Episode 5: Partners in Crime
4thwall breaks in this chapter.
(Deadpool's serious crazy voice.)
[Deadpool's insane crazy voice.]
These voices will have a limited debut throughout the episode.
Me: So, let me do a roll call. Doctor?
Doctor: Here!
Me: Master?
Master: Can't you see me, I'm right here!
Me: Grouch… Outcast?
Outcast: Yes.
Me: Donna?
Donna: Here!
Me: And Deadpool?
Deadpool: ...- it just doesn't make sense… oh, here!
Me: Jesus Christ. I'm going to be making a little side story about how Deadpool and the Outcast came to meet Donna and how they lived there, but for now…. Le sigh. I have this other story for the Avengers called the Spades Chronicles. If you like the Avengers, craziness, stories about an OC getting pulled into another world (i.e. Movies, shows, books, games…) then please try it. Another thing, this story takes a long time to update because I write it while I watch the episode. I'm also thinking of changing the pairing from DoctorxOCxMaster to DeadpoolxOC. Please vote on that in the reviews, I really need to know because there may be romantic undertones in this chapter/episode and if you want it to stay the love triangle then I'll play it off as the flirting of 2 people who live to tease and love each other platonically, like family. Alright, let's get this show on the road.
BBC/KarrineGenesis
David Tennant
John Simm
Benedict Cumberbatch
Nolan North
Catherine Tate
THE LAST THREE
Partners in Crime by KarrineGenesis a.k.a. Karrine Schwimley/Basis by Russell T Davies
"Donna!" Lane shouted up the stairs, pacing in front of them.
"Hold on, space boy, don't get your panties in a twist!" Was her reply, and Lane huffed.
Before he could yell up again, Wade came up behind him and covered his eyes. "Guess who?!"
"Wade…"
"Aw, you always get the right answer! But I would expect no less from an OC of your awesomeness. The Authoress must love you!"
"... What?" He asked, giving Wade a blank look.
Wade had his suit and mask on still, but on his head was a fedora and on his body was… a dress.
"Alright, what is it you want? Oh, cute dress." Donna gave Wade a throwaway compliment.
"Donna, we have something to do together!" Lane smiled at her, not even acknowledging the weird interaction.
"What is it?" She asked.
"Well, you remember in the papers? 'Adipose Industries'?"
Donna nodded, and Lane handed her a folder.
"OOH, LET ME SEE!" Wade yelled, pushing Lane out of the way and bounding behind Donna.
"You could have just asked me to move…" Lane grumbled, rubbing his shoulder.
Wade read the folder over Donna's shoulder, then sighed.
"Adipose industries. Okay. Fine." Wade rolled his eyes.
"Oi, be nice. It's the best thing we've found in a while." Donna chided him, and he nodded.
So now here they were, travelling down a packed street.
Lane had fitted Wade in a regular business attire suit and had used technology to, well, restore him to his former glory, so to speak.
Lane had always liked the scars better. It showed that Wade wasn't a prissy young'un.
They made their way into Adipose Industries. Unbeknownst to them, the Doctor and the Master were making their way as well.
"Wade, behave yourself. Lane, make sure to keep him and yourself in check." Donna warned, before proceeding to the man at the door.
"Donna Noble, health and safety."
"Lane and Wade, health and safety."
Once they were inside, Donna gave Lane a dirty look.
"Don't take my bit."
"I couldn't think of anything else!" He hissed back.
"We could have been police, newspaper people, bloggers…" Wade started listing, and Lane hit him on his shoulder.
"Ow!" Wade complained.
"Mom, Lane's being mean to me!"
Donna gave him a glare before the three sat into some chairs.
"This is so boring…" Wade complained, and Lane had to agree.
"She says no pain, but you know what this is?" Lane asked, causing Wade to giggle.
Donna hushed them like they were naughty children.
"Jeeze, and you wonder why we call you our mother." Lane said blankly.
"And here it is. You just take one capsule, one capsule, once a day, for three weeks."
"Mom, can we go home now?" Wade asked, and both Donna and Lane hushed him.
"And the fat as they say…"
The screen finished Miss Foster's sentence; "The fat just walks away."
"Excuse me, Miss Foster. If I could?" A woman from the audience started, and Lane gave her a glance.
She was important, right?
"I'm Penny Carter, science correspondent for The Observer."
"We could have been science correspondents!" Wade added in a whisper.
"Hush." Donna told him.
"There are a thousand diet pills on the market, a thousand con men stealing people's money. How do we know the fat isn't going straight into your bank account?"
"Oh Penny, if cynicism burnt up calories, we'd all be as thin as rakes."
Lane and Wade snorted.
"But if you want the science…"
Lane gave a quiet, "Oh!" and took out his camera, turning it on.
Lane let it record the 'science' the video played, and put it away once it was done.
"But can I just ask how many people have taken the pills to date?"
"That Penny…" Wade whispered, giving an eye roll.
"We've already got 1 million customers within the Greater London area alone. But from next week we start rolling out nationwide."
"That's scary." Lane gave Donna a slightly childish look of almost fear.
Donna nearly melted at the look.
"That's why we're investigating."
"The future starts here. And Britain will be thin."
The next place the three stopped was the offices where they sold the pills.
"Too many colors!" Lane choked a complain, rubbing his head.
