Okily dokily, Bad Slash time! I wonder if I'll get as many outraged reviews this time….

Slash! Jack

One day, Jack Sparrow decided to visit his good friend (wink wink nudge nudge) Will Turner. They had often defied the British Navy by meeting with each other multiple times since their big adventure, and they had grown very fond of each other. If you know what I meeeean.

So Jack walked down the main street of Port Royal, and was not noticed or anything, since all of the members of the British Navy posted at Port Royal had apparently gone on extended vacations to make it easier to write the story and not have them barge in and do their jobs, i.e. capturing idiot pirates walking down the street like Jack was.

He came to the door of the blacksmith's shop, and stepped inside. He blinked a few times to adjust his eyes to the darkness, and smiled when he saw Will.

"Jack!" cried Will, overjoyed at seeing his friend after so long. Jack was not at all perturbed by this, even though he had only been gone two days. Indeed, he felt much the same way that Will did. Elizabeth was nowhere in sight, since she would just have gotten in the way.

"How are you?" inquired Will, laying his tools down to walk over and talk to Jack.

"I'm fine," smiled Jack. "How are you?"

"Quite well," replied Will. Ironically, he collapsed the next second, deathly ill.

"Oh dear," said Jack, disturbed by this new development. He lifted Will up, and took him down to the dock, rather than to a doctor or anything, for after all, it's no fun if the nursing back to health is done by a medical professional.

Will awoke in Jack's cabin, his eyelids fluttering open dramatically. Jack sat sleeping in a chair beside the bed, and Will could tell that he had been up watching over him like any good stereotypical romance figure. Will tried to sit up, but was too weak.

Jack awoke at the little sound, despite the carousing being done on the deck of the ship. He had very selective hearing. He could sleep through the sound of drunken pirates having a big, drunken party, but the sound of a future slashy love interest waking up woke him up too.

"Don't move," said Jack tenderly. "You're very sick."

"Does Elizabeth know?" whimpered Will pitifully.

"I'm sorry Will," sighed Jack, his soulful brown eyes directed at the floor. "Elizabeth died in a sewing accident yesterday. The embroidery she was working on to cheer you up when you woke up exploded when she tried to put in the red. All that was left of her was her pincushion."

Both men sat in silence, tears streaming down their cheeks for the conveniently dead girl.

"I'm so alone, Jack!" sobbed Will.

"I'm here with you," murmured Jack, grasping the blacksmith's hand. They gazed into each other's eyes, and Will felt that he was seeing into twin pools of love and remorse. At least, he would have, if Jack's eyes were pools and Will was prone to soppy metaphor.As it was, Will really just felt that Jack's eyes looked kind of brown, and had wrinkles around the edges from squinting at the sea on sunny days.

Both of them suddenly felt a strange attraction to each other that neither could account for, and that was not entirely unwelcome for some sick, unnatural reason. However, they both let go of each other's hand and looked away, embarrassed. Jack, switching the subject to try to hide what he had felt, briskly went about getting Will some soup and making lame excuses about how he needed to go "drive" the Black Pearl so that all those drunken pirates didn't do something silly, like running over a porpoise or something.

Will, for his part, quietly accepted all this, unwilling to let Jack know that he had felt unwholesome feelings about him. Both parted company feeling disappointed, but relieved.

Jack was very unhappy, however, when he arrived on deck to see his drunken pirate crew sobbing drunkenly over the squished corpse of the porpoise they had run over.

Over the next few weeks, Jack slowly nursed Will back to health, neglecting all his real duties to do so. The moments they shared became more than a few minutes of friends talking. Each one began to secretly look forward to when Jack would come in every five minutes blathering on about how he had forgotten something in his cabin, or how Will needed to eat more soup or he'd surely drop dead. Surprisingly, all it took to heal Will was an alarming amount of soup, which Jack either cooked or obtained by magic. It was never really explained which, but Will was grateful all the same.

One day, when Will was feeling much better, they both finally snapped. Jack had come in to say that he felt Will should have more blankets. Will, who was already under a mountain of blankets, knew better, and argued against this increase in stifling hot blankets. Jack was adamant, but somehow it ceased to be a discussion about blankets, and became a steamy sex scene, in which both of them were severely violated, but neither seemed to mind.

That was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Or a horribly disgusting one, you pick. Jack ruled the ship as captain, with Will, his first mate at his side. They became the most feared pirate duo in all the Caribbean, and they made hot piratelove every night.

...Which is just plain gross and creepy.