Chapter 6

That night I read again. Thomas Paine and the rights of man. Yet more fascinating theories on existence. They just kept coming. This was about how a ruling elite should serve the people and protect the right's of its citizens, and I noted it never once mentioned parishioners or bishoprics. And when the government does not protect the people it should be overthrown. This was radical stuff and the little bit I did get to read had me clapping and hollering out loud.

"Quiet in there, " my dad said at one point early in the night.

My mind was slowly changing, but now with confidence. A wildfire had been set inside me and this would not be put out by fear. I fell asleep angry and sad and conflicted. In the morning I'd have told Cami I had ambivalent emotions in the night. That was too late now.

My dream that night was vivid and real. Cosmin came again while Cami stood in the doorway. They were in color. She came in, sat down next to Cosmin and put a comforting arm around him. He had bruises on his face and cuts to his neck. He jumped up and opened his mouth wide as if to scream but nothing came out. Jez Dale rushed in with a Blood Monk, who held a diamond encrusted cross, and compelled a demon to leave his body. Jez stopped suddenly and turned to me. He said, 'no, the demon is in you. And you.' He pointed at Cami.

I woke at the other side of the bed with my thin covers on the floor. I'd never felt such relief. This was a dream of terrifying reality. It had smells and touch and a sense that didn't exist in the real world. A supernatural state where the universe fills you with its wisdom, be it frightening or be it wonderful. Just then my bedroom door crashed open. I sat upright. My mum came striding in sweeping her hair back over her head. She stood at the end of my bed, crossed her arms over her stomach as if she were keeping her guts from spilling out and pointed her hip angrily into the room .

"Well," she said.

"Well what?"

"Where's Cami? She's not in her room." Her eyes burned wild.

I beckoned her over to crouch and face me. I pulled her hand under my bed cover and started to touch tap a message on her wrist.

SHE HAS GONE. SHE IS SAFE.

She put her hand on top of mine and thumped her message. It hurt.

WHERE?

I answered slowly.

I DO NOT KNOW DETAILS. SHE IS SAFE.

She quickly touched again, harder and faster.

WHO WITH? WHO HELPED HER?

I couldn't answer this. I couldn't betray Dorin.

SHE NEVER TOLD ME, I tapped.

She withdrew her hand and placed it over her top lip as if she had gotten an army salute all mixed up. Then she lipped, 'I have a friend at the Department of Inquiry in the city. Now tell me or I get them to steal some truth med. I promise you, I will do it.'

My mother's lips moved so fast but I caught most of it. And I believed she would do it. She was a woman who annoyingly kept her word. I looked in her eyes. They swirled with fear and anger, hypnotizing me and drawing out hidden information like hands in a honey jar. What could I do now? I had no option. I mimicked her hand movement and mouthed his name. "Dorin's Uncle."

"Get dressed," she orderd as she stormed out slamming the door.

I walked into the hall and caught my dad sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. He turned and looked at me. He didn't have to say anything, I understood the agony he felt. It was written all over his face.

"Why didn't you tell us?" he shouted down the hallway, loud enough for every Judas in the block to pick up.

I shrugged, and shrank lower and felt like a little boy who'd been caught hitting his sister.

Then it came, a lot sooner than I thought and a lot lighter too. That paralyzing tap at the door. With it the color drained from the apartment, our faces too, and it felt like being in a black and white photosnap, countless shades of gray defining the world. We were actors in mysterious shadow.

Time slowed too and we moved as if walking underwater. My mum lurched from the kitchen and down the hallway, when she reached me, she cupped my face and kissed me on the forehead.

"It's not your fault," she said.

"Thanks, mum."

A longer, more impatient, rat-tat-tat traveled down the hallway. The only sound in the world. Next, a man's deep voice.

"Open in the name of the Holy Order. We ask only once."

"Who do they want?" I said to my mum, but of course I knew. Denial was protection.

She slowly and sadly shook her head. My dad hobbled towards us and stood at my back, placing his hands on my shoulders. We faced the door and watched my mum turn the handle and swing it wide. On the other side were two parish Wardens, a man and a woman. Dressed in knee length robes and brown jackets with firearms resting on their hips, they looked past my mum and into the apartment. They noticed me and moved into the hallway. My mum, spotting the move, quickly closed the door but the man stuck out his foot and the door bounced back open. The female Warden entered the apartment, wagging her finger at my mum's weak resistance. It felt weird to have a stranger intrude on our private family world.

