A/N: Sorry I took so long to update! I was away and I didn't have access to a computer…I'll try and update as much as I can before I go to France for my vacation, and I move to Japan right after. When that's going on, it will be awhile before I can update again. But don't worry, it's not for another month or so.
I'd actually like to start a mail alarm thing so I can email everyone when I update, or if something happens or whatever. So if you want to receive an email when I update or something important comes up, just mail me at and I'll add you to the list. Sorry to steal your idea, DracosBloodyKisses. Speaking of which, that account has been deleted once again, and I'd like to put my consolations here. And now, onto the story!
Chapter Six; Problems and Childhood Memories
Hermione's eyelids fluttered. Then she opened them wide as she stretched her arms high over her head and extended her legs.
Mmmmmmm…
Good morning all. She was in a good, rested mood.
She lay there, staring at a ray of sunlight on ceiling, thinking about her schoolwork, and what might be for breakfast.
She glanced out the window, and as she saw the warm sun spilling in against a bright blue sky, she smiled. Then she felt the dry remains of tears on her cheeks.
And her mind was clouded by the thought of what had happened yesterday.
She felt horrible and guilty, like it was all her fault somehow. She felt scared and confused, because she didn't quite know what was happening to her, and why.
But most of all she felt anger. Cold, hard anger.
Why me? Why are you DOING this to me? What is your problem? Am I supposed to save you? Kill you? WHAT? Tell me what I'm supposed to do, damn it!
She felt tears gathering in her eyes, but quickly wiped them away and rolled over violently.
She got the shock of her life.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
Commotion and confusion. Pillows being whacked. Arms being scratched. Shins being kicked.
Mostly from Hermione.
"Hermione!"
She stopped. She recognized that voice.
Oooooops…
She grabbed the hand that was protruding from a tangle of the duvet she had hurled over the assumed attacker, and pulled.
A freckled, bewildered face appeared.
"What is the matter with you?" he croaked.
"Sorry! Ron, I didn't know you were here, I just got frightened! I'm so sorry!"
"That's…that's all right...I don't think anything's broken, anyway." He gave a small smile and he straightened up. "How are you doing?"
"I-I'm fine…now, anyway. After the shock's worn off." She answered, careful not to mention anything about how yesterday had left her feeling exhausted, unclean, and now angry.
"What were you doing here, anyway?" she added suspiciously, the thought striking her suddenly.
"You just ran off at dinner, after hardly eating anything! I came to check on you, and I fell asleep. I love watching you when you're in peace. You're so beautiful."
Hermione's heart fluttered weakly somewhere inside her chest.
Well, at least he can still make me feel like that…
She smiled and moved closer to wrap her arms around his waist. She tried to kiss him, but he moved his head back and rubbed noses with her instead. She giggled and then he let her kiss him softly.
A door closed in the common room and footsteps sounded. Another door, but this time it was Hermione's room door.
The two broke apart and a blonde smirk and a naked body wrapped in a towel peered round the door. At first glance, Malfoy seemed surprised at the sight of Ron standing there with Hermione, but the expression soon cleared.
For a split second, guilt and shame flashed through Hermione. She was at the point of removing her arms from her boyfriend when she realized exactly that.
He's my boyfriend for Christ's sake. We have every right to be standing here like this.
The familiar voice filled her head.
But you fucked him. You had sex with Malfoy.
Shut up! It didn't mean anything! It happened in a moment of craziness. That's all.
THAT'S ALL.
And with that, she looked straight into Malfoy eyes and silently dared him to say anything; anything at all about the situation.
She despised him. Everything about him. The way his hair was ruffled after vigorous towelling. The way his abs were toned and not overdone. The way his eyes seemed to watch her and see into her head. The way he had been inside her. And the way she had enjoyed it.
Malfoy's eyes glared right back, and they looked at each other in hate and contempt.
"Is something the matter?" Ron's cold voice filled the silence.
The other two jolted out of their swirling world of each other's eyes and hard feelings, and they looked away.
"Nothing." Malfoy replied maliciously. "I just came to wake Hermione up, as it is a school day, but I see you have done that efficiently enough."
He turned on his heel and left the room. The door shut with a click.
Hermione sighed.
"I'll get ready. See you at breakfast?" she asked.
Ron frowned. "Maybe not. I wanted to take a wake up flight around the stadium, before lessons. Then I might be able to keep my eyes open when McGonagall reaches the peak of her "How-Complex-And-Dangerous-It-Is-Transfiguring-Body-Parts" lecture."
"All right. See you later then," she said, ignoring the McGonagall comment.
When Ron had left, Hermione sat down on the side of her bed and buried her face in her hands.
She thought of Ron and how much she truly loved him, and how little she was in love with him. She thought of Malfoy and how much she despised him. She thought of what she had done with him. She thought of how she was going to tell Ron, if she was going to tell him. She thought of how much he would hate her. She thought of the monster thing, and how wrecked it left her. She thought of what it did to her, and what it wanted with her. She thought of the nagging suspicion at the back of her head that told she was literally crazy.
My life is falling apart.
Something Ron had said drifted into her mind.
"You're so beautiful."
She lifted her head from her hands and stared numbly at the floor. Her mind floated away…
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
She was in a pleasant muggle park. She was only five or six years old, and she was laughing as she chased after squirrels and tentatively pet passers-by's dogs. She danced and sang and her hair bounced as her small fingers picked flowers.
Sweet, familiar voices rang out.
"Hermione!"
"Hermione, sweetie! Don't you want your ice-cream?"
She raced back to her parents and sat cross legged on the picnic blanket while she happily slurped her Popsicle. Her mouth was smeared over in orange, and her tongue was died the same color. She grinned as her mother checked herself in a small mirror and grabbed it, wanting to be like her beloved Mommy. She stared at her relfection and she started to cry.
"What's the matter honey? What's happened?"
"I want to be pretty like Mommy!" Little Hermione wailed.
She was lifted up and cuddled; kissed on the forehead.
"Oh but you are! You're more than pretty, sweetie! You're so beautiful! And we love you to death."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hermione jolted back to earth. She wondered why that particular memory had popped into her mind. It made her feel even worse when she remembered how happy and at peace she had been that summer's day when her parents had told her how beautiful she was. She certainly didn't feel very beautiful at the moment.
And something occurred to her. Whenever Harry had a problem, when something was bothering him, and he asked for her advice, her response was always the same.
Go to Dumbledore.
But she couldn't go to Dumbledore with petty little schoolgirl problems about boys. And didn't want to hear Dumbledore of all people tell her she was delusional and had to be sent to St. Mungo's immediately for brain surgery because she was seeing strange monsters in her head.
She dressed quickly and left the Head's dorm; thinking how long she would last keeping her crashing world to herself.
The good mood that had filled her when she woke up had long gone.
A/N: How did you like it? Was it a bit boring? Please review and tell me!
I'm starting a new story, and as my second fic, it's going to be written in a very different style. I'll post it as soon as possible. I hope you like it! It's going to be another Hermione story, not too sure who the other person will be…probably Malfoy though. He's too hot to leave out! Happy Summer people!