Sacrifice

by justanotherbookworm78

Elliot Stabler was a man who fought to protect and serve. It was a well known fact that he was always willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to save those he loved. What would he do, then, when faced with the impossible? When a madman doesn't want his life in return, but someone else's? Can he allow himself to make that sacrifice? Or will someone else make that decision for him?

6. Waking Up

Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.

---

Two weeks later

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since the incident at the police station, and Olivia still lay in a coma. Granted, she had improved somewhat.

Seventy-two hours after her surgery, the doctors had attempted to wean her off the ventilator. Everyone involved in her treatment was pleasantly surprised to find how well she responded, even taking a few breaths on her own.

Deciding to err on the side of caution, they opted to leave her attached to the machine a little while longer, in an attempt to avoid any further complications with the collapsed lung. But while they had kept Olivia intubated, she wasn't as dependent on the ventilator as she had been when she first arrived.

Then, three days ago, they had successfully extubated her, and she had been breathing on her own ever since. Granted, she was still receiving oxygen via nasal cannula, but it was such a refreshing sight to see her without that tube down her throat.

There had been other improvements as well. With her incisions healing, they had been able to discontinue the use of the strong antibiotics she had been on when she first arrived. The staples still remained in place, but were scheduled to be removed the following week.

As for Olivia's facial injuries, the butterfly sutures that had been there had been removed. Faint traces of bruises still painted a reminder of the ordeal she had gone through on that horrifying day, but for the most part, she looked as she had before.

The best improvement of all, at least in Elliot's mind, was that she was no longer staying in the intensive care unit. Granted, she was only one step down in intermediate care, but it meant he was allowed more freedom to visit her.

He had been to visit her most every day, with the exception of one day shortly after she had been admitted. On that day, he had been held up with the final questioning from IAB down at the precinct in the morning. He remembered it all too well.

Sergeant Clark had been there again, and after reviewing Elliot's statement from the hospital, as well as the statements from everyone else who had been present, had cleared him in the firing of his gun. He had been reinstated to full duty, and Elliot had recalled how the man had withdrawn his badge and gun from his briefcase, and extended it to him across the desk.

What he also remembered, with a startling clarity, was the way he had recoiled from those objects. He couldn't even bring himself to look at them. He remembered telling the Sergeant to keep them, that he never wanted to see them again. He had, for all intents and purposes, quit on the spot. Walked away from a career of over twenty years on the police force.

It was Captain Cragen who had intervened then, explained to him that he didn't need to make such an important decision right at that moment. Told him to take some of the time off that was available to him. The Captain had also explained that if, after taking that time off, that if leaving the badge behind was still what Elliot wanted, he would have his full support.

That same day, he had also had a meeting with Kathy,her lawyer, and a mediator. Trevor had been there to represent him. Given her most recent mood, he was anticipating the worst. She didn't disappoint his expectations.

She was already waiting there in the office when he had arrived. Not once during the meeting did she inquire about Olivia's well-being, despite the fact that Elliot knew it was a popular topic of conversation among his children. In fact, she only mentioned his partner once, and it was to ask Elliot to not take her son to visit 'that woman' in the hospital. Apparently, seeing her was too traumatic.

Elliot had kept his temper in check the best he could, but reminded Kathy that it was ultimately Dickie's choice if he wanted to visit Olivia or not. He had not once forced him to do so, and he wouldn't force him in the future, but if it was what he wanted, he would support him completely.

That had prompted a discussion about whether or not he was fit as a parent. Kathy had argued that he had knowingly placed her son – she always called the children 'hers' in her arguments – in danger when he was at the police station to retrieve the car keys. She claimed that Elliot should have known this was dangerous, and not allowed his son to be present.

Trevor had spoken up then, defending Elliot with the fact that he was not clairvoyant. He also brought up numerous occasions in the past when Kathy herself would bring the children to visit their father at his workplace. His best argument was the fact that, if she thought it so dangerous, why send her son there alone in the first place if she was worried about his safety?

The mediator listened to both sides on this case in point, and ultimately ruled that no one was at fault. The situation that had unfolded at the precinct that day was an unfortunate coincidence, and had no bearing whatsoever on Elliot's ability to parent. If anything, it only justified just how far he would go to protect his children.

Sensing that they weren't going to win favor on the custody factor, Kathy and her lawyer moved on to their next accusation – spousal abandonment. That theory was shot down practically before the lawyer could even try to argue his case, because Trevor immediately pointed out that it was Kathy who had taken the children and moved out of the family home.

Back and forth the arguments went, until finally even the mediator had had enough. He offered to draw up a decree of no-fault divorce, and worked out a division of assets both parties could agree on. The final document meant that Kathy would receive a small alimony payment, and she did get to keep the house and car. Elliot would pay child support for Eli. The two of them would continue to contribute to a college fund for him jointly.

The same went for Richard and Elizabeth, Elliot would pay support for them until they were eighteen. Also, as they both had their own college funds, too, both parents would pay into that until they graduated high school.

By the time they had dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's, Elliot and Kathy's twenty-four year marriage was all but over. The paperwork would still need to be processed, but both had signed the documents. The mediator told them, given the circumstances, it would take about twelve weeks for the divorce to be approved by the courts.

Once they were leaving the office, Elliot tried to talk to Kathy, to say something. He had almost caught up to her when she was approached by another man in the hallway. He had watched as the two embraced and kissed one another, shaking his head in disbelief. He thought about confronting the pair, but decided against it. He just walked away.

---

Elliot had finished narrating his tale to Olivia. It was the first he'd told her about his meeting with IAB. About his meeting with Kathy that day, the only day he'd missed coming to visit her since she'd been at the hospital. Even though she still was in her coma, he believed with everything he had that she could hear him. He didn't want her to feel left out or excluded from anything.

He ran his hand down the side of her face, the backs of his fingers stroking her cheek. He was still getting accustomed to seeing her without that tube down her throat, though it was a sight he loved to see. His hand trembled when he remembered the way he had found out she'd been transferred from ICU to where she was now.

Somehow, the staff had failed to contact him about the move, so when he'd arrived on the floor to visit her as usual that morning, all he'd found was an empty room. The bed had been made, and was in an elevated position, the tray placed over the bed. It was as if Olivia had never occupied the room at all. His heart had stopped, his stomach sunk all the way to his toes. Tears pricked in his eyes, but he couldn't bring himself to cry. He had truly believed that he'd lost her. Thought that she had passed away during the night, and no one had called to tell him. He was lost.

It was one of the nurses who had spotted him standing frozen in the doorway to the room. She immediately calmed his fears, explaining that Olivia had been upgraded in condition, and moved to a room on a different floor. Elliot had barely heard the room number before he was rushing off in that direction.

"And then when I walked in, and saw you breathing on your own, Liv – I think that's when I truly started to breathe again myself."

Elliot concluded his story, one that he'd told his partner many times by now. He just needed her to know how much she meant to him. She had passed the first big hurdle, was breathing on her own. Now she just needed to open those eyes, wake up and come back to him.

---

Olivia watched as Elliot stroked her face, listened as he told her the story of what had happened the day he didn't visit her in the hospital.

Her heart ached for him, as it always did, when he told of how he'd thought the worst that morning he didn't find her in her room as expected.

What Elliot didn't know, was that she had been with him every night since the one he had first sensed her presence in her apartment. She spent her days in the hospital, watching as nurses cared for her body. Her nights were spent in her apartment, watching over her partner. True to his word, after that night he had broken down, he had started staying in the guest room. Olivia would sit with him until he went to bed, then spend her nights on the couch. While he may have an occasional beer with his dinner, Elliot hadn't had any hard liquor to drink since that night, either. He still talked to her at night sometimes, just as he would during the day. It comforted Olivia, made her feel not so alone.

Truth be told, Olivia was growing weary of the limbo she was in. She was tired of feeling cold all the time, tired of feeling empty. She had hoped after they removed the ventilator, things would improve, but everything just stayed the same. She was still afraid to sleep. Yes, she would close her eyes from time to time, rest for a few minutes. But she hadn't slept since that day she woke up in the hospital room and found her body still lying in that bed.

"I'm tired, El. So tired."

