As the sun came up and dawn shined over Karakura town, so to did a rippling black portal. On an empty street, a Garganta portal was open and stepping out of it was Halibel, flanked on both sides by her fellow female arrancars.
"Spread out and locate the target" Halibel ordered sternly. "Once you locate him report back and we will proceed from there"
The rest of the group nodded in agreement before everyone used Sonido to speed off in different directions. A few moments passed and Nel popped out of the Garganta just as it closed right behind her. She briefly looked around her strange new surroundings before heading off down a random street.
"Itsygo, where are you?"
A few moments after that another portal opened up in the exact same spot only this one was a Senkaimon, forming a connection with Soul Society. As the gate open, one very small and one very large shinigami stepped out and immediately ran off, the gate closing after they were gone.
Had everyone not been so impatient and taken off so fast, someone might have noticed that the reality around the spot where the portals were was beginning to twist and turn. It went on like this for a minute or so before everything changed back to normal.
Ichigo's eyes stared straight up at the ceiling of his bedroom, unmoving, unflinching. He had actually been awake for quite a while but had not gotten up yet. The reason was that getting up meant that he had to move and moving would quickly lead to his doom. Ichigo felt like prolonging his life for as long as possible.
'I don't know what happened but this is not my fault. It isn't'
Considering that Isane, Rukia and Nemu were all currently lying on top of Ichigo's body and snuggling into him, a few people might have trouble believing this. Isane was leaning in on his left side, Nemu on the right and Rukia's lithe form was draped over Ichigo's chest, her head resting right beside Ichigo's neck. Still the fact was that Ichigo was right and it really wasn't his fault at all.
If blame had to be assigned, most would be focused on Isane's subconscious mind which had started it all. Last night the girl had another nightmare where every single male in Soul Society was pregnant and she had to give birth to all the babies at the same time. As the dream got worse, Isane began to talk in her sleep and roll around back and fourth on the bed until she rolled right on to Ichigo's side. Still asleep, she latched tightly on to the boy's arm and leaned into him. As she did, she began to calm down and went back to sleeping peacefully.
Everyone had managed to sleep through the nightmare except for Rukia who was well known for being a light sleeper and very cranky if her rest was disturbed. So after hearing Isane, she staggered out of the closet still half asleep and headed for the beds.
"Shut up Isane" she muttered groggily as she made her way over to the annoyance.
Just as she reached the bed, Rukia tripped up on something. It might have been an empty soda can, it might have been Kon duck tapped face first on the floor to avoid any incidents occurring during the night. It's hard to say. Either way, when Rukia tripped, she actually fell a good distance and happened to land on top of Ichigo. By now Isane had quieted down and without the noise, Rukia fell back asleep right away forgetting that she had gotten up from her bed in the closet and where she was now.
Rukia's fall in turn startled Nemu enough that she opened her eyes. Thanks to the night vision feature Mayuri had installed in her optics, she had no problem seeing where the other two were. Conflicting reasons could be given for what Nemu did next. In terms of thinking of the situation in a scientific concept, Rukia and Isane were practicing a sort of sleeping ritual that she was unaware of and she should do the same to learn more about it. That was the scientific reason but personally Nemu didn't like the fact that the two girls were cuddling Ichigo and she wasn't. So she quietly got out the bed, walked around to the other side and crawled back in while wrapping her body around Ichigo's remaining free arm.
Thus, the young man had three girls surrounding his body with it technically being no fault of his own. The only thing that Ichigo did that in any way contributed to the situation was actually later in the night. At some point he had moved his left arm that Isane had a hold of a little bit and had somehow accidentally grabbed a hold of one of Rukia's breasts. But other then that one minor little issue, Ichigo was completely innocent.
Ichigo had already tried to get out of the compromising position but every time he tried to move even a single finger off of Rukia, the girl would start to moan and look like she was about to wake up at any second. Therefore, Ichigo was stuck with not be able to move or speak. He used all his willpower to focus on his ceiling and not the hot girls on top of him, while trying to stay calm.