"What do you want?" my mum said, backed against the wall.

"The boy."

"Why?" asked my dad stepping in front of me.

"That is not your concern. All we know is that his Auto-de-fe has been brought forward. He must go to the Department of Inquiry immediately."

The lady Warden took a baton from her holster.

"You have children, Agatha," said my dad, recognizing her, and appealing to the Warden's maternal nature. "You must understand. We used to babysit your little girl. Remember. Barbara, was it?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "Loyalty is to God and the Holy Order."

From the doorway the man spoke. "We don't have long."

"It's OK, guys," I said . "I'll go. I'm not scared."

"Agatha, have a heart" said my mum. "Is this about Cami?"

"I know very little. I have my orders. Reasons are kept to those who are wiser than us, and for those who want to protect us."

My mum snorted. "No," she said. "You're not taking him."

The man had had enough talking. He marched in and threw his arms around my waist and lifted me from the ground. My dad gripped me from the other side and pulled me back. Agatha raised her baton and cracked it onto my dad's leg. He folded immediately and lay stretched out on the floor, motionless, soaking up the pain and battling with his limitless rage. I understood the intensity of that pain, almost feeling it myself. She'd inadvertently, or so I assumed, caught his bad leg. He now lay in a personal hell.

"Don't," said the man to my mum. "It will end bad for you."

I wriggled in the man's arms. His grip was solid as hell. He walked to the door and dropped me out on the landing. I ran to get back into the apartment but the lady came out and forced the door over. I caught a glimpse of my mum as the door shut and she was sobbing. Her hands were at her face and her body rocked in a deeply disturbing manner. I was more scared now than anything. I barged the man aside and rushed at the door. He drove his elbow into my back and I staggered forward. My head scrapped down the door.

"You come peacefully," said the man, "or your parents shall suffer more than you."

I had to calm down. Not just for me, but for once in my life for others too. They had me. I was finding it hard to catch my breath, so I sucked the air slowly and deeply into my lungs. I looked up and saw Mrs Zedekiah at her apartment door watching the whole thing.

"Enjoying this?" I snapped. "Judas."

She tossed her head back. "Is it the Grand Witness? Wouldn't be surprised for the likes of you."

"Stay there," said Agatha. The Wardens went to talk to her. I waited at the top of the stairwell. On my right was the graffiti sticker of the Atheist Annihilation. How I hated them. I looked back and the Wardens were still talking to Mrs Zedekiah.

"We are done," said the man. "The time has come."

Mrs Zebediah gave me an accusing look before she closed the door as if to say, 'I knew it all along. Malum family, that lot. Deserve the sufferings of Job.'

A moment later, her door opened again and out she hobbled in her slippers holding a garbage bag. A cigarette dangled from the side of her mouth and an overlong ash balanced on the end. How brazen, I thought, in front of the Wardens. She shook her head on the way to the incineration chute mumbling about dirty sinners. When she drew level with us she said, "They never listen and never learn."

"Too true," said the man.

Mrs Zedekiah raised her free hand and blessed me with the sign of the cross. Lowering her hand she brushed against my pocket and then tapped me on the side.

"May the Lord find mercy," she said, and then shuffled away. She scraped her slippers along the concrete floor and I heard her mumble, "No Judases here."

The Wardens started to walk ahead down the stairs.

"Follow us," said Agatha. "And please make it easy on yourself."

When they weren't looking I peeled the Atheist Annihilation sticker from the wall, turned it round and pushed it back against the sticky residue. I longed in my heart that Dorin would get the sign and flee. At the bottom of the stinking stairwell the Wardens flanked me and walked me from the block. A group of children had gathered outside, shuffling, pushing whilst managing to gossip and point accusing fingers at the same time. A few adults stood between them watching with blank eyes. I wriggled free of the Wardens and ran towards the field. I didn't know where I was going, but before I even got from the concrete path a wire lasso wound round my legs and brought me down. The Wardens picked me up, irritated more than angry, and threw me in the back of the transporter. I heard small children laughing. We sped off. My teeth hurt and my face twitched, no ordinary twitch, this was a rabid nervous tic.

