Disclaimer: Sorry I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho

Author's Note: So just finished the last chapter and feel like just plowing on. Not sure where this is going to end up, really. I just feel like going going going hahaha.

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Hearts of Glass

Chapter 6

Enter Curious Gossip

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I wonder if there's a way to get Speed here in Makai. Now, I'm certainly not a drug addict; honestly I never saw the appeal of altering my mindstate for a temporary break from reality. I suppose I always thought that I'd be able to change my own reality if I ever wanted to. Then again, I don't exactly have mortality to contend with--being dead does have its perks at times, heh. But it doesn't change the fact that I feel like I could literally die of exhaustion with the past week I've endured. Really though, the thought had never occurred to me that Touya was being lenient by giving me a whole 8 hours of sleep every night. Until now.

Training with/under Hiei has been nothing short of a suicide mission. A sleep schedule has become unheard of; I work until I can no longer stand up and only then am I allowed to get my standard 5 hours before the process starts all over again. It hasn't been straight sword training either, Hiei decided that it would be in my best interests to spend every ounce of my youki--like we're talking to the point of near fainting--to steadily teach me how to make it last longer. Personally, I think he just enjoys knocking the shit out of me. You know, now that I think of it, this is really like my worst nightmare come true. I always dreaded the day that Hiei would attack me. I know he wouldn't really kill me or anything, but it's incredibly hard to remember that when he's trying to blast me with fire.

My sword skills have improved. It's nothing to phone home about, mind you. It would be pretty unbelievable if I magically became an unstoppable swordsman in a week, huh? And really, I've seen unstoppable swordsmen. On top of my infuriating teacher, there's all of the souls I got the honor of ferrying hundreds of years ago. Now they had skills worth bragging about. Nonetheless, I have learned to stop swinging the thing like a baseball bat! Laugh if you must, but I am quite proud of the fact. I suppose in the end Hiei was right to force me to learn the way he did. Katas really are useful...if you have the time to master them. With every day that passes I'm reminded that the clock is ticking; and that Kurama is waiting for us at the next base. With that kind of a time crunch its obvious that katas wouldn't have helped much.

"Hn, you are thinking of the fox again." Hiei stated bluntly.

It's also worth mentioning that in the past week I have accomplished a much bigger feat than properly swinging my wakizashi; a feat so big I genuinely thought it impossible--I have managed to get Hiei to openly start conversations with me. Well, not really conversations...but he does make an occasional comment without me having to say something first. For my part, I appreciate the effort. By all accounts, I'm quite the chatterbox whereas Hiei is the type to prefer silence to mindless chitter chatter. As I'm learning, it's all about the little things with him. Sure, his remarks are generally of the sarcastic or insulting variety but the fact that he takes the effort to even make the comments at all is what makes me thankful for them. I simply grin at his latest quip and flash him a wink.

"Oh yes, hot demon sex with the fox to be precise."

"You are truly an idiot." He stalks off.

After our last training session I was informed that we would be leaving our base. In a way it's exciting news. I wasn't exactly born and raised as a fighter, so doing nothing but fighting day in and day out isn't exactly my idea of fun. But, at the same time, I'm not naive enough to think that it will be all rainbows and daisies once we leave here and I'm released from Hiei's boot camp. Sure, there will be the "in transit" period where there will be minimal conversation until we reach Kurama; and even then it will be a short reunion. After all, the entire reason we even have to meet up with Kurama is because he's scouting a base that we will ultimately be fighting to take control of. In truth, I'm still trying to come to grips with it all.

We are entering a war. A big part of me feels like I should be more panicked about all of it. Yet, somehow, I am perfectly fine. Theoretically it's a big opportunity for myself and my mission. Perhaps not at first, but eventually we will fight against demons who do have knowledge about the truth of Enki's death. It's a possibility that both excites and frightens me. Obviously the demons who have that kind of information are going to be powerful foes; and believe me when I say that I have the fullest confidence in my friends' abilities, but I can't help but worry. It goes hand in hand with caring.

I know it will all be easily tolerable at first. At the moment our little group isn't even a blip on the radar. Simply taking over a single base doesn't really mean much of anything. Once we've taken over a few more bases, however, things will become a little more troubling. Not only will it garner the attention of stronger opponents, who will probably send people to try to assassinate us on top of the idiots that are still trying for our bounties, but it will cement our entry into the battle. Because it will mean that we will have our own territory; and from what it sounds like, my companions have no intention to stop conquering until we become one of the main contenders to take over Makai. That's as far as the planning goes, though. Once we reach that point there really is no use in attempting to strategize. The reality of the situation is clear: by that point there's no predicting if all of us will survive the battles that will come. It's harsh...but the truth.

