Made some revisions to the ending (at 9/27/11), so if you already read this chapter, go to the bottom of the page since I fixed it!
I will put a -:- break before the area where I changed the ending so you know where I changed it and can find it faster. Enjoy!
A/N: Yay! 5 people reviewed! Not as much as I would've liked, but hey, at least ya'll reviewed! I love you all that actually review! Anyway, wrote this story while listening to Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne, so I'll try not to make it so angsty, lol. And, one question, I keep getting all these, 'love the story!', 'Inner Sasuke is high-larious', and some, 'this is really funny,' reviews. Is it really funny? Just some curiosity. Now here's the newbies to the story xD
New Favoriters:
Mini-Stack (who is like, one of my favorite SasuSaku writers, and actually reviewed! Eep!)
.Xx
New Alerters:
RoseCallisto
Lil'cuppyCAKEZ
BlackandPink is Love
nikushi
Now to reply to some reviews:
JennyPoohMemories:(chapter four review) Oh, wow, I feel stupid xD And, lol, I have AT&T internet, and it's a pain.
JennyPoohMemories: (chapter five review) Haha, yes, Sasuke IS smart in this story, lol.
Mini-Stack:Lol, who doesn't? And might I say, I heart your 'Fifteen Minutes of Fame' story. Absolutely brilliant. Thank you, and here I am!
Lil'cuppyCAKEZ:Might I say, I heart your username! And here I am!
Kyuki-chan:I heart your profile pic! Aww, don't you just love Gaara? All he needs is a hug (and a couple of people to kill xD). And thanks, I thought that was exactly how Sakura would respond, but you know he will.
.Xx:Thanks! I'm glad you love it! (I'm sooo sorry! It won't let me put your name! Ugh, gosh!
Now, onto Sasuke's plans and fails! I mean come on, what else can we expect?
Summary: She hated him. He tolerated her. She didn't like kids. He desired them. He is arrogant; and She's the baby-making machine. This is their story. AU; Drabbles. Non-massacre.
Key:
Rip out his throat and feed it to TonTon! ~ Inner Sakura
You should totally do her. Like right now. ~ Inner Sasuke (pretty much Sasuke's deprived hormones manifested itself into a mental person; like Inner Sakura)
Heck yeah I will, but not here; too many witnesses/No I will not, you pervert. ~ Thoughts to Inner Sakura/Sasuke or enunciated words
He/She remembered that day….. ~ Flashbacks
Drabble Six
Of Trials and Errors
Sasuke's POV
Trial #1
Day 2 in hospital
Mission: Escape the Hospital
How: Walk away from the room, and out the hospital entrance.
Level of difficulty: Easy; since they're all idiots.
I finally got away from that crazy chick, and was sneaking down the hallway like the ninja I am, when some random nurse showed up out of nowhere.
"S-S-S-Sasuke-kun? Is that you?"
Looking behind me, I saw a girl that I've never met in my life.
"OMG, Sasuke-kun! I'm you're biggest fan. I am the president of 'Sasu-cakes will be sexy forever and ever and while he's hot, we will worship him' or SCWBSFAEAWHHWWWH."
What the hell?
Even though it's a flatter to my overly-large ego, she's holding my escape from this hospital.
"Thanks, now bye."
Before I could walk, limp I should say, she grabbed my arm.
Okay, this girl obviously wants to get killed.
"Okay, I have to tell everyone in the club that you're here, have to tell my parents that I actually talked to you. Have to tell you that I touched you and everything in a…..hospital where I worked…OMFG! Who hurt you? I'll kill them!"
Of course, while she was talking, I did what any ninja did best.
Escape.
"Wait, where'd you go? Sasuke-kun! Sasu-cakes, don't you dare fucking leave me." Was what I heard while slipping around the corner.
Yes!
Aww, come on! We could've tapped that!
Oh, you again, and she was like 15, that's illegal and would've been called rape. I do not want to go to jail anytime soon.
You're not looking at the big picture! You see, it's not rape, if she likes it.
…you're obsessed with getting us laid.
Well, since we're stating the obvious now, you're a virgin. But that can change! With a condom (we don't want some little Sasuke's running around too early now) and some hot chick. Then, add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide her leggsss….
Yes, I see it now. I can't wait! He screamed, he then started 'running around' and screaming 'boobies!'. I tuned him out for that was just annoying.
Okay, now to face matters that is in my hands.
To find a nurse who won't rape me, which will be a challenge upon itself, and ask her kindly, demanding, to heal my wounds.
The sooner I can get out of this godforsaken hospital, the sooner I can get to Sakura and demand she heal me.
Meanwhile, with the random nurse that wants to rape Sasuke...(the crazy one)…um, that's not clear enough, because they're all crazy.
The one that is a hoe…still not clear enough, Damnit! You know what I mean! The one that is a nurse who told him not to yank the IV out and was calling him a bad boy and everything. You know the one? If you don't, who cares. I'm tired of explain myself. Now, onto the story!
