Erik's POV

I wasn't interested in eating dinner with Nadir. But, the man insisted on doing just that. He cooked a fine, Persian meal, some sort of chicken….or was it fish? I wasn't entirely sure, mostly because I didn't have an appetite. To put my mind at ease, I poured myself a glass of red wine, sitting there at my table, swiveling it around as I continued to read over notes from the opera house. Nothing all entirely too interesting, just directions of different passages ways and things I already knew about. I just thought it was interesting seeing such information jotted down on paper.

"Erik, I was thinking about holding a Valentine's ball. It would be something fun. A fun way to start out my new ownership."

I wasn't even paying attention to Nadir, for I hadn't the interest to hold such a ridiculous event. A ball? On Valentine's day? Nonsense. Just another sorry excuse for my angel to frolic around with her fop.

"Erik? Your opinion please…"

"I haven't an opinion." I snapped. "Instead of trying to plan a ball, why don't you put your skills to good use and come up with an opening night for your first performance."

"Erik, don't be so cold hearted."

I slammed my hands down on the table, causing the silverware to clatter.

"Really, Nadir, why would I want to hold a Valentine's day ball? I hate them with a passion."

"Only because you haven't ever been to one. You should go, Erik…"

"We are not having a ball, and that is final! Erik hates them!"

"Erik-"

"Drop it! I'm warning you, Persian!"

There was an awkward silence, and then Nadir's voice again.

"Really, Erik, you should loosen up once in a while. There's no wonder why you don't have yourself a woman."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Nadir scooped the empty plate out from under my nose.

"You're too strict, too up tight. You don't know how to loosen up when a woman is speaking to you. Christ, man, you can't even laugh. It wouldn't hurt to try it sometime."

"I'm hardly in the mood for such humor."

"You might want to try it. Who knows, it might actually make a woman want to roll in the sheets with you…"

Once more, I slammed my hands down on the table. Oh, how he enjoyed teasing me where it hurt!

"I'd prefer that you left me alone, Persian! Instead of wasting your breath with me, you might want to put your skills to good use and figure out an opening night!"

Nadir grabbed his jacket, throwing it over his shoulders and shaking his head.

"You should really get some sleep, man. You're awfully cranky. Goodnight…"

"I'll expect that date first thing in the morning." I barked.

When Nadir left, it was like a breath of fresh air. I sat there for an hour more, my eyes growing heavy with every word I read. When I was just about to nod off, I heard a knock at my door, causing me to jolt awake. I rubbed my achy neck, rising to my feet and checking the time on my Grandfather clock that was in the hall. Midnight…It was midnight. What was anyone doing out at such a late hour? When I arrived at my front door, I opened it to find Christine standing there in her night attire, a white robe tied tightly around her slim body.

"You're still awake." she said, smiling widely at me.

"Unfortunately, yes. Why are you out at such an hour?"

From outside, I felt the deathly chill of the catacombs.

"You better come inside before you catch your death."

Christine entered, and I closed the door behind her, sealing the warmth from escaping my lair.

"I couldn't sleep." she began. "I was hoping I could stay in my bedroom tonight. I always do sleep better when I'm here."

"Of course, Christine." I said. "My home is your home."

"Thank you."

I quickly turned out the lights in my kitchen, walking beside Christine as we descended down the hall to our rooms.

"So, how was lunch with sir fop-a lot?"

Christine giggled. "All right, I guess."

"What do you mean, you guess?"

"Oh, you know me, Erik. I'm very old fashioned. Raoul is elaborate when it comes to going places to eat. I'll take a small café any day."

"On that, I think we both agree."

We arrived at the Louise Phillip room, one that Christine had come to call home.

"If you're not warm enough," I began. "There are spare blankets in the closet... here, across the hall."

"Thank you, Erik."

"Sleep well, mon ange…"

When Christine went inside, I walked to my own room, closing the door behind be and changing out of my suit. After placing on my robe, I threw another log on the fire and crawled into my casket, already feeling sleep closing in on me. I found myself in a peaceful slumber, being wakened by a horrible nightmare. There weren't many nights when I would be able to sleep peacefully for long, for my childhood horrors always seemed to pop in my head at some point in time. Yes, they say one cannot feel pain in dreams, but I do….Oh, how I do. If my master whips me, I feel the leather bullwhip burning into my back. If I break a mirror, I feel the shards of glass tearing into my wrists. Tonight, not only had I been whipped, but I had smashed a mirror as well. I woke out of breath, sweat pouring down my face. Just to be sure everything was all right, and it had just been a dream, I pulled up my sleeves, noticing the scars on my wrists and no blood…I sighed, for I had been dreaming.