I finally get off my lazy ass and leave the "training room" to gather what little belongings I have. Hiei said that we would leave the moment nightfall hit, and by my calculations that leaves a little over an hour before we depart. Once I'm sure I have everything I glance at the pile of hiruiseki stones that I left on my bed, unsure of what to do with them. I could take them with us and sell them, securing our group with more than enough money to buy anything we needed. But the idea pulls at my heartstrings. Although this isn't my true body I can't help but feel an affinity to the stones, as if they truly are a part of me. When looking at the situation from that perspective, the thought of mindlessly giving away a part of me for something as trivial as money seems wrong. Still undecided, I slip them into a satchel and decide to bring them with me.

After wandering our base aimlessly for a few minutes I decide to go track Hiei down. I can't help it! I'm not the type of person who can thrive on loneliness...right? The thought makes me stop for a moment to think. I've always been surrounded by people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I haven't been alone. When you think about it, there's no one who can really understand the afterlife I've lived. The demons have each other, as do the humans, but who do I have? I suppose Koenma would be the best candidate but even he doesn't quite grasp it. Koenma spends all day in his office keeping the three worlds at peace; I can't fault him for it, but it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't quite have the time to understand the woes of a ferry girl. It's something that I'd never really thought about. Loneliness. I'm not an unhappy being, but it would be nice to be able to just bitch about things. People really don't give me enough credit sometimes. Maintaining seemingly eternal happiness is no easy feat!

"Will you mate with him?"

I looked up, unaware that my feet had subconsciously brought me to Hiei. From the looks of things, he had been sharpening his katana before I stumbled in. I bow my head and make to turn around--not really in the mood to put on a smile--even if unappreciated--before I suddenly stop. It took a few moments to register, but it eventually hit that Hiei had asked me a question; and that I was being rude by turning around and attempting to leave without even answering it. I walk past where he's sitting on the ground and take a seat in the windowsill, watching the sunset as I piece together an answer to the question.

"I wouldn't even know how. I mean, of course I know how, but mating is forever. I don't even know how to begin to be a suitable life-long mate to anyone. So really, I don't know how to answer your question, Hiei. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for something you cannot help. It's pointless." I nod at him and turn back to the sunset.

"But it's true, you know. I've never had a great love of my own."

"Really?"

Time stands still as Hiei and I stare blankly at each other. I blink, and by the time my eyes reopen Hiei has resumed his sword sharpening. But I know better...did he really just ask me about my love life? I suppose his shock makes sense, though. After all, I'm known as Botan the cheery ferry girl with never-ending smiles for miles. It would only make sense that my happy disposition had landed me nice, clean cut boyfriends who butter me up with poetry and walks on the beach. Like something out of a sappy romance novel. I guess the world has once again proved that things aren't always what they seem. Seriously though, could you imagine dating death? Oh hi Honey, how was your day? Swell Dear, I carried a wife and newborn child to Reikai as the wife/mother wept in agony at her entire world being ripped from her fingertips. That's unfortunate, what's for dinner?

Yeah fucking right.

"I don't have any memories of my first life--"

I imagine I was unloved though. One has to have a pure soul to become a ferry girl, and relationships tend to rip away some of the needed innocence--Keiko being an exceptional case, naturally. So the fact that I was eligible to become a ferry girl should stand for itself. And even if I was loved and led a perfect, happy life it's not as if I remember it anyways. To think that I might've had a family of my own that I left behind is a thought more painful than simply accepting that I was alone for that existence. But it really doesn't matter now either way. I've lived a lot more than 10x more years as a spirit than a human; and this is my life now. I have no desire to learn about my first life. It may sound cowardly, but it truly isn't. There really is nothing to be gained by living in the past, especially when there's an unlimited future ahead of me.

