Chapter 6

Kouichi didn't bring the subject of my father up again as the days passed, something I was thankful for. It was hard enough trying to get to know him and my mother without bringing Dad into it.

I had known my brother for nearly a week and while I knew we needed more time to open up to each other, it was hard to see him quietly withdraw into something whenever I got close to him. Usually a book, or some other object. When he didn't have anything handy, he'd just withdraw into himself, and project that "I'm not here" aura. There were also the bad days; sometimes, usually when I was talking to Mom, he'd slip out and I wouldn't see him again for around twenty minutes. He quietly admitted after the first time that he still felt angry when he saw Mom smiling and happy because of me, and would go to his hiding place to calm down.

Even while we were job hunting for Mom, my brother would bury himself in the newspaper and only contribute to the conversation when Grandma had missed some detail about Mom's resume or when he found a potential job Mom might like.

Once a week, I would take Aikido class after school. I had been taking one martial art or another ever since I could remember, although I had only been taking Aikido for about nine months at that point. I'd already let Grandma know that I would be coming to visit her later than I normally did because of it.

I had got out of the class and was walking up the street to the train station when I realized that I had left my umbrella at the Aikido studio. It hadn't rained yet, but the overcast sky had an ominous threat to it. I was just turning to go back and get the umbrella when my phone rang. The number on the screen wasn't familiar, but the voice that came from it as I picked up was.

"Kouji!" My grandmother's voice shook with concern.

"Grandma, what...?"

"I need you to find Kouichi. He's not picking up the phone!"

I frowned. Kouichi didn't have a cell phone, so that meant he was probably at home. Or at least Grandma thought he was.

"Shouldn't he be with you? He's usually there already..."

There was a pause.

"I need to talk with him. Could you find him for me? I think he's out back, in his hiding place, which is why he's not picking up."

Something was definitely wrong. Kouichi wasn't the kind of person who would run away when his grandmother needed to talk to him. And in his hiding place? Why would he be there on a day like this?

"What happened?"

"That's not important."

I stifled a growl of annoyance. What was it with my family and not telling me things that were important?

"If it wasn't important, why do you need me to find him?"

Grandma was silent for a moment.

"I have bacteremia."

I struggled to remember what that was, but failed. It did not sound good whatever it was.

"What's that?"

"The infection from the pneumonia has spread beyond my lungs and into my bloodstream."

"Can they cure it?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"They're trying. It's complicated because the infection might have spread to my other organs...And because I'm old."

The air left my stomach as if I had been punched. I had only known Grandma for less than a week, and already I was going to lose her. It wasn't fair...

"How long do you..." I began tentatively as soon as I got my voice back.

"Not you, too!" Grandma's voice sounded thoroughly exasperated. "Just because there are complications doesn't automatically mean I'm going to die. Even if it did, I'm not going to automatically keel over and die on a certain date just because the doctors say I will..." She suddenly broke off into coughing.

"Grandma?"

"Never mind." There was the sound of water splashing, and I guessed she was taking a drink. "Kouichi was there when the doctors told me, then they moved me to another room. I lost track of him after that, but I don't think he took it too well, because I haven't seen him since."

"So you just want me to find him? I'm on my way." I resumed walking towards the train station, which was about a block, next to a busy highway, away.

"He's probably in his hiding place..."

"Where is it? I never actually saw it."

"There's a hill in the back of the apartment complex...Kouichi uses it to go sledding in the winter. It's steep enough that they put a set of wooden stairs so that people could get to the top. Kouichi hides under the stairs, where nobody can see him...Usually he reads there on good days. On bad days, he goes there to cool down when he's been through too much."

"I know, he usually goes there when I'm talking to Mom...It's not as bad as it was when I first met him, but he's still jealous."

Grandma's response was drowned out by a car horn blaring from the nearby highway.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you."

"I said he still needs time. He's only known you for a week, of course he's still jealous!"

"Yeah..."

A large truck zoomed by, making it impossible to hear the phone again.

"Look Grandma, it's getting a bit noisy out here. Could you call me back in about twenty minutes?"

Grandma sighed. "Twenty minutes. Here, let me give you the hospital room's number. Call me if you find Kouichi before then."

Five minutes later I stood on the first train out to Kouichi's apartment, scowling uneasily at my reflection. I didn't know too much about medicine, and in spite of what Grandma said the infection spreading to other parts of her body didn't sound like something she was going to recover from. Her condition worsening would have impact Mom and Kouichi even worse than they were already. They were already stressed out because she was in the hospital in the first place. And on top of that Kouichi had finals coming up. I wasn't worried about my brother not being able to study as much as I was worried about him...About both of them not getting enough sleep, or food for that matter. And what about Mom? She was suffering from working herself too hard, would she still stay at home and rest if Grandma's condition worsened?