She spoke to her partner, who at this moment was back to holding her hand, encouraging her to wake up once more. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep doing this. She wanted to stay and look after her partner, but if she was ever going to wake up and watch over him again in the 'real world', maybe sleep was what she needed to do. She made up her mind that tonight, she would allow herself to give in and sleep.

She was pulled away from her thoughts when the door to her room opened, and in walked her Captain. He was closely followed by Fin and Munch. It wasn't the first they had visited, but it was the first they had all visited together in awhile. Curious, she leaned in to listen.

"Afternoon, Elliot. How is our girl today?" This came from Munch, who extended a bag to the detective sitting by Olivia's bedside.

"The doctors who were in earlier said something about having noticed some rapid eye movement. Said it could be a sign she's trying to wake up."

Elliot couldn't help the hopeful smile that crossed his face as he told his colleagues this news. Ever since he had heard the doctors mention it, he had clung fast to it, needing something to hold on to. Something that would tell him that Olivia was still in there, fighting for a way to come back.

The room was quiet as they all absorbed the information Elliot had shared. He took the opportunity in the silence to dig through the bag Munch had handed him, pulling out containers of wrapped food.

"It's not much," Munch started to say apologetically,

"But we figured you were probably sick of the cafeteria food."

Elliot shook his head, dismissing his friend's concerns. He also didn't want to admit to them that more often than not, he tended to skip lunch while in the hospital visiting Olivia. He would wait until he got back to her apartment at night, either stopping for take out on the way back, or having something delivered.

It was Fin who intuited his thoughts, and called him out.

"You have been eating haven't you, Stabler? Because I don't want Olivia kicking my ass when she wakes up, all because you weren't taking care of yourself."

Elliot took care in considering his answer. He knew he couldn't lie to a roomful of detectives, they'd figure it out before he even spoke.

"I'm eating...enough"

At their dubious glances he continued on, in order to both clarify his meaning and defend himself.

"I stopped at the store one night on my way home for basic groceries. I have toast or cereal before I leave for the hospital, along with a glass of juice."

He took a bite of the lunch his friends had brought him, chewing it thoroughly and swallowing before finishing his explanation.

"True, I don't always eat during the day like I should. It's hard enough to leave Olivia by herself at night, I'm not going to leave her alone during the day if I can help it."

It was the Captain who spoke up next.

"Elliot, you know you could always call on one of us. We would be happy to sit with her and keep her company so you could take a break, all you need to do is ask."

Elliot nodded his agreement, even though he knew he would never take them up on their offer. Just like he knew he could never share the fact with them that he talked to Olivia daily. Not just here in the hospital, but at night when he was alone in her apartment. He would talk to her, and he still believed that somehow, she could hear him.

Ever since that second night he stayed at her place, the night he attempted to drown his sorrows in whiskey, he had become convinced he could sense her presence everywhere around him. He was watching over her every day, eagerly awaiting any change in her condition, no matter how small. But in truth, he believed she was watching over him. That was the one thing that kept him from sinking into the depths of guilt that threatened to overtake him at every turn.

He didn't know what he would say to her when she awoke, if it was a topic he could even bring up. Perhaps it would be best to leave it up to her. Maybe it was something that was all in his imagination, and she really wasn't there after all.

Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't realized that his Captain was speaking to him again.

"Elliot? Elliot!"

"Sorry Cap. What were you saying?"

"I just asked you if you were getting enough rest. Judging by your response, my guess to that would be a 'no'"

As he was catching disapproving looks from not only his Captain, but Fin and Munch as well, Elliot had the decency to try and look as though he were taking them seriously. He knew they were only concerned.

"Elliot. Take a break. Go for a walk. Something – anything – that gets you out of this room for awhile. We'll stay with her until you get back.

Elliot nodded his agreement, having realized that it was pointless to argue against the three of them. He re-wrapped his sandwich and put it in the bag, so that he could take it with him. Thanking them again, he cast another glance at Olivia over his shoulder before leaving the room.

"Man, I didn't think he'd ever leave."

This comment came from Fin, who had moved to take a seat in Elliot's vacated chair. Reaching out his hand, he brushed it over the forehead of the woman who lay sleeping before him.

"You need to wake up soon, Baby Girl. Elliot's getting harder to keep under control. You know you're the only one of us who can manage him."

His voice was gruff with emotion as he talked to the woman who he considered to be like a little sister. He wasn't sure how to talk to her when she was like this.

The group of men sat in silence for awhile, hoping that Elliot was using the time away to eat the food they had provided and take some time for himself.

---

Having grown weary of the hospital, and knowing Olivia was in good hands, Elliot chose to walk about two blocks away to a small park-like area. The small green area with its fountain, benches, and trees provided a peaceful setting. Deciding to forgo a bench, he chose instead to sit under one of the trees, resting his back against the trunk. He pulled what remained of his lunch out of the sack he had carried with him, and began to eat.

As he ate, he thought about his conversation with the captain. He couldn't help but feel like his superior officer didn't believe him when it came to his self-care. That they didn't believe him when he said he was getting enough rest.

Truth be told, while he may not have necessarily been eating the way he should, he was sleeping. What he hadn't admitted to anyone was that he was having the most horrific nightmares. It seemed every time he closed his eyes, he was thrown back to that terrible day. Visions played in his mind, each more terrible than the last. Always with Stevens voice taunting him.

The worst nightmare of late had been just the night before. It had taken a full hour to shake those images. He could still remember the way he had woken up, bathed in sweat, shaking like a leaf.

Up until last night, he'd thought nothing could be worse than the dreams he'd been having of rushing to Olivia's aid, only to find her beyond help. That scenario proved to be a recurring event for him each night while he slept.

He cast the last bit of his sandwich to the side, unable to finish. So focused was he on the memory of last night's horrors.

The dream had began like most of them did. With Stevens gaining control of the uni's gun, taking Dickie hostage. Rejecting all offers of negotiations. The scene played itself out, and he was helpless to do anything but watch.

But this time, when he ran to Liv, and cradled her in his arms, it wasn't with compassion that she received him. Gasping and fighting for her every breath, she wheezed out the words "You did this. You killed me." before going limp in his arms.

It was always bad enough blaming himself, but to have her blame him as well, to have those be the last words she ever spoke to him, shook him to the very core of his soul. He had to keep reminding himself that Olivia was still alive and while still in a coma, she was now breathing on her own. That her last words before losing consciousness had not been to accuse, but to reassure.

Looking at his watch, he realized he had been away from the hospital for about forty-five minutes now. Feeling somewhat recharged from the food and the fresh air, he started the walk back. He made a detour on his way back to buy coffee for himself and the guys, something better to drink than what the hospital had to offer. Carrying the tray with him, he walked into the lobby and headed toward the elevators that would take him back up to Olivia's room.

The men sat around talking, drinking their coffee. Occasionally, one of them would mention something funny that had occurred during a case, or a memory that they had recalled. Soon, the time came for the others to leave. They all encouraged Elliot to go with them, but he refused. He was determined to stay with Olivia until visiting hours were up, just as he had every night since she had been in the hospital. Only then would he allow himself to go.

Once they were alone again, Elliot sat back in his usual chair by Olivia's bed. Per their usual late afternoon routine, he turned the television on and tuned it to the local news station. He didn't want her missing out on anything that was going on in the world, even if she happened to be sleeping through it. Once the news was over, he began to talk to his partner once more.

"What do you think we should do for dinner tonight, Liv?"

He looked over at her, wishing as he always did that she would chime in with her opinion. Hell, at this point he'd even welcome one of the arguments they used to have. Anything would beat these one-sided conversations.

"Pasta, El. You deserve a hearty meal. Something better than all the pizza and Chinese you've had lately."

Olivia spoke to her partner from her usual spot in the corner, where she would watch the goings-on of the day, before returning to her apartment at night to watch over Elliot there, too.

She watched as he appeared to be deep in thought, and then he spoke into the open air of the room once again.

"I think pasta sounds good. Maybe some Alfredo. As soon as you get better, Liv, I promise I'll take you to that bistro you like for some Chicken Alfredo. I know it's your favorite."

