A/N: Chapter six, guys :) I'm going to post one more chapter tonight and then you'll have to wait until I'm a few chapters ahead, heh. I haven't even technically started chapter 9 yet.

Chapter length: 3582

Onward!

Chapter Six

How did this happen?

Kaidan wasn't exactly sure, couldn't remember agreeing to this. He also couldn't remember agreeing to the other part, either.

Kevin offered to go the movies with him. Kaidan accepted, if only to get his family off his back. Then Shepard asked if he wanted to go to the movies, too, since Sam ditched him to hang with his friends. Startled at the request, he stumbled over his words and said yes, but that he was going with Kevin, too.

That left the three of them going together. In all honesty he didn't know how to feel about that. Seeing his brother again was one thing; doing something with him was another. Perhaps that was why he said yes to Shepard's question – being alone with his brother wasn't something he was sure he could handle at the moment. But then that brought him to the second part of the problem – Shepard.

He was still in shock over the fact he still had a friend after they met Kevin; this was just tempting fate. The two would start talking again, and realize they had a lot more in common and he would, as always, be pushed to the side, always someone's discard, left in the background.

There was little he could do about it now, though. He'd already said yes and thus they were all going to the movies together. Whatever would happen would happen and there was nothing he could do about it because he brought this upon himself. Had he not been so startled – by both his brother's request as well as Shepard's – he could have salvaged the situation, but as it was… he had no choice.

It was nice while it lasted.

This was his track of thinking as he waited. Waited and waited while a part of him wondered if it would be possible to be suffocated by this overwhelming feeling of dread. Probably not.

It was Saturday and time to go to the movies. Kevin wasn't here yet, but he knew he'd be here soon enough. Shepard would pick the two of them up. Kevin called ahead and asked if Rahna wanted to go as well, but thankfully she declined. He loved his sister, but he couldn't deal with her right now. Not on top of everything else, and the shock that he wasn't the background but will be going back to that after this.

Nice while it lasted, though.

He was startled out of his rising sense of something when the door opened and Kevin stepped inside the house. He didn't even bother knocking. Kaidan wasn't sure why this was a problem until he remembered it had been a while since Kevin lived with them. Family or not, after ditching your family you should have to knock.

"Hey," Kevin said quietly.

Kaidan's nod was more of an acknowledgement than greeting. "Shepard will be here any time."

A part of him, however miniscule, had been hoping Shepard arrived before Kevin, and he could say his brother wasn't coming. That was perhaps cruel, both for lying to Shepard and ditching his brother, but a part of him wanted… wondered… if…

He heard the sound of Shepard's car pulling up outside. The engine had a very distinctive growl as it slowed to a stop and turned off. He took in a breath and shouldered his way through the door and onto the porch. Shepard stood just off the porch, on the steps, approaching him where he stopped, the two nearly colliding.

"Hey," Shepard said with that usual grin of greeting.

Kaidan found he couldn't return it.

Kevin followed him out of the house, closing the door behind him. "Hey," his brother said cheerily. "Thanks for driving." He pushed past Shepard toward the car.

Shepard shrugged even as Kaidan moved past him as well. Kevin reached the car first and thus pulled open the passenger door, leaving Kaidan climbing in the back. He sighed, this dejected, pitiful sound which he couldn't quite stifle in time. He wasn't aware his gaze was downcast as it was until he felt eyes boring into him and glanced up, catching Shepard's gaze in the rearview mirror. After a moment the gaze averted toward Kevin.

"Rules of the car," Shepard stated with this firm tone of voice, "are as follows: Rule 1, don't mess up anything in my car. Rule 2, I am God in this vehicle. Rule 3, if you have a problem with the previous rules, be warned I'm not stopping to let you out but you know where the door is." Then he smiled. "Okay?"

Kevin chuckled. "Right, you're the man of the car. Got it."

"Cheer up back there, grumpy," Shepard said, and Kaidan blinked, catching his gaze again in the rearview mirror. He hadn't realized he was being so obvious.

"Kaidey's in a bad mood," Kevin sighed.

"Kaidey?" Shepard's lips twisted into this smirk. It looked awkward from Kaidan's position looking through the rearview mirror. "I'm so calling you that from now on. Why are you in a bad mood, K?"

