Chapter 5: Strange Urges
Journal Entry 5
"Sora . . . "
Ugh, that stupid name! Will he quit it? It's been about, um I don't know, fifteen hours and the door isn't budging one inch. That was your clue to leave, moron!
"Hey, I know things have been hard for you recently, I'm not undermining anything that's happened in the past few hours. But . . . Sora, you can't keep this stuff inside. I know, I'm the worst example when it comes to this . . . but I'm making up for my past now. Don't you remember the talk we had when you first woke up? About second chances? New starts? We weren't going to hide anything from each other, remember?"
Sheesh, this guy can't take a hint. But . . . darn, I still can't say anything. Ugh, this really sucks!
It's strange, I'm mad at Riku and Sora is mad at Riku, but Sora won't do anything about it except shut Riku out, so now I'm just standing against this door unwillingly while my mind is going crazy with violent mayhem festered by wrath from two people. Ugh, I'm literally going to go insane, I just know it!
"Sora . . . please . . . "
He sounds so pathetic! Hey, Riku! Take a tip from me, if you really want to get our attention how about you freakin' kick the door down instead of this passive sappy talk! Maybe that will knock some sense into Sora's head . . . and then I would actually have some respect for you.
Oh, what am I saying? The real culprit is you, Sora! Come on, stop being emo and answer the guy!
Sora? Hello?
"Sora, I'm always here if you need to talk . . . you know that." A shaky exhale, the sound of sneakers rubbing against rough wood flooring. Silence. Then I hear Riku walk away and I sigh.
Ahem, well that took forever. Sora, hello? You going to explain all of this? Hello?
Okay, dissing your best friend is one thing. But your Nobody? The person you chose to share your body with? I think I deserve to be acknowledged . . .
. . .
. . .
Wow, you really suck, you know that?
Yeah, I know.
Good, we agree on some-oh, it's you. Hey.
Hey.
So . . . did you sleep well?
Oh no, last night was horrible. It was very dark, then there was blood and angst and death and choking and spiders and death and . . . oh, Kairi was there. She was screaming, I was screaming, then Riku was screaming . . .
Um, yeah. It was the usual.
Ah . . .
And you?
Um, well . . . it sounds lame compared to yours.
Aw, don't be modest. I'm sure it's much worse. Go ahead and share, we got nothing better to do after all.
Right.
Well, ah, there was me. I was sitting in this black chair. Um, there was no light so I couldn't see myself but I could feel myself, if I'm making any sense.
You're not, but keep going.
Right . . .
So, I just sat there and . . . I felt myself slowly disintegrate in the darkness. It's hard to really explain, but I was literally nothing by that point.
Oh.
Yeah, not really scary or anything. More of an annoyance really.
That's . . . that's not true. Disappearing forever, with no body, no heart, no soul . . . I think that's pretty scary, Roxas.
Well, it doesn't matter. It's was all just a stupid dream.
It's not stupid, Roxas. Dreams are important.
But they're not real.
What do you think memories are? There are many ways to dream, Roxas. Many ways . . . it's not always about sleeping. Isn't that how Namine operates? She can take our dreams, and she can take her own . . . she can take anything and make it into something new or erase something old. She truly is an artist.
I see your point, but still . . . I don't know. What Namine does is different.
Well, that's your opinion. Maybe they really are dreams but sometimes I think that maybe they're a warning. When I hear Kairi scream it sounds so real, it feels like it's really happening . . . and it's always when I'm far from her, always when I can't save her.
You're just feeling guilty. Just because you left her doesn't mean you don't care about her.
I. Never. Left. Her.
Whoa, easy with the tone! Sheesh, not intentionally. But . . . you sort of abandoned her for a year and a half, you know.
I was sleeping!
I know, I know . . . I'm just saying you shouldn't be too harsh on yourself. Alright? End point.
I . . . I can't. Not with her.
Right, I forgot. Anything I say about Kairi would be pretty pointless. Humph, I'm speaking with the guy who committed suicide to save this girl. Sheesh, I'm acting derpy today.
Hmmm, I'm choosing not to comment on this.
Hey, um not to make you more angry than you already are, but I'm curious. Was Kairi really worth it?
Of course she's worth it!
Right, right. I'm just . . . I don't understand what makes her so special. I mean, what really makes you willing to do all of this for her? Not to seem cruel, but stabbing yourself in the chest? What kind of person does that?
