When Charlie comes home to no dinner and the lights out, he goes upstairs to Bella's room. She is lying on her bed with her eyes wide and glassy, still as a statue. At first he can't see her breath, but then he notices the butterfly light movements of the hair fluttering over her mouth.
He calls her name gently, but she doesn't answer.
Bella knows she is scaring Charlie, that he thinks perhaps she's attempted suicide. But she won't do that—things haven't gotten that bad, yet. She doesn't answer, just turns to look at him with lackluster eyes. He exhales at first with relief, but then his breath catches when he looks deeper than her physical welfare. Physically she's fairly good—though her eyes are ringed with shadows and her hair is unkempt. But if people look to closely at her dead eyes they see a world of denied pain and torture. Charlie has never thought to glance too deeply into the windows of suffering, but tonight he does. Perhaps for the first time, he realizes a fraction of what those boys did.
She quickly closes her eyes and rolls slowly over, making no response when Charlie comes over and asks her if she's okay. Of course she's not okay, she's so far from being okay that it takes all she has not to start shouting how terribly she's doing. But Bella knows that it would half kill Charlie to know what she's going through. Charlie leaves eventually, and later she hears pizza being delivered. She isn't hungry, strangely enough. Today has been a day that seems suspended between reality and a dream. The dream. All day she's been jumping at the cold raindrops that kiss her skin and the icy breezes that caress her neck. Bella hears Charlie talking to Renee on the phone, and she resolves to behave normal tomorrow—or at least normal for her these days. She can't be the person she once was, full of sun and sarcasm and heart. She's missing her heart anyway.
Bits of the conversation between Charlie and Renee reach her ears. There is no mention of Bella being shipped to Florida, at least Charlie is holding up his end of the bargain, but what Bella hears is worrying. Charlie and Renee are arguing about it. Renee wants Bella back, is blaming Charlie. Startlingly, tears fill up her eyes, because Charlie is trying so hard to help. Bella rolls out of bed and pads downstairs. The silence tells her that the phone conversation is over, and she sees Charlie at the table with his head in his hands. Bella goes up to him and hugs him. He looks up, startled because he hadn't heard her, but then hugs her back. Bella doesn't talk, but she wordlessly tells him that it's not his fault.
Sometimes there are things beyond human control.
She silently sits across from him and eats a piece of pizza, chewing mechanically and swallowing without tasting anything. It would worry Charlie if she started refusing her meals. After dinner she sits next to him on the couch, thinking of nothing and watching a game with him. He smiles uncertainly at her, the smile faltering when he realizes that it's all an act. He tells her to go to bed; maybe she'll feel better in the morning. She's relieved, and nods before going back to her room.
When she sleeps, she can hear the faint notes of a piano twisting through her dream. If she dares, she'll be able to pick out the melody of her lullaby. But she cringes away from the possibility of how much that would hurt. So she doesn't try to pick out the tune, just lets it float by her. Tonight the crack of a thunderstorm wakes her before the dream gets worse. She is glad. But as she lies trying to keep from drifting back into the nightmare, she wonders whether she'll ever be able to sleep without fear of agony in her dreams.
It's been so long since she's slept without nightmares…
The silence is deafening. I write for myself and because I enjoy exploring the Twilight Universe, but reviews are nice ... it doesn't take that long.