Title: Sudden change of heart

Chapter: Why me? Why now?

Author: sodapoplover

Warning: Guy/Guy

Pairing: Dallas & Tim

Book: The Outsider (I own nothing! All of these characters are property of S. E. Hinton)

I was shocked. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. Johnny's suppose to be dead. So why did he lay before me trying to put words together. Suddenly I moved closer to him. "Johnny?" He slowly and I mean slowly moved his head and half way opened up his eyes. "Dal?" he said quietly with a croak in his voice. "Buddy? What- I don't understand. Just last night you were- you passed out cold and di-" I stopped when I saw him smile. "I'm sorry," he whispered. And all of a sudden I started to cry but not tears of sadness. They were tears of happiness. Of joy. Johnny's back. God Johnny's back! To my surprise I began thanking God himself as I squeezed Johnny's hand tightly.

"O-ow! Dal th-at hurts…" I let go and laughed softly. "I'm sorry buddy." I'm sorry. And for the first time in my life I felt grateful and thankful. I had a huge smile and held on to Johnny almost close enough to hug him.

Wait till' I tell the boys.

...

Days made their way into weeks and weeks made their way into months. It had been three months since Johnny was back in our lives. Since I saw Tim… But slowly and shortly I was beginning to feel better and forgetting about him. Johnny was on a wheel chair since but we didn't really mind as long as he was back. We didn't get out much; we just stayed with Johnny in the Curtis' house since I refused to let him go home. The doctor had told Darry that in two months or so he'll probably be able to get off the wheel chair and walk; possibly he said. So every day we took him for a walk around the block just until he collapsed to the ground. It was like teaching a baby to walk and day by day he got the hang of it. I was proud of him and proud of myself. I was determined to get Johnny back on his feet and I wouldn't quit till' he could do it properly. The gang seemed to notice too.

I sat beside Johnny who was sitting on the couch reading a book. "I didn't know you liked to read," I said. Johnny smiled and I felt warm inside. "I don't- I didn't but I was close to dying that I decided I shouldn't take that risk. I should start doing things I never did. Besides Pony seems to enjoy it." True, I though. "Yeah, Pony," I said quietly. "He was almost torn without you. I guess cause you're the only one in the gang that holds us together." He continued to smile. "Yeah, I guess I do but if I hadn't made it you would hold the gang together right?" I thought back of when Johnny passed out on me and I was close throwing my life away. "I-" If it weren't for Tim I would've been dead. Tim… But here I was alive and holding Pony up when we thought Johnny was gone forever. "I would," I said giving him a beautiful smile. Not something you see on me every day. 'I thought so, Johnny said closing the book. He stared at me for awhile and observed me. "What?" I asked wondering why he was staring at me like that. "Pony told me what you did," he finally said. 'What I did? What did I do?" Johnny gave me an intimidating smile. But his smile was different. It was nothing like the Shepard's. His smile was warm and happy. "You," he said punching me softly on my cheek. 'Me what?" I asked impatiently. "You hugged him. You comfort him because you could tell he was devastated when I wasn't around." That damn Pony. "Johnny!" I snarled. "You did," he said as he looked away but continued to smile. "Pony wouldn't lie." "Yeah, I guess I did. I almost felt different," I admitted. Johnny looked at me again but this time I wasn't staring at him. I was staring at the floor. "You should've," he said, "not every day you hug someone Dal." I started thinking about Tim again. Three months. Three. Stop! Stop thinking about him. He's not worth it. "Dally?" Johnny said concerned. "Yeah?" I said still looking at the floor. "Can I ask you a question?" "You already did," I said laughing but I kept my eyes on the carpet. "Dal, I'm serious. I wanna ask you a question. A serious question. A question I've been dying to ask you since three months ago," he said in a serious tone. I guess he was serious and honestly, if it was a serious question, I was afraid of what he wanted to ask me. "Ok, what is it?" I asked not really wanting to hear his question. He bit his lip and looked at the floor. "Johnnycake," I said lightly. "Remember when you came to the hospital and you were happy to see me alive. Oh no… 'Yeah, what about it?" I said scratching beside my ear. "Why," he stopped. Please don't ask. "Why were-" Don't ask. "Were you crying…?" I stayed silent then finally answered. "Yeah. Yeah I was." I knew he wouldn't buy it if I told him I wasn't. "Why?" he asked upset. Tim… "B-Because I thought you were gone," I lied. Which made me feel bad. When I wasn't even crying for him. "Oh," he said quietly then Two-bit busted through the door with the rest of the gang carrying burgers, fries, and shakes. "You two hungry?" he shouted setting the food on the kitchen table.