Olivia smiled at his offer. It sounded wonderful. What also had made her smile was it seemed that Elliot had either heard her, or if perhaps their thoughts were in sync as they always were.

The rest of the day passed quickly, too quickly for Elliot's liking. Soon the hour was upon him that meant he would have to leave and go back to Olivia's place. On more than a few occasions, he had to stop himself from referring to the place as 'home'. He was sure what had shaken him more: calling his partner's apartment – a place he had been crashing out of necessity for a little less than three weeks now – home, or acknowledging to himself that it didn't feel like a home without her in it.

Somehow, between the standoff and Olivia's subsequent coma, Elliot felt his feelings for his partner evolving. He wasn't sure if it was a result of the events that had happened, or if they had always been there, under the surface. Perhaps what went on between them that day was just the catalyst to bring those feelings to the forefront.

Shelving those thoughts for another time, Elliot realized that the alarm on his phone had gone off, signaling the end of visiting hours. As he always did before he left, he made sure his partner was covered by enough blankets, to ensure she wouldn't be cold. He brushed the hair off her forehead, and whispered a good-night in her ear, with promises to return in the morning. As always, he placed a kiss on her forehead, right over the tiny scar that remained from the second time he had struck her with the gun. It was one of his ways of making sure he apologized every day, without using words. Having ensured his partner was as comfortable as she could possibly be, he turned to leave for the night, knowing he would return again the next morning.

---

Olivia was waiting on the couch for Elliot to get back, just as she did every night once she had discovered she was able to travel to her apartment at night. Part of her wondered if she should have opted to stay in the hospital, given how weak she still felt. Ultimately, it boiled down to the fact that she wanted to sleep tonight, and she didn't want to be alone.

The sound of keys in the lock shook her from her thoughts, and she looked up to see Elliot walking through the door, bags in his arms. He walked over and set them on the kitchen counter. As he unloaded them, he began to talk.

"Sorry I'm later than usual tonight Liv. I stopped at the store to grab a few things. Don't worry – I called on my way home to place an order for dinner, it should arrive soon. I'm taking care of myself, I promise."

As always, she felt a pull in her heart at his reassurances. She knew it was taking everything within him to do the most simple of tasks, such as eating and sleeping. If not for the strict visiting policy of the hospital, she had no doubt he'd be on a constant vigil at her bedside. Even more constant that the vigil he kept now.

"I don't know why, Liv, but leaving you behind today was harder than it has been for awhile. I really didn't want to go."

It struck her again, hearing his confession, just how in tune they were, even now. He could still sense when she needed him.

As if to prove her point, he added

"It's not as if you can just call me on the phone and tell me to come and stay with you. I don't know if you're scared, if you're lonely...if you are in pain."

Walking up to where he stood so that she was behind him, she placed her hands on his shoulders.

"There are only two things that scare me, Elliot. One is the way you still insist on punishing yourself, and two – that I'm going to be stuck in this limbo forever, and never get to have a real conversation with you again."

Olivia found herself interrupted when the intercom buzzed, indicating that Elliot's dinner had arrived. She watched as he paid for his meal, then carried it into the kitchen. Grabbing a drink from the fridge, he brought the bag with him into the living room, opting to forgo a plate and eat directly from the take-out container. She smiled when she saw that he had in fact ordered Chicken Alfredo, as he had discussed with her earlier today.

As he had most nights sitting in Olivia's apartment eating his dinner, Elliot switched on the TV. He never really paid attention to what he watched, it was mainly for company. Something to break up the silence. Tonight was no different.

He finished his meal, threw away his trash. Turned off the television and headed into the guest room. Once there, he grabbed a few things, which he took into the bathroom with him. He had decided to shave and shower tonight, in the hopes of trying to sleep a little later in the morning. The long days were catching up with him. He knew Olivia wouldn't mind if he took a little extra time in the morning for himself.

Elliot emerged from his shower feeling refreshed, and walked through the apartment one final time before turning in. He made sure the door was locked, turned off all the lights, and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge to take in with him.

Olivia watched as he went through his nightly routine, and again felt the weariness seep throughout her. Seeing him head into the guest room, she was about to turn into her room for the night, but changed her mind at the last minute.

Taking tentative steps, she walked toward the guest room. Elliot had already crawled under the covers, and was lying there with just the bedside lamp on. Both arms were folded under his head, propping it up, as he stared at the ceiling. He looked lost for words, like he was searching for something. He was quiet a few moments longer, then he spoke.

"Olivia, I know I've said this every night for awhile now, but I hope tomorrow will be the day you wake up."

Olivia, as she was every night, was moved by his words. He always sounded so desperate when he said it.

Like the night she comforted him when he first started staying here, she put aside her reservations. She also had to put aside her pride, because instead of doing this in an attempt to offer him comfort, tonight she was seeking comfort for herself. She didn't know what was going to happen tonight when she fell asleep. If this was by chance the last time she were ever to close her eyes, she wanted to have her best friend by her side. She hoped that if things did go the other way, he would remember that she had never once blamed him for any of this situation.

Walking around to the other side of the bed, but keeping a respectable distance above the covers, Olivia lay down next to her partner. She was shocked when he pulled an extra blanket up over the comforter tonight, something he didn't normally do. This blanket ensured that she would be covered, too.

They both turned on their sides at the same time, Elliot unknowingly facing Olivia. She took a few minutes to study his face, committing it to memory, just in case. Taking a few deep breaths, she closed her eyes and let sleep claim her.

---

Elliot awoke to the ringing of his phone. Disoriented, he felt around on the nightstand for the offending device which had awoken him.

"Stabler" He answered, his voice garbled from sleep.

"This is Elliot Stabler, correct?" a voice on the other end questioned.

"It is. Who is calling?"

"I'm Olivia Benson's nurse here at the hospital, and we're calling you because..."

Elliot heard the words 'Olivia' 'nurse' and 'hospital' in the same sentence and his stomach turned to ice. Grasping on the bedside table for his watch, he saw that it was just after three in the morning. His heart began to pound in his chest. What was this woman saying?

"I'm sorry" He said "Can you repeat that?"

"Yes, of course" the woman replied.

"I said I'm sorry for calling you at such an early hour, but we've noticed some marked changes in Detective Benson's vitals the last few times we've taken them. It seems to indicate she could be emerging from the coma."

The fear and dread building up in Elliot's insides started to give way to hope. Barely able to breathe, for fear it might all be a dream, he questioned the woman again.

"Are you certain?"

"Yes sir. And I'm sure she'd like it if there was a familiar face nearby when she woke up."

She went on to explain that while they weren't able to pinpoint exactly when she would wake up, all signs did indicate that Olivia would emerge from her coma sooner rather than later. And since it seemed more imminent, they were willing to overlook the strict rules of visiting hours to allow him to be with her.

Elliot thanked the nurse for her call, and disconnected. He walked into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face, trying to wash away the residual feeling of fear that had shaken him when he first received the phone call. His mind had gone to the darkest places when he found out it was the hospital calling. Shaking that thought from his mind, he turned back to the room he was staying in to get dressed.

He made it to the hospital in less than twenty minutes, rushing up to the floor where Olivia was. When he walked into her room, the first thing he noticed was that her face appeared to have more color. She wasn't as pale and drawn as she had been.

Taking his place at her bedside, he pulled her hand into both of his, and raised it to his lips. Kissing it softly, he spoke to her.

"Come on Olivia, you can do this. Keep fighting. You've come this far, now I just need you to open your eyes."

He moved one of his hands away from hers to stroke her forehead, taking heart when he felt her eyelids flutter briefly under his palm. Her fingers flexed in his hand, and she expelled a soft exhale of breath.

"That's it Liv. Take your time. I'll be here. I'll wait as long as it takes."

He spoke words to soothe her, encourage her.

He watched out the window as light began to dawn over the city, and looked at his watch. He hadn't wanted to call the Captain and the guys too soon. Didn't want to scare them the way he had been by the early morning call. Part of him didn't want to tell them just yet. Wanted to keep this bit of news as a secret between himself and Olivia. But he had promised to give them updates whenever he heard anything new.