We came to a halt outside St. Michael's railway station. The windows of the transporter had been blacked out. Still, through a crack in the dividing plate that separated the front seats from the back seats I could see through the windscreen the edge of a platform, two Holy Messenger double pennants and a round metal plate on the station wall with St. Michael expelling the devil from heaven. The platform was eerily empty.

The transporter door opened and the female Warden waved me out. We walked into the station and some way up the platform a girl stepped from under the awnings with her parents. They stood very close together like they were merging into one beast. They looked scared. I recognized the girl from senior school. She pulled her head back and forced a sad smile. I did the same before turning back and staring at the train track.

"What are they going to do to me?" I asked.

"If you are one with the Lord, then ye shall not suffer," said the man.

"Will they harm my mother or father?"

"If they are one with the Lord, then they shall not suffer," said the man again, unhelpfully.

"Prayer, brother," said the lady. "They shall be answered."

Apart from the cruel hack at my father's leg, the lady seemed to have a heart and her sympathy was palpable, though her advice useless. Man will do unto man. Was that it?

A distant rumble came down the track heralding the approach of the the Night Star. I saw its red round nose appear moments after the rumble. The Night Star itself had an electric hush, it was the track that made the noise. It braked with a whistle and a shuddering screech. The windows were barred and blacked out. No voices came from inside. The many doors that lined the train whooshed open all at once. I looked up at Agatha.

"On you go," she said. "Our job is finished here."

This could be my last chance and it crossed my mind to make a break for it. I looked up the platform and noticed the girl already on board. Agatha shook her head. With tentative baby steps I climbed onto the train. The door swooshed closed behind me. I tensed with fright.

The carriage had been divided into compartments. I walked up the aisle and opened the door to the first compartment I came to. Six children, teenagers, sat inside, clothed in out-of-school gray jumpsuits, a strained ambiance pushed at the walls and windows like the churn of a nervous refrigerator, their silence spoke volumes. I tried the next one, but that was full too. The third one had only two kids inside. I decided to use this one. When I sat down I felt slightly awkward. I had to speak.

"Are you going to the Department of Inquiry as well?"

"Everyone on this train is going," said the pretty girl sitting across from me.

"I'm Ben and this is Becky," said the boy at my side.

"Jah," I said. "That's my name, I'm not agreeing."

They smiled politely.

"Is it possible to get off the train?" I said, not holding out much hope. "I think I'm in big trouble."

"Ssh," said Becky. She shot a glance to a Judas above the compartment door, and then shook her head in reply. "If you believe in the Holy Messenger and follow his teachings given to him by God then I'm told you'll be fine. We do." More brain-washed gook.

"Yea," I sad. "Me too. Just a bit worried about the conclusion the Witnesses have come to."

"Ssh," said Becky, looking up at the door again.

I decided to shut up. Stay silent, I concluded, and appear unholy rather than speaking up and removing all doubt. The daily news crackled over a speaker. We were encouraged to prayer for David's Mighty Warriors and the souls of the pagans. Production statistics and work rates were read out in a low boring tones almost sending me to sleep. Then some scripture was rattled off, and a section from the Holy Messenger's book. 'God is on our side,' it said. My head eventually lolled onto my shoulder and my eyes closed over while I thought about god taking sides.

The train barreled on, and after an hour we started to slow. I felt a push in my arm.

"We're here," said Becky.

It was so cold on the train I put my hands in my pockets and curled into the window. The train came to a stop amid much excited chatter from everyone on board. Outside I could hear the bustle and noise of a working city center, a commotion that transmitted directly into my churning stomach. My head lightened and I had the sense I might faint. Then I felt something in my pocket like a folded piece of paper. Mrs Zedekiah's brief encounter with my pocket flashed across my memory. I decided not to look at it now. I prayed for an opportunity before the test.

"We've to get off," said Ben.

Thank goodness he spoke because it dragged me back to reality and the task in hand. We left the compartment and pushed and squeezed our way up the body cramped aisle. The doors were open and we flooded the platform. I'd already lost my acquaintances and stood among a group of trembling school kids. Lining the platform of Gabriel Station were a tight line of guards. Wardens stepped between them and shepherded all the children from the station and into waiting people carriers. I shared mine with a small skinny boy who looked about ten. His nerves infected me and made me feel sick. A Warden sat up front with the driver.