If I didn't do it she would have stayed in a coma forever! You saying I should have just left her to die?!
No, I'm not saying anything! I want to know, that's all. I want to know.
. . .
Why?
Nevermind.
No, say it.
Well, um . . . did you . . . are you in love with Kairi?
I . . . I don't know. Maybe.
What do you mean maybe? How do you NOT know?
I just don't know, okay?! What, do you know what it's like to be in love?
No, I mean, why are you asking me?! I'm like the worst person to ask.
Oh, I thought you would know. You know, with um . . . stuff that happened. Ergh . . .
You can say his name, it's not like I'm going to go into a frenzy or anything.
But aren't you still upset about it?
Well, of course I'm upset. You would be too if Riku or Kairi died, right? I thought you knew me better.
Just because I know everything doesn't mean I always know how you feel, especially now. I may have seen your entire past, and I may sometimes get snippets of your anger from time to time, but . . . if you really wanted to you could block me out.
You mean like what you did to me at first?
Yeah, sort of like that. And I'm still sorry for that by the way. I was just . . . I had to create a prison.
For that black thing, right?
Huh?
You know, that guy that looked like a heartless. The one in the cage.
Oh, him.
Yeah. So, who is he?
You don't want to know.
Ah, actually I do want to know. You see, I asked you a question about him, so . . . yeah, I want to know.
Hmmm, well I wish you didn't. He's very dangerous.
Well, who is he?! And how did he get into your head?
Well, it's a really long story. I guess . . . hah, it will be easier if you just speak to him.
Oh, so you would introduce me?
Um, maybe . . . but not yet.
Well, fine. I'll let it rest for now. You better not back out on this though, seriously.
I won't.
Good. Now, onto the good stuff! So, why are you mad at Riku?
Wha? I'm . . . I'm not . . . ugh! Is it that obvious?
That, my friend, was a dumb question. Now, details!
Ugh, I hate being mad! It sucks!
Yeah, I know right?
I don't know what to say, I don't know how to approach him, it's just all scrambled in my head like a battering ray of eggs.
Total kill joy.
I feel like screaming! But I can't cause then it will freak everyone out, and then I'll have to focus on being in control because I can't let you say anything.
Yep, all complete-ah, wait a minute! What was that about me?! Why can't I talk?!
Cause you're mean. You'll just make it worse.
Well, excuse me! I'm not the one shutting my friend out the door. Sheesh, I would have had this settled hours ago.
By doing what exactly?
Simple. Two minute rant tops to get the point across, then I punch him. There you go, problem solved.
Well, that's a stupid solution.
No, it's perfectly practical, and half of it would have been executed if you hadn't stopped me earlier.
I can't punch Riku out of no where! He'll think I've lost it!
Whoa, easy with the volume! Ugh, you're killing my skull!
Ergh, is there a mirror in here?
Yeah, in the corner-wait, NO! Nuh uh, I see where this is going! I am not looking in it! You freaked me out last time.
Last time it made it easier for me to pull you into my world of dreams. I won't do that this time, I just want to talk to you face to face. I can't do it unless you look in the mirror.
Hmmm, I don't trust you.
Your headache will disappear if you do it.
And of course you mention it now.
Well, it's between a killing headache and a killing mirror. Hmm, death by glass or head trauma. Hmmmmmm . . .
Death mirror it is.
So, with these thoughts painfully rolling through my head, I walk over to the corner of the room. Ah, and there's the lovely piece of glass. And look, it's Sora! "Hey there," I say, waving.
He smiles at me and waves back. "See, isn't this easier?"
"I don't know, not too fond of seeing you covered in blue bruises and that bloody hole in your chest." I narrow my eyes. "Wait, that's not blood . . . it's too bright to be blood . . ."
Sora looks away from me in the strange world of glass. "Right, well it's not."
"Ugh, you're still losing light? After all this time?" I frown.
"Well, a little." The only word I can think of to describe Sora's grin at the moment is this: Sheepish.
I sigh and rub my forehead hard, as if that will erase the stress mounting on me from all sides. "Alright, look. We seriously need to figure out how to solve this problem with Riku."
Sora frowns. "I'm not hitting him, and neither will you."
"Ugh, alright. I won't, happy? That still doesn't change things here."