He took out his phone, and composed a group text message to send to all three. He knew he should probably call, but didn't want to leave Olivia's side for even a minute. He explained the situation as best he could, and let them know that he was at the hospital if they needed to get in touch with him.

Putting his phone back in his pocket, he took her hand in his once more. He had expected to be feeling tired from having had his sleep interrupted, but was still operating on the rush of adrenaline from earlier. He didn't even feel a need to get any coffee, fearing caffeine would only make him jittery and anxious.

A soft moan from the woman on the bed captured his attention, pulling him from his thoughts. All of his senses were on alert, and he watched her intently.

Olivia moaned again in her sleep, gradually coming into awareness. Everything hurt, and all her muscles were stiff. Her head felt groggy, like it was full of rocks. Her eyelashes felt like they were glued shut. Her mouth was so dry. What was going on?

She tried to stretch, but something – or rather someone – was holding tight to her hand. She grasped the hand that held hers tighter in return, grateful to not be alone. Still she struggled, feeling somewhat like a swimmer underwater trying to break through to the surface.

Elliot watched, transfixed, as he felt Olivia's hand squeeze tight around his own. He heard her moan again, watched her shift in the bed. He was holding his breath, eyes flicking over her face and body, watching every move she made. He glanced down to watch her legs move under the covers, and when he looked back up to stare at her face, her eyes were open ever so slightly.

"Liv?" He called to her, his voice barely more than a whisper.

A blink. Her fingers flexed in his palm.

"Olivia?" He tried again.

This time her head turned ever so slightly in the direction of his voice. Her lips parted, and on a soft exhale of breath, he heard her weakly utter one word.

"El?"

He was immensely relived to be sitting at her bedside, for if he wasn't sitting down, he feared his legs would have given out on him. Even though it was just one word, one syllable, it was the best thing he could have ever heard her say.

"It's okay, Olivia. I'm here."

She blinked a few more times, gradually becoming aware of the fact that she was in a hospital bed, and Elliot was at her side. Finally opening her eyes at last, she turned her head to face him.

When her eyes had finally completely opened, and she turned to look at him, it was all he could do to keep from sweeping her up in his arms. His relief was that great. There was so much he wanted to tell her, ask her. But he didn't want to overwhelm her. Instead he chose to keep things simple for now. There would be time for other, much deeper conversations, later.

"Liv. I'm so glad you're awake"

She tried to give him a weak, but reassuring smile. He still had yet to let go of her hand. There were so many questions he was sure she needed to ask as well, but something had to be taken care of first.

"I'm sure you have so many questions, but first I have to let them know you're awake."

As he said the words, he reached with his free hand to push the call button beside her bed. While they waited for a nurse to come in, he continued to reassure her.

"I promise you, Liv. I will explain anything you want to know. I just want to have them check you out first, okay?"

Unable to find the right words, Olivia nodded her agreement. She was still trying to figure out what was going on. She studied his face intently. It almost seemed to her that her partner, who was always so tough in outward appearances, was struggling with his emotions. So much to the point, that it seemed he was trying not to cry. It told her that whatever had happened to her must have been serious, to effect him to such a degree.

The door to her room opened, and a nurse was standing there.

"Can I help you? Oh! You're awake! I'll page the doctor right away!"

She hurried to do so, only to return a few minutes later. Then she began the task of taking Olivia's vitals, and asking her simple questions. Her name, age, date of birth, and so on. Once she was complete with that routine, she raised the bed slightly, bringing Olivia to a somewhat more elevated position. Ensuring her patient was comfortable, she left the room.

When the doctor came in soon after, he asked Elliot to leave. Olivia looked nervous at this, but her partner gave her a reassuring smile, and told her he'd be back as soon as possible. He raised her hand to his lips, giving it a kiss before placing it back to her side, then left the room, allowing the doctor to examine her in private.

Elliot, feeling overwhelmed with relief, headed for the visitor lounge. He was so beside himself he didn't know what to do. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he chose to dial the station. He wanted to tell the Captain about Olivia.

"Captain Cragen speaking"

"Cap, it's Elliot. Olivia's awake."

Elliot didn't bother with small talk, but got straight to the point. The shock on the other end of the line was evident given the long silence.

"That's fantastic news, Elliot! How is she doing?"

Elliot heard the Captain's question, and wished he had better answers to give the man. For now though, just being able to give the news that Olivia was awake seemed enough.

"The doctor is in with her now. I haven't had much time to talk with her. I just wanted you to know."

"Of course, Elliot. I'll pass this news along to Munch and Fin. Perhaps we can stop by the hospital after we leave the station tonight."

Elliot nodded his agreement, before remembering that the Captain couldn't see him. He then spoke into the phone again, giving his answer.

"That would be great Cap. I'm sure she would be glad to see all of you."

They talked for a few minutes more before saying their farewells, and hanging up. Once that phone call was done, Elliot made a second call. This one was to his son, Dickie. While he knew all of his children were concerned about Olivia's recovery, given the circumstances, Dickie deserved to know first.

The phone call to his son was as full of much relief and excitement as the one to his captain had been. Dickie had even expressed interest in wanting to visit Olivia again. They made arrangements that he would come to the hospital the following day. Elliot had warned him, though, that he wasn't sure what Olivia did or did not remember in regards to her injury. Nevertheless, he assured his son she would be glad to see him.

By the time Elliot was finished making his phone calls, had helped himself to a cup of coffee, and had used the restroom, the doctor was leaving Olivia's room. He anxiously rushed back to catch up with the man as he was walking down the hall.

"Doctor! How is she?"

The doctor turned to face him, regarding him quietly for a moment. Remembering that this man standing in front of him was not only Detective Benson's emergency contact and next of kin, but had been present at the hospital every day throughout her ordeal.

"Considering what she has been through, I'm pleased with her condition. She is alert, and remarkably coherent. There is some confusion, but that is to be expected."

The doctor went on to explain in greater detail about the short battery of tests he performed on Olivia, and that her reflexes and reactions were all at normal levels. He did state that he'd like to perform additional tests either later on, or the following day.

It didn't surprise Elliot to learn that Olivia had already been asking when she could go home. The doctor told Elliot, as he had informed his patient, that once all her tests came back clear, he would have no problem releasing her. He expected that to happen sometime in the next three or four days, as he also wanted to schedule her for a couple physical therapy sessions. While she'd had physical therapists working with her while in the coma, he still wanted her to have a few sessions before her release.

After hearing the doctors explanation, Elliot thanked the man and shook his hand. He was relieved that there would be no long term effects for Olivia. A little confusion was something he could deal with. He turned to head back to her room, anxious to see her again.

---

Elliot entered Olivia's room, a sense of warmth filling him when her smiling face greeted him as he walked through the door. He returned the look with a grin of his own, so happy to see her awake at last.

A nurse was still in the room, helping Olivia get adjusted to a more upright position. After making sure her patient didn't need anything else, she started to leave the room. She paused once she reached the door, adding as an afterthought.

"I almost forgot – are you feeling hungry, Detective Benson? I can order a tray from dietary for you, if you'd like."

Olivia considered the offer, before shaking her head to indicate the negative.

"I'm fine for now, thank you. Maybe I will feel up to trying something later."

The nurse nodded her understanding, then walked out of the room. The two partners were alone once again.

Elliot had returned to his seat by Olivia's bedside, and continued to feel the relief wash over him as his eyes scanned over her. He wanted to reach for her hand again, but uncertain if she would welcome the touch or not, opted to remain where he was. Instead, he chose to ask her a question.

"How are you feeling?"

Olivia gave him a wan smile, as she leaned back against the pillows.

"Confused. Overwhelmed."

"I'll bet." Elliot said in an understanding tone.

Noticing Olivia still seemed somewhat tense and uneasy, her hand twitching uncomfortably at her side, Elliot took a chance. He reached out and grasped it in his own. She resisted at first, tensing in his hold, but then relaxed her hand into the warmth of his palm. The calm his touch provided seemed to permeate throughout her body, as he watched the tension evaporate from the rest of her.

"What happened Elliot? I can remember bits and pieces – Stevens, Dickie – other parts of that day. The last thing I can clearly recall is you staring down at me, you looked so scared."

