i adored this chapter so much~! gosh. you'll loveeee this, you guys. :3 because it is so EFFIN' TRUE. SamSam out!

Chapter 6

Fifteen Shots

"Alright, Hummel. So I will start."

"What are you doing, Sebastian? Have I not discussed the dangerous implications of this experiment and that you're turning into quite the idiot?"

"Yeah. I think you said something about that when I was spooning my sixth bowl of Lucky Charms."

"With your amazingly horrendous appetite, I'm shocked you don't tip the scales at over three hundred pounds. Who eats six bowls of Lucky Charms for breakfast? Doesn't that constitute as a binge?"

"It was in the kitchen."

"A whole box is in the kitchen so it's just natural to try and finish said box in a singular meal?"

"Hummel, you don't understand science. If you burn off more than you eat, you don't gain weight. If I don't eat this many bowls of Lucky Charms, I'll wither away into nothing."

"I hardly think lacrosse practice burns—"

"I'm talking about sex."

"…"

"Where the fuck are you going, Hummel?"

"To get more Lucky Charms. You're gonna waste away."

"—Hummel, you're just jealous because you can hear Carlton moaning out my name from across the hallway."

"Explain to me again why you think it's okay for you to bring over a blonde when my parents are out late at night, and scar Finn for the rest of his life? How many times do people have to get eye-surgery because of you?"

"He was so dazzled by my sexiness that he nearly lost his eyesight."

"Smythe, God, if they can sell your ego as an injection, there will be no self-esteem issues in the world…how do you explain nearly blinding my boyfriend?"

"His fault for trying to be Bruno fucking Mars."

"Anyway. Sit down, Hummel. I'm doing this. Fine. You sit down and I'm gonna take a shot of tequila and you count how many I need until you start looking sexy."

"If you die, Sebastian, from vodka overdose, then—"

"Fuck you. You have too many self-esteem issues. You look fine, Hummel. I just want to see how many until you start looking sexy. Which is different. Does Berry look pretty to you?"

"Yeah. She's—"

"Is she sexy?"

"Fuck no."

"There we go. Same thing, Hummel…are you blushing? Fuck, can you be prone to blushing? You turn red every time someone tells you your ass looks good in those jeans. There. One."

"Two."

"Three."

"Four."

"Five."

"Six."

"Seven."

"Eight."

"Nine."

"Ten. How the hell are you not wasted yet?"

"Eleven. I'm a heavy weight."

"Twelve."

"Thirteen."

"Fourteen."

"Fifteen."

"Sebastian, enough alcohol—hmmph."

"You taste so sweet. I told you those Lucky Charms are amazing."

"Bas, you're drunk."

"I just had fifteen fucking shots of vodka. What the hell do you think?"

"…what are you touching…"

"Come on. We're gonna get down and dirty."

"Fuck. I want Blaine to say that."

"You can pretend I'm Blaine when we fuck and I'll even serenade you."

"Alright, Blaine…? What are you gonna sing for me—?"

"I'd catch a slushie for you…not submit to sexy Sebastian's sexual advances for you…"