So, I hope this doesn't have any errors. I proofread it, but I was kind of excited to finish it up, so I might have missed some things. Enjoy! :)
Also, as a side note, I work in a daycare, and the parents of one of my babies met Patrick Dempsey through racing because the boy's dad build race cars. I AM SO JEALOUS!!! They say he is very nice and down to earth. ;)
"Well, Addison, I'm surprised." Derek announced, taking the last bite of his pasta. "That was delicious, and I don't feel like I'm going to die from being poisoned, so I think we're in the clear."
Addison made a face at him, refilling his glass with red wine. "Har har."
"Do you remember the Chianti from that little café in Florence?" Derek asked, taking a sip.
"Yeah." Addison smiled softly, remembering their honeymoon. "I always look for it when I'm wine shopping, but… I've never found it… Not even in Manhattan."
There was an awkward silence. Addison twisted the stem of her wine glass between her thumb and forefinger absently.
"So, how have you managed, with Natalie?" Derek asked. "Did you take time off after you had her?"
Addison sighed. "Not really, no. She was in daycare at the hospital until she got to school."
"And how did that work out?"
"She called her daycare teacher, Miss Leah, 'mama' weeks before she ever called me that." Addison said, her eyes downcast. "Sometimes, she would cry when I came to pick her up because she didn't want to leave."
"Oh, Addie…"
"But I know our daughter." Addison said firmly. "She has asthma. Her left front tooth is a temporary false one because she knocked her baby tooth out when she was two while trying to climb our entertainment center to put in 'Finding Nemo.' She says her favorite color is blue, but it's really pink; just go look at her closet. When she's hurt or upset, she likes to have hot chocolate. She kissed her first boy when she was in preschool."
As she prattled on, it became clear to Derek that she was trying to convince herself more than him that she knew their daughter, and that her work had not damaged the relationship between them.
"Her favorite movie is 'Grease.' Her favorite book is 'The Velveteen Rabbit.' She can't pronounce the word 'lipstick' correctly. She only likes eggs if they are scrambled with cheese. She wants to be astronaut. Her first word was uterus…"
"Wait a minute." Derek held up one hand. "Our daughter's first word was uterus?"
Addison laughed softly. "Um, yeah. I used to read my medical journals to her to lull her to sleep… I guess some of it stuck."
"See, this is why she needed a father in her life." Derek said, but his tone was teasing. "Then her first word could have been something like amygdala."
Addison rolled her eyes at his poor attempt at joke. "Sometimes, I think about giving it all up."
"But you love being a doctor." Derek protested.
"Not as much as I love being her mother." Addison said with a sigh. "I mean, I wouldn't give it up completely. I could do research, tackle some big cases… Just not be in a supervisory position where I'm on call at all times.
"That might not be so bad." Derek said thoughtfully.
"Maybe for the next 10 years, anyway, until she's a teenager and hates me." Addison said wryly as she drained her wine glass. "Hey, do you want to see some pictures of her? I mean, I know it's not the same as… But…"
Derek nodded. "I'd love to."
From under the coffee table, Addison pulled a silver plated album, engraved with Natalie's name and birth date.
"This was a gift from Naomi." Addison explained as she opened it.
In the first picture, he saw a tiny baby with a shock of messy dark hair that looked more like Derek's than Addison's. She was lying in her clear box of a makeshift womb, covered in wires, her thumb firmly planted in her mouth. Derek could tell that it still pained Addison to see their daughter like that, bringing back those memories.
"She had Respiratory Distress Syndrome when she was born." Addison explained. "I… I couldn't be with her at first, when she was born, and it was awful…"
Addison stopped for a moment, running a finger over the picture before continuing.
"I had to have an emergency c-section, and an emergency hysterectomy because I was bleeding out. I am definitely barren now." Addison said wryly.
She turned the page of the photo album for Derek. In the following pictures, Natalie was clearly stronger and healthier. Addison had pictures of her for each month of her life. They finally landed on a picture of Natalie seated before a piece of cake with a wax "1" stuck into it.
"Oh!" Addison tapped the picture. "This is a good one."
"Is that her first birthday?"
"Yes. But do you notice anything weird about it, compared to everyone else in the world's first birthday pictures?"
Derek squinted at the picture. "She's… Not covered in cake?"
"Exactly! She didn't like touching the cake. She didn't smash her hands in it like most babies do. She tore off neat bites like this." Addison pinched her thumb and forefinger together to demonstrate. "We have one strange child."
As they flipped through the pictures, Derek saw Natalie through all of the stages of her life. He saw her grow from looking more like him as an infant to more like her mother. He saw vacations, extra-curricular activities, holidays; and he couldn't help but mentally insert himself into the pictures.