Elliot took a minute to compose himself as the images flooded his memory once again. He knew she had every right to know what had happened, and hoped he could stay calm enough to explain it to her. She deserved that. Not sure where to begin, he opted to go with the truth.

"I was terrified Liv. You can tell me not to blame myself all you want, but as a result of my actions – because I fired my gun – you were shot. Not just once, but twice. Stevens may have put you in the line of fire, but I'm still the one who pulled the trigger."

He went on to explain in detail the aftermath of what happened after she lost consciousness. He didn't leave anything out, giving vivid detail of how he had been so frightened when she had stopped breathing, his desperate attempts to resuscitate her. He spoke of the endless hours waiting while she was in surgery, of how many who cared so deeply that they lined up to donate blood.

Once he got started in his story, it was hard to stop, and his tale continued to unwind. The words just kept pouring forth. He told his partner of how he'd been staying at her place ever since the day she'd been injured, how he came to the hospital every day to keep vigil by her bedside. The moments when he could swear he felt her presence oh so close, how it both frightened and comforted him the first time he felt that sensation.

Elliot must have talked for over an hour, and Olivia just sat there, listening, while he held her hand. She was trying to absorb all she heard. As he talked, it was as if she had brief flashes of déjà vu. She could remember the events happening, but wasn't sure how she was aware of it.

As he finished his tale, he looked completely drained. Sensing this, Olivia wanted to comfort him in some way. Prove to him that she really was awake, and that everything was going to be okay. She shifted over in the bed, and tugging on his hand gently, pulled him in her direction.

"Come here, Elliot"

Elliot allowed himself to be pulled toward his partner, following her lead. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, and twisting his upper body so that he was facing her. He watched as she leaned forward into him, and closed his eyes as he felt her arms wrap around him. Returning her embrace, he closed his eyes and rested his head on her shoulder.

It was Olivia who broke the silence, speaking softly.

"It's okay El. I'm going to be okay."

He held her close, and his voice shook as he replied.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear you say that."

They stayed that way for a few moments longer, not speaking. Both of them drawing comfort from the arms of the other. They both pulled back at the same time, their eyes locked on one another. They shared a smile.

Elliot went to move back to his chair, concerned he was crowding Olivia. She held on to his arm, giving a slight shake of her head.

"Stay. Please?"

The look on his face shocked her, and she immediately began to backtrack, worried she had overstepped.

"I mean, if you don't mind. I know its not a terribly comfortable way to sit -"

He raised a hand to her lips, silencing her with his fingertips. When she stopped speaking, and raised her eyes to meet his, he spoke to her.

"Liv, stop. I'll gladly stay as long as you want."

He paused a moment, then an idea came to him. Hoping that his partner would be receptive to it, he offered it up as a suggestion.

"I have an idea. Can we try something?"

When she nodded her consent, Elliot stood for a moment then turned around to sit back down on the bed with her. She shifted over ever so slightly to allow him room. He raised one of his legs up on the bed, keeping the other braced on the floor. Wrapping one of his arms around her shoulders, he pulled his partner into his body, so that she reclined sideways against him. She resisted at first, but then relaxed against him. He brought his hand up to run it through her hair, soothing her as he had done so many times during her coma. Neither of them had to say another word, they just sat together in silence, finding comfort in the company of each other.

---

Later that afternoon, Olivia still hadn't had much of a desire to eat anything. A tray had been delivered with the lunchtime meal, but she merely picked at it with disinterest. Knowing his partner had to be hungry, after not having eaten anything for over two weeks, Elliot tried to come up with a solution. All of a sudden, an idea came to him. He called for the nurse. When she came into the room asking if she could help with anything, he asked her a question.

"Does Detective Benson have any dietary restrictions? I mean, does she have to eat the food provided by the hospital? Or can I go out and get her something else?"

The nurse paused to consider his request before replying.

"I don't see a problem with that. The doctor has her on a regular diet. I wouldn't go with anything to heavy though, since it's been awhile since she's eaten solid foods."

Elliot smiled in relief. Then nodded his understanding.

"That's fine. I was thinking more along the lines of going to pick her up a bowl of soup or something. Thank you."

The nurse agreed that soup would be a wonderful starter to beginning to eat, and joked that anything would be better than what the cafeteria had to offer. After that, she left the room.

Olivia, who had been dozing lightly during this exchange, opened her eyes. She had overheard the comments between her partner and the nurse, and couldn't resist adding a comment of her own.

"I know you got used to it while I was 'out', but you really don't need to keep talking about me like I'm not in the room".

The grin on her face reassured him she was in no way upset or angry at his actions. If anything, she was amused. Because she knew, from the way he had explained things to her earlier, that he had never treated her like she wasn't present. He always had talked to her like she was with him.

Walking back to her bed, he sat down beside her once again. Reaching out with one hand to brush her hair back, he tried to reason with her.

"You've got to try and eat something, Liv. Please. I'll go out and get you anything you want."

Olivia was quiet as she considered his request. She was feeling slightly hungry, but part of her was scared to eat after not having done so for so long. She was afraid of overeating and causing an upset stomach. After being silent for a few moments, she answered him.

"I heard you mention soup to the nurse. That sounds good."

Elliot nodded his approval. Gathering his jacket in his hands, he turned to leave. Olivia just watched him, knowing he would be back soon. She didn't even have to tell him what kind of soup she wanted, knowing instinctively that he would bring back her favorite. He knew her that well. As he walked out the door, she settled back into the bed to rest while she waited for his return.

Elliot had been gone for about twenty minutes when the door opened. Thinking it was her partner, Olivia turned her head to greet him. She was pleasantly surprised to see three men walking through. They all had huge smiles on their faces at the sight of her. Each of them in turn walked up to her to squeeze her hand, or press a tender kiss along her forehead.

"Cap...Fin...Munch...its so good to see all of you." Olivia said, feeling a bit overcome with emotion.

"No, Olivia. You have no idea how good it is for us to see you." These words came from Munch, but it was obvious the same sentiments were echoed among the other men.

Sensing they were surprised to find her alone, Olivia explained that Elliot had stepped out to get her something to eat, and would be back soon. She looked on as they all found seats, and began to ask her about what had been going on since she woke up earlier that morning. Not wanting to hide anything from them, she answered their questions the best she could, as she was still feeling a bit overwhelmed from it all.

The door to the room opened again, and Elliot stepped through, carrying a paper sack. He seemed surprised to find the room full of visitors. Referring to the bag in his hands, he addressed the group.

"If I'd have known you were all going to be here, I'd have gotten enough food for everyone. I just picked up some soup for Liv and I."

This time it was the Captain who spoke up, allaying his nerves.

"Don't worry about that, Elliot. We already ate."

Elliot nodded, then stepped closer to the bedside tray and began to set out the items he had purchased. Moving the table so it was within easy access for Olivia, he placed a spoon and container in front of her, along with a napkin. Giving her a smile, he moved back to his own chair to eat his meal.

Olivia hesitated before picking up the spoon. Then she relaxed, realizing that she was among friends, who had all seen her eat on a near daily basis. She had nothing to feel self-conscious about. And the aroma of the soup in front of her was making her realize just how hungry she was.

She had eaten a little more than half of the serving when she stopped, realizing that she couldn't finish any more. Setting the spoon down, she pushed the bowl to the side. Elliot looked over to her in concern. She shook her head at him, letting him know there was nothing to worry about.

The guys stayed for a little over an hour more, the group all talking casually among themselves. Then, they made their excuses to leave, noticing that Olivia was getting tired. As they were headed to the door, it was John who spoke.

"We sure miss seeing you around the station, Elliot. The place won't be the same without you."

No sooner than the words left his lips, Fin gave him a light smack upside the head, telling him to be quiet. Elliot shot him an evil glare.

Munch, realizing that he had just stuck his foot in his mouth, tried to backtrack, to no avail. He then made his excuses to go.

"Well, look at the time. I really must be going. Glad to see you're awake Olivia. I'll be back to visit you again soon."

With that, he headed out the door, Fin hot on his heels. The Captain, shaking his head followed them. After watching them leave, Elliot turned to face Olivia, almost afraid to meet the look in her eye.

"What did he mean by that, Elliot?"

