Delicious!
Chapter SIX (OMG UPDATE!)
Authoress's Note: I FINALLY UPDATED YESSSSSSSSSSS! I'm sorry, but hey, at least I wrote SOMETHING. Here's chapter six. :3
Kirby was searching through one of the cupboards in the kitchen.
"Hrmmm, cups? No, don't need one now. Spoons? Heck no. Wait, what the heck is this?" Kirby pulled out a black notebook and sifted through the pages.
"Kirby. Cause of death: At the hands of cruel irony after eating too much and exploding on March 9th, 2009. Who's crap journal is THIS?" Kirby scanned through the notebook. "Property of Light Yagami." Kirby blinked and tossed it aside. "Worthless junk. It's probably Lucario's, that bookworm…."
Toon Link rolled around on the kitchen floor, trying to break free of his ropes. He WOULD have tried biting them off, but he had recently been gagged by Kirby. Drat… The boy sighed, accepting his fate.
"Hey Toon Link! I found the tenderizing mallet thing! Luigi hid it under a top hat with a puzzle in it. Weird, huh?"
.
"Freeze, sucka!" Lucario's paws sparkled with blue aura, and he gave Kirby a "come get me" look.
"…. Did you just destroy the wall with an aura sphere?"
"HECK YEAH!"
"…. Master Hand's gonna murder you."
MEANWHILE…
The scene was intense. Lobsters were flying everywhere. It was hard to breathe. "No… stay back…" Crazy Hand said weakly, right before one lobster sliced his palm. He gave a wet cough, blood spattering on out of his mouth and onto the dry desert ground, which gave up tiny wisps of dust that danced after the crimson fluid landed. It left beads of blood on the dusty ground, which infused with the specks and became maroon jewels.
Master Hand torpedoed towards the crustaceans, his knuckles making contact with three or so of them before ramming their bodies into a clay wall of one of the homes. They made a loud crunch, but survived. Master hand applied more pressure to them, while the lobsters' feeble legs tried to claw their way out of the hand's tortuous squeeze. Master hand decided to end their misery with a final crunch. He let go, letting the lobster bodies fall to the ground and lie limply. Their bodies relaxed, seeming to heave a sigh of relief after death had taken away all their stresses.
Master Hand rushed to the side of his ailing brother. "Crazy Hand!"
"Hey, Master Hand." He gave a distressed laugh before giving Master Hand a serious look. "Why?" he asked, before resting his finger heads on the ground and passing out.
Master Hand looked out on towards the horizon, gazing at all the damage done. They had won, but at what cost?
Master hand collapsed onto the ground, giving out a long wail that shook the very heavens.
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?"
Meanwhile, Lucario lie on the ground, panting. "Damn it…."
"Muahahahaha! I see that I've finally WON our little battle," Kirby said.
Toon Link lay on the linoleum. "Errr, what? What battle? All I heard was some purple prose about lobsters or something," he mused.
"YOU SHUT UP, YUM-YUM!"
"NO, U!"
"Screw it! I'm using the meat tenderizer on you now!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lucario swooped towards the child in one heroic act, but missed and crashed into a wall, knocking himself out.
"…. You all fail at life." Kirby picked up Lucario and Toon Link, and then headed off to his room.
"Aww crap, what the hell just happened?" Lucario woke to a horrible headache, and felt his body constricted by tight ropes. He was sitting in a pot filled with warm water, then realized he was in Kirby's pot. "What the-"
"HI LUCARIO!" Lucario looked to his left and saw that he had been tied to Toon Link. He had his head tilted up so that he could breathe easily, considering the water reached his chin. "Thanks for trying to save me, even though this all could have easily been avoided, had you not given me to Kirby a chapter ago."
Great. Toon Link was about to die, and he was still as perky as ever.
"Uhhh… I had an epiphany. "
"A pipe phone?"
"FOOLS! Have you no fear of DEATH?" Kirby bellowed, wearing a chef's hat while holding a ladle and a spatula.
"Don't you do this to us at least once a week?" Lucario didn't even know why they should be too afraid, since Kirby ate people and used his cook-like Final Smash every other day. "Besides, shouldn't the others get here soon?"
Meanwhile…
"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, banana phone!"
"Shut up, Diddy Kong."
"P Diddy!"
"It's just Diddy, now."
"FUUUUUUUUUUU-"
"Oh crap! Luigi! We're about to crash!"
"OH SHI-"
Back at the Mansion…
"Well, Toon Link, it looks like this is goodbye."
"Yeah, about that…. I'd just like to say you always weren't not kinda sorta my best friend."
"… What."
Lucario began to fidget as the water became unbearably hot. Kirby began to chop up some vegetables and toss them into the water.
Suddenly, the roof caved in. Concrete landed on Kirby, squishing him, while Snake stood on top of the rubble victoriously.
"Deus ex machina! I mean, Snake! Where have you been?"
"I'm still conscious under here!"
Snake stomped on a piece of loose rubble on the ground, with a faint squishing sound being his answer.
"I've been at therapy, Lucario. I realized I don't need that box to complete me anymore. That, and I realized you guys were about to die."
"Well, thank ya, Snakey ol' pal ol' friend. Now would you mind untying us?" Snake untied the duo and placed Kirby into the Solitary Confinement room. Or something.
"Well, Snake, thanks for clearing up the ending after two or three years. So what are you gonna do now?" said Lucario.
"I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!" Snake proceeded to jump out the window. Again.
Lucario raised his eyebrow. "… We're in a basement."
"Wait a minute, where are the rest of the Smashers?"
Meanwhile…
Yoshi's eyes went wild as he nibbled on a spare rib he pulled out from the shopping bags. "This is amazing!"
"Yoshi! We just bought that! And it's raw!" Fox tried to pry open Yoshi's mouth, but to no avail. He sighed. "Damn, just hope you don't get a tapeworm."
"Oh, that's okay. I've already got 13." Yoshi pointed to his belly, which was wriggling a little and seemed to have something crawling under the skin.
Sadly, Peach turned her head and saw this. Then passed out. Then crashed the car into a tree.
THE END! =D
A/N: Okay, so like I have no idea why I never updated, but okay. 0_0