A part of Kaidan wondered what would happen if he did answer. If he answered truthfully, and said he didn't want to be here with his brother despite how terrible that sounded, and he especially didn't want the two of them to be in the same place together. That would raise entirely too many questions, though, and so he just shrugged and kept silent. There was little he could do about it anyway. It was his fault this was happening now; the sooner he accepted that, the sooner he could move on.

"Hmm," Shepard said thoughtfully. "Well. Let's see if we can change that by the time the movie's over."

Kaidan almost frowned at the look of pure determination on Shepard's face, brightening his eyes as though he just accepted a challenge.

He wasn't sure why Shepard was worried if he was 'grumpy' or in a 'bad mood'. It honestly didn't matter. Right?

So far, Shepard hadn't ignored him. It was only a matter of time, though. Only a matter of time…

The rest of the drive was… difficult. And yet easy, because all he had to do was sit in the back and wait. Wait for them to arrive and get out and get the tickets and see the movie. Waiting was easy. And yet it wasn't, because it was so difficult to anticipate the net few minutes. The next hour would be hell, he was sure. Hell because he'd be pushed aside like always, while Shepard and Kevin made jokes through the movie, and talked quietly in this hushed conversation of which Kaidan had no part.

This shouldn't bother him. It always happened. He knew it was going to happen. So why did it feel so much different this time? More… unwanted?

All too soon – or not soon enough, depending – they arrived at the movie theater. The walk from the car to the movie theater was loud and quiet all at once. Kaidan kept silent, hands tucked nervously into his pockets, head bowed as he followed the shadows of Kevin and Shepard, the streetlights guiding the way. Kaidan couldn't hear their conversation but it wouldn't matter if he could. This wasn't about him anymore; never was, really. Never was, would never be, and why are you doing this to me dammit why did I leave the background why-

They got their tickets, popcorn and drinks and made their way toward their desired movie. Shepard sat between the two of them since he had the popcorn so they could all share. Kaidan had no intention of eating, though. His stomach was upset enough as it was, though he had no idea why.

What's wrong with me…

He felt fine before he agreed to go to the movies with the two of them. Perfectly fine.

The previews started and he sighed heavily, sinking back into his chair, half hoping it could devour him, but he doubted that would happen.

Shepard nudged his shoulder and he glanced over to find him offering popcorn to him, but he slowly shook his head. He wasn't particularly fond of popcorn and even so, again, his stomach was upset. Perhaps he was getting sick. It was that time of year. Shepard gave him this look and then returned his attention to the front, quietly eating the popcorn.

The movie started, the previews over.

Occasionally he heard Shepard and Kevin talking quietly and then he'd hear one of them chuckle. They were, of course, having a good time – without him. The third wheel, forever and always.

"Sounds like fun," Shepard was saying as he turned into the conversation, attempting to ground himself because he wasn't sure why he felt so out of control.

The words didn't bother him. They were harmless. It was the tone, that goddamn tone, the tone of Welcome to the family…

He could almost picture the accompanying smile. That smile. The one he hadn't known he'd grown so used to.

The accompanying laugh Kevin tossed Shepard's way was the final nail in the coffin. It was warm and light and everything he remembered it as, but it wasn't given to him. Given to Shepard. Who was chuckling back, and he could almost feel everything slipping away from him.

He wasn't aware he was breathing so sharply until Shepard tossed him a look, popcorn being moved so his hand could reach out for him. Kaidan easily slipped away from that probing hand and all but ran from his seat, out of the room and down the hallway. He wasn't sure why he was running; there was no reason to do so. No reason to feel upset. No reason at all.

He had no say over the tone Shepard used, the smile he offered, or anything like that. He had no reason to be upset. No goddamn reason.

Why did I run…?

He could have stayed. Shepard would have grabbed his arm, asked if he was okay, and he could lie and say he was just thirsty, or that maybe he would take some popcorn after all. That would be the end of it. He wouldn't have to explain himself because Shepard never pushed him. It would have been fine.

Except he ran, and now, even if he said he was okay, Shepard would still know something was amiss. Even if he didn't push him on it, there would still be that look.

He wasn't aware he was in the men's room until he found himself pacing the length of the long counter filled with sinks, the edges wet with unused soap and splashed water. He paced the length, back and forth and back and forth, for he wasn't sure how long. He knew he'd have to leave eventually; Shepard was his ride here. Both him and Kevin would expect an answer for his sudden departure, and he'd have to tell them… what? Tell them what? That he was upset for absolutely no reason?