'Oh shit, I'm dead. Oh shit, I'm dead. Wait, is Rukia not wearing a bra? Oh shit, I'm really dead'
At that moment the door creaked open and Isshin stepped in ready to wake Ichigo up with his usual good morning sneak attack. He halted as he came across the scene. Ichigo's head twisted slightly to the side and his eyes met his father's. For a brief moment, the two just stared at one another before Isshin finally responded with a thumbs up.
'I hate you'
Grinning at the sight, Isshin got ready to do the wake up attack anyway but halted as he saw his son frantically shaking his head no.
Isshin nodded his head arguing for yes.
Ichigo shook his head again. No.
Isshin nodded his head once more. Yes.
'Please Dad'Ichigo silently begged with wide eyes, 'If you love me at all and want me to actually live long enough to provide you with a grandkid, then stop. Just stop and don't do anything at all. Please'
Isshin finally seemed to get the message as he nodded and tiptoed back out of the room gently closing the door without making any noise. Ichigo made a silent vow to try to be nicer to him for a while as he tried to figure a way to get out this. That vow was quickly replaced by a vow to cripple the man for life as Isshin suddenly stepped back into the room carrying a small digital camera in hand.
Ichigo glared but his father ignored him as he began to take several pictures of the group including close-ups of all the lovely girls' faces.
"Damn you old man! I'll…" Ichigo suddenly stopped as he realized he had just yelled out loud. Isshin smartly exited the room again and stayed gone this time as the three girls started to wake up.
"What's going on?" Rukia muttered as she eyes slowly opened and adjusted to the light. Much to her surprise Ichigo's face stared right back at her. "Ichigo?"
Ichigo was sweating bullets as Rukia slowly became aware that she was on top of Ichigo, in his bed, and what part of her body the boy was touching. Ichigo immediately yanked his hand off her breast now but it was too little too late as Rukia was fully conscious. The room's temperature dropped quickly as Rukia glared right into Ichigo's eyes.
"Nee-san!" Ichigo yelled out trying to sound like Kon in the hope that it would spare him the coming pain. A few seconds passed by with Rukia still glaring at him. "Not buying it, are you?"
Rukia shook her head no as she threw her hands forward "Die!"
Isane groaned a little bit as she sat up in the bed not fully awake. "Captain, I just had the weirdest dream. I was with Rukia and Nemu and the three of us were all sleeping in the same room as…" Isane stopped as she saw Rukia on top of Ichigo trying to strangle him to death, "oh wait, it wasn't a dream"
On the other side of the beds, Nemu had woken up and was closely studying what Ichigo and Rukia were doing. "Is strangling each other some sort of morning ritual that I am unaware of?"
"I think that anything might be possible here Nemu"
"Okay Orihime, you need to get yourself back into the game"
The teenage girl was looking into a wall mirror in order to give herself a pep talk. Judging by the nervous face in the reflection, so far it wasn't working too well.
"Just because all these girls are here to go after Kurosaki-kun doesn't mean that he will be interested. You still have a chance; you just need to be confident and determined and not give up. Yeah! Although I wonder why my attempt to food poison everyone didn't work last night. I left out all my normal ingredients from dinner and added other stuff but for some reason everyone but Rangiku-san thought it tasted better. What else could I try?"
"Big Boobies wants to kill all of us?" A voice asked from behind her.
"No, not kill you. I just want to get rid of all you and keep you away from Kurosaki-kun" Orihime replied not realizing she was having a conversation with someone.
"Haha, you're silly" the voice replied as the speaker jumped on top of Orihime's head.
"Yachiru?" Orihime cried out in shock seeing the pink haired girl in the mirror.
Orihime quickly exited her room. On one side of the living room were most of her female shinigami guests and on the other end was one Kenpachi Zakari looking as crazed as ever. Behind him was a very large hole in the wall that Orihime didn't recall being there earlier signifying the man's entrance.
"Umm, it's nice to see you again Captain Zakari" Orihime said slowly. "What brings you here today while destroying my home?"
Zakari pointed over at Yachiru who was still on top of Orihime. "She wanted to be with you guys while you're on this mission so I'm dropping her off. And now that I got that done," Zakari drew his sword and ran his tongue along the blade, "I'm going to go have my way with Ichigo"
Several gasps came out of the women and Orihime looked ready to faint.