"Right. Well, I'll think of something. Just give me one more day, kay?" He stares straight into me, eyes open and sincere. "I promise I'll talk to him then."
"You promise?" I narrow my eyes. "Because last time you made a promise you broke it, Sora." I turn away after saying that, letting my back face the mirror.
"Roxas . . . I really mean it this time. Please."
"Right, too bad I don't believe you."
Silence. I try not to let it get to me, but I feel a light pang in myself anyway. This is the downside to having your emotions linked. I don't know how to block stuff coming from Sora's side, and it really sucks. I'm trying hard to ignore him but the feeling keeps intensifying and I grit my teeth to keep from making a sobbing sound.
Ergh. Just. Keep. Staring. Forward.
"R-Roxas . . . " His voice cracks, sharp and poignant, as if it's made out of glass.
My back tenses and I bite into my bottom lip. The tears are building, God, I can't see a thing. No, don't look behind, don't give him the satisfaction of doing . . .
Gosh darn it! I can't do this.
I turn back around, wanting to wipe away the water bursting out of my right eye, but I decide not to make the obvious noticable by involving my hands. Sora's shaking and crying, it's like his face is frozen in an expression of terror. The hole in his chest expands slightly, striking me with it's contents, small streams of bright light.
Yes, that's right. I got hit with a stream of light. How did that happen? Simple.
Sora was standing in front of me. He's only a few feet away.
Out of the mirror, a mirror that's now shattered.
Hell. How in the freaking world did he do that? If I wasn't already crying I'd be shaking in fear right now, no joke! I'm serious. Maybe for some people this wouldn't seem like a big deal, but if a guy says he can't, you know, be physically outside your head you would freak out too if he's suddenly right in front of you, bleeding out from the chest, with pale skin and hollow eyes that scream agony, pain, misery, redemption. Like a strangled heart beat, I can't tell if my emotions making his heart pound from fear or if it's his anxiety and stress causing my chest to do painful somersaults.
If the eyes really are the window to the soul then I can use only one word to describe what Sora is telling me. Help.
All these thoughts flash through my mind in a second and then I'm left gasping as he reaches out toward me. I don't know when the gasping turned into screams but I know when my throat starts protesting that an unnatural wail is shooting out from deep within, sucking up oxygen from my lungs.
I slump into his arms and feel a heavy darkness weighing on my eyelids. It doesn't feel like sleep, I can't fall asleep. I'm too scared for that. But . . . it's almost the same, the way my body (his body) is reacting. Weak, I feel so weak right now.
Sora starts talking to me again but I can't concentrate, can't differentiate what he's saying from the soft breaths that pass painfully out of my sore throat. My chest flares briefly again before my heart beat slows down, weeping inside my chest at the startled withdrawal of light.
Light, I can feel it leaving. I can't move, but I can feel it leaving slowly, like it's draining down a small hole.
A hole. My hole.
There's a hole inside my heart.
End of Journal Entry 5
xxxXXXxxxXXXXxx
Namine slowly opened her eyes, trying not to groan as her head pounded relentlessly. She shook her head once rapidly, fighting a moan and clawing at her hair, shivering as her legs twitched beneath her. Ugh, I've been using my power too much. She grunted and turned to stare at her original.
Kairi, snoring softly through lips pulled down in a frown. Kairi . . . such a pretty name. It compliments Sora's name so well.
Kairi. Sora.
Sora and Kairi. Kairi and Sora.
Namine smiled sadly, muttering under her breath. "Pretty names." Much more pretty than Namine. So much more pretty.
Kairi will save me though. She'll . . . bring me home. End this burden, end this reign of madness that rests on me, I'll be free and she'll be whole. That's all I want, all I need.
But why does she refuse, why won't she make me disappear? What's wrong with her?
She can wield a Keyblade, I sense the power within her.
Why won't she strike me? Why won't she take back what's rightfully hers?
Why can't she end it already?! Namine hissed as her head throbbed with the unanswered questions. She sighed and looked at the rotten water marks on the floor from when Kairi had thrown up earlier. She could smell the leftover tension in the air, the hyper scent of sweat, stress, and fear. She sniffed once then made a face. Maybe I'm trying too hard . . . I haven't reached her recent memories, maybe she doesn't know how . . .
Or she's just leaving me to rot and withstand this agony on purpose! She's knows what I want to do and she's mad and she doesn't want me inside her!
