AN!!! as some of you might have noticed i've changed my name. That's because the BFF i've been talking about has been bugging me, and now, this is our the user we are sharing. i'm writing and she's coming with all the great ideas! (;
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Kanye West - Jesus walks
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DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns everything
6. Before I forget
BPOV
3 months after…
I was still driving around; I could imagine Alice going insane because she couldn't get in contact with me. but somehow I didn't really care. I was currently in France. Trying not to think about was I was going to do, to change my decision all the time, I wouldn't want to worry Alice. Or that was the reason I kept on telling myself, because really, I just didn't want her to come and ruin it all. But Alice being Alice she was already worrying. But I really couldn't take the time to care about that. I didn't have the strength to care about any of them. Not even Nessie… ah Nessie, my beautifully little girl.
She really was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. it really was a sad thing that she grew up so fast, too fast, if you ask me. I would have loved to have my little girl stay little a bit longer. And he felt the same way, completely the same way. He really was the picture of an overprotective father, really! The day it really shined through, was the day Nessie moved into a house with Jacob.
"Bella are you sure this is a good idea? I mean… she's only 14 years old… she's only a teenager," I turned to look at him.
"Our daughter was 14 years old, when she was 6 Edward! Look at that girl over there… no not girl, woman! She looks older than me, and I'm here mother! This is a good idea and you know it!" We both turned to look at our daughter, standing hugging her boyfriend in a tight embrace. She really was a beauty. With the long legs, the pale skin, those beautifully chocolate brown eyes and that hair, even Rose was envy. She was a woman with a capital W. Edward knew that.
"Believe me, it's time. Plus think about all the alone time we'll have!" I said and kissed him on his lips softly, softly became harder, and harder became demanding, and demanding became hot.
"MOM, DAD!" I smiled against his lips and pulled softly away. "You see?" I whispered and he nodded.
But when he turned around, the smile fell from his lips. He walked over to Nessie and pulled her into a tight embrace. She had her hand against his neck, and I knew they were talking together. I hated it, this was one of the few moments were I really wished that I could read minds. He pulled away from her and kissed her on top of her head.
He then proceeded to walk over to Jacob, who had been so kind to give father and daughter a private moment. I saw the look on Jacob's face, he actually looked kind of afraid. I could only imagine the look Edward was giving him.
They shook hands, and I could see Edwards mouth move. I could hear the end of it. "If you hurt her I will kill you, understood Black?" I saw Jacob nod and I just had to smirk. I walked over to Nessie and hugged her.
"Your father will live; he's just going into overprotective mode. Don't take any notice of him. Now have fun, and take good care!" she nodded and I kissed her beautifully brown curls. I stepped away and walked over to Edward. His hand came around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. I laid my head on his shoulder as they drove away.
When they turned so we couldn't see them any longer, I turned to look at him.
"You know what this means?" he just shook his head slowly.
"It means that we don't have a kid in the house and her really bad smelling boyfriend," he smiled at that, but didn't get my point.
"Do I really have to spell it out for you?" I opened my mind for him. S-E-X! after that I ran into the house, with him on my tale, of course he was faster than me, so he picked me up, and ran us into our room.
He never complained about Nessie moving in with Jacob after that.
As I pulled away from the flash back I was hurting, I lifted my hand and laid it where my heart used to be. I knew it wasn't there anymore, and the whole ached. And I knew it never could be filled, never ever. I kept on trying to decide where I was going, I already knew where I was going, but Alice didn't and that was my main concern, to keep Alice in the dark for as possible. I felt kind of bad for Jasper, she was probably freaking out, and I bet there was nothing he could do about it.
Sometime I really felt for Jasper, he got to feel everything, every single thing. When we would fight he would feel the anger. When we had sex, he would feel the lust. When we were embarrassed he would know. But the thing is that Jasper used it to his advanced and Edward used every gift, to his advanced.
The pain that ripped through me at that was indescribable. And I really asked for it myself. I knew I messed up, and I always paid for it, always. What's that saying? What goes around come back around? Well I had never heard truer words or maybe I had, but that's beside the point.
The pain when from where my heart where supposed to be, to the rest of my body. I felt like lying down in a fetal position and just cry. And both of those options were out of the question. So I decided to torture myself a little more. I could lick my wounds later.
