Warning: there are made up names …characters? In this…but they are not attention seeking Mary-sues, so all is good

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or its characters

(Hida pov)

"Derr…We hit da jackpowt Rofful, our masta will beh smiling, like da happy person!" said Smee stupidly whilst giggling to himself. (a/n: purposely terrible English)

"Shut up Bastard! Geez you really are an idiot" Rofful the supposed leader snapped.

I woke up groggily to the sounds of two dimwits arguing about…What where they even arguing about? I have no clue since one sounds like a baboon fresh out of the zoo and the other like a snivelly rat. Anyway, back to my ever aching back.

"Ck", fuck, my back really is on its last leg today…last leg?

They might have some strange sort of power but they are only a few kilometres away from the village Kakuzu and I were at previously. Wait a second, where's Kakuzu?

I cracked my sore neck and slapped my cheek lightly to send out my grogginess. Only then did I realised I broke out of their pathetic jail…figure, well not really out, just undid the weak knots of binding. Ropes don't stand a chance against the incredible, feared, smexy, shinobi Hidan! Maybe if I listen to them I can get some information out.

"Well de udda one iz in front of us so it do not matta! Our guy looks ded"

"Smee you buffoon! What if he is playing dead, or what if he is pretending to sleep?"

"I know he izn't, I asked his mum… she's over there"

"GAH! That's a tree!"

Bicker Bicker Bicker…Oooh, the other guy? That's probably is Kuzu, finally some useful info.

I get up slowly from my cage, the guys carrying me below don't even realise, what idiots…At least it's not the other whinging two; some random weaklings too full of muscle and too empty of brain.

Grabbing around in my pocket I find one kunai, one, I really need to restock.

In one swift and powerful movement I slash at the cage and kung-fu its arse!

The top of the cage flies to the right and whacks that Smee guy, also known as 'Buffoon', in the head

"Hah!" I couldn't help but snicker; it was just one of those moments.

I stealthily jump up to the branch and wait for the next time to strike; I left a clone in the cage to confuse them, which isn't very hard! Man, I'm on a roll today!

I'm just about to jump to finish off the job and get my lovely darling weapon, oh! and Kuzu, when a hand taps me lightly on the shoulder.

"Wah!" I feel a hand get clasped over my mouth, I taste leather so it must be…

"Kuzu!" I whisper harshly.

"Hey, let's finish these imbeciles off, okay?"

"Hm, deal"

I get into ready position, and he mutters something about being right behind me, and we set off. I jump at the bunch of zoo animals guarding my precioussss and Kuzu starts attacking the other guys, they seemed so easy… until they pulled out strange sticks, at first I laughed at them but then they sent these electric sparks at me and my buddy, which effectively wiped the smile off my dial.

I grabbed at my scythe and effectively gashed half of their people.

Okay, jutsu done, transformation done, stabbage done, and dead people everywhere. My mission is complete!

Out of no-where some really tough people come out, I hear the words "avada…ke' muttered out, a flash of green shoots out and is about to hit me. It comes closer, 10 metres, 5 metres, a metre. The world seems to slow down, sounds muffle, I feel like everything is in slow motion.

The frightening spark came closer and closer but then, our favourable gypsies busted out as well as our dear old prune! They also had sticks? What the hell.

For a few minutes there was a battle of bright lights and screams and things crazy like that, until the smoke faded leaving behind the gypsies unscathed and twinkling with egoistic power. I was so in awe of this battle that I didn't notice Kakuzu come behind me and give me a hug.

I blushed profusely, my head burning up.

"N-not in public" I said whilst blushing my brains out and squirming from his tight embrace. His hot breath was making me think back to that night when we made sweet sweet... sandwiches.

"Aw, aren't you just adorable" joked the bastard.

"I am not adorable!" I huffed.

(Still Hida pov)

We sat around the camp fire, eating hot bread, drool, and singing folk tunes.

"So come on, tell me! What was all that cool fireworks up there?" This is probably the billionth time I asked them.

"Just a bit of gypsy magic" Said Esmeralda with a sly wink.

"Drinks round number five!"

Oh geez, I already feel the hangover coming…

I stumbled into our camper with my Kuzu and fell onto the haystack bed. I looked up too see him staring at me with his beautiful eyes, I stared back, almost getting lost. No, we were lost together in each others' eyes, but our love, found.

With mouths sucking, licking, grating, gasping, moaning and serenading our night of pure ecstasy went on until I fell onto the bed and he fell on me, his hard muscles and soft skin pressed up against mine. His breathing was my breathing. His dream was my dream. His love my love. He was mine.

(No pov)

Morning once again, the residents of a small camper had begun to wake. They had prepared everything for an early departure, a gruesome six a.m. to be exact, and were heading off back to the slightly tyrannical leader.

A big leaving feast was thrown for the wanderers as they decided it was time to go.

They trudged back out of that same unforgiving sun from which they had perished from before, now ready to take it on, loaded with water and supplies.

When they arrived home, finally after a long and confusing mission they arrived back home. A wave of nostalgia hitting them as familiar calls of

"Tobi is a good boy!"

And

"I will kill you! Death by …BOOM"

Ah, it really was good for those two to be home. Just as the two bone-tired shinobi were about to rest themselves on that enticingly soft couch, Zetsu came in, well rolled in, 'cos that's how he rolls (hah, puns aren't my cups of tea) and said

"The leader…sama wants a meeting. YES A FUCKING MEETING"

Groans and exasperated sighs could be heard throughout the room, as they all crowded into that small office…figure.

"I know you all wonder why you are here, but I have big news"

'Aw, no shit' thought many bored looking ninjas.

"I have decided to repent in accidentally blowing up an animal haven, and since Hidan and Kakuzu were late from their mission, I leave them in-charge of taking care of forty cats and sixty dogs, and a few thousand bees and some venomous snakes, and an elephant, and yadda yadda."

"Well, have fun!" He then poofed away.

"Wh…Wh…WHAT!" Bellowed Hidan, apart from being a cereal…serial animal hater he now has to take care of a fucking zoo?

Kakuzu just sat there looking at him, stroking a kitten, until many started meowing annoyingly for attention. Hidan just thrashed around, getting cats, dogs, bees, and whatever off of him.
They both did a synchronised sigh.

They others exited, laughing and poking fun at the two for having such a gay job.

'Much appreciated' thought Kakuzu 'Fuckers' thought Hidan

The two leftovers looked at each other and smiled.

"Here we go again"

Wowsers….the ennddddd!

Lol, this ended up being really random, but ah well, it was just a weird crack-fic starter-offer. So yeah.

Review if you wanna

Peace to ma gees… and effs, and bees and yeah I'll stop being uncool now…