But . . . no, she wouldn't do that. She's kind. She's pretty. She's Sora's light. She is light.
I'm a failure, a loser, in the way, dragging people down, unwanted, an eyesore.
I'm nothing.
Namine touched her own forehead, wincing as the motion caused the chains to rub harshly against her wrists.
No, I wasn't pushing too hard. I have to push more.
Scaring doesn't work, it only makes her draw back within, away from me. How dare she ignore me.
I'm a part of her. By myself I'm nothing, but inside her, I'm free. My body is breaking, I'm going to die unless she fixes her own heart.
If I make her mad enough she'll only have one thought in her head. She'll kill me and then I'll go inside of her. She'll get stronger, then she can break out. She's light, Xemnas won't be able to hold her with his tricks.
Have to do this, have to break her sooner, but not like this.
Must make her angry. Anger will lead to strength, she'll defeat me, then everything will be right. Sora can get her back, I would have fulfilled my duties. Riku will stop feeling guilty, Diz's life won't be in vain, Roxas' life won't be in vain. She cried then, for both her own misery and the weight of everyone before her. But her head was aching, throbbing, distracting.
Namine coughed loudly. She could barely repress a tremor as her stomach twisted. She tasted something warm and metallic when she licked her own lips. There was a pool of red settling near her feet.
"You're sick."
Namine's head snapped up and she blinked at Kairi. Kairi's voice had been quiet, low, and wary. Yet there had been a slight amount of compassion as well. It wasn't a, "You're crazy," kind of sick. It was just an, "Oh, you're sick. You should take it easy."
This reaction made Namine angry. She glared at Kairi, trying to produce the fear that her head wasn't letting her invent mentally. Just setting up a memory was making her brain scream with agony from the strain. She moaned loudly before spitting up a mouthful of blood. She closed her eyes tightly, biting against a bleeding bottom lip, knees knocking together. She didn't want Kairi to see her cry.
Kairi's face was tilted to the side. She was staring at Namine as if she were a broken doll. "Looks like you overworked yourself," she said, voice somewhat calm.
Namine opened her eyes again and narrowed them. With one slow, tense motion she wiped away the blood dribbling from her mouth. It was a pretty uncomfortable move as her hands were chained a few feet behind her. She had to lean back a lot just to reach her face. She didn't make a sound, eyeing Kairi with sullen eyes. She knows I can't use my power right now. I have no control over her like this.
Kairi smiled bitterly, as if she had heard her Nobody's thoughts. "It takes a lot of energy making those visions, huh?" She laughed then, a nervous, shaky laugh.
Namine smiled at the sign of fear. "What makes you think I'm not doing it right now?"
"Your eyes . . . they're blue. In the visions your eyes are usually orange." Kairi shrugged, but it was easy to see from her face that she wasn't confident in her own theory.
Namine, on the other hand, was taking the idea to heart. Orange eyes . . . Xemnas has orange eyes. And Saix, he has them too now.
That's a bad sign. Is it really this dangerous for me to use my power repeatedly like this? It was never a problem before, I had to do stuff way more complicated when I was fixing Sora on a daily basis.
Suddenly her eyes flashed open, wide with terror. No. Something happened when I woke up. Xemnas gave me something, said I would be a part of his Organization.
What did he mean? Is it connected to me using my powers?
Namine started shuddering violently. She could feel the poison inside, working it's way to her nonexistent heart. No, she didn't want to be a part of the Organization! Kairi had to end it, she would end it. She had to. Namine stopped moving and looked back at Kairi with a serious expression.
Kairi looked a little freaked, but she still stared back, mouth in a grim line. Namine shivered then closed her eyes. "Kairi, do you hate me?"
"I . . . uh . . . " Kairi turned away, staring at the rusted bars. "No." she looked back up. "I don't hate you. I got myself into this situation. I won't allow myself to blame you for something I could have avoided."
Namine blinked. She hadn't expected that answer. But it didn't matter, that wasn't what she needed. Kairi had to hate her, it would make the process easier for her in the end. Ugh, why does she have to be so pure hearted? Why be kind to someone like me after I've put her through all this? "I don't understand," Namine said.