I remember all the weddings we had or really it was just three. And Edward was hell bent on not having the third one.
We lay together in bed. Curled up in the sheets looking into each other's eyes, my hands where softly playing with his hair, as his was running up and down my bag. I leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips.
"Let's get married," I whispered against his lips as I kissed him again, but he pulled away. He looked into my eyes. He was frowning slightly.
"No."
I just laid there looking at him in confusion. He didn't want to marry me.
"Don't give me that look, I married you twice, we don't need to do it again. We are not Rose and Emmet."
"HEY!" The respond came from downstairs.
"I just thought it would be fun, you know, with the honeymoon and all," I said and lifted my leg up from the sheets. Edwards gaze shifted from my eyes to my leg. I actually think he gulped.
"But if you don't want to, then I can't make you do it," and with that I rolled out of bed, and was in the bathroom in one second. I could hear him sigh in the bed.
"Bella, don't think I will give up that easy, we are not getting married a third time," I could hear him sigh again. He already knew he had lost, but he was fighting against it. I had some clothes lying on the floor so I pulled it on. It didn't even know if it was matching, and I really didn't care. I walked out of the bedroom to see him standing fully clothed.
"Going somewhere Mr. Cullen?" He just smiled and shook his head at me.
We walked down to the living room, he sat down in the sofa and I placed myself in his lap. I laid my head in the crook of his neck.
"Bella." He warned but I didn't listen to him. I started placing small kisses on his neck. I could hear him suck a breath in, but I really didn't take notice of it.
"Please Edward… 'kiss' for me 'kiss' please 'kiss'" he pulled a hand up to my cheek and pulled my head away from his neck. I pouted at him.
"No Bella, I'm not backing down. Two was enough." I didn't nod; I just jumped up from his lap.
"Enjoy your night alone Mr. Cullen," and with that I was out of the door. I knew he was following me. I could smell him. I was actually just waiting on him to catch up with me, but he didn't. I didn't look back.
I knew this game, we played it all the time, and I always won.
I suddenly smelled it; could I really be that evil? Yeah I could be that evil. I ran in the direction of the smell, I crotched and jumped at the animal. Now I knew why Edward loved it so much, it really was the best of the worse. Mountain Lion. Delicious.
"Are you trying to kill me?" I turned around to look at Edward. "Not only did you just take down my favorite treat, you had to look damn sexy doing it." I just shrugged at him.
"Just showing you what you're missing," and with that I walked past him. he grabbed me and pulled me against me.
"why do you want to get married so much Bella?" I just smirked at him.
"You really think I'm doing it for the wedding?" he just nodded. "I'm doing it for the honeymoon. You, me, Isle Esme?" he smiled at me and kissed my lips.
"Okay…" he sighed like it was really hard for him to say, "I'll do it, but I'm only doing it for the honeymoon," I smirked at him.
"God! We really just are to horny teenagers," And with that I won, as always.
That was the longest argument we've ever had. Which says a lot about our marriage. So when he started pulling away I was surprised to say the least. And hurt. And so many other emotions I couldn't even begin to describe. I could feel the pain slowly coming up to the surface. As I knew it would. But it was worth it. it was so much worth it. I could always hate myself for doing this later. Right now I felt like I had a right to relive all the happy moments. So I did.
High school, love it, hate it. We had to go through it time after time. It really was boring so, so boring. and I remember my first day as a vampire in high school clearly.
We all climbed out of Edward Volvo, it was new, and he was in love. It was actually quite funny, if it wasn't because I felt like the car was making my take second place. We all walked over to the office to get our schedules. And after we got them, I got the impression that Edward had been cheating because, surprise, surprise, we had all of our classes together.
I turned and looked at him. "Did someone accidently reshuffle the schedules so we had every class together, love?" He just smiled that crocked one, and I knew I was right.
We all walked out of the office and into the main building, as soon as we entered the school, Edward was tense. His hand was gripping mine, in a way that would have broken an arm on a human; I just felt the tiniest pressure on my hand. We walked into our first class together. As we sat down I turned and looked worriedly at him.
"Edward? What's wrong?" he turned his head and gave me a tense smile.