"Hey…" Derek pointed to one picture of a three-year-old Natalie standing by a horse. "That's Lucky, isn't it?"
Addison beamed, happy that her ex-husband had remembered the name of her favorite horse, which had become Natalie's horse. "Yup! She loves to go visit Grandma Bizzy in Connecticut and go riding."
"How is Bizzy these days?"
Addison rolled her eyes. "You have to ask?"
Derek chuckled. "I guess not."
"Oh gosh…" Addison smacked her forehead with a small laugh. "I just realized I'm going to have to tell your mother about Natalie! If I thought she hated me before, damn…"
Derek looked down at the couch. "Actually… You won't."
"What do you mean?" Addison was confused.
"Mom died…" Derek didn't look up. "A heart attack."
Addison's eyes widened in shock. "What?! Oh my God. I feel terrible, Derek… I kept Natalie from your family, and she never got to meet her… She never knew her only son's daughter, and it's all my fault!"
Derek finally raised his eyes to meet Addison's. "Actually, she wouldn't have met her anyway… It probably happened before you ever knew you were pregnant. It was only a month after you left."
"Derek, why didn't you tell me?"
Derek shrugged. "We weren't married anymore… And you'd left…"
"I still would have wanted to…" Addison trailed off. She closed the photo album, put it on the coffee table, and placed a hand on Derek's cheek. He leaned into her touch slightly. "I cared for you, you know. I still do. I just didn't know how to reconcile that with our divorce… And I still don't."
"I know… I don't either." Derek admitted. "You should know that… Natalie told me that you said you still love me."
The shade of Addison's cheeks quickly deepened, and she turned away in clear embarrassment. Derek used his fingertip under her chin to draw her face back toward his, and in closer. He moved his fingertip up to her cheek and stroked it gently. This closer look at her allowed him to see that his former wife looked different. She wore less makeup than she once did, and the laugh lines on her face were deeper than he remembered. The old Addison would have probably had Botox, but this new Addison, the one whose life revolved more around her child than herself, was softer and less concerned with her appearance. But she was still beautiful; maybe even more beautiful than when they were married.
"I tell you that because…" Derek swallowed. "I still love you too, Addie."
Derek moved his head forward and closed the small gap between them by pressing his lips against hers. His arm slipped around her, leaving his hand to rest on the small of her back. He used the hand to pull Addison closer to him, parting her lips with his tongue. An electric shock bolted through both of them at the connection of their tongues. Addison let out a soft sigh as Derek's hands found her hair. It was too much. Addison reluctantly broke away from the kiss, pressing into Derek's chest to push him away and separate them.
"Stop."
"Why?"
"Because it's not just about us now, Derek. It's about Natalie. Everything that I… That we, do… Affects her. I can't let you put her through what you put me through. I won't let that happen to her."
"What if things are different now?"
"How?" Addison demanded. "How are things different?"
"Five years ago, I couldn't imagine being anything but a brain surgeon. You might have even been right to keep Natalie away from me, because I was selfish. Her learning to walk would have paled in comparison to extracting a brain tumor. I didn't care about anything but surgery, and it wasn't worth it."
"But… You saved so many lives."
"And neglected my own. I lost everything." Derek said, looking down. "I lost you."
"Der…"
"Let me finish." Derek pleaded. "I never even cared about the money. It was about the God complex. I got to hold brains in my hands and feel like God because I could fix them. But now, I'm 45. I've been alone for the past 5 years, I hadn't been alone since I was 22, when we started dating. I realize that I hate it. It's not worth it. I want something more."
"What are you saying?" Addison said, the confusion clear in her blue eyes.
"Why can't we try to raise Natalie together?" Derek asked, taking Addison's hand. "Why can't we try to have the family we wanted years ago?"
"You have to go." Addison suddenly jumped off the couch and crossed the room quickly to the front door.
"Addison…" Derek slowly pulled himself off the couch and followed her.
"Please, just…" Addison opened the front door for him. "Don't make it any harder than it already is."
"But… What about Natalie?"
"Well, Natalie has a three day weekend starting tomorrow, and I already took it off to spend with her, so you can join us." Addison said. "But… I can't be alone with you without her."
"Why not?" Derek pressed.
"Because I'm afraid of what I might do… Or say."
"Addie, can't we just…"
Addison cleared her throat, trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "Goodbye, Derek."
Derek nodded and stepped outside. "Night, Addie."
Addison closed the door softly behind him. She stood with her back against the door and closed her eyes. Tears escaped and made little trails down her face. She waited a few moments, then turned and opened the door again, to see if he was gone. She wasn't really sure whether she wanted him to be or not.
Derek was still standing there.
"Hi." Addison said, sniffling softly.
"Hi."
She forgot all logic as he pulled her into his tight embrace, and his lips crashed against hers once again.