Confessions of a Rapist
Title: Confessions of a Rapist
Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX
Series: C.S.I
Rating: T
Genre: angst/comfort
Spoilers: none
Characters: Sara Sidle, Conrad Ecklie and Nick Stokes
Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.
Summary: Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out.
Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.
Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.
Note: I am going to tell you who's P.O.V. it is when I change P.O.V. As I realise that some of you that are reading this may have been confused, sorry about that. I'm really sorry I've been offline for so long there were family problems I had to deal with and my house was being decorated, new chappy up as soon as I can type it up.
Fed-up-reader: I'm glad that you like the story line. I am now using a proof reader. Thank you for your input.
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Ecklie
Catherine and Nick sit across the table from me, their barley concealed anger making me grin with amusement. I love this, should have done it a long time ago it's so fun. Brass is guarding the door making sure I don't make a run for it. None of them realise I'm 'down for the ride'. Finally, finally Grissom can get what he deserves.
'O.k. Ecklie you know the drill. You tell us what we need to know you get a lesser sentence, everyone's happy. We get the pleaser of seeing you put away and you get the joy of spending fewer months getting your teeth kicked in by your fellow jail birds.' I smile at them, they can't possible hope to bribe me like that. I've got nothing left to loose now. I can see their anger, barely concealed under what they think to be professional masks. I can see there real emotions, I can see them. I lean forward across the table, toward Catherine in particular and whisper in her ear.
'You've got nothing on me. Nothing at all.' I whisper my last sentence slowly trying to intimidate her. She leans back slightly, sending shivers of pleasure down my spine. I relish the control I have over women. Catherine's breathing is hard and fast, I'm so close, I can feel it against my hot skin. She fears me, I close my eyes against the intense erotic pleasure it gives me. They whip open as Nick's hand comes down hard upon my shoulder. I throw him a look of pure poison, he's ruining all my fun.
'You're screwed. Give it up. D.N.A, Victim identification, we got it all man. What are you holdin' back for?' He slumps back into his chair never taking his icy filled eyes off mine. Leaning back casually I think, he's right as much as I hate to admit it, there's nothing left to hide now. I smile at 'Nicky boy', so naive, just a child in many ways. I'll make sure he never forgets this.
'My wife left me you know. About two months back, found out about Claire. I loved her you know, I loved my wife so much. Claire asked for it anyway. On reception everyday, eyeing every man that walked past. She wanted it. I never meant to hurt her, she shouldn't have shouted, screamed. She wanted sex as much as I did. I had to hold her down, she was like a wild thing. I couldn't help myself, I loved the control, heightening all the pleasure I took from her. I had to hit her, I had to keep her awake. Afterward I paced my office. I could loose my job over something like this. It was all her damn fault. Whimpering in a corner, damn weak bitch! I gave her another good slap to shut her up. I loved it.' I paused to close my eyes, smirking at the pleasant memories.
'She pressed charges of course and I denied them, but I was already ruined as soon as she opened her damn mouth, mouthy bitch! Gil was there when they gave me my two weeks notice, smirking away. He had to pay. All the years we've worked together, all the years I've hated the way he had everything I wanted. Respect, friendship, infinite knowledge and that I'd lost, the love of a young woman. She was so beautiful, God Sara was so lovely. Gil needed to pay for everything he's rubbed in my face. I had nothing left to loose. I took the one thing he cared about most in the world. Make her so terrified he'd never have her again. She was so sweet. I can still smell her skin, her hair.' I draw a deep breath for effect, knowing it will disgust them. She was so, so sweet.
'She is mine, forever. I've taken her from him, he'll never have her back, never!' I love the look on Nick, Catherine and Brass' faces. Screwed up in rage and disbelief. This has got to be the best day of my life. I've had my way, my hold on Sara will never let go. As I'm led away, hands cuffed behind my back, I lean over Nick's shoulder and whisper:
'Give Gil and Sara ALL my best.' I can't help but laugh. Today is such a good day.
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Nick
Bastard, sick bastard! How can someone think like that? Brass left with Ecklie, no doubt wanting to have the satisfaction of booking him himself. I hear Catherine sigh shakily next to me. I turn to her, she's crying gently hands shaking as they rake through her hair. I lay a hand on her arm, letting her take her time before turning to me.