I was hurrying down the hall to Sasu-cakes room. It was time for his hourly (minutely) check-up to see if he escaped or not. Okay, the only reason my Sasuke-cakes would ever stay in this hospital for so long is because he obviously loves me! I mean, who doesn't? Of course, my mother does say that she doesn't a lot about me and complaining about how 'I ruined her life', 'If I wasn't a hoe you wouldn't be here', 'If your father wasn't so sexy' and least of all ladies and gentleman, 'I was young and seventeen! I should've been partying, but no, I was forcing your big ass out my vagina'. (A/N: This story is called T for a reason!)
But who cares what she says? She's too busy going through menopause. It explains everything. Though it is weird that she has been going through menopause for the past 15 years. Like after I was born. It does explain why I'm the only child, but it's weird that it's been going on for so long. And around my birth….just a coincidence. Reaching his door, I shaked my hair to get that 'just got out of bed' look and applied a fresh coat of lip gloss to get my lips ready for the smooching. Pulling down my shirt to show more cleavage than was necessary, but it showed that I had lots of boobs. Much more than that pink-haired bitch slut who's trying to steal my man, Sasuke-cakes. I pulled up my short skirt to have a better view of my thong, and prepared to go inside. Because today, my precious Sasuke-cakes will officially be mine.And then we will get married and have 58 kids! I can't wait!
Pushing open the door, I was greeted with him sleeping underneath the covers. Silly man! You can't do that! You'll suffocate yourself, and die. But he is a ninja, so he will survive since he's so strong. And Kami knows that I love me a strong man, especially a ninja that's sexy like him.
Walking over to his bed, I pulled open his covers and was greeted with pillows and a note. Before freaking out, I realized that maybe he escaped because some other hot ninja wanted me so he wanted to fight him to the death for my love! That's what he probably put in the note. Also, he left because he couldn't tell me because he knew I would be worried about him. Aww, my Sasuke-cakes is so sweet! Picking up the note with a smile on my face, I read it.
"Hello, random fan girl nurse,
I am writing to you because I escaped from the hospital, and you, hopefully for life. I think although you compliment me, and not to mention boost my ego, you are weird. You act sluttish, and you will never be a part of the Uchiha clan, much less the future Uchiha matriarch. Sakura is the only one for me. You can go around crying to me, but I won't care. You are also weak, weaker than Sakura in her genin days. I don't even like you anyways. You can get kidnapped for all I care. So, with that being said, go drown yourself. Try to have a nice, horrible, life without ever seeing me again. The 'love of your life.'
~Uchiha Sasuke,
The one that you think loves you, but doesn't."
Okay, you can imagine this poor nurse to be horrified, and she was, but for a different reason than you might think. For what Sasuke didn't expect, was this nurse to have poor vision and couldn't see all of the words on the page for she left her glasses at home since they were horrible. So, this is what she read:
"Hello, nurse,
I am writing to you because, you compliment me…and will be the future Uchiha matriarch. Sakura can come crying to me, but I won't care. I like you…..got kidnapped, so try to have a nice life without ever seeing me again.
~Sasuke,
The one that loves you."
"Oh my god! I knew he loved me!"
So, there you have it. This was the downfall of Trial 1 of escaping the hospital, which failed.
"Nurse, Uchiha Sasuke just got kidnapped!"
Meanwhile, with Sasuke.
I was a couple of feet away from the hospital lobby, just minding my business and since no one stopped me, when lights started flashing red. With my ninja senses on high alert, I wondered what was going on, and how could Sakura work in this place.
Obviously, the lights are flashing red since it's sensing our smexy approach to the door.
As much as that could be true, I mean come on, I'm
Uchiha Sasuke! That is unlikely….and you're an idiot.
Hey! It was just a nice thought!
Hn.
Looking around, I saw that some nurses were running around and calling people hurriedly and papers were everywhere. Walking into the lobby, I saw a frantic Sakura walking around anxiously. Hm, I wonder what's the matter with her.
"Sakura, what's happening?"
10 things happened after I asked that question.
1. Sakura whirled around and gasped.
2. Her face had a look of relief, happiness, and then anger. All at the same time.
3. Everyone in the hospital lobby stopped what they were doing and relaxed.
4. There were lots of, "Everyone calm down," "It was just a misunderstanding," "Thank goodness he's okay," and "Yay! Sasuke-kun you're okay!"
5. Sakura was severely ticked off for some reason.
6. I was still confused.
7. She started stalking toward me.
8. The hospital became normal again.
9. She punched me with her chakra-enhanced fist, since I wasn't able to dodge it in time; I blame the morphine for slowing my ninja mojo.
10. Darkness greeted after that, with a headache.
Mission result: Failure to complete.
Trial #2
Day 6 in hospital
Mission: Escape the hospital.
How: Let's try the window this time.
Level of difficulty: It depends on how well I can land on my leg.
Standing by the window, I prepared to jump out when I heard a stern voice behind me. One that scared the crap out of me.
"I hope you aren't planning to escape again mister, with what happened a couple of days ago. Now, get your booty in this bed and rest before I ground you."
Turning around slowly, I met the eyes of my mother; Uchiha Mikoto.