Kairi sighed. "Look, I can't. I'm not going to make you disappear, whatever that means. I have more important things to do, like getting out of here." Kairi raised an eyebrow. "Don't you want to be free? Why not use your freaky visions on the guard?"
Namine's retort was fast and flat. "My abilities don't work on him or Xemnas. Only you have the power to break out of here." And I would be free. I would be free inside of you.
Namine was almost offended when Kairi dismissed her statement with a snort. "Yeah right, I can't do anything. You're the only one useful here. I'm just in the way. Bait." Her face shifted into an angry, red splotchy shape. "Just to get at Sora. I'm always just the stupid prize waiting to be used to bring his downfall. I. hate. it!" She started crying.
"You do have power, Kairi." Namine smiled at her. "Just kill me and you can have Sora back."
Kairi gasped, violet-blue eyes widening into slits. "You're not making sense. First disappear, now kill?" She pulled at her restraints, an uncomfortable gesture for sure, just to get further away from the blonde witch.
"It's simple, Kairi. I'm your Nobody. I was formed when you lost your heart and from parts of Sora's empty shell of a body when he was a heartless."
Kairi stared at her as if she had three heads. "I'm not killing anybody, I'm not doing anything to you! I just want to get out of this hellhole! If you're not going to help, then you can rot in this place for all I care. I'm not going to commit murder."
She is so missing the point. "It's not murder, Kairi. You're already broken, bringing me back inside you would fix everything." Namine was starting to sound desperate. "I must join you. Sora had to do that with Roxas, now you must take me back into your heart. It's the only way we can stop Xemnas from hurting everybody."
"I can't. I don't know how." Kairi looked downright repulsed now and scared.
"It's not a complicated process!" Namine growled. "Either you stab me with a Keyblade or use your bare hands if you have to!" How could she not see the benefits! This is the only way.
There's no other option, nothing else can be done. Just like there was nothing I could do for Roxas . . .
Roxas. The memories of him, that stubborn idiotic jerk, settled in her head, almost making Namine whimper. She would never forgive herself for failing to find a way for him to have his own life, a body, a heart. She deserved the same fate as him.
"Namine . . . "
Both Kairi and Namine gasped. They continued to stare at each other, anxious breaths mixing into stale air as the jail cells closed them in closer. Namine frowned and looked away. "I never told you my name."
"No. You never did." Kairi sounded overwhelmed. "How did I know it?"
Namine shrugged. "It doesn't matter, Kairi. Whether you want to do it or not, the process is already starting." And that's a good thing. I have to make sure this happens quickly before-
Namine gasped as Saix roughly unchained her and dragged her by the arm out of the jail cell, leaving Kairi to stare in her direction with wide, penetrating eyes.
xxXXXXxxxxXXXXxx
Riku was starting to reach a breaking point, he could feel it. He couldn't decide who he was more disgusted at. Sora, for not listening, or himself for obvious reasons.
But no, that hadn't been what made him approach the breaking point. The fight was not what was crushing his soul into little splinters that racked up inside his chest.
No. What had surprised him was when he had walked back to Sora's room, hand shaking near the doorknob. He hadn't expected the door to be unlocked, and the sound of the door turning almost startled him. He just silently thanked the gods and quietly opened the door, wide enough for him to peak inside.
All hope of fixing their relationship, of fixing anything, vanished as he endured a new scene. Riku had opened up a sliver of light only to see his best friend frowning and talking to himself in the mirror. As if there was someone actually there. But when Riku turned his head to see what was in the mirror, nothing appeared. Sora might as well had been talking to a wall for all that Riku saw.
He didn't stay to hear what Sora was saying. He simply shut the disturbing image from his mind and eyes and walked away.
Now he was sitting on the balcony of Yen Sid's tower. Yen Sid had modified the building slightly to allow for more people (with Cid's crew expected to come with new gadgets and whatnot).
Besides the living accommodations, their surroundings had stayed the same. A wide, natural field allowing them to see a vast screen of stars. Seas of stars, seas of worlds, countless worlds. Worlds Sora had managed to save (no thanks to Riku). Worlds that could possibly still need saving.
Riku covered his eyes, trying to wash away the images of his best friend talking to inanimate objects. The look in Sora's eyes . . .
He's losing his mind. Riku glared at the sky. But it doesn't matter. He's still here, here away from that hellhole. We can bring him back, he's safe here, he'll heal.
