What was that noise – a rush of laughter, wet clapping, someone calling his name, telling him to stay awake and watch. Laughter again. Kili opens his eyes and peers through the darkness towards the yellow light spilling from the doorway. Surrounding it is blackness but….

His eyes shift and meet those of his brother's. Fili's eyes are an electric, harrowing blue that frighten him but he finds that he can't look away. Sleep paralysis, an ugly voice – his own voice – echoes in the black cavern of his head but he pays it no mind until later. Fili is smiling, his eyes are unnaturally bright as he rocks back and forth on his hands and knees – no, he is being pushed back and forth by…by….

Don't be jealous, Fili's voice echoes or does the voice belong to someone else? Thorin! Kili looks a little higher. His heart pounds in fear when he recognizes his uncle behind Fili's bent body, his hands pulling the younger man's hips possessively towards him. They are both naked and gorgeous in their nudity but still Kili is angered by the thought of them together in such a way. He tries to stand up and lash out at them but his body is bound by some invisible force. The most that he can do is scream and curse and shout at them to stop but they cannot hear him, immersed as they are in their pleasure and the sight of his tear-struck humiliation. Bastards, he spits finally as tears and mucous roll off of his chin. And then, to his brother, traitor.

You're weak, Fili sighs and rests his lion's mane against his forearms as Thorin throws back his own black mane of hair, its shadow blocking out the light from the door. It was an odd dream-metaphor for an orgasm, this extinguishing of light, and Kili hates it, he fears it so much….

#

Kili woke and sat up with a cry. It was dark in the room and for a moment he thought that he was still in the same place. Any second he would hear the pleasured moan of his brother or the sound of his uncle cumming. He quickly covered his ears and closed his eyes. Sweat slickened the fabric on his chest and rolled from his forehead, drenching his skin in a cold reality. That in itself awakened him to the fact that he was, in fact, awake and no longer paralyzed in the clutches of his dreams. Groggily he stood up and tripped over the bottles of syrup that he had celebrated with the night before. He didn't remember anything, didn't feel anything except for an anxiety-ridden sense of purpose. His foggy mind was telling him that he had to remember something, that he had to do something about something but, trouble was, he couldn't remember what that 'something' was.

He stopped and allowed himself to lean against the wall, breathing heavily. The dream had been so jarring, so painful. Fili and Thorin having sex while he was forced to watch, Fili pleasing Thorin in ways that Kili could not immolate – that had been what had hurt the most. And, to top it all off, the sin of it all had shook him to his very core. Why yearn for something so deadly in the first place?

"-if my brother's around…"

The memory hit him like a boulder thrown at his chest. Fili and Thorin had exchanged words last night, words that hadn't sat well with Kili at all.

"Fili. I know how loyal you are to him. I respect that. But you cannot tell him, for his own sake."

"For his own sake? He's my brother, you're his uncle. He respects us both. Imagine if he were to find out by accident, if he were to stumble upon us together one of these nights and find out what we were up to together. He'd go mad."

"I gave you a choice, didn't I?"

"Yes, but-"

"You accepted it knowing full well the dangers and necessary commitment."

"Yes-"

"Will you continue or must I find someone else to take your place?"

"I will continue. I want to. It's an honor. I'm just…concerned, that's all."

"Kili has nothing to do with this. Do not concern yourself where it is not necessary. Come, Fili. I have something new that I want to show you."

Come, Fili. Those had been the evil words, the two words amongst the many exchanged that night, that had awoken a fierce jealousy in Kili's heart. That's where Fili had been going during all of those nights when he disappeared, that's why he had refused to tell him the purpose of his midnight meetings.

Thorin had been fucking his brother and, to make matters worse, he had been fucking him since the beginning. What did that make Kili?

A slut.