"You mean like in a fight, right?" Matsumoto asked.
"Yeah, what else would I be talking about?"
"Oh thank god"
Nanao adjusted her glasses on her face. "Yes, well Captain Zakari, Ichigo is not here at the moment"
"Or maybe he's hiding somewhere...like right here!" Zakari turned and swung his sword at a nearby closed door.
The door was instantly cut in two and fell apart revealing the bathroom and Hinamori who was inside drying her body off with a large white towel. Kenpachi gave the girl an indifferent look as she shrieked and covered herself with the towel while trying to get out of sight.
"Okay, so maybe he isn't here," he finally admitted. Glancing back around the room, he suddenly focused on Orihime. "Hey woman. You're Ichigo's friend so you should know where he lives, right?"
Orihime hesitated for a few moments. "No. Sorry but I really have no idea where his house is"
"Damn it. I'll have to keep looking. Yachiru, you stay here and keep the mayhem to a minimum"
"Okay, happy hunting Ken-chan!"
"Right, well I'm off"
"Captain Zakari, sir?" Orihime interrupted. "If it's not too much trouble, could you use the front door this time please?"
"Alright"
Orihime let out a sigh of relief just as Zakari charged off straight through the closed door destroying it as well. The girl moaned and turned around to go back to her room. Kurosaki-kun would have to wait while she checked to see if her insurance covered damages caused by psychopathic spirits.
"Is it safe to come out?" Hinamori called out from the bathroom.
Matsumoto yelled back. "It's fine. You can finish getting dressed now"
"So, has anything happened in Soul Society since we left?" Kiyone asked Yachiru.
The pink haired vice captain jumped off of Orihime and began to think. "Oh, Ken-chan said that all the other guys were being real wimps"
"What? How come?"
"Oh because they're all crying and constantly drinking because we're not there" Yachiru explained, "They keep saying stuff like we have no will to fight since we have nothing left to ogle anymore"
"Typical men" Nanao snorted.
"What about my captain?" Matsumoto asked suddenly, "Was he crying because I'm gone as well?"
"Hmm…"
- Soul Society, 10th division headquarters -
Anyone who stepped into the office at this very moment would be treated to an unusual sight. The captain of the division had a big smile on his face. Yes, Toshiro had been smiling most of the day while also break dancing on top of his desk.
"No Matsumoto for a month, no Matsumoto for a month, I don't have to put up with my annoying lazy good for nothing vice captain for an entire month! Come on everyone, let's go celebrate!"
"He really didn't seem to be himself" Yachiru admitted sadly.
"Oh my poor captain, he must be so lonely without me"
Despite the fact that her office still looked like it had played host to a major battle from the winter's war, Captain Retsu Unohana was still a professional. Thus she was calmly sitting behind her broken desk waiting patiently for her expected visitor. The wait was not a very long one as Byakuya walked through the wrecked doorway not looking pleased.
"Good morning Captain Kuchiki" Unohana said with a bright smile, "What brings you by here so early?"
Byakuya glared over at his fellow captain "I believe you are already aware of the reason. While I was meeting with some nobles at my estate this morning, Hanataro Yamada showed up and announced in front of everyone that I needed to come here for an immediate checkup. He said I was suffering from a severe case of diarrhea"
"That's strange. I wonder where Hanataro got such a silly idea from"
"You know the answer to that as your officer informed me that I should speak to you when I interrogated him"
"Well, there was another small matter I was hoping to speak with you at some time"
If Byakuya was not an uptight noble, he would have rolled his eyes at this point. "Please Captain Unohana; this pitiful attempt of innocence does not become you"
"I was going to offer you some nice tea to start with but very well," Unohana laced her fingers together, "Let's cut to the chase, shall we? For my own personal reasons, I do wish to take part in the latest mission involving Ichigo. I'm also aware that the only reason you have made your sister Rukia participate is due to pressure from your family's elders as they are upset on the current lack of a future heir"
Byakuya stiffened up a bit. "That information is Kuchiki clan business and is highly classified"
"This is Soul Society. Nothing is classified in these parts if you know where to look for it. The fact remains is that we both faced with the similar problem of not wanting to get involved in this mess. Therefore I would like to propose an alliance between the two of us to help further our causes"
Byakuya looked over at the fourth division leader still not entirely convinced "And how exactly does working together help us with the current situation?"