"Oh, right, your synesthesia. Why don't you stay here, Wade will get you an ice water." Donna told him sweetly.
"I will?" Wade asked.
"Yes, you will." She answered with finality, and left.
Wade sighed and walked off, before coming back and giving Lane the water.
Wade suddenly gave him a worried look.
"Are you ok, Lane?" He brought his hand up to Lane's forehead and winced, pulling away.
"Oh, you're burning up…" Wade's voice had suddenly gone serious, and Lane fell forward slightly.
Wade caught him.
"I think we should go home-!"
"No!" Lane drawled, pain evident in his voice.
Wade grimaced, then sighed. "Alright, I'll… I'll wait to tell Donna, ok… But if you get worse, I'm going to tell her, understand?"
Lane watched him, then nodded resignedly and stood.
He leaned into Wade slightly and let himself use Wade as a crutch, basically. Wade did not object. Lane looked up when Miss Foster came in. "Excuse me, everyone! If I could have your attention." Lane beckoned Wade to hide behind a cubicle with him.
"On average, you're each selling 40 Adipose packs per day." Lane peeked up to look at Miss Foster before hiding back down as the Doctor peeked up, then back down, then Donna, then the Master, then Wade. "It's not enough. I want 100 sales per person, per day. And if not… you'll be replaced. Because if anyone's good at trimming the fat, it's me." Miss Foster breathed the next word. "Now… back to it."
"Ugh, that woman sickens me." Lane said to Wade, and he nodded. Everyone in the cubicles sat back down as Wade helped Lane over to the exit, waiting for Donna. "Alright, come along, I have a list of people to check out." Donna said, but cast a worried look at Lane. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"
Lane nodded softly, and Donna sighed through her nose before leading the way.
-The Last Three-
"Stacy Campbell?" Lane asked the woman who answered the door. The 3 had decided to split up once they saw the list to cover more ground and save as many people as possible. Lane clutched the gold necklace thing Donna had given him before they separated, remembering how Wade had glanced worriedly back at Lane before he had left on his own person on the list.
"Who wants to know?" The woman asked. "Uh, my name's Lane, I represent Adipose Industries." Lane flashed her his psychic paper. "And you're on the list of our valued customers." Stacy gave him a smile before beckoning him inside.
"It's been fantastic. I started the pills on Thursday, 5 days later, I've lost 11 pounds." She told Lane, and he blinked in surprise. "And no side effects, not anything else?" Stacy shook her head as she primped her hair. "No, I feel fantastic!"
The word fantastic echoed through Lane's mind a moment, but he was thankful that it didn't cause him to lapse into something else entirely. "It's a new lease of life." Stacy pulled her hair up to show her earrings. "Now, what do you think about these earrings- do they work?"
"They match the ensemble of purple you have going on and actually are quiet appealing to the eye." Was Lane's automatic answer, and Stacy smiled gratuitously to him.
"Are you going on a date?" He asked, and Stacy shook her head. "I'm doing the opposite- I'm dumping him. I can do better than him now. Hey… you look nice, appealing to the eye. Are you single?" Lane flushed at her words. "Yes, but I'm sort of pining away for someone." Stacy shrugged. "Ah well, it's well enough. I won't be long." She said as she walked down the hall. "If the taxi beeps, give me a shout."
Lane sat still for a few seconds before Stacy shouted again, "Won't be long."
"Uh… I-its ok, Stacy!" Lane took out the gold pendant thing for a moment, staring, and then took out his sonic screwdriver. He twisted it to see what it was, and looked up sharply upon the random thought of the future before standing and running to the bathroom. "Stacy, are you ok?"
"Oh, what are these things?!" Lane quickly sonicked the door and rushed in to see little Adipose in the sink, and Stacy growing thinner, before he sonicked Stacy and brought the gold necklace up as well, and Stacy solidified all the way, 6 Adipose monsters running around on the floor.
"Oh!" Stacy gave a cry before Lane caught her. "Oh, don't worry, I got ya, sh, it's ok…" Lane helped Stacy down the stairs and onto the couch, setting her sleeping form down before leaving the house. He gave a cry of pain as a stab of agony throbbed along his abdomen, before stopping.
Lane hid behind a small blue car as he watched the people in the Adipose vans grab the 6 monsters and drive off. "Lane!" He jumped when he heard Donna yell for him, looking up at the ginger. "Yeah, Donna?" He asked with wide eyes.
"Did you see the little…?" Lane nodded immediately, not letting Donna finish. "Yes, I did. Where's Wade?" He asked directly after, and Donna looked shocked at this, before her eyes widened as they started to run down a street
Unbeknownst to them, the Doctor was on the street right across from them, looking for the Master, and following the van.
"Stacy Campbell?" A taxi driver asked, parping his horn as he drove up to Donna and Lane. "No, sir, she fell asleep and is a little weak at the moment. Could my friend Donna and I use this taxi ride? I'll pay double."
The taxi's face lit up and he nodded cheerfully. "Where to?"
Lane told the man his, Donna's, and Wade's address, the house that Wilfred Mott had bought them.
-The Last Three-
"So it seems we have a case of industrial espionage." Miss Foster played with her glasses a moment before putting them onto her face. "One touch and the capsule bio-tunes itself to its owner, but someone must have introduced a second, raw capsule."