I gently lifted Johnny up and sat him down on the kitchen chair.

"Dal, you don't look good again," Steve said.

Ugh, why is it that Steve's always noticing that something's wrong with me. "Uh, no. No, I'm just hungry."

"Well, there's a bunch of food here so eat up," Two-bit said. When I was about to eat I heard a car door slam and I jumped. "Woah! Are you ok?" Two-bit asked shockingly. "Getting to get a bit more like Johnny here, all jumpy and scared," he teased. Then looked at Johnny, who looked offended, and apologized quietly. I gave a fake laugh and told him to shut up.

Darry came in through the front door and headed towards the couch till he smelled the food. He pat Johnny on the head and said, "hey johnnycake. I'd pick you up and hug you but I'd break your bones. Did you walk?" "Not yet," Johnny answered smiling. "I'm starving!" "Wait-" Soda cried. "What are you doing out of work so early/" Darry looked at him concern so I asked too. "Yeah, what are you doing what of work so early?" Darry looked at me and the gang. "Geez, the boss let me go." "Why?" Soda asked. "Sodapop, I ask the questions around here, not you." Soda rolled his eye and everyone began eating their food.

I wasn't really hungry. I was playing with my food and I thought to myself if I don't start eating the gang is gonna bother me with questions like :why aren't you eating, aren't you hungry, what's wrong with you, are you sick. And I don't wanna hear that right now. Besides I'd only lie to them. What I wanted to do was sleep right now and I knew that was a bad thing cause every time I wanted to sleep was because I was thinking about Tim or upset because of Tim. I ate my food quickly and asked Darry if it was okay to kick it on his couch. "Uh, sure Dal- Hey Dal, are you okay?" Ugh not that question! I looked at him with hidden anger. "Yeah, I'm fine." "No you're not," Two-bit said seriously. I looked at him and he cocked an eyebrow still keeping the same expression. I stood there looking at him and trying to hide the fact that I felt shocked. Then slowly he smiled and said ," I'm just joking with you man." I laughed then headed for the couch. I knew if I pretended to be asleep after a while they'd start talking about me so after ten minutes I began breathing hard as if I was sleeping. "Is he asleep?" Johnny asked. "What's wrong with him?" Lately he seems upset and-" "No one has any idea," Steve interrupted. "How long has he been like this?" Darry asked concerned. "Well, he's usually himself but once in a while he goes silent as if he's in deep thought," Pony said. "He hasn't told you anything?" Darry asked someone then Johnny said ,"no…" Almost made me feel bad. I decided to stop listening to their conversation and think about Tim. The thought of what we did three months ago made me smile. I miss him… I even pretended that right now he's thinking of me and wanting to reach out for me. He's not the same Tim Shepard I knew. Not the Tim Shepard I would fight without reason. Make time just to trash houses with him and his lousy gang. This Tim Shepard made me feel breathless. Almost as if I couldn't breathe without him. All I desperately want, all I need is the air I would kill to breathe. His air. And I know for a fact sooner or later I'll be surrounded in his air as he tightly holds on to me. I'll breathe again. I know I will.

Thinking about him, I was close to falling asleep till someone knocked on the door. "I'll get that," Darry said. I heard him open the door and heard his voice. "Hey Tim, come inside." I heard footsteps enter the gouse and my heart dropped. I had no choice but to keep pretending I was sleeping. "Take a seat on the couch. Careful Dally's sleeping on it." Why me? Why now?

…...

I wanna thank everyone for their comments I'm busy with school work and stuff but when I read reviews from people who are reading my story and want me to update I find time and I do it. Thanks again.