I know it's been a while, huh? Sorry, I just had major writers block that I've hopefully left in the dust, and then I had a cold and a cough, then a fever and now... urp. I know it's not a great chapter. I'll be the first to admit it. But it had to be done, and I don't regret it. So read, and try to remember that I'm gonna try and do better. :)

I think I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all the people who review on a regular basis. It means so much to me, and I just want you all to know that YOU are the ones who get me pumped to write. :) I know I don't take it very seriously, and no, writing is not my whole life. But I love doing it a darn lot more than anything else. Sometimes I wonder if I even deserve to get any readers, considering the mediocrity and amateurish quality I write with. I'm not trying to be humble, or unselfish of any of that crap. I'm just trying to get across to a lot of you what your R&Ring means to me, and how happy it makes me to realize I'm not completely hopeless yet.

OK. I'm done now. XD And on with the story!

I don't know how long I slept for. I just know it was really light in my room by the time I opened my eyes. I looked over to Rachel's bed. She wasn't there. I dragged myself to my feet, wobbling but able. My whole body ached. I felt like turning around then and there, and crashing for the rest of the day. Just because I knew I was gonna regret anything that came my way on this horrid Sunday.

Call me absolutely hopeless, but I kinda wished James had stayed. It didn't even matter that last night had been the most painful of my life. Just him being here, I know I would've felt better.

I walked groggily out into the kitchen, hoping there was at least half a cup of coffee left. There wasn't. I sighed.

"The beginning of the WORST day of my life." I rubbed my eyes. "And now, I'm gonna have to talk to him about last night. Like we do every time." I sighed again. "Except I really don't want to."

It had been like this for a month and a half. Him coming over at least four times a week, out of the blue, sometimes in the wee hours of the morning. Me craving his presence every night, hoping it would be different maybe, but becoming desperate with confusion the moment dawn arrived.

Did he just NOT love me at all? I mean what could I say? I couldn't make him kiss me. And why was that dumb lip-lock so freakin' important to me, anyway? It should just have been enough that he told me he liked me, and was actually paying me any attention at all.

But it wasn't. I couldn't just take this lying down. I had to figure out why he wasn't giving me his all, when I was giving him mine.

Something wasn't perfect, something in the way. Blocking US.

Maybe... there's another girl?

No, no. James is waaaaay too fleeting to have an actual girlfriend.

"Then why the heck are you hoping that's what you can be? If you know him that well, it's never gonna happen."

Ever have one of those moments where you almost bash your head in trying to make all those little voices in your head just shut-up?

I had to get my mind off of him. But that was so impossible. How could I force myself to do something I dreaded doing, even if it was for the best?

Camille always cleared my head. I needed to talk to her. So I threw on a pair of jean shorts and a huge gray tee, whipping a comb through my hair as fast as I could. No make-up, but who cared anyway. Not James. He had assured me of that much.

I pounded on the door of 5B. But there wasn't any noise coming from the other side. I opened it a crack and saw it was silent as the grave in there. Camille never slept this late. So she was out, and her mom was at work.

I stepped away from the door dejectedly. It was times like these that I realized how much I needed her. I never would have thought best friends could be this important.

My stomach clenched suddenly, reminding me of how empty it was. I didn't care though. I didn't want to leave without talking to Camille. I turned around and sunk to the floor, my back against the wall. I rested my hands on top of my knees with the express intention of waiting till she got home. Yes, I was at the end of my nerve supply. That last one was already frayed, coming undone faster than I would've liked.

I hadn't heard anyone come up beside me. So when Logan said, "You do know that she left for another audition about an hour ago?", I jumped about a mile.

"Sorry!" he apologized, gripping my shoulder and bringing me slowly to my feet. "Sorry. I scared you."

"Yeah, you did," I said shakily.

"I'm sorry. I-"

"Don't worry about it. But Logan? Do you know when she's coming home?"

"I don't really. It was a pretty major role. She said it could take a few hours, maybe more."

I groaned.

"Why? What do you need her for?" he said. His hand was still on my shoulder, in a comforting gesture.

"I just need to talk to her." I fidgeted a little, looking up and down the hall, hoping to see her coming towards me right then, brimming with news about the audition.

"Oh. Well, OK. I guess I'll come and get you when she calls me to come and pick her up. You can come, if you want."

I breathed out in relief. "Yes, please." My stomach clenched again, and I winced.

"Alright. But, Ren... is it anything... you maybe could talk to me about? I'm here for you, you know."