"God, Sora." Riku started laughing. "God, if you go insane . . . "
Riku felt something burn in his chest, a strong desire to punch his fists through concrete. He wanted to rip something to shreds, just tear into it with his hands. Something to do.
All he knew for sure was that Xemnas would pay. He would pay dearly.
With this hardened resolve and body slack from released tension a single star glowed brightly in the distance, an ember that refused to die within the ashes of the galaxy. Patience, that was all Riku needed.
With these revolving thoughts and attempts at peace it was, of course, a bad time for Mickey to come outside and tell Riku that he had heard Sora screaming.
xxxXXXxxxXXxX
Journal Entry 6
I didn't pass out.
I don't really feel like I'm actually here, but I think I'm still awake.
I don't know, it's hard to tell. It's like I'm suspended in the water, like floating around with no weight. Moving in a way almost impossible since I know for sure that I'm lying on a bed. I had been on the floor before, but somehow now I'm here.
Shallow breathing, slightly forced at times. Shallow breathing . . . floating . . .
Wait, did I already say that? What did I just say a second ago?
"Roxas."
Who said that? That's-yes, it is my name.
Something is shaking me. I open my eyes and I'm met with the ceiling and . . . blonde hair? Yes, blonde hair, sad blue eyes, he . . . ah! I remember now!
"Roxa-ah!" I cover Sora's mouth, pressing his body against the bed. I don't think about the fact that he's actually moving with a body, I can't deal with that. It would just give me another weird heart attack. I also ignore the hole in his chest (it's smaller) or his frightened blue eyes.
But my own chest? The crack that I can somehow feel throbbing against my heart? Oh, I can definitely focus on that. "What. The. Actual. Hell?" Of course, I start like that. If anyone is judging I suggest you look away now, it's going to get worse. "Damn you, Sora! Just when I think I can trust anything you say you do this!"
Sora's somehow maneuvers my hand, voice low and fragile. "Roxas, please, let me explain." He coughs.
"Explain?! No, just stop right there. I'm not falling for this crap again, you hear me? I'm done with this!"
"Roxas . . . I'm dying."
My retorts freeze in my throat and I slowly let go of him. "E-excuse me?"
Sora sits up, body sagging with the confession. He just blinks and stares at me, looking sad and messed up. Yellow blood drips from his mouth and chest before he covers his stomach with his hand. "I'm going to die," he repeats.
"I don't understand." I shiver and touch my chest where the heart is. "This is your body. You're getting better."
Sora smiles at me but his eyes show bitterness. "Yeah, my body is." He looks down at his knees.
"Sora, just stop, alright? You're not going to die. Why would you die?" I sigh and cross my arms. "Look, if you needed more light you should have asked. You didn't need to do the trippy mirror stuff."
Sora shivers, still avoiding my face. "That wasn't me."
"If not you then who?" Intuition sparks inside my head, like clicking on a lighter. "It was him, wasn't it? The black guy in that prison inside your head?"
"I . . . I don't know." He shivers again. "Light called to me and . . . now I'm here." He cries softly. "Roxas, I don't like fighting him. It hurts holding him back. It hurts so much."
"Sora? Hey, calm down." I touch his shoulder, frowning.
Sora just laughs again, I don't think he heard me. "Roxas, how do you do it? How do you keep the darkness away?"
"Sora." I sigh. "Look, I'm just used to the darkness, alright? I worked around it, with it. I don't let it bother me though, it's just there. You can't keep it all out all the time, alright?"
Sora trembles, his gaze haunted. "But what if it controls you, what then? What if it makes you do things?"
"Sora, is he trying to make you do things?" I narrow my eyes. "You need help. You need to tell someone about this besides me."
"No!" His shout catches me by surprise. He continues on, voice more quiet. "That's what he wants. What Anti-me wants . . . no, no, no." Sora gets closer, gripping my shirt with a frantic expression. "Please, Roxas. Don't. Tell. Anyone."
"Sora . . . "
"Roxas, you have no reason to trust me, no reason to agree, but if you tell anyone about Anti-Sora, he'll destroy everything. He feeds off of people, he can sense things. You can't tell!"
I wince and grit my teeth. "Sora . . . " I lift my hand up slowly to his wrist. His hands are pale and bony, nails three inches longer, stabbing through my shirt and digging into flesh. "You're hurting me," I say as gently as possible.