He wasn't even sure why he was upset; how the hell was he supposed to explain it?

It's okay; they probably won't come looking for you.

The thought should have relaxed him. He wouldn't have to explain himself until later, unless he walked home. Then he'd have to worry about Monday, but that was then and this was now. So right now he should have been relieved, he should have relaxed.

Instead, his spine stiffened and his breath caught somewhere in his throat, behind a lump he hadn't known was there. They wouldn't come looking for him. Kevin would just assume he needed space – and, yes, that was true, but… - and Shepard… Well, they probably weren't friends anymore. Even if he did stick around for the movie, it would be the last time he was invited to do something with a friend. But that was okay, because you knew this was going to happen, dammit, why are you so goddamn upset about-

He wasn't aware he was moving until he leaned his back against the wall, easily sliding down it. With a heavy sigh he pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, and rested his chin on his knees.

The door to the bathroom opened. He didn't bother glancing up, expecting some guy to enter, momentarily disgusted that he was just sitting in there on the bathroom floor, before he moved to do his business. Footsteps approached him instead of the stalls, though, and he glanced up to find Shepard walking toward him, chewing slightly on his lower lip.

"There you are," he said quietly. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"You… have?" Kaidan asked, confused. It made no sense for Shepard to look for him. They weren't friends anymore – right?

Maybe you're just thinking too far into this. It's just a movie; maybe you're still friends. Or maybe he was just concerned because he has to drive you home. Either way…

"Well, yeah," Shepard said, frowning at him. "You just up and left. What was that about?"

Kaidan didn't want to say he pouted but he came pretty damn closed, averting his gaze toward the ground. Shepard's shoes were scuffed and dirty. Perhaps he should tell him to clean them, or at least get new shoestrings since the ones he had were nothing but quick, uneven threads.

Shepard sighed. "What are you doing sulking in the bathroom?"

"I'm not sulking," Kaidan said before he could stop himself. If it came out petulant, a whine he couldn't stop, he didn't doubt it.

"Right," Shepard sighed, "and I'm Christopher Columbus."

Shepard shifted, then. His shoes left Kaidan's view to move next to him instead. Vaguely, he was aware of Shepard sliding down the wall much like he himself had. For a moment, the two sat there in this awkward, stretched out silence. Kaidan's mind was a whirlwind of activity, of conflicting thoughts like what is he doing, why is he doing this, what am I supposed to say, please go away, dammit, go-

"So," Shepard said quietly, cutting off his inner thoughts, however scrambled they were. "Are you gonna come back to the movie or what?"

Kaidan's voice caught somewhere in his throat, around that damn lump he couldn't seem to get rid of. Why was Shepard doing this? Why was he asking if he was going back to the movie, why was he waiting, why is he doing this to me…

If he was going to ditch him, get it over with.

Please just get it over with. I don't care. I don't care. I don't-

"Or we can hang out here, I guess, though I really don't like the idea of sitting around in a bathroom like some crazy perverts," Shepard said with a sigh.

He's… offering to stay? What?

Why…

Why are you doing this…

No one ever had before. No one ever did after meeting Kevin. Especially after it happened. He was just too broken, too messed up, too wrong after it happened, and why can't he see I-

"You wanna tell me what's wrong with you? You've been acting weird."

Kaidan shook his head, the reaction automatic. No, he didn't want to talk about it.

"You're gonna have to talk one way or another, Kaidan."

"Why are you here?" Kaidan snapped, though he didn't mean to. He just wanted this conversation to be over, didn't want to talk about it, and why are you still here goddamn it why-

"I'm sorry," Shepard said slowly, hesitantly, this odd lilt to his voice Kaidan didn't particularly like, and he almost looked at him. Almost.

"Sorry?" he breathed, attempting to reel in whatever that was that make him snap in the first place. Snapping at Shepard wasn't going to help matters.

"I can… I can go, if… that's what you want."

Why do you sound so uncertain.

He didn't answer, mostly because he didn't know what to say. He didn't particularly want him to go… not really. But he didn't want him to stay, either, because that was just prolonging the inevitable. And he couldn't. Just, no.

Shepard was quiet for a long moment. The silence that wrapped around them was thick and heavy and everything it shouldn't have been, everything it hadn't been before, and he didn't know how to fix it. This was his fault, after all. He caused this. He shouldn't have fled the movie. He brought this on himself.