I looked at him. He looked so happy to help and it just broke my heart when I realized how much he wouldn't get it. James was his friend, but I didn't think he would understand this problem between us. I needed advice, someone to just tell me it's alright. I know that's not how you solve problems, but I didn't know what else I could do that wouldn't hurt too bad. Sure, I was a coward. But this was the first time ever I had even had someone close to me this way, and I was still learning.

Sucks it had to be this wrong the first time I fell in love.

Tears stung my eyes. In that hallway, for the first time in my life, I was praying I wouldn't cry. In front of Logan, no matter how much he wanted to help. I couldn't have lived with myself knowing I had let myself fall for a guy so hard that I cried over him.

I felt Logan's arms come around me about the same time that I felt those accursed tears pouring down my face. I didn't sob. I just breathed heavily, and sniffled a little.

Logan murmured soothing words that I couldn't recall, but was grateful for all the same. He rested his chin on the top of my head, and stroked my hair softly. I remembered in that instant that I had had a crush on him to start with. But no matter how much I tried to summon that feeling of elation he had once given me, I just kept getting cinnamon and gold, grating on my heart, cracking off piece after piece. I could almost hear it going on, could hear the deafening snap and crash as the pieces fell to the ground.

I raised my head after who knows how long, and Logan took my face in his hands, wiping away my tears gently, and smiling. I felt like such a baby. But I knew that no matter how little I cared to admit it, I had needed that. Even though it wasn't Camille, I could feel the pain growing dimmer. Not gone, but minimized. I knew I could take it.

"I'm sorry that you can't tell me. I just wanted to help you," he said.

"I know, and I think you're great for that. But I need Camille right now, and no-one else."

He sighed, but curled my hair behind my ears and smiled again anyway. "OK," he said. "I'll get her to you as soon as I can. But for now, I have to go to the studio. We have almost a full day of recording from here on out, and I'm already late."

I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want the pain to come back. I looked at my flip-flop clad feet, and hoped he would read my mind.

"You want to come with? I mean, I know it's Sunday and all and you don't work, but you could come and watch, if you want."

I beamed at him. "Sure, I'll come."

"Great," he replied. "But we gotta hurry, or else Gustavo is gonna murder me."

On the way down, we met Kendall, who was huffing and puffing as if he had run down a million stairs.

"Where have you been?" Logan said accusingly. "We haven't see you all day." I looked at the clock. It was almost one. Geez, I had slept well.

"I was, ahem... erm, talking to Jo..." he mumbled.

"On the phone? For three hours."

"Um, yeah."

"The sooner she gets back, the better. Are you sure you won't DIE of loneliness before then?"

Kendall sighed, choosing to ignore the sarcasm. "Five more days."

"You'll definitely die," Logan said confidently. "Are you aware that WE are already late? For recording?"

"I know. I got down here as quick as I could, didn't I?"

"Sure. C'mon. Or you won't be alive to meet Jo at the airport on Friday."

Logan drove me and Kendall to Rocque Records. Kelly was waiting outside, with a very grim expression on her face.

"Where have you been?" she greeted them harshly. "You know you're eight minutes late?"

"Sorry," Kendall said with a wounded expression. "I had... something, to do."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Let's just go in and stop any further damage."

"Hi, Ren," Kelly greeted me with a smile. "How are ya?"

"Not too bad," I replied cordially. "You?"

"Enough with the formalities," Kendall remarked impatiently. "Let's just GO in."

So we did.

Carlos was running around the studio, leaping over obstacles in his way, while Gustavo looked on with an expression of disgust.

"DOGS!" he yelled, catching sight of Kendall and Logan. His eyes found me standing beside Kelly. "DiPillo," he said."You don't work today."

"I know that. Just thought I'd come to watch my boys in action," I said. Carlos had stopped his marathon, and was beaming at this statement.

"Where's James?" Kelly finally asked. Not that I had noticed that the moment I walked in, but... oh, who am I kidding. It was like winter without him here.

"I thought he was already here..." Logan said confusedly.

We heard front door open, and felt a rush of warm air float down the hall. The door slammed, and in ran James, looking disheveled, but present all the same.

"I'm HERE!" he shouted to no-one in particular. "Don't kill me!" he said, at the murderous glance he got from Gustavo.

"Where have you BEEN?" the man yelled.

"I... I overslept," he said, running his hand through his hair.

"Dude," Carlos put in. "It's almost quarter after. You must have had a REALLY bad night."

"Yeah," James said wearily. He looked horribly undone, with huge bags under his eyes.

"Am I the reason you were up all night? Or is it just the guilt? You must have not even slept when you were with me.