"--I tried dating Koenma a few centuries ago--"

It was a long time ago. We were both relatively young by Reikai standards at the time, and it just sort of happened. There is no one alive who can deny the fact that Koenma's true form is nothing short of godly. The first time I saw it was at a Reikai ball. It was only my second time at such an event, and I had only been ferrying for about 100 years or so, so I didn't really have many friends at the time. You don't think about it, but it's really hard to make friends in Reikai: everyone's always on the go with their own jobs, it takes a few hundred years to really build up those kind of relationships to people. But anyways, I was minding my own business and making small talk with people I had met when the entire party halted. Confused, I looked up and immediately understood. Koenma was making his grand entrance and looked every bit the prince I know him to be. As he descended the stairs our eyes met and that was it.

From that day forth we were inseparable. Well, mostly inseparable. I still had to ferry souls and he still had his mountains of paperwork. But it was during that time era that I started spending my free time in his office, often times just telling him about my day and listening to him rant about his father. It was a good century and a half of bliss. We were each others' first everything. First date, kiss, ahem...there were even talks about me becoming the Crown Princess! But it just wasn't meant to be. First loves are never really meant to last--yet again, I'm citing Keiko's relationship with Yusuke as an exception--and eventually our passion faded. The split itself was very amicable, though; and although not together, we never did lose that closeness to each other. For my part, I still consider Koenma my best friend and would bet my entire supply of hiruiseki, and those not yet shed, that he would say the same about me.

"--but that didn't work. Then there were many meaningless flings--"

It was to be expected, now that I look back on it. After all, I was the girl that turned down the opportunity to be partial ruler of Reikai. Doing something like that practically begs for attention, not that it was my intention at all! I had more suitors than I can count on my fingers and toes! I tried with a few of them, but nothing really ignited. Eventually the interest in me diminished--time goes on, new faces emerged--and I continued ferrying souls like I always had. You see, that's the difference between Yukina and myself. My suitors were only interested in one thing, wild and crazy sex, whereas Yukina's actually cared for her as a person and wanted to truly become her soulmate. I normally would be jealous of this, but it's Yukina! She's got to be the kindest soul I've ever met. When it comes down to it, she deserves love more than anyone I know...myself included.

"--and many, many years before someone caught my interest again."

That person was Yusuke. I don't quite know what it was about him that drew me in. Perhaps it was because he was so different from the guys I had dated in Reikai? It's kind of funny, actually. Reikai is chalked full of the stereotypical "dream guys" that girls dream about marrying one day. It comes with the fact that only the purest of souls are allowed to exist there, you know? But after years of those kind of men I had come to realize that it wasn't what I was looking for. I needed someone with wit, someone who didn't mind bending the rules to fit their own needs. A selfish person. Yusuke was the first person who I met that fit the description and was still allowed to exist. And I got to be his spirit advisor?! I was ecstatic!

And then I met Keiko. At first I still thought maybe I had a chance. My hope was justified, I believe. After all, at first glance one would assume that all they did was fight. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that someone would actually want to be in a relationship with someone who constantly grated on their nerves. But there were moments. Fleeting glances that they would send each other when they thought no one was watching. It wasn't long before I was forced to accept that Yusuke wouldn't return my affections. I'd say I handled it well. It wasn't as if I were head over heels for the boy or anything, just a small crush that easily faded when I realized how in love my two friends were. And, contrary to what some may believe, I'm quite perceptive. It's genuinely impossible to be as ditzy as I appear after all I've seen throughout my long afterlife.

"Actually, I could have had Kuwabara for a lover if I had wanted."

Hiei made a choked noise, as if the thought of Kuwabara sex makes him want to vomit. It probably does.

I chuckle at the thought. It's kind of hard to remember that there was a time before Kuwabara dedicated his life to Yukina. But there was. And, in that time, I was his target. Not that I was really interested in him. I was getting over my crush on Yusuke; he was more occupied with his newfound spirit powers; the timing was all wrong! Ok, so that's a lie. I just didn't find him...physically appealing...so to speak. Feh. I'm entitled to be shallow at times dammit! Besides, it would have been disastrous if we had gotten together: there would be no Kuwabara/Yukina. The thought is positively ludicrous!

"So...yeah. Can't say that I would know how to go about becoming someone's mate, so if I had to answer your question I'd say that I'm still undecided." I finish.

Hiei "hn"s and gets up to leave; I call out to him. He stops his retreat and looks at me over his shoulder.

"Have you ever been in love?" He smirks at me then.

"What do you think?" He disappears in a blur.

