Behind Blue Eyes
Chapter 6
Much More Complicated (The Degree of Selfishness)
By Animeguera
Quatre POV
"I don't think the world needs to know that their pacifist leader is a drunken fool that got knocked up in a tryst that lasted only one night." My eyes tried to look at her clear blue eyes but she hung her head and tears began to spill out. My hand reached out to lift her chin. I chose my next words carefully.
"You're not a fool. Besides, there's more than one truth." My mind began to drift to that night, not too long ago. Her voice faltered as she began to speak, but her practiced voice spoke clearly.
"Why do you really want to marry me?" I could not answer her question with words, so my next option became my desperate choice. I leaned towards her and I could see the uncertainty in her eyes. I stopped short of pressing my lips to hers.
I pulled away, unable to continue without her approval. "Relena, I think you already know the answer to your question."
Eleven Weeks
My guilty conscience led me to try and reconcile them. I found Heero around the Peacecraft residence. He was not in his usual status as Relena's shadow. He was sitting on a bench in the gardens. He would know I was approaching but he made no move to acknowledge my presence.
"It's not selfish to want to be with her." I said to him. I am being selfish for wanting to be with her.
"She doesn't want me," was Heero's response. He hadn't moved. His eyes continued to be transfixed on a single spot.
"Heero for someone of your caliber, you sure are an idiot." That merited a glance sideways at me. I wasn't sure if he was reacting to my insult or if he was calculating how to kill me. He would have an excellent reason to do so. I stood, unafraid of him.
"She made her choice and so have you." His words were cold.
"I'm sterile, Heero." My words caused his head to turn to face me. His eyes testing the truth in my eyes."I know you believe that Dr. J spoke the truth when he said the same thing to you. One of the side effects of being engineered and not born is that my ability to reproduce was lost, so I am the last male heir of the Winner line." Heero continued to say nothing. "I know what you think you saw happen that night, but nothing happened between Relena and I. Even if it had, that child could never be mine."
"I saw you." His voice strained to stay in control. I shook my head. "Quatre, I saw you leaving her room, unclothed. That was the night of conception. There's an equal chance that you are the father of her child."
I dared to rest my hand on his shoulder, "A quick test can provide proof of your virility. I already have mine." I dropped the test results in his lap and walked away. I did not want to see his reaction. If it was relief or anger, I couldn't know.
Eleven Weeks
I walked into the study and found more people than I expected. Milliardo, Lucrezia and
Relena were intently watching the video screen. The news reporter's voice spoke calmly, her words echoed in the the quiet room.
"With the announcement of the engagement of Representative from the Colonies and Vice Presidential Candidate Relena Peacecraft, the public polls continue to fluctuate. Polls in the Space Colonies continue to support Candidate Peacecraft despite her untraditionalism. The polls on Earth are more unpredictable as those who remember that Candidate Peacecraft has been supportive of peace between the Earth and Colonies before she graduated her secondary education. The older generations seems to disapprove of her sudden pregnancy and her decision to marry Mr. Winner. Only time will tell how the election in the coming months will turn out for the Vice Presidency."
The reporter's voice changed as they moved on to the weather in the area. Unlike the scheduled and controllable weather in the colonies, weather is unpredictable.
"Unpredictable polling cannot be good." Lucrezia spoke, breaking the tense silence. Milliardo's plan to prevent Relena's pregnancy from affecting her public image was not working as expected.
"Damned if I do, damned if I don't." Relena responded. Her posture exposed her exhaustion.
"Relena, don't speak like that." Milliardo said, his voice just as tired.
"Brother, I am in my own home. If I am unable to speak a few choice words here, then this is not as safe as a space as I thought it was." Relena stood from the couch. She nodded at me, but passed right beside me. "I'm going to bed."
Eleven Weeks
I am a coward. I am a terrible person. I should not be eavesdropping on this private conversation. But I couldn't help myself.
For a long moment of time, no one said anything. I drew my breaths as silently as I could. Heero was still at the same bench. I wasn't sure if he had left it all day. His posture was stiff and I wasn't sure if he was awake. Relena didn't seem too sure either as she cautiously stepped closer to Heero's position. She was wearing her thick pajamas, a slight belly appearing, but barely discernable to anyone unknown to her pregnancy.
"Heero," he moved to stare at her with awe, "I want to talk to you." He made no other move. She sat on the opposite end of the bench. Her hands in her lap, no gloves to protect them. "I need to know if you are the father of this child."
Heero did not respond immediately. He wore nothing more than his usual Preventer uniform. "Quatre is not the father." He said factually. Relena accepted the news calmly. "He can be if you would prefer that option." Heero said after another moment of silence. He had his head down, unable to look at her.
"I know what I want and what I need. Quatre is a wonderful man-" Relena spoke softly.
"He has strong feelings for you," Heero interrupted. I froze in anticipation to her response to that.
She smiled sorrowfully, "I know. The feelings are only platonic on my side." She reached across the looming space between them and grabbed hold of his hand. He let her hold his hand. She stood and let go, looking back at him as she walked away.
And now I am in the middle. I am lost in my own thoughts, replaying the scene in my head. It couldn't have gone any different. The course of fate was already laid. I did not sense Heero's movements away from the bench. My eyes focused as he stood in front of me. The look on his face was of pure loathing.
I said nothing, standing tall in front of him. I waited calmly as Heero's fist collided with my face. The pain was strong, his blow made its mark on my face. He walked away and left me in my torture of my own making.