Knowing that I wasn't going to sleep anymore tonight, I rose from my coffin, tying my robe tightly around my body and headed out to the kitchen. I stayed as quiet as possible, working swiftly at making tea to calm my nerves. There weren't many things that I feared, but my dreams were one of them. I took to my usual spot when my drink was finished, plopping down in my armchair that was in front of the fireplace. I placed my cup down on the side coffee table, folding my hands and staring exhaustedly into the flames. My eyes grew heavy with every second that passed, my head leaning against the side of the throne like chair.

"Erik?"

I felt a chilled hand against my neck, causing me to stir and jump up in fright. When I opened my eyes, I noticed that it was Christine who was standing before me. I must have frightened her as well…

"Maestro, I'm so sorry…"

I put up my hand in protest as I gasped for air.

"Forgive me, Christine." I began. "I'm not used to having guests staying with me over night. I don't think I'll ever get used to it."

"I couldn't sleep…"

"I hope it's not because of me? Was I too noisy?"

"No, I'm just not that tired."

"Would you care for some tea then?"

I stood up, but Christine tried to stop me, assuring that she could get it herself. I wouldn't listen to her though, for she was my guest.

"Please," I motioned to my chair. "Sit. I'll go into the kitchen and make you a cup. The water is already on the stove."

It only took a few moments to make my angel a cup of tea, coming back with it and placing it into her chilled fingers. Oh, my angel…she was cold!

"Your hands feel like death." I gasped, pushing my throne like chair closer to the fire.

"I can get up…" Christine said, her legs starting to rise.

"Don't… Erik shall sit on the floor beside you, like a loyal dog…"

There was silence, Christine's expression seeming worried.

"Christine, is there a reason as to why you couldn't sleep? Usually you're never up at this hour."

"I guess I'm worried is all."

"Worried about what?"

Christine was like a statue, frozen in time.

"Please, ange, you can tell your Erik anything."

"It's Raoul." she confessed. "He's been putting a lot of pressure on me lately."

"Such as?"

"He wants to be married as soon as possible."

My heart constricted. Married? My angel-Married? Oh, if she were to marry him I would never have a chance with her.

"Don't you wish to be married to him?"

My heart was racing as I sat there waiting for her answer.

"Yes…and no."

"I don't understand." I said. "How could Christine want to be married but doesn't want to be married? Are you not in love with him?"

"I am…but…" her fingers nervously traced the flower patterns that wrapped around her teacup. "When we are married, Raoul wants to move away. He wants to take me away to England."

This was even worse than having my angel married. Having her being married to Raoul was bad enough, but then, to have her taken out of my life completely…..Oh, I would die of a broken heart!

"England?" I growled. "You are the rising star in all of Paris. Why would he want to take you away from everything?"

"He says the environment is a terrible one for me to be in. Too many horrible memories…"

"You mean of me…"

Christine shrugged. "I assume that's what he means."

"And yet, here you are spending the night with the same horrible memory."

"Those are Raoul's words," Christine pleaded. "Not my own."

There was a moment of silence, my thoughts racing frantically through my mind. That fop was poisoning my angel's pure soul….

"Am I really all that bad, Christine?"

"No…" Christine gasped. "Never."

"Then why do you let your boy speak so ill of me?"

"Erik, I don't, really-Everyone believes you're dead….even him."

"Then why is it that he still wishes to take you away from this place?"

"I'm not ready to leave, Erik. Please believe me when I say this. This is why I haven't married him yet, why I'm staying here at the opera house, why I'm living life as I've wanted to live it."

"I doubt that this is the extent of how you've wanted to live your life. Yes, being a star is all sunshine and rainbows, but I have to ask, Christine….What is it that you really want?"

Christine smiled. Oh, how that smile always melts my heart.

"I love being a star, Erik, really, I do. At some point, I would want to marry and have children of my own. Perhaps a lovely little cottage….like the one papa and I lived in by the sea. I wouldn't need anything more once I have that. Raoul believes the most important thing in life is money, but the truth of it all is, that I'd rather be poor and happy than wealthy and miserable."

"Money cannot buy one's happiness." I said, thinking about the thousands of francs I demanded from the previous managers. Yes, I had money, but I was still as lonely and as miserable as I ever was. I would be even wealthier with being the owner of the opera house, but what did I have to show for it? Nothing…no wife, no family….not even an ounce of pure happiness to show for it.

"What about you, Erik?"

"Me?" I questioned. "What about me?"

Christine slid down off my chair, plopping herself right beside me.

"Yes…" she giggled. "What is your dream?"