'Hey you o.k.? Did he hurt you?' She shakes her head, I'm not convinced but I'm not going to push.
'I'm o.k. He didn't even touch me. He just scared me that's all. God he's so intimidating. For a minute there I thought he was actually going to hurt me.' She was crying openly now. Huge scared sobs wracking her. I pull her to me. Holding her tight and secure letting her know that I'm here, that she's safe.
'God Nick if he can make me feel this way, what the hell does Sara feel like?' Her voice is soft, muffled against my neck. Sara, tears sting my eyes as I remember he battered body in front of me. What must she feel like now?
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Sara
Fear, fear runs deep. Flowing through every particle of my body. I knew sleep would never be easy but I never thought it would be this bad. I feel so weak and stupid for letting myself get this paranoid. I hate myself. In the dark, alone with my thoughts. It's always the victims that carry the crime, I'll carry it for the rest of my life. I feel so stupid and worthless. So alone in my grief for my lost mentality. Even though I feel Grissom's warm body against my thigh as I sit here, thinking these thoughts of loneliness, I still feel alone. He's sleeping so soundly, oblivious to my thoughts, my mood. A tear escapes me again, I hate myself for letting this get the better of me. I want him to wake up so badly, I want him to wake and hold me, tell me it's o.k. that I'm safe here in his arms. I watch in shame as more tears fall onto the sheets and a few onto Grissom's arm, making him groan in his sleep. I clamp a hand over my mouth to stifle the noise I'm making. I don't want to wake him, he's so tired and he's been so good to me I can't ask anything more of him.
'Sara?' He sounds like he's drunk. His speech slurred by sleep. I force myself into silence, both hands clamped hard over my lips. My body still heaves with sobbing and my eyes rammed shut, still tears escaped them. I feel his hands on my shoulders, as he sits himself up.
'Sara? Sara honey look at me.' I slowly let my hands fall to my sides and force my tired swollen eyes to open. I am met by swimming baby blues, full of concern for me, concern I don't deserve. I wave away his comforting hands, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, clasping my aching head in my hands. I want his touch so much but I am dirty, I don't want to make him dirty too. I'm not worthy.
'I'm sorry Griss, I-I just c-can't do this. Y-you can't do this. It's not fair... not fair to ask you to keep doing this, for me.' My voice doesn't sound real, processed like a machine. My whole body, even my soul feels mechanical now. I feel Griss move up behind me, and his hands once again on both my shoulders. I sob, I can't help it, I can't hold it inside anymore, there's no will left in me, and I want his touch, his comfort so much. He gently turns me to face him again. Looking deep into my red rimmed eyes.
'I know what I'm letting myself in for. I can do this. Honey, I will always be here for you whether you want it or not. I'm not going to leave you here like this, I care for you far too much to turn away when you need care the most.' He looks at me, searching for something unknown.
'Come here.' I fall into him, no longer sobbing openly, just crying silently and slowly. His words mean so much to me, his comfort, his embrace, his...love. His chest is warm under my forehead, his arms creating a wall keeping me safe.
'I'm sorry. Grissom I'm so sorry.' My voice is muffled by Grissom's chest. I can feel him raise his head. A hand comes up under my chin forcing it upwards, making me look at him.
'Honey. Stop apologising. You have nothing to be sorry about, nothing! I'm here because I want to be.' I nod at him, sniffing away all my tears. He lays us down together, the comforting black veil of sleep, and Grissom's warm arms drive away my nightmares, for now.
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Grissom
She's asleep at last. So fast asleep in fact she can not feel my tears fall onto her beautiful hair, or the ring of my cell.
'Gil it's Cath.' Her voice is thick like she's been crying. Oh my God what else could have happened now?
'Gil, we questioned Ecklie, he said some thing you'll wanna hear.' I can hear her swallow, I look down at my sleeping beauty and make a decision. I'm not leaving her side tonight. I'll face this tomorrow, what ever Ecklie had to say, it had nothing to do with me.
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O.k. so here you go. New chappie, I love this one to bits, it's my favourite. Please review who ever you are. I would love to get at least 60 review by the end of this chapter. Thanks!