She leaned forward and watched the video from the camera footage through the day. "Therefore, one of these people is a thief." She watched a moment, then paused the video and leaned forward. "There." She stared at the video to make sure. "Oh, yes. There they are." She sat up. "Now…" She sighed and leaned back, fixing her glasses.
"What shall we do with them?"
-The Last Three-
Lane unlocked the door and stepped in, holding the door open for Donna. "You guys left me!" Lane jumped in surprise upon hearing Wade, in his Deadpool suit, standing in the hallway to the kitchen in front of the door, hand on his hips.
"Stop being such a girl." Lane immediately retorted, then quickly told Donna, "No offense!" Donna shrugged it off and closed the door behind her. "None taken."
"Look, do you never pick up your guys' phones?" Wade whined, and Donna gave him a small glare before putting down her purse and going over to the couch in front of the TV. "Boys, why is it that 98% of the time you share your bedrooms with each other?" She suddenly asked, and Lane blushed slightly, sitting next to Donna. Wade bounced into his seat on Lane's other side.
"It's more comfortable to sleep with others in the bed, because we both suffer from nightmares and people in close proximity help alieve them." Lane explained, and Wade jumped in. "Basically, it makes us feel super safe from scary monsters in the night!"
Donna rolled her eyes at them and smiled slightly, before suggesting, "Why don't we go see granddad?"
Wade instantly nodded, smiling wide at Donna. "Yes, yes, oh how I love that man! He doesn't have the biggest fan base, but he's a pretty great character!"
They gave him blank looks and he just smiled wider.
"Alright, then let's go." Donna stood from the couch, grabbed her scarf and coat, and went to the door. "You coming?" She asked, and Wade jumped up to follow. Lane watched them a moment, then sighed, standing to follow. "Let me just grab a Monster and we'll be on our way."
Sipping delicately on the energy drink, Lane followed Donna and Wade closely behind, watching with almost jealousy as their arms looped together. "One bright day in the middle of the night." He sighed.
"Aye, aye, here comes trouble!" Wilfred chuckled at the 3, and Lane gave him a relieved smile.
"Permission to board ship, sir?" Lane asked. "Permission granted." Will said, saluting them, and Wade laughed slightly.
"Brought your thermos." Donna told him, handing him the red container.
Wade landed on the floor with a smile, Lane figured at least, it was hard to tell with that mask of his, and sat criss cross applesauce.
"Oh, ta!"
"Have you seen anything lately?" Wade asked, leaning forward in anticipation as Lane sat back on a chair that was scattered on the hill.
"Uh, yeah Wade, I've got Venus, with an apparent magnitude of -3.5. At least, that's what it says in my little book."
"Hey, Lane, be the scientific encyclopedia again." Donna told him with a huge smile, and Lane quirked a small one himself. "No, Donna, I'm not going to do that again. You were looking at me like I had just sprouted another head when I told you Pi." Lane rolled his eyes, but couldn't help the smile that seemed glued to his face.
"Oh, but you love us." Wade said with a smile, again, just guessing here, and Lane nodded. "Yeah. I do."
"Who wants to see Venus through the telescope?" Will asked, and Wade jumped up a split second after, though Lane jumped forward to pull him back before he broke something. "Donna does." Lane said, giving Wade a stern look, to which he pouted.
Donna went over and put her eye to the looking scope. "That's the only planet in the solar system named after a woman."
"But there's a ton of dwarf planets, like Ceres, Eris, and Haumea." Lane pointed out, and Will nodded slightly. "Good for them." Donna said, smiling. "How far away is that?" She asked, and Lane answered. "162 million miles farthest away and 26 million at its closest, since Venus and Earth rotate around the sun."
"And you wonder why we ask you to be our science encyclopedia…" Donna said with a laugh, shaking her head as Lane blushed.
"We'll get there one day. In a hundred years' time we'll be striding out amongst the stars, jiggling about with all them aliens- sorry, Lane." Will realized his mistake and winced. "Oh, it's perfectly find, Will, I know you're not used to it even if it has been a little over a year."
"Thanks for understanding…" Will grumbled slightly. "You know, before I met you guys, before we got a place together, before the Doctor I never did believe in aliens."
"Yeah, the prude does have a way of opening peoples' eyes to the extraterrestrial." Wade said, nodding a few times.
"Hey, I don't suppose you've seen a little blue box?" Donna asked her granddad.
"Yeah, the man inside hasn't taken any of my calls, even though he promised." Lane pouted, leaning against Wade as he watched with half open eyes.
The Monster sat dejectedly beside the 2, obviously not taking effect on the Time Lord, as he started to drift into the land of unconsciousness.
Lane awoke softly to feel a warm body laying closely next to him in the king sized bed, eyes opening to see the familiar scarred face of Wade, sitting up slowly as to not awaken the man beside him. Donna was right to ask questions. They never really did seem to sleep by their selves anymore.
-The Last Three-
"Oh, fascinating!" The magnifying glass the Doctor was looking through was positioned over a gold capsule. "Seems to be a bio flip digital stitch, specifically for-!"
"Doctor, please, I think I understand just as much as you." The Master gave him an unimpressed look and the Doctor pouted faintly. "Outcast would have listened."