Sora stares at me as if I just declared he committed mass murder. He stares at his hands, shaking. He looks devastated.
"Hey, it's just a scratch. Sora, I'm fine." I squeeze his hand lightly, partly to show support but also kind of to remind him to, well, take his hand away.
Sora shakes and a small, unstable smile spreads on his face. "He can feel it, the Anti-me . . . he can sense that you're in pain. He likes it." Sora's hand shoots more into my stomach and I squirm, trying not to scream. Crimson lines soak up my shirt and betray me.
"Sora, snap out of it," I say, forcing the calm there, even though my mind is screaming, "Crap! Crap! Crap!" in my head.
Sora grunts, eyes shut tightly and face white with strain. With on quick move he pulls his claws out of me, panting as if he had just ran up a mountain. His eyes turn yellow for a second, then he collapses on the bed. It takes a few minutes for me to get enough courage to touch his him, fingers skimming through his blonde spikes. The moment I make contact with his skin his body disappears in a sea of white dust, settling near the palm of my mind.
I feel the extra weight of him settling in my head, a cautious kind of presence. It's like Sora is pacing back and forth up there in my head. I can't hear anything from him, but I doubt he wants to talk to me anyway. I can feel the guilt and anxiety just by staring at my own normal hands.
I frown and try not to worry about that. Sora's not going to die, I have to try to think positive on this. If I start to break now it will make things even harder for both of us.
But you know, I guess this was one of those times where the universe decides that I don't need breaks, because Riku opens the door in the next second, facial expression hard and firm. A uncompramising face. A brutal face. His eyes say everything and nothing, I can't tell if he's mad at me or just plain mad.
"We need to talk," he says, sitting next to me, shoulders rigid.
Ugh, everyone is on edge today! By the light. "Right," I say after swallowing. I know Sora isn't going to come in, not after what happened. I'm on my own here, and I'm screwed. For once though, I'm glad that I'm not mad myself. I'm too occupied with what happened to Sora earlier to make a big deal out of anything. Ugh, he better not have been serious about the dying part.
"Sora." The calm tone contrasts with the event that follows. Riku's slap nearly sends my body off the bed. It wasn't hard, and it didn't really hurt mind you, it was more of the shock of it. Sora stops his irregular pacing, freezing inside my head.
Well, now Riku has both of our attention. I look up, rubbing my cheek and stare at him.
He just blinks at me as if nothing happened. "Sora, I know you're hiding stuff from me. We both know it. I honestly don't know why in the hell you would do this after we just talked about being more open with each other." He sighs. "So what am I doing to make you nervous because, for some reason, I can't be trusted to hear what's going on."
Well, you just hit me for one, I think in my head. "I . . . I don't know. I guess I'm just nervous." It's a lame response, but it's better than what I was thinking. And as I said before, Sora isn't saying anything, despite hanging on to Riku's every word. I can tell, it's allowing me to focus more on him too.
Riku brings a hand up to my face, touching my red face. "I intimidate you?" he asks softly. Even though I can see Riku is trying, the anguish in his turquoise eyes can't be hidden. He really has a lot to say, he must be bursting at the seams.
All I can do is be honest according to what I think Sora is feeling at the moment. "A lot of things intimidate me, Riku. You're one of them," I whisper. The hurt registers in his face and I backtrack quickly. "Not that that's a bad thing. I really do admire you. I just . . . I don't want anyone to get hurt, I don't want anyone to suffer. I just . . . I don't know." I sigh.
Riku closes his eyes. He then leans closer to me. I want to move away, but I stay still. I just hope he doesn't hit me again. Anticipation sparks within me, and I tense up just in case he hits me. Instead of violence, I feel Riku's lips press against my forehead. I gasp lightly as he wraps me in a hug.
"Sora . . . there's something you need to know. About Xemnas."
"Yeah?" I whisper.
"His castle, there's a shield around it. A dark, purple shield. We can't get through it." He lowers his head, facing me, eyes somewhat strained.
I stare straight into his eyes, trembling. "But I can."
Riku nods, giving me a small smile. Worry is shining in his eyes, sliding down his face in the form of silent tears. "Yes, Sora. You can."
Wow . . . that was long.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Didn't expect it to take this long for me to post, but, well, school has captured my attention for the most part these days.
Well, enjoy the rest of your weekend.