A black and thick anger welled up in Kili's chest, burning him, driving him mad with jealousy and self-pity. He cursed and ran up the stairs. He could hear the sound of cutlery scraping against dishes as a few of his kin enjoyed a pre-dawn snack. The sound of their joviality enraged him and he barged through the kitchen doors with the fury of a dragon. For a moment he stood still and all who saw him felt their heart turn cold. Though clad in simple black leggings and an oversized tee-shirt his eyes were dark as a warrior's, his jaw set in determination, his limbs still and unmoving as stone. A quick scan through the faces and his eyes found Fili's. The simple blue irises, thoughtful and humble, were nothing like the wicked blue of the Fili in his dreams still they disgusted him. Or, rather, he wanted to be disgusted. For as he stood staring at his brother he realized that he had to put effort into hating him. He didn't really, maybe he was just being stupid –

The thought of Fili and Thorin together flashed across his mind and, too choked by anger to speak, he crossed the room in three quick strides, took his brother by the neck and heaved him onto the table, scattering dishes and papers alike. The surrounding company shouted out in dismay and tried to pry one man from the other but Kili's strength was increased by his emotions. His fingers locked around his brother's throat.

There were all manner of things he wanted to say: 'cheater, bastard, traitor' but his throat was obstructed by the red-hot welling that always preceded tears. He could hear his brother calling his name, see his blue eyes bright and watery with fear but, by god, he would kill him, he would gladly choke the last breath from him.

And then there was another voice: a short, disappointed tone that swathed the syllables of his name and settled on his shoulder like a firm hand. Immediately his grip lessened and he took a long-awaited breath in. In the silence that followed he became hyper-aware of his surroundings: his legs straddling his brother's stomach, Dori watching him in alarm, the bundle of onions swinging above him, the pitter-patter of feet as Mr. Baggins rushed in.

"I found a ring in an old abandoned warehouse across the city. Had a nasty tussle with a rather unpleasant fellow to get it but – oh…"

The servant fell quiet when he noticed the disarray of the room and slowly slipped his found prize into his pocket as he realized that it wouldn't have been very appreciated at the moment. Kili pressed a hand against Fili's chest and slid off of his brother, not daring to look at his uncle less he felt the uncontrollable desire to hurt him, too. He licked his lips, shook his head, and swallowed.

"Why did you do it?" He asked the floorboards beneath his feet. His uncle's presence was like a light of its own in the room: hot and overwhelming.

"Do what?"

"Lie to me."

"I've done no such thing."

Kili spun around and noted with satisfaction the way in which his uncle recoiled ever so slightly. Still the man just had to stand so tall, had to regard him with such pity, had to be so…beautiful. He had kissed those fine parted lips only a few hours before. Why, now, did they look so foreign to him?

"Kili…"

"Do we mean nothing to you? Two sluts at your disposal?" He didn't care about the fact that the whole company would hear about the incestuous discretion of their unspoken leader. He took a step closer to Thorin, trying to mask the fact that he was quickly losing confidence in himself. Thorin was staring at him, his eyes cold and watchful, challenging Kili to go on. But, against every quivering nerve in his body, Kili forged on. "Couldn't take just one of us. You had to have the whole set, didn't you?"

There was a loud clap as if of thunder. He realized with horror that Thorin had hit him, not by the stinging on his cheek but by the sudden tension in the room and the regret in Thorin's eyes. The man took a step forward and reached out with a hand but Fili was faster. With a quick look over his shoulder at Thorin Fili placed himself between the two and braced his palm against his brother's shoulder.

"Never touch my brother again." He hissed venomously as Thorin stared at the two as a man coming out of shock. Kili noticed that the rest of the company had surrounded him and Fili, creating a sort of half-barrier of support against Thorin. He suddenly felt very foolish but most of all he felt pitiful. He had been used, blinded, stupid and now as he stood panting beneath the pain of punishment his very own family had to support him lest the results of his actions proved to be deadlier than he knew. And Fili….

He could see the ugly welts formed by his fingers on his brother's neck. Fili's breath was hot and sour and the smell of it turned Kili's stomach and at the same time numbed him with its familiarity. He had felt the heat of that breath many times during their youthful wrestling and arguments. It reminded him of soccer in the grass, summers spent under picnic tables at family gatherings, midnight stories beneath homemade tents. Once they had been brothers but now they had been poisoned by lust, a poison administered by Thorin and desperately swallowed by both of them. In that moment Kili saw what he feared the most: a reflection of his brother in himself and a reflection of himself in his brother. How pathetic they were, how easily controlled by sex!