"You tell me," Unohana smile changed from a motherly one to that of an evil mastermind, "my lover"
Byakuya's eyes actually went wide with shock from that one.
"Why don't you have a seat and we'll have that tea now"
"Rukia, calm down already" Ichigo said as he backed up towards the door leading out of the house. "I swear that I don't know how it happened"
A fully dressed and irate Rukia stomped down the stairs heading after Ichigo. With each step, it looked like she was going to release her zanpakuto and start attacking. "So, I just somehow ended up in your bed with you groping me and you had nothing to do with it? Yeah right. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now!"
"It would really upset my family" Ichigo tried.
"I'll help them mourn and they will get a lovely ice sculpture to remember you by"
"Everyone, breakfast is ready" Yuzu called out as she walked into the room. She stopped and looked at Ichigo and Rukia sensing the tension between the two. "Is something wrong?"
"No nothing" Ichigo lied. "Anyway, I'm sorry Yuzu. I need to leave early to work on some stuff for school. So I'll see you guys later"
"But, there's no school today Ichigo" Yuzu replied confused.
"Oh, right"
"Say Yuzu, would you like to hear what your big brother has been doing so far this morning?" Rukia asked.
"Sure" Yuzu smiled.
Ichigo stood there trying to think of a way to escape, any possible way. Suddenly he saw the perfect scapegoat err person coming down the stairs.
"Isane" Ichigo called out as he bounded up the stairs and grabbed the girl's hand pulling her down with him. "Come with me right now"
Isane was still a bit drowsy so it came as a shock to have Ichigo latch on to her. "What, why?" she asked.
"That training I promised to give you. No time like the present, right?"
"But…" Isane tried to protest but it was too late as Ichigo had already managed to pull her outside. With a quick bye and a slam of the door, the two were gone.
"Get back here you coward!" Rukia shouted.
Yuzu looked at the nearby miko. "What kind of training was Ichigo talking about Nemu?"
Nemu just stood there trying to think of something.
"Obviously, it is bodyguard training Yuzu" Isshin proclaimed as he joined the others, "Ichigo is teaching the young nurse how to be a better protector and keep Nemu safe from all dangers. Isn't that right Nemu?"
Isshin sent a quick wink towards Nemu, "Yes that's correct" she replied politely
"Bodyguard training? Yeah, that's a good one"
Everyone's attention turned to the final member of the Kurosaki household, Karin, who was at the top of the stairs.
"What's the matter my precious daughter?" Isshin called out.
"What's the matter is that you keep going along with these pitiful stories that Ichigo and these girls are coming up with!"
"Hey, my stories are not pitiful" Rukia protested, "Well that's what I would say if there was a story and all of this wasn't real, which it is"
"Mark my words. I'm not going to rest until I find out the truth about all of you, and all this Shinigami stuff you are involved in with my brother!"
Yuzu looked up at her sister, "Karin?"
"What?" Karin growled back.
"Umm…it's your turn to do the dishes this morning"
"Fine, first I'll do the dishes and then I shall find the truth!" Karin declared loudly before storming back to her room.
"Oh Masaki, our darling Karin is growing up so fast and becoming a lovely conspiracy theorist" Isshin declared before looking back at Yuzu, Rukia, and Nemu while pulling a camera out of his pocket "So girls, would any of you like to see some lovely new pictures I got?"
Chizuru was quite happy. She had a lecherous grin on her face as she walked down the street towards her destination. It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining, birds were chirping and by the end of the day if everything went according to plan, she would finally be getting her greatest lustful desires fulfilled.
Reaching the designated spot, the teenage girls flipped open her cell phone and quickly dialed. "Hello, Soi Fon?" she asked.
"Fool! I told you to use our code names while we are on the mission!" Soi Fon yelled back.
"But, there are only two of us. Isn't it a bit silly to use code names?"
