real dish and- damn him- he knew it.
¨Am I early? ¨he smirked. ¨It was at seven, wasn´t it? ¨
¨You´re just on the dot, ¨ said she, finding her voice at last. ¨Come in, please. ¨
Lex stepped inside, brushing her skin in the process, and she broke out into goose pimples.
¨I hope I´ve made the right choice. I didn´t know what you were cooking, ¨he explained, handing her a bottle of vintage red wine.
¨I´m afraid I´m not much of a connoisseur. I´ll have to trust you on this, ¨she smiled, accepting the present and accidentally touching his hand when grabbing the bottle by its neck.
They both felt the electricity course through them and stood still with their hands intertwined for a while until he broke the contact reluctantly.
¨I´ll get the corkscrew, ¨murmured Chloe. ¨Make yourself at home, ¨she added, escaping to the kitchen and feeling again that discomfort which assaulted her every time she stepped into the room. ¨I´ve laid the table outdoors. I hope it´s OK with you, ¨she said, coming back with the bottle for him to open.
¨Whatever you´ve arranged I´m sure will be fine, ¨he said politely, taking the bottle and making certain their hands didn´t brush again.
¨Dinner´s ready. Do you like chicken, Lex? I know I should have asked but..., ¨ said Chloe, hating herself for sounding so insecure.
¨I may seem stuffy but I love homemade cooking, Chloe. Chicken´ll be just fine, ¨he sid warmly, trying to make her feel at ease.
¨I´ll be back in a minute, then, ¨she responded relieved.
Chloe carried the chicken and vegetables to the verandah and looked at the table objectively. The setting suggested a romantic dinner, which couldn´t be further removed from the truth. She told herself she had put the candles to provide an air of warm intimacy, a cocoon against the ghosts which lurked in the corners of the house.
Lex was standing with his back to her when she came out, and he made room for the dish on the table and drew up a chair for her to sit down.
¨Would you like to carve? ¨she asked, offering him the knife.
¨Sure, ¨he smiled, accepting it.
They ate in silence, both of them too absorbed in their musings to realise they had remained quiet throughout most of the meal. Their thoughts were too full of each other and their conflicting emotions.
Chloe was finishing her second glass of wine when Lex chose to break the silence and surprised her with a request.
¨I´d like to get to know you better, ¨he said, and Chloe felt her colour rise. ¨What I mean is... I don´t know the woman you´ve grown into.¨
¨I´m a reporter, ¨she conceded, considering how much information about her life she was willing to share.
¨You´ve followed in your mother´s footsteps. ¨
¨I´ve just found out. My dad gave me my first typewriter when I was ten and I´ve never stopped writing. Doing investigative research´s always been my dream. ¨
¨It´s nice to know it´s your dream. Not many people are fortunate enough to be able to choose what to be. ¨
¨Do you believe in fate? ¨
¨Most of the time I try not to. I´ve been fighting my destiny all my life. I still want to believe I can make a difference, that everything isn´t already written. ¨
¨It must be hard being you. ¨
¨We were talking about you. Where did you study journalism? ¨
¨At MetU. ¨
¨ At MetU? ¨he echoed, lifting an eyebrow.
¨With Clark Kent, ¨ she added with a small smile.
¨Good old Clark, ¨he responded with a smirk, refilling both their glasses. ¨So... are you friends? ¨
¨We´re very good friends. So were you, I´ve been told. ¨
¨Lana, right? ¨
¨What happened? ¨
¨It´s a long story and one I don´t feel like going into right now, ¨he sighed. ¨Have you two ever... ? ¨he asked interested.
¨No! ¨she exclaimed and chided herself for answering so vehemently.
¨I wouldn´t blame him. He´s always had an eye for beauty, ¨he said, caressing her face with his eyes.
¨He´s in love with my cousin Lois, ¨she volunteered, wondering why on earth she had allowed the conversation to veer towards such an intimate territory.
¨Lois Lane´s your cousin? ¨he asked surprised.
¨Unbelievable, isn´t it? ¨
¨I can see the resemblance. She´s spirited and relentless. ¨
¨You don´t approve of such qualities in a woman. ¨
¨On the contrary, I think they´re admirable; but they can put you in harm´s way. Sometimes you have to know when to quit. ¨
¨Are you suggesting I leave Smallville for good, Lex? Because if you are, you´re in for a big disappointment. ¨
¨I thought you´d say that. ¨
¨Don´t you want to find who did this? Don´t you want to make whoever´s made us suffer so much pay? ¨
¨You should forget about the past and start to live, Chloe. ¨
¨Have you succeeded at that? ¨she responded, locking her green eyes with his stormy blue-grey ones.
