A/N: A little faster update to make up for the long wait last time :)
Olivia tried to keep her eyes straight ahead on the road and not on the blonde detective who sat in the seat right next to her. The car ride from the hospital was awkwardly silent with Amanda refusing to acknowledge her boss's mere presence, and try as she might, Olivia couldn't help but to sneak peeks at the younger woman. Amanda had been allowed to change back into her own clothes before she left the hospital, hiding the bruises on her arms. Her whole demeanor screamed to be left alone, with her left leg pulled up to her chest held by her arm wrapped around it and her head resting on the top of her knee looking straight out the window.
"Can you not stare" Amanda mumbled without turning her head, the younger woman couldn't see Olivia but she could feel her eyes boring into her.
"I'm not… I wasn't…" Olivia tried to say but gave up with a small sigh. When Amanda had spoken, she was in fact staring. "I'm sorry Amanda" Olivia began again "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm just worried about you"
"Don't be" Amanda stated flatly still not looking away from the window
"That's easier said than done" Olivia replied, "even if I believed your claim about having rough consensual sex…" the elder woman noticed the sharp flinch of Amanda's body as she spoke those words "that doesn't eliminate the fact that you passed out in the locker room and hit your head"
"Yeah, but the doctor said I was fine, and I only fell because of dehydration and not eating. I won't do that again" Amanda clarified. She sat up straight as they pulled up to her building, luckily, they were able to find parking right in front. "Thanks for the ride, Liv" Amanda said as she opened her door and got out.
"Oh, no you don't" Olivia responded loudly as she quickly left her car to catch up with the younger woman "You may say you're fine, but the doctor only let you come home because we said we would watch you for the next 24 hours. You can hate this all you want but I can't leave you alone"
Amanda turned around quickly at her boss's words. She was going to retort with an angry comment about her not being a child needing constant supervision but was stopped as the world around her began to spin. She swayed slightly on her feet but was caught by Olivia before her legs gave out. "Whoa, Amanda" Olivia exclaimed as she held onto the younger woman "I've got you. Do you need to sit down for a second?"
"No," Amanda said as she pulled away from Olivia once she regained control "I… I just haven't eaten yet. That was nothing" Olivia gave her a pointed look, and Amanda couldn't pretend that her near fainting spell hadn't almost happened again. "Fine, you can stay and help me watch Jesse for a little while" she looked down at her watch "this is about the time my nanny needs to leave anyway, she has classes in the afternoon today". That wasn't exactly the reason why Olivia needed to be there, but if it got her in the door she'd take it.
Silence once again overtook them as both women made their way up to the third floor of that apartment building. Amanda made sure to stand at least a few inches in front of Olivia the whole time because she didn't want to see Olivia staring at her, the compassion and concern she found in the elder woman's eyes was eating her up inside.
Amanda knew by keeping her mouth closed she was only hurting the people she cared about most, but at the same time she couldn't bring herself to tell them. If she spoke about the night before it would only become all the more real. That fact that she couldn't protect herself, for the second time, was destroying her confidence as a detective in SVU. Amanda hadn't looked at herself in the mirror since the previous night, she was afraid to see the woman who would be staring back at her. For her own sake, she needed to put some time between the incident and herself, she knew she could get over it, or so she kept saying in her head.
"Jesse, Gina" Amanda called as she opened her door. Out of habit she placed her keys and purse on the counter and stepped into the apartment.
"Mama!" a joyful Jesse exclaimed as she walked out from behind the couch. The one and a half year old's face lit up as she saw her mother and she ran as fast as she could to her. Without hesitation, Amanda bent down and lifted her daughter into her arms and held her close, practically breathing in the innocence of her daughter. A stark difference to the guilt and shame that was raging in her mind.
"You're back a little early" Gina, Amanda's nanny, said as she stood from the spot she had just been playing with Jesse.
"Yeah well… things were slower than usual at the precinct today" Amanda explained carefully as she cast a quick glance at her boss, wondering if the elder woman was going to correct her but Olivia stayed silent. "Gina, I don't think you've met her yet" Amanda began as she waved a small hand toward the elder woman "but this is my boss, Lieutenant Olivia Benson"
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Lieutenant," Gina said as she held out her hand. The nanny was a woman in her early twenties with light brown hair and dark eyes "I've actually heard about you and Noah from Lucy, she's my roommate" she explained. When Amanda was about to have Jesse, she had no idea where to begin in searching for a nanny. So, she asked Benson if Lucy could recommend anyone she knew, and Gina was it.