"if you heard the thoughts the male population is having about you at the moment, you would…" I leaned forward and shut him up with a kiss. My hand cradled his face and as I pulled away I smiled at him.
"Don't worry, you have me, that's all you need to know, and if you really want I can extend me shield, so their thoughts won't bother you?" he just shook his head at me.
"I can handle it," I just snorted.
"Masochistic lion," I whispered to him.
"Stupid lamb," he whispered back. I turned my head to look at him.
"I. Am. Not. A. Lamb!" I hissed at him. He brought his hand up to my cheek but I slapped it away.
"I know love, I know." He tried to put his hand on my cheek but I slapped it away again.
Everybody in the class was looking at us; if I could I would have blushed. It just looked ahead of me. Edward took my hand in his, and I couldn't really pull away, I needed the comfort.
The teacher came and class started. I didn't actually listen to him. I just focused on his hands in mine.
When the bell rang we walked out of class, and found the next one. And that day went on like that. and then.
Lunch. Edward and I went up to get us trays of props. Really the food was disgusting. How I had ever eaten that, was beyond me. Edward and I weren't talking to each other. But Edward was still tense. So I decided to help.
I extended my shield to the cafeteria, until I knew everybody was in it, and then I walked over to the table, I knew would be claimed as the Cullen's. Edward visibly relaxed, but then he noticed what I did and glared at me. I just smiled at him and leaned over to his ear.
"come on, you can't say that you don't enjoy the silence, especially from those four," I said and pointed at our four "siblings" he just nodded at me. I kissed him softly on the lips and pulled away before it could turn into something more.
"You are very welcome then," and with that I started paying with my food. Making it look like I actually ate something.
Somehow my shield slipped, and I could feel Edward tense up immediately as their thoughts hit him.
"Sorry…" I whispered to him, looking down at my food. I felt his hand under my chin, as he made me look at him.
"It's okay, I'm used to it," after that we just sat looking each other in the eye, and when the bell rang we went to yet another class together.
The day ended with gym, yay… not! It really wasn't fun when you had an advantage you couldn't use.
Gym past in a blur, the only thing my mind, was Edward, and how good he looked in those shorts he was wearing. Unfortunately I weren't the only one appreciating Edward. So when we walked out of the gym together I pushed him against the wall, and started kissing him, hard and demanding. When I was done I smiled against his lips, and pulled him after me towards his car, we passed the girls from gym and I just flashed them a smile.
When we got into the car Edward smiled at me. "I really, really like jealous Bella, because that, out there? That was hot, love." I just smiled at him and after that we drove out of school.
And that was the way we spent every first day in high school.
That one was the worst. But it had kept my thoughts of the real issue at hand, and that was more important, than a little bit of pain. The only problem was that it wasn't just a little bit of pain. It was a burning pain, not as bad as getting bit, but it was on a second place.
My breaths where starting to come in little, fast puffs. I had to pull over, because I couldn't focus. It was hurting too much. I laid both of my hand on my chest, willing the pain to stop, but it didn't.
It was like getting stabbed in the bag, breaking all of the bones in the body, having surgery without anesthesia. And still all that pain weren't quite enough. I just sat there in the car, in the side of the road, breathing in those little puffs. Alice would be freaking out by know, poor Jasper. OW!
After that I just stopped breathing and the pain stopped. It was like magic. So I started the car again. Knowing I was reaching my gold, but I didn't know what my gold would be, I knew Alice had an idea, and I knew she was waiting on me to slip up, and I knew I was going to slip up.
So I drove, trying not to decide on anything, until I had to decide. And when I decide I knew Alice was yelling at everybody. Now I felt for all of them, not just Jasper.
As I drove into the city, I remembered that day so long ago. I remembered the red, the people, the sun, the panic, everything. The pain was slowly starting to surface once again, so I stopped think about it.
I parked the car outside the city. I was praying to the weather gods, and thanking them for the gloomy weather. As I walked into the city I thought about my choice. And I knew it was the right one. The only one.
Because I couldn't take the pain, the numbness… I couldn't take anything anymore. So as I walked into the city, I wasn't afraid. I wasn't even afraid as I walked into the big reception of the castle. I just walked up to the girl sitting there.
"I need to speak to Aro,"