Take a breath, just take a seat

you're falling apart and tearing at the seams

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

-The Fray. Heaven Forbid.

CHAPTER 6: The Anxiety

Maybe if she got drunk before the party, then it wouldn't be as awful as she figured it would be. Too bad Mika was keeping tabs on how many glasses of wine Emi was gulping down- because no one wants to have to look after their drunken friend. Plus she didn't want Emi to make a complete drunken fool out of herself in front of Shigure. Emi wasn't happy about this though, in fact she wasn't happy with Mika about quite a few things.

"You don't have to be so nervous," Mika was flipping through a magazine as she sat next to Emi on the large couch. They decided to get ready for the party together at Emi's apartment, then Emi would meet Shigure at his place and they would all later meet up at the party.

"You shouldn't have invited him," Emi mumbled, taking another sip of wine.

"But you know you wanted me too."

"No I didn't, I didn't even want to go let alone with Shigure."

Mika closed her magazine, locking eyes with Emi, "Shigure's hot, and you know it so don't tell me you didn't think of it what it might do to Kohaku. It'll drive him insane to see you doing so well."

Kohaku. That name sent shivers up Emi's spine from both the longing feeling and the intense anger she felt when she thought of him. Kohaku. His brown hair, hazel eyes, broad shoulders, his bright smile. Kohaku. Even now, over a year after it happened, thinking about him made her body become tense and the color drain from her face.

"I don't want to even see him," she couldn't even say his name, that name which she had uttered millions of time before.

"You're being-"

"Overdramatic," Emi had heard this lecture numerous times, but Mika just didn't get it. Mika would never be able to understand the storm of emotions that brewed inside of her whenever she saw Kohaku. Maybe one day she would be able to stand looking at him or talking to him, but not now. Not today, and not anytime soon.

"Plus," Emi started as she placed her glass down on the coffee table in front of her couch, "Why would you think I would want Shigure to meet him?"

"Shigure doesn't have to meet Kohaku! He just needs to be the attractive new boyfriend that will make Kohaku jealous."

Emi hated to admit it, but the thought of making Kohaku jealous did make the evening seem a little brighter. No, she didn't want to use Shigure, and she honest to goodness was trying to move on, but if she had to be in the same room as Kohaku then why not irritate him a bit? Why not make him see what he so carelessly gave up? He let her go. He cheated.

"I guess," Emi gulped down the last bit of wine in the glass before she stood up and rolled her shoulders back, "If I have to go to this then I'm gonna look hot, and have fun, and completely ignore him."

"Good for you!" Mika knew how hard this night would be for Emi, but seeing this new resolve in her friend made her feel like perhaps things would go well tonight.

Emi left Mika sitting on the couch as she went into her room to try to figure out something to wear. She had to make a statement, she had to look good. No, not good. She had to look fantastic. The longer Emi stayed staring at the clothes in her closet the more confused she got: who was she trying to impress? Shigure or Kohaku? The answer made Emi feel uneasy, and she started to regret all the wine she drank. Maybe that's what was clouding her judgment.

"Damn it," Emi lay down on her bed, her legs hanging over the side and her hands covering her face.

This whole thing was ridiculous. She should have stood up for herself and not have let Mika bully her into going to this party, let alone let her invite Shigure. Shigure was a great guy, and if Emi didn't play it cool tonight he would be confronted with all of her baggage. And she had a lot of baggage. Plus Emi wasn't even sure what her and Shigure even were! Were they just friendly co-workers? Were they dating? Did he even like her? Or was this all some kind of game to him? So along with trying to figure out what she and Shigure were, Emi would also be confronted with what she and Kohaku were not. Great. Plus Emi would most likely have to see that home wrecker at the party too.

Before Emi could get further consumed by her thoughts, she heard Mika let out a small screech from the living room. Emi's first thought was that her friend had managed to spill wine on the sofa, but once out in the living room Emi noticed that nothing was soaking wet with red wine. Instead, there stood Mika, her mouth agape and one of their high school yearbooks in her hands.

"I knew it, I mean I didn't know it but I figured," Mika was rambling on to herself before noticing Emi, "How old is Shigure?"

The question seemed odd, especially because Emi had never actually asked how old he was. Come to think of it, Shigure hadn't asked her how old she was either. Maybe they both thought it would be rude, and they were both obviously over the legal age of consent so it didn't really matter. "Uh…25 maybe? 26? I dunno. I'm pretty sure he's older than me, but only by a few years."

"He has to at least be 27."

"Why is that?"

"Because when we were second years in middle school, Shigure was a third year in high school. So that's a four year difference, and if you're 23 then he must be around 27."

"And how do you know this?"

Mika grinned as she showed Emi the page in the large yearbook she was looking in. And there, on the left page was a picture of a young Shigure. Emi ran towards Mika and snatched the book out of her hand. Emi and Mika had gone to an all-girls middle and high school, but right next door to them was an all-boys middle and high school. The two schools got along very well, and to save money all of the schools got the same yearbook. The yearbook was separated in half though, the first half was the girls' middle and high school, and the second was the boys. Emi had never snapped to check if Shigure was in one her yearbooks, because he may have gone to another school. But here, right in front of her, was a picture of Shigure Sohma and-

"That's Ayame and Hatori!" Emi exclaimed, recognizing the other two males in the photograph.