"…"
"Soi Fon?"
"…"
Chizuru sighed. "Fine. Are you there High Priestess of Yoruichi-sama?"
"Yes, I am here Karakura-riser Erotic. What is you status?"
"I am at the location"
"Good. Proceed with phase one and then meet at the rendezvous point. Remember failure is not an option Erotic"
"Right, over and out High Priestess!" Chizuru replied before shutting off the phone. "She is such a weirdo. Oh well, time to get to work"
Stepping out in front of the Urahara shop, Chizuru held out a saucer filled with a white liquid with one hand and called out in a friendly voice. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty. Are there any pretty kitty cats here who would like some yummy fresh milk?"
On the roof of the shop, the head of a black cat suddenly shot up waking up from its midday nap.
"Fresh milk?" Yoruichi asked as she looked over the area and immediately deduced this couldn't be any sort of trap or trick. After all, it was just an ordinary human and there was no sign of any hollows or any other spiritual dangers nearby. Therefore she quickly jumped down and started heading towards the yummy treat.
As the cat hurried towards her, Chizuru slowly lowered the milk while using her free hand open a small hidden vial and pour another liquid into the bowl. "Here you go kitty. Make sure you drink every last drop"
"Amateur" Soi Fon scoffed as she shut off her own phone and headed into a nearby building.
The building was in fact a gym and inside was Tatsuki. She was clad in her karate gi, as she practiced her moves on a training mat. Since it was still early, the girl was alone but Tatsuki didn't mind that. It allowed her to work out in peace and quiet, while trying to clear out her head on what was bothering her.
'Okay, after I'm done I'll track down Ichigo and get him to explain what all this girl nonsense Orihime was going on about. Then if I don't like his answer…' Tatsuki smirked as her fist slammed into a punching bag, 'I'll kick his ass'
"Are you the one known as Arisawa Tatsuki?" Soi Fon called yet.
Tatsuki stopped practicing and turned around looking over a strange woman. "Who wants to know?" she asked suspiciously noticing that the woman's black clothing looked a bit like the type she had seen on Ichigo before.
"Surrender now and I promise to make this as quick and painless as possible"
"What? Okay lady, I don't know who you are but if you want a fight…"
Tatsuki stopped talking as the woman had suddenly vanished. A second later she realized too late that Soi Fon was now behind her as a hand struck the back of her head and knocked her out.
"That wasn't even a little bit of a challenge" Soi Fon complained as she threw Tatsuki's prone body over her shoulder and carried her away.
"Okay then, let's see your shikai to start with"
Isane nodded slowly as she stared over at Ichigo. The two of them were currently in shinigami form and had retreated to a nearby park following their very speedy exit from the house.
"Okay, I can do that. But Ichigo, aren't you worried about how angry Rukia is going to be when we get back?"
"Nah, Rukia will calm down after a little while. Probably after a couple of decades or so" he muttered underneath his breath. "Anyway, let's see what that sword of yours can do"
"Yes. Run Itegumo"
As the blade transformed, Ichigo walked around looking at the sword from all angles. "Hmm, it's not too bad. It's a little bit small for chopping off limbs. Still, I suppose it would be good for shredding the Hollow's eyes"
"What?" Isane asked in surprise.
"Anyway, pop quiz. You see a hollow attacking some innocent souls; what do you do?"
Isane thought for a moment, "I stay calm and look over the situation carefully in order to determine the best course of action"
Ichigo smiled at her but shook his head slightly. "Wrong. You charge in and take the hollows down before they can hurt anyone"
Isane stared at Ichigo wondering if he was joking but his expression remained the same. "But isn't doing that very reckless?"
"So?"
"What if the hollow has some sort of special ability and you get seriously injured from it?"
Ichigo shrugged his shoulders. "You fight through the pain and keep on going! After a while, you usually figure out a hollow's weak point or get a good hit in and finish him off!"
"And if you don't?"
"You keep fighting it until it leaves and then you get yourself healed, train to reach a new level of power, and then fight it again in a rematch"
"But…but…" Isane held a hand to her head as she was starting to get a headache, "that sounds like something the 11th division would do"
"Well aren't they your combat division?"