"Please call me Olivia," Benson said as she returned the handshake with a smile "and I've heard some wonderful things about you as well from Lucy"
"Okay, Olivia" Gina responded with a smile "I have to say, I have seen you on the news before and I can't be more grateful for the work you and Amanda do" she cast a look to the mother and daughter pair before returning her gaze to the elder brunette. "I have a relative who was a victim of sexual assault, not in New York, and she never got the justice she deserved, she never came forward to the police. I saw it destroy her" as the nanny said this Amanda slightly twisted away from the others and squeezed her daughter closer to herself. while Gina didn't notice Amanda's reaction to her words Olivia certainly did "That's why I can't thank you and Amanda enough for being such strong advocates, and always urging people to come forward, letting them know they will be believed and to feel no shame in what was done to them"
"It means a lot that you would say that, Gina, and I'm so sorry for what happened to your relative" Olivia answered honestly still casting short glances to her blonde detective from the corner of her eye.
Gina nodded her head and checked the time on her phone "well, I best be going, I can maybe study before my next class starts if I hurry now" she patted her pocket for her keys and slightly hit her head in an aha moment "Jesse was playing with my keys in her room" she said with a smile and walked back into the messy toddler room to find them.
The moment Gina was out of sight, Amanda handed Jesse to the elder woman. "I need to take a shower," she said with slight urgency in her voice. A shower was all she had thought about since that morning and being only a few feet away didn't help.
"Wait, Amanda, you should eat something first." Olivia warned, remembering how only a few minutes ago the younger woman almost fell again "What if you pass out in the shower, you'll end up straight back in the hospital"
Amanda huffed and walks to grab a banana from her kitchen counter "fine. I'll eat this before I go in" she said adamantly, holding the fruit tightly in her hand. "I'll even leave the door unlocked" she added when she could see the protest forming on Olivia's lips "but don't you dare, barge in there"
"I would never invade your privacy like that unless it was in your own best interest" Olivia responded to the threat in Amanda's voice "but, please, don't do this. I'll ask one last time, just hold off on taking a shower, eat a substantial meal and think about this" she tried, knowing that her words were having no effect on her youngest detective.
"I'm not going to talk about this anymore with you!" Amanda yelled angrily at the elder woman causing Jesse to cry out at the sudden loud noise. It was also at this moment when Amanda noticed Gina standing in the doorway of Jesse's room, her keys dangling from her hand. Instantly, Amanda felt embarrassed. She didn't want Gina to have any idea about what was going on. Not knowing what else to do, she pursed her lips and turned on her heels walking straight into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. Moments later, the shower was heard being turned on.
"Um… I guess I'll just be going now" Gina said in an awkward voice as she gathered her belongings and headed for the door.
"Wait" Olivia called out before the young nanny could leave "I need to ask you a few things"
Cautiously, Gina turned around to look back at the SVU Lieutenant who was expertly balancing Jesse on her hip. "What kind of things?" she quested timidly, not sure why Olivia would want to speak with her.
"About last night, when Amanda came home. What time was that, and did anything seem off to you?" Olivia asked simply getting straight to the point. She needed to know Amanda's timeline from the night before. When Fin and Carisi get the video surveillance from the bar, they can figure out the time Amanda left but it does them little good unless they also know what time she returned home. This would then give them the time frame in which the attack could have occurred.
"Well, she came home a little later than she said she would" Gina began carefully. She didn't want to betray Amanda's trust by giving intimate details about the young mother to her boss, but she had noticed Amanda's strange behavior the night before and that day. Gina was worried about her and she figured Olivia was too.
"And what time was this?" Olivia questioned again
"About two am I think," Gina said as she thought back and then nodded her head more confident "yeah, two am. I remember because Jesse was acting fussy so I was walking around while bouncing her, I looked at the clock right before Amanda came through the door" the younger woman added as she finished explaining
"And what was Amanda's demeanor… did she seem off… or agitated?" Olivia continued to question. Gina thought hard about this one, not because she wasn't sure what to say, more like she wasn't sure if she should say it. Olivia could tell the younger woman felt conflicted about telling her something. "Look, I'm not trying to get Amanda in trouble, I don't care if she was drunk or not. I just want to know if something looked wrong"
"Okay, I um… I don't know if I can describe it well but um... she seemed a little unsteady on her feet when she came home" Gina began to explain "her clothes… well, she looked a little roused, her clothes looked off, like too messy, not the way she would normally appear. It also looked like she had been crying" Gina said sadly "Is she alright? Did something happen?" after reviewing her own words about Amanda's behavior, Gina could tell that something bigger was going on.