The Master snarled slightly. "Yeah, I know, he's so much better than me, huh?!"
"I never said that!" The Doctor yelled back before calming himself. "What do you think he's up to, anyways?"
The Master relaxed slightly and mused, "I bet he's going around looking for alien threats."
The Doctor snorted at that. "Yeah, that sounds like him."
The Master watched the Doctor for a few moments before sighing through his nose. "Alright, tell me all the science." The grin on the Doctor's face was worth listening to him babble.
-The Last Three-
"Shotgun!" Wade yelled before Lane could ask to sit in the front with Donna, but he conceded, pouting in the back as Donna started up the truck. "You know, pooling our money together for the truck was probably one of our most sensible ideas." Lane said from the back, and the 2 in the front agreed whole heartedly. Wade was dressed in his business attire and fixed face again, the same as yesterday, and Lane scowled slightly when he thought of it.
The truck finally parked and all three got out, the 2 'men' following Donna with smiles plastered on their faces, completely missing the TARDIS materializing behind them.
They got inside fairly easily, just walked through the door, to the telephone room, and to the bathrooms.
That was where they separated.
"Ok, I'm going in the women's bathroom, you both go in the men's, ok?" Donna asked, though they could tell there was no negotiation about that.
"Yes, mother!" Wade chirped, dragging Lane inside hurriedly before Lane could speak with Donna.
They picked a stall together and started talking adamantly about anything and everything.
Meanwhile, outside, Miss Foster walked through the telephone room speaking with her guards. "Keep an eye out- they'll be back. And then… they're mine."
Finally it grew night time as Lane stretched slightly in the cramped stall, making sure to not kick Wade during this. He turned to open the stall and they walked out. There was the sound of people going to the bathroom and Lane hurriedly jumped into a stall, locking it before Wade could go in.
"Yeah, leave me to get caught!" Wade hissed quietly before going into the stall on beside Lane's, closer to the door. The door opening startled them and they tensed.
"We know you're in here, so why don't you make this nice and easy and show yourself?" Miss Foster's voice rang out, and Lane quickly stopped his breathing, along with Wade. They were so lucky they both had quirks that allowed them to hold their breath for almost 15 minutes at a time.
Lane pulled his feet up to the toilet and ceased all movement, panicking in his mind slightly.
"I'm waiting." There was more silence as Lane listened to his heart start to pound harshly against his small chest. "I warn you, I'm not a patient woman. Now, out you come." Wade put his hand underneath the stalls a split second and flashed the retreat sign. Realizing what this meant, Lane flashed a sign of protest, before Wade slammed open the door and walked out. "Ok, Miss Short-term. I'm here."
Miss Foster smiled ruefully at Wade. "My friend has been through all the documents, and they have all been faked. What is it you're not telling us about those pills, then?"
"Oh, I think I'll be conducting this interview… Deadpool."
Lane gave a shaky breath when he waited a few minutes after the group left, before heaving himself up and leaving to find Donna.
"They took Penny from the bathroom, I thought I was done for! Where's Wade?" Donna whisper yelled to Lane, and he bit his lip. "They took Wade."
Lane grabbed Donna's hand and took them to the door to listen into Miss Foster's office.
"… can't tie me up!"
"I'm sorry, you're a little too old for my tastes!" Lane glanced at Donna at the same time as she did him with a look that read, 'seriously'? "Wade…" They said in unison, shaking their heads before pressing their ears back to the door.
"What sort of a country do you think this is?!" Penny yelled at Miss Foster, and Wade sat with a glare towards Miss Foster, awaiting sometime to give her a scathing remark.
"Oh it's a beautifully fat country." Miss Foster answered.
"You know, America is the fattest country in the world. Or Mexico. Why did you pick Britain?" Wade asked.
"Maybe I traveled a long way to find obesity on this scale and didn't want to keep looking." Miss Foster barked at him, and Wade grinned slightly.
"So come on then, Miss Foster," Penny spat the name as if it were fake. Because she knew. "Those pills- what are they?"
Miss Foster looked her up and down a moment. "Well, you might as well have a scoop, since you'll never see it printed." Miss Foster picked up the Adipose pill on the desk. "This… is the spark of life."
Lane grit his teeth at that slightly.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Penny asked, as Wade scoffed. "I doubt you made a pregnancy pill. What, does it turn your fat into little monsters?!"
[Whoa, I think we hit the nail right on the head!]
(She looks like she's pissed, I suggest we hit the deck.)
"Oh, so you knew already." Miss Foster grit out, glaring with her striking blue eyes at Wade, and he shrugged.
[Uh, I don't think that extinguished the fire…]
"Yes. Officially the capsule attracts all the fat cells and flushes them away."
"But unofficially it's making little mini gremlins made of human fat." Wade butted in, glaring slightly at the woman.
"I'm surprised you never asked my name, I chose it very well." She leaned forward, glancing at the 2 with wide, manic eyes. "Forster. As in 'foster mother'."
The Doctor glanced up at the window weirdly, and the Master beside him wrinkled his nose at the words.
"And these…" Miss Foster opened a drawer and brought out an Adipose.
[Totally called it!]
"Are my children."
Penny's voice rang out incredulously as Donna and Lane slowly went up to look out the window. "You're kidding me. I don't…"
The Doctor and Master went up to, both parties completely oblivious of each other.