Her voice was quiet, but he still heard every word. Knowing that there was no way to dissuade her from this conversation, he pushed the tray to the side. Choosing to sit beside her on the bed once more, he took both her hands in his.

"I haven't been back to work since that day you were shot."

Olivia's concern was immediate.

"Did something go wrong with the IAB investigation? I can talk to them, tell them it was all my idea to -"

He silenced her with a look, cutting her off mid-sentence. He searched her eyes before continuing.

"IAB cleared me, Liv. This is all on me."

He took a deep breath, trying to swallow back the tears he felt forming.

"I don't know that I can ever pick up that gun again, knowing what I did."

He felt Olivia squeeze his hands in hers, and saw the look of understanding wash over her face. It was immediately replaced with a look of pain.

"Elliot." she whispered. She grasped his hands tighter, and never once broke eye contact.

"You've got to find a way to stop taking the blame. Please. It breaks my heart that you still hold yourself responsible."

She licked her lips, and it was obvious to him that she, too was struggling with her emotions. When she spoke next, her voice was no more than a whisper.

"Take all the time you need, but I don't want you giving up your career over me. There's no one else I'd want to have my back."

He could do nothing else but nod. It wasn't an agreement of sorts that he would go back, but more that he would consider her words. They both knew that this discussion wasn't over, but both had reached the limit of what they could handle for now. The emotions ran too deep. She was still too fragile, having just woken up that morning.

He inwardly cursed John and his big mouth. It wasn't that he intended to keep it from her forever, but he had hoped to protect her just a little while longer. Now she would be worried about him, when she should be focused on her own recovery.

"Make you a deal?" He said to her, searching her eyes for an agreement to what he was about to propose.

At her nod, he continued.

"I won't make any rash decisions. I won't do anything without talking to you first. Just not now. Your recovery comes first."

She opened her mouth to argue, but was silenced by a look from him. Then she nodded yet again, conceding that he was right.

They passed the rest of the day enjoying each others company. Elliot filled Olivia in on things she had missed while she was in her coma. At around seven in the evening, Olivia began to grow tired. Even though there was still time left in visiting hours, she encouraged Elliot to go home and get some rest, too. She joked that he had already spent enough time watching her sleep.

Though reluctant to leave, he agreed that he, too was tired. He had almost forgotten that he had been awake since that phone call early this morning. Was it really only sixteen hours ago that he got the call Olivia was emerging from her coma, he thought? While those two weeks she was unresponsive had seemed to drag on forever, today had rushed by so quickly. He couldn't seem to get enough time with her.

He made sure that she didn't need anything, and when she assured him that she would call a nurse if she did, he agreed to go. He promised to return the next morning, and even teased a special visitor. This piqued Olivia's curiosity, but he refused to give her any hints.

He gathered his things to leave, then as he always did every night before leaving the hospital, bent to kiss Olivia on her forehead. If she seemed surprised by this open gesture of affection now that she was awake, she didn't let on.

---

When Elliot returned the following morning, he found Olivia's bed empty. He tried to quell the fear and anxiety that welled up in him, and went to find her nurse. She explained that Olivia was down at physical therapy for an early session, and should be up in her room shortly. Relieved, Elliot returned to her room to wait for her.

While he was waiting, he received a phone call. It was Dickie, asking when would be an appropriate time to visit. They talked it over, and decided he would come in after lunch. His son asked if he needed to bring anything, and Elliot initially told him that wasn't necessary. As an afterthought, though, he added something. He asked his son to call before he came, to see if by chance they needed him to bring any food for them to eat. This way, Elliot would have no need to leave the hospital. He assured his son he would reimburse him for any expenses this would incur. Dickie told him not to worry about it, so relieved was he to be able to do something to help Olivia. Their phone call finished, they hung up.

He had just placed his phone back in his pocket when Olivia was wheeled in the room by an orderly. She didn't look pleased about her mode of transportation, but was cooperating anyway. The man with her helped her back into bed, and asked if she needed anything. When she said she didn't, he left the room, taking the wheelchair with him.

"You're here early." Olivia remarked, bypassing a traditional 'hello' as a means of greeting her partner.

"Not so early, Liv. It's after ten." He told her.

He watched the surprise flicker over her features as she registered this news.

"Already? How long did they keep me down there?" She mused.

At his questioning look, she went on to explain what physical therapy was like for her. Mostly, it involved basic exercises. They had her use a stationary bike and treadmill for awhile. Also she worked with some low impact weights doing simple arm exercises. Trying to regain some of the muscle strength she might have lost during her two weeks in a coma.

She said she wasn't sore after her exercises, just a little tired. It would take her awhile to build up her stamina again. Elliot suggested that after she was released from the hospital, the two of them take daily walks to help her regain her strength. She smiled at that, and agreed that it sounded like a nice idea. But she couldn't resist adding a little dig of her own.

"I guess I'll have no choice, seeing as you've taken up residence in my apartment."

Elliot seemed unsure of how to respond to that. He didn't know whether or not she was serious.

"I can start looking for a place of my own as soon as you're released. It's just with you in the hospital -" he trailed off.

"Relax, El." she calmed his nerves. "I was only kidding"

"You can stay at my apartment for as long as you need to."

He nodded, and the conversation was dropped.

He passed the rest of the morning chatting with her, watching as she fought sleep. He could tell when she finally gave in to it, as her body relaxed, and her head dropped to the side. He sat quietly, reading the paper he had brought, letting her rest.

She slept for a little over an hour, and was awakened when someone brought in her lunch tray. Watching as she viewed the meal in front of her with disinterest, he couldn't help but push her.

"Liv, you need to eat."

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, indicating the meal in front of her with one hand, almost as if to say "You expect me to eat this?"

She was about to open her mouth to argue with him, when they were interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

Holding up a finger, as if to indicate that particular conversation was nowhere near over, Elliot answered. A relieved smile broke out over his face when he realized who the caller was. After speaking for a few minutes, he paused, and placed his palm over the receiver. He spoke to Olivia.

"What would you like to eat, Olivia? Your special guest is coming soon, and has offered to pick you up something on the way."

Olivia, figuring that he was on the phone with either Captain Cragen, or one of the guys from the station, considered what he had asked. She had no problem with one of them bringing her food. It didn't feel like an imposition to ask. It was what they did. They all took care of each other.

Thinking for a moment, she realized what it was she wanted. She told Elliot, who relayed her request over the phone. He seemed pleased that she was actually looking forward to eating something. He spoke for a few minutes more, then disconnected the call.

"So, which one of the guys is leaving the station early to come over with food?" Olivia inquired, curious.

"What? Oh. That wasn't anyone from the precinct." Elliot told her.

He then watched as she got a really puzzled look on her face, loving how she tried to figure out just who he could have possibly been talking to.

"But you said it was a food order – I thought it was just Fin or Munch- I don't want to make anyone go out of their way."

Olivia began to protest, having realized that her lunch order was not coming from someone she worked with.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, he leaned in close to get her to calm down.

"Liv, relax."

He assured her that whomever he had been talking to had asked earlier if there was anything they could do. He also reminded her that they were bringing by lunch for all three of them, so it wasn't as if they were being inconvenienced in any way. Olivia seemed to accept what he was saying, and nodded. She still was curious as to who her visitor would be, though.

She didn't need to wait long. Twenty minutes later, there was a light knock on her door. She and Elliot halted their conversation, and turned their heads toward the source. Elliot stood to go open the door, and Olivia was surprised when she saw who walked through. It was Dickie, Elliot's son. Moreover, it appeared that father and son were getting along better than when she had seen them last.

"Dickie!" She greeted her partners son warmly, glad to see the boy.

Then, having remembered his distaste for that particular nickname, she corrected herself.

"I'm sorry – Richard. Please forgive me for not getting it right."

The teen immediately alleviated all concerns.

"It's alright, Olivia. I told Dad in the hospital the day you were hurt that I don't mind if he calls me Dickie. That day changed a lot for me. It taught me that there are other things more important to worry about than a stupid name."

The room went silent for a moment as all recalled the day in question. It wasn't an uncomfortable or awkward silence, though, and soon enough conversation began again. It was Dickie who spoke first.