"Then again, neither did I."

He didn't seem to have noticed me standing there, and I hoped he would look around, and see the look in my eyes. I hoped he would just cry when he saw how broken I was.

But he didn't. He joined the other guys in the booth, and sang his heart out, with no mistakes, in that angel voice I loved so much. And I listened, and I was proud of him, proud of them all.

I stayed there all day. Just watching him. Trying to find some secret message written on his face just for me. Some explanation.

But his eyes stayed on the mic or on Gustavo, and his face was as blank as the diary my parents had bought for me for my ninth birthday. I knew he knew I was there. But he chose to not have to face me. He chose to run away. In that moment, I felt like I had nothing left to hope for. That he was already gone.

Mrs. Knight came to pick up Carlos, Kendall, and James at Logan's request. Him and I were going to get Camille. It was almost nine o'clock. I was so tired and so down, I didn't think I would have enough energy to talk to Camille about the night before anyway.

All the same, I was happy when I saw her waiting for us outside when we pulled up to the plain gray building. She smiled and bounded up to us, kissing Logan full on the mouth, and then giving me that hug I had been needing since the moment I woke up.

When we got back to the Palm Woods, it was dark, and I was dead on my feet. I had only been awake for a few hours, but I felt like I needed to sleep for a long time. I asked if I could stay the night at her place, since I didn't want to go home. She agreed, and I had only to inform my parents and grab a t-shirt at my apartment.

I drowned my woes in a bowl of garlic-parmesan gourmet popcorn and an all night marathon of Everybody Hates Chris. Camille sat beside me on the couch, chattering mindlessly about her day. I had listened as far as where I heard she would get her call-back sometime tomorrow. I really wanted to listen, but I was so tired, I drifted off. Just as I closed my eyes, I felt her hand on my hair as she pulled a blanket around me. Her soothing movements and the peace and quiet of the apartment made me drop off to a night of deep sleep and abstract dreams, where I was always chasing after something unattainable. I'm no psychiatrist, but I knew exactly what it would have been if I had ever gotten it. I just never wanted to have to face the fact. The fact that I knew he really was, in every sense of the word, unattainable.

Camille got up and stretched, sparing the slumbering girl on her couch a single glance. She moved a lock of hair away from her face, and Ren stirred. But she didn't wake.

Gosh, she looked so pale. Camille had known something was bothering her the moment she had seen her face in the passenger seat of Logan's car. But since Ren hadn't brought it up, Camille hadn't had the heart to pry. She knew she would tell her when she was ready. Whenever that was.

She did the things she did every morning. Showered, got dressed, ate a little something. She made a pot of hot coffee for Ren, and then headed over to 2J. She had nothing better to do then to hang out with the love of her life all day.

She didn't knock. Just went right in. Logan was sitting on the floor of the living room scrawling hastily on a piece of note-book paper, with his Algebra book open in front of him. James was tapping away furiously on his computer, and Kendall was sitting beside him, trying in vain to interest himself in Carlos throwing a bouncy ball up in the air, and trying to catch it on his outstretched tongue.

"Good morning, my lovelies!" Camille sang, as she glided over to Logan and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Morning..." Logan muttered distractedly, as he referred to his book for the fifth time this minute.

Kendall gazed in her direction. "Morning Camille. Why are you over here so early?"

"It's not early!" Camille protested. "It's after nine!"

"That's early," Logan said, looking up from his book.

"Oh well. If you don't WANT me here, then I'll just-"

Logan pulled her down onto the couch behind him. She smiled as Logan pressed her hand to his lips.

"Fine," she said. "I'll stay. Just because you're so desperate."

Kendall was looking at them sadly. "Four days..."

"Oh, buck up Kendall! She'll be back before you know it!" Camille said encouragingly.

"That's not soon enough!" Kendall groaned, sinking back onto the couch and burying his face in a pillow.

"I swear, Kendall..." James said. "Just calm down. She's a single human being. You're life does NOT depend on her presence."

"But this is the first time she's gone away for this long! I can't help it if I miss her!"

"True," Logan said. "But you can stop being so mopey about it."

"How would YOU feel if Camille left for Connecticut for two weeks? Wouldn't you be bummed?"

"Yeah..." Logan said slowly.

"But I'd call him every night, and tell him not to be sad, and that I couldn't wait to be with him again. And that I love him," Camille said.

"She does." Kendall looked a little more hopeful.

"Then you have nothing to worry about. She'll be home on Friday, and then you'll be together again," Logan offered.

Kendall sighed. But he smiled for what seemed like the first time in ages. "OK. I'll be alright, I think."