"Salve," I said. "You'll be all right."

"Thanks, you too."

I had to assume the carriers were camera free because I dipped into my pocket and craftily removed the note, keeping it palm down and sliding it between my legs. I turned to my companion and put a finger to my lips and he nodded his understanding. I looked up front and then unfolded the note while keeping it as low down my legs as I could. It was from Dorin and it read, 'How to beat a Witness Inquisitor lie detector.'

I skimmed it quickly digesting all the information I possibly could in the amount of time I had. At the end it was signed D with a little footnote saying, 'Who are you to judge your neighbor, Mrs Z.'

I crumpled the note into a tight ball and put it in my mouth and sat back while it dissolved.

I gulped down the final residue of soggy paper as we stopped in front of the Department of Inquiry. A gray bricked multistory monstrosity that rose way above all the other buildings in the center of New Jericho, and loomed like a malevolent giant over the scared midgets who entered.

The motto above the door read in Latin, 'Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.'

That didn't help my fragile state of being in any way whatsoever.

"Schnel, come on," said a Warden, "everyone inside. We don't have all day."

The little skinny boy was still beside me. "Glik," I said.

"Ta, you too. Good luck." His accent was from West Jericho.

We filed into the building and queued at a chest high desk behind which sat two administrators on tall stools. They were both taking details from the children.

"Move it along," cried one of the Wardens who was tidying up the cue by pushing and pulling at the kids. "Once you have your number don't hang about."

A boy shoved me in the back. "It was him," he said pointing behind himself.

The queue started to shrink as the children, one by one, dispersed throughout the building. Some took the zigzagging staircase while most waited for one of the ten elevators at the other side of the foyer. I watched as the skinny boy was swallowed up by one of these elevators and carried heavenwards. I felt nervous for him, but I really think I was nervous for myself.

"Name?" said a lady administrator.

"Jah Frum."

"Age and address?"

"15. Obviously. 17E , Celestial Towers, SoJo. Sorry, New South East Jericho."

She punched my answers onto a computer keyboard while I studied her smooth face. I took her perfume in and held it in my lungs and it felt comforting, reminding me of my mother on the few occasions she managed to barter some perfume on the black market. She looked up and I breathed out. Her eyes studied my face as if she were searching for an answer the computer did not have.

"Look into this iris detector."

She held up a flat electronic device that flashed in my eyes.

"And the brain scanner."

She put a round helmet made of movable material on my head and pushed it down. It morphed to the shape of my skull and squeezed tight. She peeled it off and said. "Fine. Room 536. God guide you."

I felt my head as she handed me a slip of paper with the number 548473 printed in bold type. I walked through the foyer , under a cross and a flag and waited for an elevator to come back down. When one finally came I stepped inside alone, the crowd of children having thinned now to a few stragglers. I hit the button for floor 5 and the elevator shot up at a nauseating speed. My stomach felt like it had got left behind on the ground the floor. Seconds later the elevator jolted to a stop, the doors opened with what I can only describe as a rude 'get out', and I did, and quickly in case it took me away again.

I turned left out of the elevator and onto an empty corridor lined with white doors and checked off the room numbers as I went along. Room 536 would be at the end, wouldn't it? Writing on the door read, Parish Witness Inquisitor, No.9.

What was about to happen hit me like a thunderbolt. I wanted to run and run and never stop until I was miles away, out in the country, in a barn sleeping among the hay, eating eggs and drinking creamy milk. Then on another day to another village or farm where I survived on my wits and the goodwill of those who understood my plight. I'd find Cami and together we'd take our parents from the city to a safe place and live off the land, raising animals and growing our own food. We'd live in harmony with the seasons and the weather and grow up in peace and happiness. This all flashed across my mind in a matter of seconds.

But there was no point in running. I'd be caught soon as I left the building. If I got that far. And then who knows what they'd do, having damned myself with the actions of a guilty conscience. In staying I might wing it. That was my only hope, that I might somehow bluff my way through this. I tapped on the door and twisted the handle, the words on Dorin's note lodged in my memory.

"Come in. Don't be afraid. Faithfully follow me as David your father did, obeying all my commands."