"Here, Dad." He said, handing Elliot the large bag he was carrying.

"I got everything you asked for."

The three of them collectively decided that conversation could wait, in favor of food. Together, father and son set up their meal, taking the items out of the bag. They placed Olivia's food in front of her, and each got their own. Chopsticks were passed out all around, and they all sat around her bed to eat.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh as Elliot would occasionally reach in with his chopsticks to steal a bit of her chicken. In turn, she would take some of his food, too. Such was their routine anytime they had Chinese.

Dickie watched their interactions as he ate his own lunch, observing them silently. What he thought would upset him, only gave him a warm feeling inside. Seeing his dad happy again at having Olivia back, watching the two partners act like a couple of kids. Whether the two adults wanted to admit it or not, something was changing between them. At least, it seemed that way to him. They seemed closer, if that was at all possible.

After they finished their meal, Elliot gathered up their trash and put it in the bag it came in, for Dickie to throw away later when he left the hospital. Then they all sat around together to talk. Dickie was hesitant at first, not knowing what to say.

Olivia sensed his anxiety, and tried to put him at ease. She asked him questions about school, and his extra-curricular activities. She listened intently while he told her about the sports he was involved in.

Her questions seemed to act as an ice breaker for the conversation, and the teen began to speak freely. He talked openly with both adults. After a short while though, he grew hesitant, as though something were bothering him.

They both picked up on it, but it was Elliot who addressed the subject first.

"What is it? You can tell us anything, you know that."

Olivia nodded, indicating that she, too, agreed with what Elliot had said. She was willing to listen to whatever he had to say.

Taking a deep breath, he released it all with one exhale, afraid if he didn't, he'd never say what was bothering him.

"It'sallmyfaultOliviayouwerehurtbecauseofme."

Though she needed a moment to decipher the words, she understood the meaning behind them. Olivia felt nothing but compassion for the boy who, like Elliot, must have spent the time she was in a coma with nothing but self-blame.

"Dickie. Come here." she said, encouraging the boy to come and sit beside her.

The teen moved closer, hesitant at first, but obeying her directive.

When he sat in the chair that his father had just vacated, she reached out for him. He startled at first, not expecting this. She should be yelling at him, blaming him. Not comforting him.

Olivia took his hand in hers, and held it. She reached out with her other hand, grasping him firmly under the chin, raising it so that his eyes met her own. Once she was certain she had his full attention, she spoke.

"I want you to know something. I do not blame you. I do not blame your father. I blame Michael Stevens. He is the only man responsible for all of this."

Dickie tried to protest her attempts at comfort

"But -"

"But nothing. Yes, he made you do terrible things. But they weren't your choice. I know you would never have chosen to act upon them if he hadn't forced you to."

She gave him a moment to consider what she had said, then continued.

"You have to forgive yourself, just like I need for your father to forgive himself. I'm awake, I'm getting better – they're probably going to send me home in a couple of days."

Absorbing her words, Dickie nodded. It wouldn't be easy, but he would try and take her advice. There would be a part of him that would always feel guilty. Especially since he could still see a faint scar upon her cheek. He hated to see what the one by her collar bone looked like, although that was hidden by her gown. But it was obvious that she wasn't just speaking words to alleviate his guilt, she truly meant them. She didn't blame him.

There was a quiet that settled among the three of them after that, as though they were all trying to recover in their own ways from the emotional conversation that had just taken place.

Breaking up the somber mood, Elliot reminded them that they hadn't had their dessert yet. So the group all cracked open their fortune cookies, and soon the light hearted atmosphere had returned.

Dickie stayed awhile longer, once again engaged in animated conversation with both his father and Olivia. It was only when he noticed her eyelids begin to droop that he made his excuses to leave.

He promised to return to see her again, though, once she was home and recovering.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" he exclaimed as he gathered his things to leave.

He reached into his backpack, and pulled out a small bag. He passed it to Olivia, along with an explanation.

"My sisters sent you this. They said they were glad you were awake, and would be to visit you soon"

Taking the bag from him, Olivia peered inside. She was pleased to find such items such as lip gloss, a hairbrush, and a few toiletries. Items that she didn't have with her here. Also included was a deck of cards, and a few magazines for her to read. She appreciated their thoughtfulness, and made sure to pass that along to the teen who stood in front of her.

Dickie, who was still standing their awkwardly, wondering if his last question would be too forward. He hoped not.

"Olivia, before I go, could I – that is, would you mind – can I hug you?"

In answer, Olivia opened her arms, welcoming him into an embrace. When he hugged her, it was when he finally started to feel the guilt begin to leave him. Turning into her, so his dad wouldn't hear, he whispered into her ear.

"I know you said it wasn't my fault, but I have to say it anyway. I'm sorry you got hurt."

She heard his words, and held him a little tighter, and whispered back to him.

"Apology accepted. Now I don't want you to worry any more about it."

He reluctantly let go of the hug, feeling ashamed for having held on for so long. He said goodbye to Olivia, and started to say goodbye to his father. He was surprised when his dad said he would walk out with him, but accepted the offer.

Elliot returned to Olivia's room shortly after, to find her flipping through one of the magazines she had been given.

"Everything alright?" she asked, looking up from what she was reading.

"Yes. I just wanted to talk with him for a minute, plus repay him for our lunch."

Olivia nodded.

He was about to say something else, when someone came into the room, pushing a wheelchair.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I'm here to take Detective Benson for some tests."

Olivia sighed, but got out of bed and sat in the chair, resigned to her fate. She watched as Elliot made himself comfortable on her bed, leaning back against the pillow. He pulled the table toward him, holding up the deck of cards, with a questioning look on his face.

"Mind if I borrow these, play some solitaire while you're away? Maybe when you get back, we can play a few hands of something."

She smiled at his offer.

"Go ahead. And when I get back, I'd be happy to kick your ass in a game of cards."

She heard his laughter follow her as she was pushed out of the room and down the hall.

---

The rest of Olivia's time in the hospital passed quickly, and before either her or Elliot realized it, her discharge day had arrived. Per Olivia's directive, he had packed a bag with some comfortable clothes in it for her to wear home.

He paced outside her room. The doctor was in there right now, removing the staples from her incisions. They had been in for fourteen days, and it was time for them to be removed. As a substitution, he would be placing steri-strips, to help keep the incisions closed as they continued to heal. But at least with the strips in place, Olivia would be allowed to shower.

The door to Olivia's room opened, and the doctor stepped out. Giving Elliot a reassuring smile, he told him that the staples had been removed without complication. He also said that Olivia had been given instructions for proper care of the strips that had been placed, and was now changing into clothes for her trip home. Elliot shook the man's hand, and thanked him for taking such good care of his partner throughout her hospital stay.

A few more minutes passed, and the door opened yet again. It did Elliot's heart good to see his partner standing there dressed in a pair of drawstring pants and an oversized tee. He had chosen those clothes for her specifically. He wasn't sure if the incisions would be irritated by anything with a waistband, and wanted her to be comfortable. He made sure to include a hoodie for her to throw on over the clothes. Upon finding it in her closet, he immediately had recognized it as his own. He had always figured Kathy had thrown it out.

Shaking those thoughts from his head, he smiled at his partner.

"Almost ready to go?" He asked her.

"Yes. Just waiting on the nurse to bring in the discharge papers."

She turned and walked back into the room, and he followed. He saw that her things were sitting on the bed, neatly packed. The cards and gifts she had accumulated during her stay all placed in the duffel he had used to bring her clothing in. She bent to put on her socks and shoes, and let out a whimper of pain, feeling a twinge in her side and abdomen.

"Shouldn't have done that." she said aloud.

"Liv, sit. Let me help." Elliot encouraged.

"I'm not an invalid, Elliot. I should be able to put on my own damn shoes."

"You're also just coming off two major surgeries, not to mention a coma. It's okay to accept a little help."

She considered his words, then acquiesced. She sat on the bed, and allowed him to help her put on the offending items. He sat on the chair opposite her, and raised her foot, placing it on his thigh. Placing the sock over her foot, he followed with the shoe, tying it to secure it. He then rested his hand on her ankle.