"Yeah you will," James said, snapping his laptop shut, and stretching out on the couch beside Kendall.

They heard a mildly strangled noise. Carlos had caught the ball. It was now lodged in his mouth.

"Mph MHPHM mmmhmph!" Carlos said.

Logan got up and slapped him very hard on the back. The ball went flying across the room, nailing Camille in the head just as she stood up to avoid it. She spluttered, then picked it up and hurled it back at him. It bounced off his head with a dull thud.

Carlos rubbed his head sadly. "I CAUGHT it..." he deciphered.

James sighed.

"What should we do today?" Camille said, huffing a little and smoothing down the front of her shirt. "I'm bored."

"Let's play hide-and-seek!" Carlos said happily.

"No," they all said at once.

Now Carlos sighed.

"Let's go to the beach?" James said, rubbing his eyes. He really did NOT look so good.

"It's too hot," Kendall said.

"So what then?" James said harshly. Then he smacked himself, and fell back onto the couch with a plop and a depressed "arrg".

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked.

"Nothing," James lied. "I'm just... tired."

"Yeah, you've been that a lot! Where were you in the studio yesterday? It's like you just didn't care... you were going flat and not getting the lyrics right..." Carlos shook his head.

James glared at him. "I was fine. I just need more sleep."

"You overslept yesterday," Kendall pointed out.

"I know that! What is this, Twenty Questions or something?" James said incredulously.

"We weren't really asking you anything. We were merely stating known facts-" Logan said.

"ARG!" James said again, storming away from them angrily.

"What is his problem?" Kendall said, peering after him.

"I don't know..." Logan mumbled, slamming his book shut with the paper inside. "He's been acting weird for days."

"Maybe..." Carlos started. But he didn't say anything else, and left everyone hanging after he walked out after James.

"Geez! What is wrong with you guys?" Kendall exclaimed, throwing his hands up. "We can't even have a simple conversation without someone bursting into tears, fist-fighting, or leaving!"

"Camille..." Logan said. His eyes were on the place where James had disappeared to. "How was Ren yesterday when you talked to her?"

Camille blinked. "Ren? Well, she spent the night, but we didn't talk. She seemed really tired, and she fell asleep while I was telling her about the audition." She shrugged.

"Oh," Logan said.

"Why? Did she need to talk to me?"

"Well, yeah! Yesterday I was walking to your apartment to get that CD you borrowed and I saw Ren standing at your door. She looked really hopeless and depressed, and she said she REALLY needed to talk to you. That was why she came with me to pick you up."

"But she didn't talk to me..."

"I know! But it was important. She was crying," Logan said impressively.

"Crying?" Kendall said in disbelief.

"Yeah. And I couldn't get her to tell me what was wrong. She just cried there for like ten minutes."

"And you didn't COMFORT her or anything?" Camille exclaimed.

"I tried!" Logan said, covering his head with his hands for protection. "But she just wouldn't stop!"

"Hmmmmmmm..." Camille said thoughtfully. "It must have been pretty serious. She rarely cries."

"I know," Logan said.

"So whatever it was, she needs to get it off her chest. Real bad. Did you try to get it out of her?"

"I offered," he said. "But she said she just needed to talk to you."

"Oh." Camille moved around a little restlessly. "When I left to come here, she was asleep. I made coffee... maybe the smell woke her up."

"You wanna go check?" Kendall asked.

"I don't know. She looked pretty tired and not completely well this morning. Maybe I should just let her sleep..."

"Yeah, you should. I think that's probably for the best right now," Logan assured her. "Whatever it was, she'll be sure to tell you when she's ready."

Camille sighed, but nodded. "OK. I'll try and not freak out until then," she laughed.

"Good."

The room was silent for awhile.

"So..." Kendall hesitated.

"So." Camille twiddled her thumbs.

"Maybe we should go check on James," Logan said.

"And Carlos," Kendall added hastily.

"I think I'll go home and see if Ren is awake." Camille got up.

"OK," Logan said sadly. "But come back over later?"

"Of course I will! And I'll bring Ren." Camille pecked Logan on the lips, and left.

Now it was Logan's turn to sigh.

I KNOW, this was uber boring, and I'm not entirely sure why I wrote it like this, but it got me past my writers block! So sorry if it wasn't very entertaining. I guess I meant for this story to be a lot better than it's turning out. XD Oh well. I'll keep trying.

Review! Please, please, please! And renew my strength and courage to keep on writing! :) That's what reviews do for me.

xoxoxoxo Thank you!

~Starbucks