I wondered what the chances were of Grandma surviving the infection. And how long the doctors were giving her if she wouldn't...Darnit, I'd only known her for a week! It wasn't fair to Mom or Kouichi...

...Or to me...

I took a deep breath. Grandma was right, she wasn't going to just die on a certain date because some doctors said so. The doctors' estimates were just that...Estimates. Guesses. Which could easily be earlier rather than later...If she didn't get better. Why was I thinking about it? I needed to concentrate on finding Kouichi as swiftly as possible.

The threat of rain had grown when I got off the train. The few drops of water that made it to the ground were hardly big enough to be called drops. Still, they were increasing. I had a feeling that Kouichi's hideout wouldn't be waterproof, especially if they were made of wood, like Grandma said. If he was still there, he'd be getting wet...I mentally kicked myself for leaving my umbrella at the studio as I started running towards Kouichi's apartment.

Kouichi's apartment was nearer to the train station than his hiding place, so naturally that was the first place I checked. By the time I got there, the rain had increased to a minor downpour. The door was locked, and there was no response when I knocked. He was still in his hiding place, then.

As I turned to go, my phone rang. Grandma, again...I pulled my phone out.

"Kouji!" Grandma's voice cracked in my ear. "Have you found him?"

"Not yet. I just checked the apartment and he's not here. He must be in his hiding place." I walked around the building in the direction I'd seen Kouichi go that first time.

"I told you he'd be there."

"Well, I was hoping he'd be inside by now. It's raining." I flinched as the rain increased a bit more. Why did it have to rain that day?

"Normally he has more sense than this..." My grandmother sighed. "But it's times like this when he's got his mother's stubbornness. He wants to be alone, so he'll be in his 'alone' place, even if it's raining out. I caught him out here when it was snowing once..."

I could see a steep hill in front of me, with a wooden staircase. The hill was steep enough that I could see a gap between the hill and the stairs. I guessed that it must have been the infamous hiding place.

"...He's lucky he didn't catch hypothermia out there. He was grounded for two weeks after that. He hasn't been there in the winter since then."

"Okay, I see the hill."

"Is he there?"

It was hard to make out in the increasing rain, but I thought I saw a glimpse of green between the stairs.

"Yeah."

"Give him the phone and I'll talk to him."

The first thing I saw as I entered was my brother's discarded hat lying on the floor. Kouichi himself was huddled in a ball with his back to me. He was completely oblivious to the rain which dripped off the stairs and onto him. As I took a step inside, his shoulders jerked, and his eyes blazed with sheer rage as he turned to face me.

"Go away!"

"Kouichi!" My grandmother's voice barked from my phone. "He's here because I need to talk to you."

His eyes widened, but he didn't move. Instead he kept glaring at me, like somehow everything was all my fault. I scowled back, but held up the phone so he could see it.

"Honestly sweetie, you're acting like I'm already dead!" My grandmother, completely oblivious to the tense standoff, continued. "Do I sound like I'm dead to you?"

Kouichi's eyes shifted to the ground. "N-no..."

"Look, just because I might not last as long as I'd hoped doesn't mean I'm going to keel over and die at any minute. And when I do die, I'd better not have you accompanying me to the afterlife because you were too stubborn to come out of the rain!"

He stiffened, then started climbing to his feet.

"Get inside and dry yourself off. After that, you can come back here and we can discuss this without using your brother's cell phone." Grandma's voice sounded exasperated. I really couldn't blame her. Kouichi glared at me once more before squeezing past and back out into the downpour.

"Well?" Grandma asked pointedly. I sighed and put the phone to my ear again.

"He just left. I think he's going inside."

"Good. They moved me up two floors, and I'm now in room 514. Make sure he gets dried off before he comes here, all right?"

"Yeah." I hung up the phone, then noticed Kouichi's hat still lying on the ground. I picked it up and followed him out.

Kouichi had indeed gone back to the apartment. He was in the bedroom, hopefully getting a change of clothing. Not that I was much drier, I realized as I looked down at my own clothing. I mentally cursed myself again for leaving my umbrella at the studio, and settled for taking my jacket off and putting it on a nearby coat hook. After a few minutes, Kouichi left the bedroom now wearing dry clothing as well as a blanket draped over his shoulders.

"I suppose I should be happy Grandma sent you here," he said after a moment. "It's really starting to pour out there..."

"Yeah..." I paused. "So, what's the story? Grandma said her infection's got into her bloodstream, but I don't know much more than that."

Kouichi's eyes darkened, and the sadness and desperation were clearly visible in them as he sank down to the couch.