"Let me see," Mika inched closer to her friend and stared down at the picture, and sure enough Ayame was also in the picture, "Yup that's him! But who's Hatori?"

"Him," Emi pointed to Hatori in the picture, "Remember when I told you one of Shigure's cousins drove us to the restaurant? Well it was Hatori."

"So are all the Sohma's this attractive?"

"They just have an awesome gene pool," Emi sighed as she flipped the page, looking for Shigure in anymore photos. She found him in a few more, and Emi instantly knew that if she had seen Shigure when they were younger she would have been head over heels for him. Kinda just like how she was now.

And with that thought Emi slammed the yearbook shut and put it back onto the shelf where Mika had gotten it from. Shigure was just another guy, and Emi needed to stop getting all dazed and confused by his looks.

"Hey whadaya do that for!?" Mika grabbed the yearbook from the shelf, "I wanna see what we looked like," she began flipping through the front of the book until she landed on a page and started laughing, "We look so young!"

Emi hadn't looked through those yearbooks in quite a while, and once she laid eyes on her school picture she was a bit taken aback. She looked like such a baby. Long hair in pigtails, a big grin on her face, and some dangly pink earrings on her ears, but the sad part was that everyone in her grade kinda looked the same. They were all so young and naïve. Those were the good days, before they knew what life had in store for them and where their biggest problem was trying to remember to do their homework.

"What could Kohaku have possibly seen in a dork like me?" She didn't mean for it to come out. In fact she instantly regretted it and instead of talking about it with Mika, Emi just walked away. She walked into her room where she shut the door and collapsed on her bed.

It was happening again. She was thinking about him. She was remembering him. Six years of her life that she had tried to bury where now resurfacing. The lies she told herself to get through the days were fading. She missed him, and that scared her. It scared her to think about seeing him, because seeing him would prove that those moments had happened. That he had loved her. And now he didn't.

"Emi? Are you okay?"

Emi wiped the stray tears from her eyes, because she couldn't allow herself to be eaten alive by her memories. She had to move on, because he had moved on. And maybe Shigure was her way of moving on. Maybe he was the answer to her prayers. And tonight when Emi was about to get caught up in thinking about Kohaku, she would be able to look to the man standing next to him. The handsome man who she had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know. The man who actually wanted her. Shigure.

"I'm fine," Emi swallowed the lump in her throat as she got up from her bed, "I'm just changing," and with that she lifted herself from her bed and began readying herself for the night ahead.

Emi was nervous as she walked up to Shigure's residence, and when she wasn't messing with her hair she was pulling on the hem of her short black dress, or trying not to trip since her heels weren't ideal to be walking through dense forest. Why Shigure lived out here in the middle of nowhere, Emi would never know. Unless she asked. Note to self: ask why he lives in a forest. Not to mention that the only light guiding Emi to the house was the moon, and if there hadn't been a path she would have gotten lost. And who knows what creepers are lurking in the woods late at night!

When she finally made it to the door, she was greeted by Tohru, who seemed as cheery as ever. Plus the girl began showering Emi with compliments, and got so sidetracked that it was Kyo who had to get Shigure. And once Shigure showed up the whole atmosphere changed, or at least it did for Emi. Tohru continued on her compliment spree, now directing some at Shigure, but for Emi everything went quiet.

That way Shigure looked at her, it sent shivers up her spine, because of how shameless he was about it. It was if he wanted her to realize that he was undressing her with his eyes. He took time looking over every single part of her body, before finally settling on her face. He would smile at her, or more like smirk, and even when she broke eye contact he wouldn't look away. He could say more with a single look than with a thousand words, and that single look could put color on Emi's cheeks.

"You look lovely," Shigure finally said as he leaned in his doorway, looking as handsome as ever. Not that he didn't look nice in a yukata, but he sure looked good in a suit too.

"Miss Emi, it's nice to see you again," before Emi could respond to Shigure, she noticed Yuki, who had just walked past the door and seen her.

"It's nice to see you again too," truth be told she had only spoken to the boy once before, but it was still nice to see him again. Yuki seemed like a nice, calm boy. An opposite to Kyo who seemed indifferent and on edge. And then there was sweet Tohru, who must have been an angel to deal with those three men. Emi wondered how she did it. Another note to self: ask Tohru how she's still sane.

"So what's up? Are you two going out again?" Kyo decided to be blunt about it as he looked at Shigure, then at Emi, then back again.

"Well in fact I have some news my three darling children," Shigure stepped out of the house as Kyo and Yuki told him to never call them that again. He took his place next to Emi, slinging an arm over her shoulders as he grinned up at the three teenagers, "We're getting married!"

"WHAT!?" Tohru and Emi had the exact same reaction, but for different reasons. Tohru thought Shigure was being serious, while Emi had no clue why he would say something so random- especially to someone who seemed to gullible (aka Tohru).