"What the hell is that?!" Penny cried.
"Adipose. It's called an Adipose. Made out of living fat from people." Miss Foster said, having gotten up and walked to stand in front of Penny and Wade. "From people."
"How could you, though?! Those people are dying." Wade growled at the woman.
"Growing soft, are we, Deadpool? I distinctly remember when you were a mercenary and would kill anyone and everyone for money."
The Doctor looked over to the other side of the room at the same time as Donna and they gaped openly at each other, before they got their partners' attentions.
Lane gaped at the Doctor and Master.
'Oh. My. God.' He mouthed to them.
'Donna? Lane?' The Doctor mouthed, eyes wide.
'Doctor?!' Donna mouthed back, wide grin on her face.
'What the hell?' The Master mouthed to himself.
'What?' The Doctor asked.
'OH! MY! GOD!' Donna mouthed, and the Doctor just grew more shocked.
'What have you been doing, Lane?' The Master asked, cocking an eyebrow.
'How?!' The Doctor mouthed disbelievingly.
'It's me!' Donna mouthed, pointing to herself.
'Yeah, I see that.' The Doctor answered.
'Oh this, is brilliant!' Donna fangirled.
'What the hell are you both doing there?!' The Doctor mimed.
'I was looking for you!' Donna mimed back, and the Doctor pointed to himself in skepticism. 'What for?!'
'Lane was reading for stuff to do and we found this place with the little fatty monsters. Lane and Wade have been living with me in a house we share and we snuck in, Wade got caught, then they were talking, and I peaked up, and there was you!' The Doctor nodded as if he didn't actually understand what she had mimed.
Donna started to mime again, jutting her thumb toward where Miss Foster was, then froze as she realized the woman was watching them.
Miss Foster looked between the 2 Time Lords and Donna and Lane.
"Are we interrupting you?"
The 2 groups looked to each other with open mouths.
'That way!' The Doctor pointed to his right with his head and Lane and Donna went that way, running.
"Get them." Miss Foster said darkly, pointing toward where Donna and Lane had been.
The Doctor pulsed his sonic at the door the 2 had been previously so the guard would not get them as easily.
"And them." Miss Foster added when she saw this, pointing to the 2 Time Lords.
"Of all the places, Doctor!" The Master growled as the Doctor made the lift they were on pull up.
Lane ran behind Donna up the red metal stairs quickly, cursing his inability to watch 2 things at a time.
"I mean, I thought we were trying to leave Lane alone, not go straight to where he is!" The Doctor gave the Master a glare and bounded down the stairs that was connected to the lift they just got off, running across the roof and into the plant room. "I'm just saying…" The Master grumbled.
Wade waited until both armed men and Miss Foster left the room before slipping his knife through the ropes holding him and cutting Penny loose. "I suggest you leave before things get to hectic." He told Penny, running out the room to find Lane and Donna.
Penny watched a moment then went to the door, before thinking a second, then going back in to look through the files.
Lane's chest heaved as another pang of throbbing ripped through him and he bent over.
"Oh, Lane, come on!" Donna helped Lane up the rest of the stairs and winced at his temperature. "You're burning up!" She stated, before jumping in shock as Wade, now in his Deadpool suit, landed in front of them.
The Doctor and the Master decided to show up at the same time.
Lane immediately straightened and grinned widely.
"Doctor, Master!" He cheered, wrapping his arms around them.
"Oh, Outc-!" The Master started, before Wade cut him off. "Uh, don't call him that, he likes Lane better."
"Oh my god, I don't believe it!" Donna cried once Lane let them go and hugged the Doctor tightly.
They separated and the group spread out slightly, Lane leaning into Wade as a new burst of fatigue rushed through him.
"You've even got the same suit." Donna cried, before giving the Doctor a patronizing look. "Don't you ever change?!"
The Doctor gave an almost pout. "Yeah, thanks Donna, not right now!"
"How do you know her?" The Master asked him.
"On my wedding day I got transported into the TARDIS by hewey particles or something."
"Huon particles, my dear Donna." Lane corrected, giving her a half smile.
A rattling got their attention and they looked down to see the armed guys running up the stairs.
"Just like old times!" The Doctor yelled to all of them as he took Donna's hand and Wade picked up Lane bridle style, ignoring the glare sent by both of the other time lords.
Lane giggled slightly as Wade carried him up the flight of stairs.
Only when they got to the top of the roof and the Doctor sonicked the door behind them did Wade set Lane down, who swayed slightly on his feet before righting himself.
"Cause I thought, 'how do you find the Doctor?' And then I just thought, 'Look for trouble and then he'll turn up!' So the 2 boys and I looked everywhere. Oh, you name it, there was UFO s-sightings, crop circles, sea monsters…" They ran to follow the Doctor to the lift, Donna already out of breath. "W-we found them all!" Donna cried as the Doctor sonicked the controls. "All that stuff about the bees disappearing-!"
"Bees disappearing?" The Master asked warily.
Donna shrugged. "I don't know, that's what it says on the internet. But at the same site there was all these conspiracy theories about Adipose industries and Lane brought them to my attention because he wanted to take a look!" She said excitedly, and the Master chose this time to ignore her again.