Mission result: Failure to complete since mother's nagging ways.
Damn, we screwed.
Trial #5
Day 10 in hospital
Mission: Escape this god forsaken place!
How: Screw it, I'm going to teleport out of here.
Level: It depends on how fast I do it and who catches me.
Running through the symbols for the teleportation jutsu, I was about to do the last symbol, when he interrupted me by grabbing my hand.
"I hope foolish otouto you aren't trying to escape, mother told me you would do this, but I didn't believe her. It seems that mother is always right."
Glaring off into space, I hopped back into bed with a groan.
Mission result: Failure to complete because of Itachi. Curse aniki and his sucking up to mother ways.
Tattle tell!
Trial #56
Day 14, aka, last day in hospital
Mission: Escape this jail.
How: Run.
Level of difficulty: Hard, since everyone wants me to stay in this place.
I tried everything.
I'm going crazy!
But now, I'm just going to wing it and run like hell.
You see before, everyone just had to visit.
Most of them I didn't even know or care to know, or my Fangirls.
Who left me an endless supply of chocolate, tomatoes, and get-well-soon cards.
Chocolate and the get-well-soon cards can suck it, but I ate those tomatoes. And they were pretty darn good if you ask me.
But don't, since I would most likely ignore you.
Before I could get out of bed, the door opened and 'the love of my life' walked in.
Sakura, sweet Sakura.
With her punching ways and her way to be less annoying than her genin days, just get me. You know?
Walking over to me, she began looking me over and checking things off of her clipboard.
You know, this is pretty hot. Sakura in her little doctor number and you as the ill patient, this could turn out to be pretty good if you ask me.
Why? I asked, slightly wincing when she probed a particular area hard that was bruised.
Because, idiot, the patient and the doctor? Come on, you don't know of that fantasy? The female doctor 'helping' the patient get better by….doing some pretty kinky things and they always end with her riding the patient like a horse.
Pervert.
"Okay, you're free to go. If I had it my way, you would stay here longer since you tried to leave this hospital when I told the nurse to make sure you should stay since you had to heal properly, but no."
"Well, this all would've been prevented if you healed me on the first day Sakura." The implied dumbass was unspoken, but you could practically hear it.
"Fine! You know what? I was feeling a little bad for you and was going to heal the rest of your bruises, but not anymore! You're just going to have to leave still injured, and take this nin leave from missions and training for a month!"
A month?
I already spent two freaking weeks without any ninja training going on!
"Do you know how much training I could've done Sakura? Now I can't do anything else for a month?"
Smirking at me, she handed me the paper that was one her clipboard that had the horrible news.
"Yes, I do, but you're just going to have to deal with it. Now, I have to go now. I have a date to go to."
-:-
Before she could get a foot away from the hospital bed, I grabbed her arm.
"What? Did you just say you were going on a date?" I said, astonished that she would even agree to go out on a date with someone other than me.
"Yes, I am going out on a date with a guy. He's nice, sweet, and doesn't treat me like a trophy item. Unlike some people." She said, looking pointedly at me.
"I forbid you for going." I said, there, that would put her in her place.
"You what? You forbid me? Who do you think you are?"
Rolling my eyes, I looked at her like she was crazy.
And she is.
"Uchiha Sasuke, and yes, I do forbid you for going out on a date with some guy that won't even be here in the future."
She was growing redder by the second, but I didn't care. She needed to know some things to be the new Uchiha matriarch.
"He won't be here in the future? How do you know that Sasuke? You don't own me!"
"Well, I don't own you now, but I will. When you become my wife."
She was then shaking and was as red as a tomato.
A cute tomato actually.
I like tomatoes.
Especially cute ones.
But the tomato doesn't seem so cute anymore.
Actually, the tomato seems quite hot if you ask me.
A sexy tomato.
You know, this is something me and you could actually agree on.
Oh, and Sasuke,
What?
Sakura is-
But before he could finish his sentence, I heard screaming to my right. Seeming to get out of my thoughts, I looked at Sakura while her chest was heaving up and down like she was screaming at me a while ago.
"What?" I asked honestly, since I wasn't listening to her little rant.
"You weren't even listening to me!"
"Nope."
Eyes widening comically, she sputtered for a second before she exploded.
"Sasuke!"
She screamed, before she punched me in the face, for like the third time already.
If she keeps this up then my pretty face might actually get scarred.
I was going to say that Sakura was screaming at you about how stupid you are, how much you are an 'arrogant ass' but before I could tell you, I got distracted by her boobs. But oh well, at least you know now not to ignore her.
Even I knew that.
And you call me an idiot.
A/N: Whew! That sure was long! 17 pages! 3,000+ words! Longest chapter yet! Anyway, I didn't do every day since I was too lazy to do that. Anyway, did you like the nurse? I didn't give her a name for a reason, since she won't be important at all, neither the other one. Did you like to hear that Naruto is going out on a date with Sakura? What a shocker! Now, for this chapter, I'm requesting at least 5-8 reviews! That's not so bad is it? Anyway, review! And tell me what you thought about this chappie!