Then Shepard pushed to his feet. The hand which landed on his shoulder shouldn't have left him stiffening, but it did, and immediately the hand pulled away. Again silence wrapped around them, neither doing or saying anything, and then Shepard sighed.

The sigh got to him. He didn't know why. It just… seemed different.

"Okay," Shepard said quietly, stepping away from him, footsteps nearing the door. "Okay, I'll just… Sorry. I'll just…"

The door opened.

He closed his eyes.

That's it, just let him leave. Let him leave and it will be over. It's okay, you're used to it, just let him-

"Wait."

He wasn't aware he'd spoken, aware his voice could even be heard with how quiet it was, until Shepard stopped. The door closed, and footsteps turned, approaching him but stopping a good distance away.

"Kaidan?"

"You don't… have to go. If you don't want to."

Those words managed to push past the lump, but that was it. He sighed and opened his eyes, finding Shepard in front of him now, looking again at those shoes.

"Do you want me to stay?" Shepard asked.

Why do you have to make this so goddamn hard.

"Kaidan. Do you want me to-"

"Fine," he breathed. "Stay."

The chuckle Shepard gave shouldn't have sounded so amused. The brunette sat in front of him, then, and now he looked at his knees, the dark blue jeans, the bottom edge of his light red and black jacket.

"You gonna look at me any time soon?"

He sighed.

"I can do this all day, Kaidan. C'mon. Look at me."

Kaidan raised his gaze, but only because a part of him knew Shepard was serious. Now that he told him to stay – why did you say that goddamn it – he wasn't going to leave until they talked.

Blue eyes caught his brown ones in the time it took to blink.

A slow smile lifted Shepard's lips. "There, see? Not that hard. Wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"It's stupid," Kaidan said, scowling. "It's nothing."

"It's obviously something if you're sulking in here."

"I told you, I'm not sulking."

"Could have fooled me."

"Why do you care?"

Shepard blinked, lips lowering in a frown. "Why wouldn't I? You're my friend, right? Forgive me, but I happen to be the kind of person who worries when their best friend disappears in the middle of a movie to go sulk in the goddamn bathroom."

"I'm not sulking, dammit, I-" Shepard's words caught up to him. He didn't quiet recognize the expression contorting his face but it made Shepard's own features soften. "Best friend?"

"Well, yeah. Why not?"

"You've known me less than a month."

"Your point?"

Why do you have to make everything difficult.

"Why aren't you out there?"

Shepard's frown deepened. "Out there?"

"With…"

"Kevin?" At Kaidan's nod, he sighed and looked away. "You think I'd ignore you and side with Kevin? That I wouldn't care if you sulked in a bathroom? That's so-" The laugh that escaped him was anything but happy. It put the distinctive taste of hot coffee in his mouth, bitter until the end. "God, that's what you really think, isn't it? Am I that bad of a person to make you think-"

Wait, what?

"No," Kaidan said quickly, watching as Shepard's gaze danced back toward his face. "It's not… It's not you."

God that's lame. So smart, aren't you?

God fucking dammit, Mind. Shut up.

"Then…?" Shepard prompted, watching him.

He's gonna make me answer. He's gonna make me talk about it. Goddamn it.

"I just…" He took a breath, averting his gaze back toward the tiled bathroom floor. "It's happened before. Kevin's… He usually…"

"Gets the attention?" Shepard guessed, and Kaidan nearly winced at how close that was.

"Kind of. I guess."

"And you feel left out. Like you don't belong."

How the hell could he possibly-

"I see," Shepard said.

Kaidan dragged his gaze from the ground toward Shepard's face, those blue eyes averted toward the far wall.

"Thank you for telling me," Shepard said quietly, before he looked at him and tossed him this tired grin. "Can we get up now? I think I sat in gum and I don't even want to know what else."

He's not going to push? Or…? What?

Shepard stood, holding a hand out to him. Without thinking Kaidan grabbed it, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

"You don't have to worry about me ditching you," Shepard said as they moved toward the door.

"Not worried."

Really? Who are you kidding?

Shepard's laugh was quiet but made relief ebb through him as they exited the bathroom. "Are we good?"

Were they?

He didn't ditch you. He didn't question you on too much. He accepted it. It's okay. Not part of the background again, not yet.

"Yeah," Kaidan said, and his lips ached to lift upward. For once he gave into it and smiled, feeling better than he had in a while, though he wasn't sure why. "Yeah, we are."