"Oh wow, it's so sudden, but congratulations!"

"He's joking Tohru," Yuki pointed out the charade to the oblivious girl, who seemed confused.

"Don't say stuff like that or else she'll believe you!" Kyo yelled at Shigure, who was just grinning, his arm still around Emi.

"He's kidding Tohru," Emi said, noticing how the girl still seemed to need some verification Shigure had in fact lied about being engaged.

"Well with that we better be off!" before he could get yelled at anymore by the two male teenagers Shigure grabbed Emi's hand and whisked her away.

"Have fun!" Tohru called like a mother would to her child who was going on his first date. She must have been the most mature person in that house.

Shigure kept walking at a brisk pace, which proved to be too fast for Emi. One because Shigure was taller than her with longer legs, meaning his strides were already longer, and two because Emi was in heels. She tried to subtly signal to Shigure to either slow down or let go of her hand, which for some reason he was still clinging to. Maybe he didn't want her to fall behind and get lost, or maybe he was just super excited to get to the party, either way he needed to slow the heck down before Emi tripped.

"You better keep up my dear, all sorts of evil lurks in these woods," so he did notice that he was walking too fast for her! But wait…

"Evil?" she questioned, trying to get a good look at his face to see if he was kidding or not, "Whatever, I'm not buying it."

"You've never heard of the crime that was committed in these woods?"

"Oh please tell me your tale Shigure."

He ignored her sarcastic remark completely and instead just started telling her the story, "This guy used to lurk around these woods, watching for women that would be walking alone. He never used to do anything though until one day he snapped."

"Wow, short story, really scary too."

"They found her corpse over there," Shigure stopped walking, let go of Emi's hand and pointed into the dark woods.

"Over where?" she took a step forward, squinting her eyes to try to see what he had pointed at, "Hey where is-" as she turned to look at Shigure she noticed that he was suddenly gone.

"Shigure?" her voice was small as she began turning around, trying to spot where he was hiding, "This isn't funny!" she called as her heart beat began speeding up, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't spot him in this darkness. Emi hated being scared, mainly because of how easily freaked out she could get. And right now she was pretty darn freaked out.

"Shi-" before she could even say her name again she heard a loud shout and felt hands clench on her shoulders.

Emi couldn't control the ear piercing scream that left her mouth, or how angry she got when she spun around to see Shigure folded over in laughter. His laughter only increased when he saw the pissed off look on her face. "You're gonna get it," Emi mumbled as she took her cross body bag off and held it like a weapon.

"Wait what?" before Shigure knew what was happening he was whacked over the head with Emi's bag, and immediately he took off running.

Emi wasn't about to let him get away that easy, so she slid off her heels, held them in one hand, her bag in the other and began sprinting after Shigure. When he looked back he seemed shocked, as if he hadn't expected her to actually chase him, and then when he saw her bare feet he began laughing again. "You can't catch me!" he could be such a child, but so could Emi.

Emi was laughing as she chased after Shigure, and noticed how he began slowing down, as if taunting her. He didn't realize how fast Emi could be, and she held up her purse and hit Shigure on the back. She expected him to keep running, or for this to stop, but instead he turned around and gave her this look. A look that said you better run.

"I'm sorry!" Emi squealed as she turned around and began hightailing it the other way. Shigure lunged at her, but Emi managed to escape with a cackle.

"Missed me missed me now you gotta kiss me!" she chanted through her giggles. Apparently this little rhyme was enough to push Shigure to move even faster and grab Emi's wrist.

The sudden jolt of being pulled backwards made Emi let out an audible gasp. She dropped her purse and shoes as she was spun around, and before she could catch her breath she felt her lips collide with Shigure's. Instinct took over as she wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to press her body up against him, but something was stopping her. One of his arms was snaked around her waist, but the other was on her stomach firmly keeping her at bay. She pushed up against him harder, but instead of backing down he simply bit her lip, as if warning her to stop doing that.

Emi took the warning, and stopped trying to get him to move his hand, but she still found it odd. He had done this exact same thing when they first kissed, and maybe it was just what his way of staying in control. Emi on the other hand was having a difficult time of thinking straight. Kissing Shigure was addicting, and she kept trying to pull away but she couldn't. He was like a damn magnet. He was a much better kisser than Kohaku.

And that was it. Thinking of him was enough to make Emi's stomach churn and rob her of any desire she had built up. Nope, thinking of Kohaku was enough to get her to separate from Shigure, and remind her of the reason she was all dressed up tonight.

"You seem troubled."

Was it really that obvious? Emi had tried to keep her thoughts from reading on her face, but apparently she was failing epically at it. So now she would just have to lie, "I'm fine."

He seemed to buy it, or at least dropped it, because he didn't ask her again what was wrong. Eventually things picked back up again, laughter, the memories from those passionate kisses and the want to reenact them. But lurking in the back of her mind was the constant thought of what waited for her inside of that grand ballroom. Kohaku.

Author's Note: So I want to thank everyone who has been reviewing, reading, and just been overall awesome. Thanks so much and I hope you guys liked this chapter and don't forget to review.