Kili shrugged his brother's hands from his shoulders and turned to face his uncle, his face burning with shame. His mouth opened and he gasped out the words that shamed him the most.

"I did everything that you wanted me to do. And you loved it."

He took off running them. Thorin reached out and grabbed his arm but he shook himself free. A wild commotion broke out following his departure but he ignored it all and ran on until he could feel the cold morning grass against his bare heels.

"Wait!"

Kili stopped, panting, and spun around to face his brother. "Stop," he rasped, one hand held between them, "stop! Don't follow me."

"Are you on DXM?" Fili asked gently. The question stilled him and he stared into his brother's eyes, his guilt plain to read on his face. Fili sighed and said in a much softer voice, "I can smell the cough syrup on your breath. Kili…you have to understand…it's the drug speaking, not you. Everything that you think you know it's….it's not right, it's not true. I would never have sex with Thorin. He's our uncle, for Christ's sake! He raised us! But…you did." When Kili didn't respond immediately Fili groaned. "Oh my god. You fucked-"

"I have to get out of here. If you're so honest then what is it that you two are always meeting about? I'm sure it's not just simple coffee-n-biscuits in the middle of the night, now is it?"

"No, it's not."

"Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you. Not now."

"Then you're a liar," Kili thought a minute and then spoke, savoring the taste of the word, "and a thief."

"I can't steal what was never yours."

The two brothers stared at each other, loving and hating the sight of one another. Never mine, Kili thought, if only you knew what I did to him, did for him. But he still didn't believe his brother for something (maybe it was the drug) whispered in his consciousness that even if Fili wasn't having sex with Thorin the two still shared a secret that he, Kili, was not allowed to be included in. And for that he hated them both and his own undependability. He held out his hand as the wind blew through his thin shirt.

"Give me the keys."

"No."

"Fili," Kili paused, gathering his patience, "give me the keys to the car."

"Where will you go?"

"Far away from here."

"Let me come with you."

"I'd rather you drive yourself straight to hell."

Red in the face, Fili fished the keys from the pocket of his vest and slung them at his brother. "Fine! Go then! See if I care, you reckless mutt. You're the reason why we're here in the first place!"

Kili ignored him and jumped into the car. As he drove past him Fil struck out and hit the hood of the vehicle with his fist but he was quickly lost in the dust, out of sight and out of mind. He didn't know where he was going – he could barely hold the steering wheel as his hands were busy rubbing the tears from his eyes. But as he drove along the silent morning rode he could faintly discern in the distance a red glow illuminating the fog. As he drove closer tiny pinpricks of crimson light grew sharper and more defined until suddenly a giant white castle loomed before him. Like a beast out of the fog it towered above him, its highest columns seeming to hold up the sky itself. No – it wasn't a castle, but a mansion built in the fashion of one. Every window was lit from within with a burning red light – some candles, some lamps, some carrion-colored curtain shining with some other source of light. This, then, had caused the blood in the sky. And suddenly he remembered.

"The home of Smaug," he whispered to himself in awe as he peered over the steering wheel, all traces of tears forgotten. He killed the engine and stepped out of the car and into the cool mist of the silent abode. Not a creature stirred, not even a leaf dared to drop in this quiet place. He realized that he must have driven quite a ways away from Durin's mansion and a feeling of homesickness washed over him. But what am I thinking, he thought to himself as he stroked the ivory knocker, that isn't my home and until other arrangements can be made…

He knocked and a few seconds later a woman opened the door and gazed at him from under her jeweled eyelashes. "He's been waiting," was all that she murmured before beckoning him to follow her. Hesitantly he obeyed, his vision obscured by the smoky fragrances in the air. She peered at him over her glittering shoulder and smirked, whether in pity or fascination he could not tell. Up six staircases she led him, past marble statues and gilded portraits of war until finally they reached a textured doorway, its inner room obscured only by a curtain of golden beads. Gracefully she parted them with brown hands and Kili stepped in, heady and disoriented by the scent wafting from with him. Immediately a heat like that of a furnace enveloped him. He stumbled and fell to his knees. An unusually cold hand found his chin and lifted it up with a possessively strong force.

"Don't you know that it's foolish to stumble into the lair of a dragon, Durin Son?"