"Cause the thing is, Doctor, I believe it all now. I've been living with a Time Lord and a super powered spandex wearing man with voices in his head for at least 18 months, and my eyes are now open. All those amazing things out there- I believe them all!"
"Of course, apart from that replica of the Titanic flying over Buckingham Palace on Christmas day." Wade said acerbically, rolling his eyes as Lane laughed whole heartedly, leaning into Wade again.
"Well, yeah, that's got to be a hoax."
"In you get." The Doctor told Donna suddenly, getting into the lift. The Master followed and Wade half carried Lane into it.
"What, in that thing?" Donna asked, looking skeptical.
"Yes, in that thing. Come on, Darla, or we'll leave you on the roof!" The Master glared at her, and Lane hit him harshly. "First off, her name is Donna, and second off, don't be such a jerk!" He hissed.
"But if we go down in that, they'll just call us back up again." Donna pointed out.
"Nah, the Doctor fixed it with his sonic." Donna nodded and gave an, 'oh' look on her face before rushing up.
"Yeah, I'm the only one that can control it unless she has a sonic device herself, which is very unlikely."
Lane straightened with an open mouth and jumped out.
"Fudge muffins, she does!" He gave a… curse? Sort of…
Lane used his own sonic to force the lift down and he deadlocked it.
"No, Lane!" He heard them yell up, but he stayed put to guard the lift. The lock on the door disengaged and Lane jumped harshly, pulling out his purple sonic as the 2 armed guards pointed their guns at him.
"Psych!" Lane yelled, disengaging the guns with his sonic.
"Oh, we can't have that." Miss Foster said, a blank look on her face. She pulled her sonic pen out and pointed it to the lift, before Lane tackled her to the ground and threw the sonic pen over the roof, it landing in the lift.
"Why you-!" Miss Foster nearly cursed before pushing Lane off and standing.
"Get him." She deadpanned, before an armed guard hit him in the head with the butt of his gun, and it was all that was needed to send Lane into unconsciousness.
"We need to go and save him!" Wade cried when the sonic pen fell to the lift, and it stopped.
"No, no, what happened?!" The Doctor yelled, and tried to open the windows, but Miss Foster deadlocked the building.
"I can't get it open!" The Doctor yelled, sonicking the window more feverishly.
"Well, then let's smash it!" Wade suggested, grabbing the wrench from the floor and hitting the window over and over again, but it didn't open.
Miss Foster watched them with a smile, before opening Lane's shirt and grabbing the sonic from his pocket, lighting the wire on an almost fire.
"Oh, shit, she's burning the cable! No, Lane, where is he?!" The Master cried.
The cable snapped and threw the people in it to the side. The Master grabbed a hold of the side of the lift and stayed in the car with the Doctor. Wade jumped up and grabbed the other wire, standing on the top of the lift. Donna slid down and held onto the wire holder at the bottom.
"DONNA!" Wade and the Doctor screamed to her in panic.
"DOCTOR, WADE!" Donna squealed back in fear.
"Hold on!" The Master cried back, and Donna glared at him, yelling back in anger, "I am!"
The Master and Doctor tried to pull Donna up to the car lift, but she didn't get pulled up very far. "DOCTOR!"
Wade looked up to see Miss Foster going to the other wire and point Lane's sonic at the wire.
He automatically grabbed the sonic pen from the lift and used it on Lane's sonic. It sparked and hurt Miss Foster's hand, and she dropped it. Wade caught the sonic and climbed the wire to open the window.
"This is all your guys' faults! We should have stayed at home!" Donna yelled up at Wade.
"Hold on, mom, I'll get you up!"
"… Mom?" The Doctor asked.
Donna gave a slight shrug before gasping when the movement strained her hands.
Wade finally got in and rushed into the room he had been tied up in before, but stopped. "What the hell are you still doing here?!" He asked her loudly.
"I'm a journalist." Was her answer.
Wade rolled his eyes and grabbed Donna's legs.
"AAH! GET OFF!"
"Mom, stop your kicking, I'm trying to save you!"
"Oh, right…"
Wade pulled her in and used the sonic pen to pull the lift down so as to save the Doctor and the Master.
"Now, we better go find Lane."
"And you, do yourself a favor and get out now." The Doctor told Penny before the group ran off.
Penny thought about it again, then sighed, grabbed the papers, and ran out the room.
The Doctor put his hand up to stop the rest of the group when they ran into Miss Foster, the 2 armed guards, and Lane being dragged on his knees by one of them, blood drying on his left temple.
"Lane!" The Doctor cried.
"Oh, he's fine, the least of your worries right now. At last." She added suddenly, taking her glasses off.
"Hello~!" Donna said.
"Nice to meet you, I'm the Doctor."
"The Master."
"You know me!" Wade added.
"The Quintuplets in Crime."
The Master suddenly snorted in laughter.
"And evidently off-worlders, judging by your sonic technology." Miss Foster added.
"Oh, right, I still have that sonic pen of yours." Wade said smugly, twirling it in his fingers. "I like it, it's very sleek." Wade showed them.
"Kinda sleek." The Doctor admitted.
"Definitely sleek." Donna added.
"If you were to sign your real name, what would the paper say?" The Master asked.
"Matron Cofelia of the Five-Straighten Classabindi Nursery Fleet, Intergalactic Class." She answered truthfully, and the Master's eyebrows shot up, mouth open slightly.