Olivia sighed "that's what I'm trying to figure out actually, she had a little fall at work and hit her head" she explained as she shifted Jesse from one hip to the other to give her left arm a rest "she won't be heading into work tomorrow. You know what, when you come to take care of Jesse in the morning, can you take her out of the apartment so Amanda can rest without being too distracted? How about a play date with my son, Noah?" she asked the smaller woman. Olivia knew that if Jesse was at the apartment with Gina and Fin, Amanda would never be able to rest like she should. Or possibly confide in Fin about what truly happened after she left the bar.
"I have no problem with that, it'll be Friday, we can take them to the petting Zoo in the park. I'll have to ask Amanda in the morning, though, just to be sure" Gina said a slight nod
"Thank you" Olivia smiled softly, feeling slightly better knowing that Jesse would be taken care "now, is that everything strange that happened last night… what about this morning?" Olivia asked one last time trying to get as much information before the sitter had to leave.
"Well, now that you mention it… when Amanda came home last night she hardly said two words to me. She just took Jesse and cradled her close to her chest on the couch" she gestured to the small brown sofa against the wall "but, when I came back this morning… I have a key, so I let myself in... they were still in that same position. She must have fallen asleep like that. I gently woke her up and she seemed to panic"
"Panic?" Olivia cut in "What do you mean by that?" she prodded further
"Well, she sat up straight too fast and held Jesse with one hand while she pushed me back with her other, I actually fell back, but I startled her so I wasn't mad. Amanda did seem out of breath, but then she cursed and ran to her bedroom to change, she knew she was late. She was out of the house in all of five minutes" Olivia now understood why Amanda hadn't taken a shower earlier, even though it seemed like all she could think about now. Amanda must have been seeking comfort from her daughter before she passed out for the night, and was frantic because she couldn't take a shower before going to work. "There was one more thing that was strange this morning" Gina added bringing Olivia out from her thoughts. "When Amanda was leaving… I saw her run to the trash can and throw away the clothes she had on last night"
"She threw them away?" Olivia said a little louder than she had anticipated "are they still in the trash?" she asked as she indicated the small container on the kitchen floor, near the counter.
"No, I emptied the trash when I took Jesse on a walk today," Gina said with a small apologetic shrug "but trash pickup hasn't happened yet, there's a good chance they're still in the dumpster out in the alley… if you want to get them" she added. Gina had started to put together why Olivia was being so curious with Amanda. As she said earlier, a relative of her's was sexually assaulted before, and Amanda matched some of her behavior. Gina hoped she was wrong, but she wasn't going to ask either way.
"Thank you, Gina, honestly, you have been an immense help," Olivia said sincerely as she walked the younger woman out. As soon as she shut the door, she pulled out her phone and called CSU to go through the dumpsters of Amanda's apartment building. If she had been wearing those clothes during her assault, there was a good chance that Amanda's attacker's DNA was on them. This was their chance to catch the guy who had hurt the young mother. If it was the cop from the bar as they suspected, his DNA would be in the system and they would get a match. "I'm coming for you, you son of a bitch," Olivia said with determination after she had hung up with CSU.
"Bits," Jesse said suddenly, imitating Olivia with a giggle "son bits"
"Oh, Jesse" Olivia sighed with a slight smile on her face and a slight shake of her head "don't say that" she elder woman felt slightly guilty teaching Jesse her first curse word. Still, Olivia was happy for the fact that they were making progress on the case. She only hoped Amanda would understand what they are doing for her when they do get to the truth.
A/N: One step closer to finding out the truth :) I hope I'm not dragging this out too long? I usually come out quickly with who did what in my stories, even if it takes longer for the characters to learn, I wanted to try and keep some mystery in this story not straight out confirm who the rapist was until the characters found out as well. Thanks for reading :) and especially for the reviews.