"Liv. I know you want to do things for yourself, but there is no shame in asking for help. And I want to help you."

He gave her a moment to absorb his words, then continued.

"I promise you, I will do everything in my power to not make you feel helpless, or like you can't do things on your own. But I will be there to help you if you need it. Just please, don't be too proud to ask."

Olivia was silent for a moment as she considered all she had said. Then, she nodded. Being the independent woman that she was, it was hard for her to admit she needed help. She was glad to know she wouldn't be going back to her apartment alone. She hoped Elliot wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Without saying anything more, Elliot quietly finished helping her with her other sock and shoe. Lowering it to the floor, he stood, and raised both hands in her direction, palms up.

Unsure of what he wanted, Olivia placed her hands in his. He said nothing, merely helped her to a standing position. No sooner than he had done so, a nurse came breezing into the room, a stack of papers in her hand.

"I have your discharge forms here, Detective Benson. Now I know the doctor has already gone over the instructions with you, but they are all listed here on this form"

She handed a sheet of paper to Olivia, who in turn passed it to Elliot. He folded it, and slipped it into the side of her duffel bag.

"As you already know, should you have any new or worsening symptoms, you are to return here to the hospital at once."

The nurse continued down her list, going through the routine as she did with every patient she discharged. It seemed to Olivia that she would never finish.

"Now, if you'll just sign here, indicating that you understand all the instructions as I've read them to you, I'll call an escort with a wheelchair, and we can get you discharged."

Olivia signed her name to the page, but spoke up as she did so.

"I understand everything, but I'd prefer not to go out in a wheelchair. I can walk just fine."

"It's hospital policy, dear."

Olivia merely nodded, resigned to having at least one more wheelchair ride before she was free of this place.

Satisfied that all the paperwork was in order, Elliot gathered her bags. He told her that he was going to pull the car around, and would meet her out front. Olivia agreed, and said she would see him there, half joking that if he left without her, she'd never forgive him for it.

The ride home from the hospital was uneventful. Olivia and Elliot didn't really talk much. She made a remark about having no food in her place, and the need to go shopping, but he assured her that it was taken care of. Glancing to his side, he saw that she looked curious. He went on to explain that during his two week stay at her place, he kept a few groceries in the fridge, so that he could have a light breakfast before heading off to the hospital in the mornings.

"Wow. I'm surprised my fridge knew what to do with food in it."

Olivia's comment made them both share a laugh. Elliot followed that comment by saying he would get more groceries later, or perhaps order some in to be delivered.

They found a decent parking space by Olivia's apartment, which relieved Elliot, as he didn't want her to have to walk too far. Not so soon after having been released from the hospital. Yes, she was regaining some of her strength, but no reason to test it all at once.

Much to her frustration, he refused to let her carry anything. He also insisted that they take the elevator. That was one thing she wasn't going to fight him on. She didn't think she could handle all those stairs. Not yet.

They walked into her apartment together. He carried her things into her bedroom, and set them on her bed. Then he walked out, allowing her some privacy.

She came out of her bedroom a few moments later, a few items in her arms. Finding Elliot in the kitchen, she addressed him.

"Would you mind if I took a shower? I'm so sick of the sponge baths I had to take at the hospital. I'd love to feel clean again."

Elliot regarded her for a moment, unsure of how to phrase his response without offending her.

"I don't mind, just can you do me a favor?"

"Okay, what is it?" She asked, wondering what possible favor she could do for him that involved her showering.

"Don't lock the door to the bathroom. Heaven forbid if you should fall or need help in there, I want to be able to get to you."

Olivia initially blanched at his request, thinking he was overreacting. Then she stopped to consider all he had been through. Those two weeks she was in the coma had to have been pure hell for him. Now, she was home from the hospital, and there were tangible things he could do to help her. If leaving the door unlocked while she took a shower would aid his peace of mind, then she would do it.

"No problem Elliot. What are you going to do while I'm showering, fair warning, I may be awhile."

Pleased that she wasn't going to argue with his request, Elliot had to think for a moment.

"I think I'm going to order in some groceries, since I don't think either of us wants to go out again today. Then, I'll sit down and watch some TV, wait for you to come back out. Maybe we can place a call for some food when you do?"

"Sounds good, El. In fact, why don't you order dinner now? That way, it will be here by the time I'm finished."

Elliot nodded, and went to the drawer in her kitchen where her take-out menus were kept. He was halfway there when her voice stopped him.

"If you aren't sick of it by now, I would love to have some pizza tonight."

The fact that Olivia was openly requesting food without being prompted made the decision for Elliot. He would eat whatever she wanted, so long as she was eating.

"Pizza it is. Is there anything special you want from the grocery store?"

Olivia considered that for a moment, then answered.

"Nothing I can think of. I'm sure you'll figure it out. I trust you."

With that, she turned on her heel to head into the bathroom. True to her word, she did not lock the door behind her. Elliot heard the water start up, then moved to the phone to place his call.

---

It was nearly thirty minutes later that Olivia emerged from the bathroom. She was wearing a tank top and pajama bottoms, and her hair was wrapped in a towel. She walked over to the sofa and sat down, tucking one foot underneath her.

No sooner than she had taken her seat, the buzzer signaled the arrival of their dinner. Elliot answered, and paid for their meal. He carried their box over to the coffee table, setting it down. As he was walking into the kitchen to grab some plates, the buzzer rang again.

This time, it was their grocery order.

Elliot moved quickly to put away the order, putting away the perishable items first. The rest could wait until after they had eaten. Grabbing two drinks out of the fridge, he carried them into the living room.

He handed one to Olivia, noticing her raised eyebrow when she noticed that he had given her an iced tea, while choosing beer for himself.

"You're still on pain meds, drinking isn't good for you." He explained.

"If you'd rather I didn't drink in front of you..." He said, his voice trailing off...

She smiled, alleviating his worries.

"Don't worry about it El. Drink whatever you like. I don't have the taste for alcohol now anyway."

They ate in silence, Olivia realizing she was hungrier than she had initially thought. She finished two slices before she spoke.

"Did you want to watch a movie?" She asked.

"Sounds good." he replied.

"Just let me finish putting away the groceries, and I'll be back in to join you."

Olivia flipped through the channels, searching for something to watch. While she was doing that, Elliot was busy in the kitchen. He put away the leftover pizza, and also found a place for the rest of the groceries.

Before going back into the living room, he put a bag of popcorn into the microwave to pop, and asked Olivia if she wanted anything else to drink.

He then went into the guest room, and changed into some comfortable sweats and a tee. By the time he had returned to the kitchen, the microwave was signaling it was finished with its job. He removed the popcorn, transferred it to a bowl, and carried it with him to the living room.

Sitting next to Olivia on the sofa, he placed the popcorn between them. They settled in together to watch the movie she had chosen.

Halfway through the movie, with the popcorn all but gone, Olivia's eyes began to droop. Moving the bowl to the coffee table, Elliot wrapped an arm around his partner, and encouraged her to lean into him. He reached behind him, grabbing the blanket from the back of the sofa, and wrapped it around her. Within minutes, she was asleep.

They sat that way for the remainder of the movie. As the credits rolled, Elliot reached for the remote, and turned off the television. He gently got up from the couch, laying Olivia down.

Gathering their empty bottles, he placed them in the popcorn bowl, and carried all of it to the kitchen. He disposed of the trash, put the empty bottles in the recycling bin, and placed the bowl in the sink.

Turning off the lights in the kitchen, he went to the door. He made sure the latch and chain were locked.

Once back in the living room, he looked at his partner, sound asleep on the sofa. Knowing she deserved the comfort of her own bed her first night back at home, there was no hesitation in his decision. Placing an arm behind her shoulders, and the other behind her knees, he scooped her up. She mumbled something incoherently, and cuddled against his chest.

Smiling to himself at her actions, he walked in the direction of her bedroom. Shifting her weight to one arm, and using his knee to prop her up, he moved the covers down. He lay her gently against the pillows, and pulled the blankets up around her. Then he bent low, and placed a kiss on her forehead, then turned to leave. He paused at the door, whispering a final farewell to her before heading to the guest room to retire for the night.

"Welcome home, Liv. Sweet dreams."