No one had ever asked me what I wanted. It had been pounded into my skull to never think about dreams, for monsters couldn't have them. Monsters weren't supposed to think about love, or families….not even careers. Yes, I've always had a dream, but I was forced to put it in the back of my mind, never to be recognized again.

"Erik, please, tell me…" she grasped my hands with her own, a jolt of electricity shocking my heart. Oh, how it made me feel human….how it made me know that I was alive and breathing. The simple touch of a woman was all poor Erik ever wanted.

"It will be our little secret." she said. "I won't tell anyone, I promise."

What would be the consequences of telling my angel my deepest darkest dreams? To tell her what I have been yearning my entire life. Yes, it may have been a foolish wish, but it was all I ever wanted. I could trust Christine, for she has kept my survival secret, and has helped me recover in more ways than one.

I took a deep breath, hoping that she would not laugh at such a wish… If she did, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to let myself go so far with her again. She had been the first person I ever told my true feelings to. I was like a clam, never releasing emotions to anyone….It had been drilled into my skull years ago that emotion was weakness, that crying was for babies and that a firm and fearless attitude was everything.

"I've always wanted to be loved."

I looked into my angel's eyes, expecting to see laughter, but instead, her smile slipped away, leaving an expression that screamed out pity…or was it perhaps concern?

"Erik…" my angel was speechless. She didn't even have the right words to respond with. Then again, she must have known that no one had ever loved me. Who could when I was born with the face of a demonic monster.

"That is such a simple wish." Christine protested. "To be loved…"

"Perhaps it is simple for you, but for me, it has never come true. My own mother couldn't even love me. She never kissed me, never embraced me…nor did she ever tell me that she loved me."

I put my head down, pressing my eyes closed and wondering why I had told Christine my inner feelings. It had been a mistake. She couldn't understand…no one ever could.

"So that's all you wish for? To be loved? That's your dream, Erik?"

"Love, and everything that comes along with it."

"Such as?"

"Hugs, kisses, marriage, consummation…"

"Erik, could I ask you something personal?"

Oh, what could be more personal than me telling Christine about my life's dream.

"Surely a man of your age has had to experience it at least once…"

"Experience what?"

"Forgive my French, Erik…" she paused. "Sex…"

Oh, to think…My Christine wondering about my meaningless sex life. But the truth of it all was, that I didn't have a sex life because I had yet to do so once…

"Who would want to?"

I could no longer sit, finding myself standing in front of the fire with my hands crossed behind my back. There was more silence, my body filling with such embarrassment. Me, a man of nearly thirty five and never, had I ever found myself rolling in the sheets with woman. Then again, I had never been in love, never knew what love felt like until I met Christine. When I am with her, my body is burning, my heart fluttering… I guess that's what love felt like…

"If you love someone…" Christine began. "Looks wouldn't matter. Appearances are only what's on the outside….It's what's on the inside that matters."

I took off my mask, looking down at it, my fingers pressing down violently into its porcelain. Curse this mask! For it had scared away women, scared away any possibility of experiencing the joys of the flesh.

"Try telling that to a woman."

Christine spun me around, staring me in the face. Oh, how could she bear to look me in the eyes…

"Erik, please know that your face brings no horror to me. You are a wonderful man…"

The grandfather clock in the hall began to strike in the hour of five, an hour when all ballerinas would be getting up and preparing for rehearsal. Our sleepover was nearly at its end, but I knew my angel would return to me again soon. We might not have been lovers, but our friendship was one bound tightly.

"Rehearsal is in an hour." Christine stated.

"Yes, so it is… Well then, I cannot let my angel go off to rehearsal without enjoying the most important meal of the day."

"Erik, really, you don't have to-"

"Nonsense, let me cook you breakfast. It will be good, I promise you…"

I turned to head into the kitchen, when I felt two arms wrap around my chest. I gasped, swearing that at that moment my heart had ceased from beating. Was this an embrace? My Christine was embracing me!

"Your dream is a wonderful dream, Erik…." Christine sighed. "Such a simple thing; love…"

"Simple and unreal…"

"No…" Christine spun me around, placing her hand against my distorted cheek. "Never unreal."

She embraced me from the front this time, placing her head against my chest, my sorry excuse for a nose inhaling the wonderful scent of her curls.

"I'd really like it if we could restart out singing lessons tonight after lights out…"

"Anything…" I said. "I'd like that."

"I'll come down after everyone has gone to bed."

I loved Christine's presence, and I would be looking forward to her visit tonight. Perhaps all hope in receiving love was not lost…Not even in receiving it from Christine.

Awwwww, Well, I'll try to get another chapter up before christmas, but no promises. I've been extra busy with getting ready and then planning my Phantom trip to New York next week. Please review!