"Yes but they are also the division with the highest mortality rate and the most likely to get critically injured"
"Hmm, well that's why need a good mastery over flash steps so you can dodge the most deadly attacks. Oh it also doesn't hurt to have achieved bankai in case you need to fight off an army of hollows but we'll worry about that stuff in your later lessons. For now, let's get started with some simple sparring"
A fearful look formed on Isane. Flash step mastery? Bankai? More lessons? Isane had understood that Ichigo was incredibly powerful but she didn't think that he would try and make her the exact same way. This was insanity, pure and simple.
'What I wouldn't give for a distraction, right now' the lieutenant thought bitterly.
"Help, help" Isane and Ichigo looked over to see a female in a black and white outfit hurrying towards them.
"Is that a nun?" Ichigo asked in surprise as he got a closer look at the figure.
Indeed it was a nun dressed in the typical robes of a servant of the lord although the sleeves seem to be a bit too long for the nun's arms. A panic filled face peered out from underneath the habit at the two shinigami.
"There is an evil spirit devouring innocent souls on the other side of the park. Please you must stop it"
"Wait, you can see us?" Isane asked.
"Err yes; I've always been able to see good and honest souls since giving myself to the church"
"Works for me" Ichigo said, "Lead the way"
"Wait a second Ichigo"
"Hey, somebody get the hell over here and help me" a jogger in a white tank top and black short shorts was yelling out. "Something in the bushes just grabbed my dog and ate it!"
Ichigo leapt over the jogger briefly noticing that the girl had two different eyes and headed into the nearby woods. "Alright hollow, where are you?"
"Creature is close" a new voice said as a figure suddenly jumped down from a nearby tree landing right next to Ichigo.
"What the…?" Ichigo said a he looked over the tall and muscular dark skinned woman that was clad only in a tattered brown bikini top and loincloth bottom.
"Me jungle girl. Me help you track down strange creature"
Ichigo began to reach for his sword but then stop and began to think, "Okay, something strange is going on here"
"Get him!" Three voices shouted at once.
Ichigo quickly reached for Zangetsu and swung in a wide arc causing the nun, jogger and jungle girl to all leap back out of harms way.
"Who are you people?" Ichigo growled.
"Sun-Sun" the nun greeted throwing away the habit.
"Apache" the jogger said with a glare.
"Mila-Rose"
Ichigo suddenly noticed the white markings on the girls' faces. "Arrancar? Damn it. Getsuga…"
Ichigo suddenly cried out in pain as a whip struck the side of his hand injuring it and causing him to stop his attack.
"That's not a very nice way to treat a lady" Cirucci Thunderwitch called out as she stepped out from behind a tree while pulling her weapon back. The Privaron Espada was wearing a black Lolita style dress much like her regular uniform.
"Yeah, you won't be a good boy toy if you're like that" Lilynette complained appearing on the other side of Ichigo.
Ichigo took one glance at Lilynette and quickly turned the other way blushing horribly. Unlike the others, Lilynette had just worn her usual Arrancar uniform of briefs and an open vest which was bad enough on its own.
"Ichigo" Isane cried out as she started to run towards him to help. She didn't get far though as two more arrancars dressed in white cheerleader outfits appeared in front of her.
"What's your hurry?" Menoly asked.
"Yeah, the show is just getting started" Loly added with a cruel smirk.
Ichigo looked around noticing that he was surrounded on all sides. Suddenly Apache, Sun-Sun and Mila-Rose parted a little bit allowing one more person through.
For a brief moment Ichigo actually forgot about the potential danger he was in. A beautiful womanly shape slowly glided and swayed towards Ichigo causing his mind to lose coherent thought. Dark exotic skin colored legs and bare chest met stunning red silk in the form of a belly dancer outfit. Wild blonde hair and piercing eyes were the only things visible on the face, everything below that was covered by a thick red veil. The dancer kept moving until she was right next to Ichigo and wrapped her arms around his body.
"Ichigo Kurosaki" Halibel stated in an emotionless voice "Come with us and all your sexual desires shall be fulfilled"