"A wet-nurse." The Doctor clarified.
"Oh." The Master scowled at his awe of the title when all it had meant was 'a wet-nurse'.
"Using humans as surrogates."
"I've been employed by the Adiposian first family to foster a new generation after their breeding planet was lost."
"Another planet lost…" Wade whispered, remembering the conversation he had had with Lane a few months ago.
Awhile later, Lane awoke groggily to find himself alone in a dark room, struggling to breath. He groaned in pain and pulled himself off the floor, throwing open the door and rushing down the flight of stairs he found in front of him, getting to the closet that the Master, Wade, and Donna surrounded, the Doctor inside trying to stop the full immersion.
"It won't work, I only have one gold capsule!"
"And I kind of lost the other one." Lane admitted, jumping when they turned and he was attacked with hugs.
"You're ok! That's good. But it's going to turn all the humans' bodies into fat monsters and there's nothing I can do to stop it!" The Doctor yelled, real fear in his eyes.
Lane looked between them, mind working in overdrive.
"I… I'll use the Master's Christmas present!" Lane reached into his pocket and started to pull something out.
"What did he get you?" Donna asked in real curiosity.
In Lane's hand was a long orange rod with a dark blue circle on the end and a star in the circle which was the same color as the circle.
A beam of orange colored laser bit into the machine in the closet and suddenly everything went dark.
"Did it work?" Wade asked suddenly.
Suddenly another language filtered through the machine.
"They knew…" The Master whispered.
"We're not the ones in trouble now." Wade said, smirking.
Then they were off running.
-The Last Three-
The view of millions of Adipose babies flying into the air from the beams of light stopped the group from moving.
Wade whistled.
"What are you going to do then? Blow them up?" Donna asked the Doctor.
"No, they're just children, they can't help where they came from." The Doctor answered, watching all the babies go up to the ships.
"Oh, well that makes a change from last time. That Martha must have done you good. Lane must have done you good. Hell, the Master must have done you some good to."
The Doctor nodded. "Yeah. They did, didn't they?"
The Doctor sniffed. "Martha fancied me."
Donna laughed. "Mad Martha, that one. Blind Martha, charity Martha."
"Donna…" Lane warned, and Donna shut her mouth.
One of the Adipose waved to the group and Lane squealed slightly when it winked. The others waved back.
"I'm waving at fat…" Wade pouted, and Lane rolled his eyes, poking him in the stomach playfully. "Hush, you."
"Actually, as a diet plan, it sort of works." The Doctor suddenly realized.
"You know, if we didn't look into this, everyone would be happy. The Adiposians would have their children, our world would be less fat. She wouldn't have fully converted anyone into the Adipose…" Wade stated, causing the others to wince.
"There she is!" The Doctor suddenly cried, pointing to Matron as the others followed.
"Matron Cofelia, listen to me!" The Doctor yelled.
"Oh, I don't think so, Doctor. And if I never see you again, it'll be too soon." Lane cursed.
"They're going to kill you, Matron! They know how much trouble they would get in for breeding on a Level 5 planet, they're going to get rid of the evidence, blame it all on you!"
"Why does no one ever listen?" The Doctor asked Lane, then yelled to Matron Cofelia, "We're trying to help! Just get across the roof!"
"Can you shift the levitation beam?" Lane added. "So you can arrest me? I don't think so."
Lane growled and brought out the long rod again, showing itself to be a scepter, and he pulled her out of the beam just as it collapsed on itself, saving her life, and he whispered for the scepter to send her to planet Scolio.
"Where did you send her?" The Master asked with curiosity. "Planet Scolio." Was his answer, before they got down the stairs.
The Doctor used his sonic to fix the sonic pen and modify it as Lane integrated his sonic with the scepter, and nodded in satisfaction before turning it small and putting it in his pocket.
"Here you go, Master. I still don't trust you with anything more complicated." The Master gratefully took the pen, then scowled. "This?! It's a toy!"
"It's better than nothing." Was the answer he got.
"So then, TARDIS! Come on!" Donna grabbed the Doctor's arm and started to pull him. The others shrugged, and Wade squatted down so that Lane could climb onto his back. Lane did so, wrapping his arms around Wade's neck and pinning his knees to Wade's hips, resting his head in the crook of Wade's neck.
Wade smirked at the Master's scowl, and they followed Donna and the Doctor.
When they got to the alley, Donna's mouth fell open.
"Hey, that's our truck!" Wade cried.
"That is like destiny." Donna squealed.
"And we've been ready for this!" She added, opening the trunk of the truck and pulling out tons of suitcases, some with red and black (indicating that those were Wade's), some bright orange ones (indicating they were Lane's), and the rest, which were Donna's.
"We packed ages ago, just in case. Cause I thought, 'hot weather, cold weather, no weather! He goes anywhere, we've got to be prepared!'"
"Yeah, Doctor, you're not leaving us behind." Lane warned, though he was dozing on Wade's back. The Doctor gave a scowl when he saw Wade's hands behind his back grabbing onto Lane's thighs and arse.
Before he could speak, though, Donna added a hat box onto the pile of suitcases in the Doctor's arms.
"You've got a-a hatbox." He stuttered.
"Planet of the Hats, I'm ready!"