"I didn't get many details...They don't tell children much about these kinds of things. From what I heard, it's going to be very difficult to treat her without..." He paused a moment before getting himself back together. "..If she can't pull though, they're giving her three months."

I felt my fists clench. Three months? That was all they were giving her? But I'd just met her...

"But she's strong," he continued. "If anyone can beat those odds, it's Grandma."

"Yeah..." I wasn't convinced, and Kouichi looked more like he was trying to convince himself than me. I sat down beside him, placing his hat on his lap. After hesitating for a moment, I took off the bandanna too.

"You aren't..." Kouichi's voice trailed off.

"Huh?"

"You aren't wearing your bandanna...This is the first time I've seen you without it."

"Oh." I held the soaked cloth up. "I got it for my birthday last year...It looked good with my jacket, so I kept it."

I turned to see Kouichi looking at me strangely.

"What?"

"You look a lot like Mom when you're not wearing it...You have the same hairstyle."

"You've known me for a week and only just figured that out?"

"Well, you're always wearing the bandanna..." Kouichi's eyes dropped to the hat in his lap. "I don't like hats myself...I only wore this because Ayako gave it to me."

"I know."

"They moved Grandma to a different part of the hospital...I wonder if I'll see Ayako again."

"Probably." I shrugged. "It's not like we're changing hospitals or anything."

"Mmm."

We were both quiet for a few minutes.

"I suppose Grandma told you to stay here until I'm dry?" Kouichi finally asked.

"Pretty much."

Kouichi leaned back against the couch. "Hey, Kouji...?"

"What?"

"You...What are your friends like?"

I felt myself stiffen. Of all the questions he had to ask, why did he have to ask that one?

"I know you don't want to talk about your family, and I've heard you tell Grandma about your dog and your Aikido training, but you've never mentioned any friends."

"I don't have many friends," I admitted reluctantly.

"Eh? Why not?"

"Because..." I sighed. "When I was young, Dad moved around the country a lot. Every time I'd make friends, I'd have to lose them."

Kouichi's eyes widened, then softened with sympathy.

"I have some friends from a place we used to live," I continued. "But now they're so far away that the only way we can talk to each other is by phone or e-mail. It's not the same."

"Do you think Dad will move away again?"

"I don't think so." At least I hoped not. "Dad's pretty settled in this place, and Satomi likes it there."

"That's a relief. I don't think Mom and Grandma would be very happy if you had to move."

"What about you?"

He looked at me, then down at the hat in his lap. "I don't think I would be, either...Mom's happiness is my happiness, even if it does make me jealous sometimes...Besides, you're not a bad guy."

"Nice to see I have your approval," I said dryly.

He glared at me for a second. I smirked at him.

"Can't take a joke, big brother?"

He rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"You know what I mean."

"I know."

After about a half-hour, I got up and felt my jacket. "I don't know about you, but I think I'm dry enough to go to the hospital."

"Okay." Kouichi got up and grabbed a nearby jacket, then he pulled an umbrella off of a nearby shelf. Putting my bandanna back on, I walked outside into the downpour and held the door open for him as he came out. He paused suddenly, looking at me.

"You don't have an umbrella, do you?"

"I left it at the Aikido studio." I shrugged. "It's just rain, I won't melt."

I turned to go, only to have the rain falling on me suddenly stop. I looked at my brother to see him holding the umbrella over my head.

"Kouichi, I just told you..."

"Grandma will be upset at you for getting soaked again...And upset with me for letting it happen!" He lowered the umbrella as he walked next to me. This unfortunately brought him close enough that we were touching. I felt myself shudder at the unfamiliar contact and stepped away, back out into the rain.

"Kouji?"

"I don't like being touched by strangers."

I heard his sharp intake of breath, even though I couldn't see his face. Then I felt the base of the umbrella press into my hand.

"Kouichi..."

"You can have it. It's just rain, I won't melt."

I turned to glare at him. Kouichi was standing there, smiling like he walked out into the rain all the time.

"Yeah, and Grandma will be mad at me for letting you get soaked again. Not happening, big brother." I stepped closer so that the umbrella was over both of us again. "Just because I don't like being touched doesn't mean I can't do it...And I'd rather be uncomfortably close to you for a few minutes than have both Mom and Grandma mad at both of us."

His eyes widened as I fell in next to him, but he walked beside me without any further complaints.

"Speaking of Mom, what's she saying about all this?" I asked after a couple of minutes.

"I don't know...I haven't talked to her since this morning. She's probably going to the hospital as soon as she gets out of work."