¨You don´t want to hear about my life. Trust me. ¨
¨Try me. ¨
¨You don´t need to listen to my crap. ¨
¨Maybe not, but you need to take it out. ¨
¨I´ve learnt to cope with everything that has befallen me. ¨
¨But, are you happy? ¨
¨What´s happiness?
¨Having someone you can count on to share the good and the bad. ¨
¨Do you have someone like that in your life, Chloe? ¨
¨I had my dad, ¨she answered with misty eyes.
¨What about Clark? ¨
¨He tries to be a good listener, but there are things I can´t talk with him about. What about you? ¨
¨Me? ¨
¨Who do you talk to? ¨
¨I´ve never been good at opening myself. ¨
¨Was your mum a good listener? ¨
¨What do you want from me, Chloe? ¨
¨Why are you running away? ¨
¨I´ve never run in my life. ¨
¨You´re running away now, Lex. Why? ¨
¨No good´ll come out of talking about my feelings. ¨
¨How will you know if you don´t even try? ¨
¨I just know it, in the same way I know when a business deal´s going to work. ¨
¨This isn´t business, Lex. What was she like? ¨
¨I don´t want to talk about her. ¨
¨Do you believe she was in part guilty of what happened to my mum? Is that why you don´t wan to talk about her? ¨
¨No! ¨he exploded. ¨It hurts too much! ¨ he cried, his eyes brimmed with tears.
Chloe felt a tightening at the pit of her stomach and saw him draw back his chair and lean on the verandah with his back to her.
¨I´m sorry, Lex, ¨she whispered, ¨but I just need to know, ¨she added chokingly. ¨I need to understand. ¨
Lex took a deep breath and looked up at the star-studded sky. He had never felt comfortable talking about his feelings. In fact, it had been his own father who had taught him that emotions were a sig of weakness. Things had been different when his mum was alive- she had been his confidante, his support and guide. But once she died he found himself alone in the world with nobody with whom to talk. He had no true friends- people his age either disparaged him on account of his odd appearance or came close to him to see what they could get from him. As a matter of fact, he didn´t know the meaning of friendship until he moved to Smallville permanently and met Clark Kent.
Now he was alone in the world yet again. Granted, he had a half-brother but his relationship with him was that of a mentor-student, in which he- being the eldest brother- was the ruling figure. Lucas was a valuable asset to Lexcorp, but Lex couldn´t bring himself to trust him with his innermost secrets.
It wasn´t until very recently that he had started to feel the need to purge his soul, to come clean and start afresh. He had had thought that opportunities like those came only once in a lifetime- he had had his with Clark, but it had gone awry. Was he willing to risk it one more time around? Chloe Sullivan was a very special woman, he had surmised that much when their paths had crossed once again. Maybe it was time to start trusting again. He hoped he wasn´t wrong about her.
¨I was twelve when my mother died, ¨he said, startling Chloe. ¨She was a real lady and I loved her with all my heart. A year before... a before that night... my baby brother Julian died. Mum had a severe nervous breakdown... she never truly recovered... Dad, ´he said half-laughingly, ¨Dad coped with the whole affair as he only knew how... fooling around. He was discreet but... my mother had always known. Six months later, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer and... the bastard sent me away to boarding school, ¨he added bitterly.
Chloe stood up and quietly walked towards the railing to be close to him. She wanted to be near him but was at the same time afraid of what he might say next.
¨I came back home for Independence Day. My mum had undergone a particularly trying mouth of chemo and convinced my dad to let me stay home for a while. I knew that things weren´t well between them; they hadn´t been for quite some time and then... I overheard something in the servants´ quarters... they said he was having an affair with a woman... a married woman... ¨he explained, trying to maintain his cool.
¨Was the woman... ¨asked Chloe, swallowing the lump in her throat.
¨It was town´s gossip, Chloe, ¨he answered, avoiding her eyes and knowing the hurt she would read in them.
¨The whole town thought my dad was obsessed with this woman and that my mother couldn´t put up with the shame of being cheated on in Smallville right under her nose. They said my mum murdered yours out of jealousy. ´What can be expected of someone who´s married to the devil?´ they said. ¨
Unable to restrain her nee to comfort him, Chloe put her hand on his arm and felt his tension communicate to her.
¨If you knew what´s best, you wouldn´t seek to associate yourself with me, Chloe, ¨he added in a low voice, placing his hand on top of hers.
The young blond felt the blood pumping in her ears. Incapable of moving or forming a coherent thought, she stood next to him in companionable silence until he took a step forward and- without letting her hand go- slipped his fingers through her hair. With a quick and graceful movement, he brought their bodies closer and surprised her by lowering his head to meet her lips.