Once all the suitcases were out on the street, she asked, "I don't need injections, do I? You know, when you go to Cambodia, is there any of that? Cause my friend Veena went to Bahrain and she…" She stopped at the look on the Doctor's face.
"Doctor…" Lane grumbled, and Wade shivered at the vibration on his neck.
"You're not saying much." Donna suddenly said.
"No, it's just… it's a funny old life… in the TARDIS." The Doctor told her, and her face fell.
"You don't want me." Donna said quietly.
"I'm not saying that."
"But you asked me."
"He asks anyone and everyone who gives him a nice adventure." The Master snarked.
The Doctor and Lane shot him a glare, which effectively shut him up.
"Would you rather stay alone in the TARDIS with that man?" Donna asked, pointing to the Master.
"No. Actually, no."
"Hey!" The Master yelled indignantly, but Lane and Wade hushed him. Wade jumped Lane up his back to re adjust, and Lane gave a small squeak.
"But the last time…" The Doctor put Donna's suitcases in his hand down. "With Martha, like I said, it… it got complicated." The silence got heavy around them. "And that was all my fault." The Doctor shuddered slightly.
"I just want a mate." Lane smiled. Knowing Donna, she would think mate as in repopulation, when the Doctor meant mate as in friend.
"You just want to mate?!"
"I just want a mate!" The Doctor corrected, but Lane, Wade, and the Master were already in fits of laughter.
"You're not mating with me, sunshine!" If it was possible, their laughter grew louder.
"A mate- I want a mate!"
Donna stepped out of the TARDIS. "Well just as well, because I'm not having any of that nonsense! I mean, you're just a long streak of nothing, you know, alien nothing!"
"There we are, then!" The Doctor said, nodding.
"Ok." Donna fixed her shirt and they stared at each other, before Donna realized what he meant. "I can come?"
"Yeah, course you can, yeah. So can Lane."
There was silence.
"What about me?!" Wade yelled incredulously.
"Weeellll…" The Doctor drew out, and Donna, Lane, and possibly Wade glared at the Doctor.
"Fine, him to…" He conceded, and the Master groaned.
"Oh, yes that's just… car keys!"
The awkward silence started as Donna rummaged in her pocket.
"What?" The Master asked.
"We giving the truck to Sylvia or Will?" Wade asked.
"Granddad, of course."
Donna ran off and the men stayed still until she came back.
They started to bring the suitcases into the TARDIS.
Lane stopped suddenly as familiar song started in her mind.
"Doomsday…" He whispered to himself.
"Off we go then!"
"Here it is, the TARDIS. It's bigger-!" The Doctor started.
"Doctor, everyone has been through this already, you don't need to do this routine again." The Doctor pouted slightly.
"Though, frankly, you could turn the heat up…" Donna shivered, arms crossed to keep in her heat.
"So, whole wide universe." The Doctor went to the controls and looked to Donna. "Where do you want to go?"
"The hill." Donna, Lane, and Wade said in unison.
-The Last Three-
Wilfred Mott sipped on his drink and turned before looking up at the TARDIS in the sky with a shocked look.
"Ah, Donna!" He yelled, and the door opened.
"It's- It's the flying blue box!"
He looked through the telescope to see Wade, Lane, and Donna in the doorway, waving to him.
"That's, that's them! Donna! Wade! Lane!" He cried.
"Donna! And that's him- that's him!" He cried, seeing the Doctor in the background. He yeehawed and threw his beanie into the air.
"HEY! THAT'S HIM!" He laughed, spinning slightly.
"Go on girl, go on, get up there you guys!"
He smiled as the TARDIS flew away.
"I knew I trusted those 2 for a reason."
Next Time on The Last Three:
"Ancient Rome!" The Doctor declared happily. "Ugh, it's dirty." Wade complained.
"This is fantastic!" Donna cried happily.
"It has come, the blue box." One of the woman seers said.
"I see the most terrible things." The young woman explained.
"The prophecies of women are limited and dull. Only the men folk have the capacity for true perception." The man said, and Lane stuck his tongue out discreetly at him.
"I'll tell you where the wind's blowing right now, mate." Donna rolled her eyes.
A circuit board made of stone sat in front of the Doctor.
"Doctor, you bring bad luck on this house."
"We are building the future as dictated by the gods."
Donna screamed as woman grabbed her from behind.
"I demand you tell us who you are!" Lane cried angrily, holding his scepter up in an offensive position.
"DOCTOR!" Donna screamed in terror.
"The sky is falling!" A man cried in awe.
"Oh my god. We're in Pompeii!" Wade cried. "You know another thing?" The Master asked, and the others looked to him. "It's volcano day."
The Doctor – David Tennant
Donna Noble – Catherine Tate
Lane Valentine (The Outcast) – Benedict Cumberbatch
Wade Wilson (Deadpool) – Nolan North
The Master – John Simm
Miss Foster – Sarah Lancashire
Wilfred Mott – Bernard Cribbins
Sylvia Noble – Jacqueline King
Penny Carter – Verona Joseph
Stacey Harris – Jessica Gunning
Taxi Driver – Jonathan Stratt
BBC Wales/KarrineGenesis
Me: FINALLY! REVIEW, FOLLOW, FAVORITE, PLEASE, THIS TOOK ME FOREVER!
Deadpool: … -_-"….