"Hmm." I buried my free hand into my pocket. There was money there, since I'd just got my allowance the night before. Given what my mother's side of the family was going through, they definitely deserved to be treated...

"Maybe we can stop somewhere and pick something for all of us to eat on the way."

"They don't allow outside food at the hospital."

"Then we can go to the cafeteria."

"But..." Kouichi's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Grandma can't move from her room, and I don't think they'll let us eat up there."

I snorted. "So? We're only in trouble if we get caught. Besides, the hospital's food is a lot more expensive than regular food."

He turned to me, his eyes wide in shock. Then he started laughing.

"S-sorry...You sound just like Grandma..." Kouichi couldn't get any farther as the laughter bubbled out of him again.

"I take it Grandma's a bit of a rebel?" I asked, as Kouichi managed to get a hold of himself.

"You should have heard the doctor the first time she was here...She decided the cafeteria had better food than what they were feeding her. She had only just recovered from pneumonia, so the doctors didn't want her leaving her bed."

I snorted. "Guess it must be hard to keep her down."

A shy smile bloomed on Kouichi's face. "You have no idea."

After a brief detour to a take-out place to pick up some food, We arrived at Jikei. Kouichi, out of habit, started things off by pressing the button for the floor Grandma had been on before on the elevator. I had to tell him that Grandma was on the fifth floor, which earned me an irritated glare from my brother as he pressed the right button. Followed by a sigh and a quiet apology.

My grandmother's new room was a sterile place, far more than the last one she had been in. The nurses were unfamiliar, and not nearly as friendly as Ayako had been...On the outside, at least. One of them raised an eyebrow when she saw me attempting to sneak the bag of food in behind my back, but didn't say anything. The sight of my grandmother grinning broadly at us through the assortment of machines she was hooked up to made all the trouble worth it.

"It's a good thing you brought that," she remarked. "I swear, the food gets worse and worse every time they move me. Kouichi, what are you doing back there? Aren't you happy to see me?"

I turned to see my brother still standing in the doorway with his eyes on the floor in front of him. That was unusual...Normally he'd be right at her bedside when I got there.

"I am," he mumbled softly.

"Then what are you doing all the way back there? You never hesitated at the door like that before...Is it because you ran away?"

A blush spread across my brother's face.

"No."

"That's not it, huh? It's me then." Before Kouichi could protest, my grandmother continued. "I'm guessing that you're afraid you'll lose me, but you're also afraid to show how scared and sad that makes you...Which is why you ran away in the first place. Now you're afraid to come close to me, since you think that all your fear and sadness will somehow 'burden' me...Am I right?"

Kouichi stared at her, his mouth opening and closing uselessly. Grandma smirked at him.

"I'm right, and you know it. Sweetie, no matter how scared or sad or angry you are, you talking about it will never 'burden' me."

"Or me," I added. "I'm always ready to listen if you need to vent."

Kouichi's eyes widened, and he smiled. A smile which didn't match the sadness in his eyes. Then the door behind him opened and my mother rushed in, almost stumbling over Kouichi on her way inside.

"Mom!" She cried.

"Hello, Tomoko." Grandma moved so she was sitting up straighter.

"How are you feeling? My boss said I could get out of work a bit earlier than usual, and that he'd pay me for the rest of my shift..."

"Tomoko, calm down. I'm not dying yet...Even though everyone keeps acting like it."

I flinched as she glared at me and Kouichi pointedly.

"I don't feel any different from before, so why should you treat me any differently?"

Mom blinked, then laughed. "Good question."

"There, somebody gets it." Grandma coughed suddenly. Maybe it was just me, but the coughing seemed to last longer than usual. Kouichi quickly headed to the bathroom and came back with a cup of water.

"Thanks, sweetie." Grandma drained the cup, then ruffled Kouichi's hair. "So Kouji, what did you boys get for us to eat?"

"Eat?" Mom's eyes fell to the bag I was holding, then she glared at me. "You brought outside food to a hospital...?"

"It was my idea, Mom." I turned to see Kouichi behind me, with an odd look of determination in his eyes. "We haven't all been together like this in over a month now, and this time we've got Kouji with us..."

I stared at him. Why was he covering for me? Was he trying to make up for snapping at me earlier...?

"And I know you and Grandma are going through a lot, so I asked Kouji to pick up some dinner for us. Please, just this once can we eat dinner here?"

Mom sighed. "All right, just this once. But next time ask the nurses if it's okay first."

"Yes, Mom." Kouichi turned to me and grinned, a smile which was somehow less shy than it had been before. To my surprise, I found myself smiling back.

Author's note: I'll admit I didn't do my medical research. Mostly because the little I did squicked me out. Also, I'm starting college next month, so updates might be a bit more sporadic.