--

We leave not long after that. Hiei lifts me into his arms and in a matter of seconds we're at the border of what was once Kashi's old territory. Nothing to brag about, considering he only had one base to his name. The rest of the journey is to be made on foot, about 2-3 hours in all. According to Hiei, Kurama is already waiting for us at the meetup spot. Personally, I think he's just impatient and wants to get there as fast as possible. But whatever, I follow him and we trek in silence for a good hour before any words are exchanged. Oddly enough, the thing that breaks the silence comes in the form of a wandering merchant. Alone, not so odd; but if you add in the fact that we're still in the desert lands...well it becomes a little more interesting. The merchant stops in front of us and parks his cart. One look at the cart tells me that it's the real deal and, from what I see, good quality jewelry. I don't really know what a fancy jeweler is doing in the middle of the desert, but I'm sure not complaining!

"Can I look Hiei, just for a minute?" I puppy eye him.

"Hn, fine. But take that idiotic look off your face."

I smile as he goes to sit a short ways away before turning my full attention to the merchant. He's a kindly looking old man, which kind of makes me wonder right off the bat what he's doing in Makai, honestly. But I have no doubts that he's a demon. No human would really be stupid enough to cart around goods in a world populated by demons, which only leaves me to assume that the kindly old man standing before me is nothing more than a well crafted guise. I don't let it get to me, though, and within minutes I know exactly what I want and get down to business. True to my initial impression, everything he deals with is quality stuff and, while he does have what I need and is capable of helping, it comes at a steep price. Definitely more than I have in my wallet. Damn. I should've expected that one, though.

"I'm really sorry Dearie, but you do realize that what you're asking for is not simple. And to have to have everything completed right now...well, you do see where I'm coming from..."

"I do...if I offered you a hiruiseki for your services, what would you say?" I ask begrudgingly.

"I'd say you had yourself a deal, Little Missy."

I take a stone from my satchel and offer it to the old man with a small smile. It does pain me to part with it, but for what I gain I know that it's nothing more than a small sacrifice. We talk as he works. Apparently he's a metal demon; and has worked with jewelry longer than most beings have existed. It never fails to surprise me that not all demons choose to fight. I know it's my own fault--and that stereotyping as a whole is rude--but as a Reikai girl I was always taught that demons were all bad and that they were bloodthirsty monsters. Believe me, I'm no longer that ignorant! But every now and again I fall back into those imprints without even realizing I'm doing it. Just goes to show that even a "holy" being such as myself is capable of impure thoughts...as if that weren't obvious enough already.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by the old man politely coughing to get my attention. I look up at him and he wordlessly offers me my finished pieces. I look them over, checking to be absolutely sure that everything's perfect. Naturally, I don't find a single flaw and I thank the merchant profusely before we bid each other adieu and go our separate ways. I make my way over to Hiei, where he's sitting with his eyes closed. Meditating by the looks of it. I consider calling to him but think better of it. There's no way he doesn't know I'm here, and if I did interrupt him just to inform him of something he already knew I'd imagine it'd make for one grumpy fire demon. And, considering there's still a ways of travel to go, I'd rather not put up with a pissy Hiei.

"Thanks for listening to me earlier."

He then opens his eyes of his own volition and gives me a stare I can't quite decipher. He's been doing that a lot lately. But I don't let it deter me; and I walk right over to him and slip one of my newly created necklaces over his head. For a moment he blinks, as if wondering whether it really just happened. I suppose it's not everyday that I barge into his personal space, even with as quick and careful as I was. I cock my head at his odd antics nonetheless. His face then takes on a genuinely curious look as he looks at the item I slipped around his neck. He picks it up with one hand then gives me another one of his patented glares. I'm assuming that means he wants an explanation.

"I know you already have two, but I wanted to do something to show my gratitude. I hope you'll accept it."

"So it is yours." I nod at his statement.

"Yeah, from the other night. I just got it made at the stand. See, I made one for myself and Kurama as well."

I hold up the other two necklaces to affirm my claim. Hiei's face changes for a brief second before he turns around, mumbling something about having to leave and stalking off for the second time in one day. Well I, for one, am utterly baffled. I mean, I figured he'd have an odd reaction to receiving a hiruiseki necklace from me, but it wasn't really until I mentioned the ones created for Kurama and myself that he started doing anything that would be considered out of the Hiei "norm." I know that mothers give the necklaces to their children, but is there another occasion that I'm not aware of? I sigh and run to catch up with Hiei, still wondering about his peculiar reaction. For some reason, I can't get the image of his face--right before his little stalk off--out of my head. It looked almost...disappointed.

But that can't be right...right?