6

Almost two months later…

"Well dearest diary,

It appears I have grown very fond of you. I would have to say you have become a very close friend. It seems rather impersonal to refer to you merely as 'diary' perhaps I should name you.... My life is rather chaotic at the moment. Examinations in school are rather difficult, it is hard to feel proud of marks lower than I am accustomed to—especially as Renji is so brilliant and seems to excel in everything he does. He is graduating with honours! I hope I can achieve at least half of what he has done… sometimes being with him makes me feel so inadequate. I wouldn't say I am jealous of his successes, for they are his own and I am sure to have mine. It's just he makes it seem so easy. He rarely studies, always goes out and seems to accomplish what I do after locking myself in the library for days.

To add to my stresses, Ichigo has reverted back to not speaking to me. He seems detested by my presence. I have avoided going home the past two weekends because I cannot stand the awkwardness between us. I really have no idea how to handle this. Ichigo won't speak to Renji aside from formal greetings. When I told him that Renji and I are dating he, well he wasn't happy. They're so alike yet so different in many ways. Perhaps this is why they clash so…

I adore Renji beyond anything I ever thought I would understand. I must be in love. Rangiku teases me consistently, as does mum and dad. Rangiku has been in contact with Renji's older brother Shuuhei. I can't help but think how fun it would be if we were sister in laws.

Renji does have tendencies to well, not exclude me but… he just seems to prioritize his friends and classmates over time with me. Which I can understand, he knew these people way before I came into his life in the role I have now. But… it makes me worried that maybe I am not so important to him. It's ridiculous to think he started off as a childhood playmate and grew into the man I love. I do love him. It's terrifying. Funny how they always say you fall in love, it is a very accurate metaphor; you are completely helpless, free falling further and further into a bottomless hole. What happens when you reach the bottom? Is there one? There no expression for climbing out of love, perhaps you cannot do so…

Until later,

-Rukia K. (Perhaps one day Zaraki… Mr & Mrs Renji Zaraki… I am getting carried away…)

Rukia closed her diary and slid it back into its silk bag, hiding it safely behind her headboard. She was due to meet Renji in the north courtyard in half an hour. Rangiku was off with Shuuhei. They were always together, which Rukia envied. Granted, Renji could not afford the time and neither could Rukia really, with school and all. Shuuhei had already graduated and now worked for his father in some government position, and Ikkaku, the oldest, was a commander, (something or other) in the military. Yumichika, who was second eldest, was studying philosophy and arts; completely not interested one bit in following in the military path of his siblings.

Rukia prettied herself up more, being sure to wear her hair down for once as Renji would just untie it if it were up. Checking herself once more in the mirror, she then headed down to go meet up with him. She was excited to see him, it had only been two days since she saw him last but that was more than long enough. She was on time, expecting him to be a bit late. Rukia waited, patiently, walking around observing the fountain and changing colours of the leaves.

It was twenty minutes past the time they said they would meet when she heard his laughter. He was walking with his friends, Momo and Izuru, and a few others she did not recognize. Renji waved once he saw her and began to run over, his friends made teasing calls behind him.

Before Rukia could comment on his tardiness, Renji had picked her up in the air and spun her around before falling on his back with her on top of him. They were both laughing at his foolish antics. 'Renji! You are such a fool sometimes!' Rukia scolded playfully.

'Of course, would you expect anything different of me?' he replied, kissing her. 'How are you my love? I'm sorry I'm late. We got caught up in a ridiculous debate with one of the professors in our honours program. Something about physics, far over your head.' He messed up her hair playfully.

Rukia felt slight anger at his condescending comment, but let it slide. 'It was nothing I arrived only moments before you did,' she lied. 'What do you want to do tonight?'

'What?' he asked, sounding truly perplexed.

Rukia thought he was teasing and frowned lightly, 'we were going to do something tonight, unless…' He's completely forgotten…

Renji winced at her question, 'oh, bloody hell. Sorry Rukia, I forgot I have this important senior thing to go to tonight.'

'Perhaps you can see me after?' she asked hopefully.

'Doubt it, he'll be pissed out of his tree,' Izuru joked laughing.

Rukia looked at Renji questioningly, 'Pissed? What sort of "important" senior thing is this?'

'Uh, well,' began Renji, 'bunch of us are going to the senior's pub to you know, celebration midterm examinations being done and all, and uh… you know discuss things.' Rukia frowned and shook her head at his pathetic excuse to try and make it seem more important than it was.

'Don't worry on it Rukia, Perhaps you would be kind to escort him home, Renji usually needs help with that,' another guy said.

'Doesn't usually need help finding someone to take home,' someone else remarked.

Izuru laughed, looking at Rukia with joking sympathy, 'you'll have to keep a tight leash on ol' Renji here. He's not used to having an owner.'

Rukia felt uncomfortable at their remarks, and it showed on her face. She felt like they were just ridiculing her, as though as being Renji's girlfriend made her a star joke. Renji saw this and felt terrible. 'Hey guys shut it all right? Piss off and I'll meet you down at the senior's dorms?' With that they left. Renji and Rukia both stood up. She avoided looking at him. 'I'm sorry Rukia, really I am. I forgot…'

'It's fine Renji honestly, it's your senior year I completely understand,' she said, sweetening her voice to mask her disappointment.

Renji hugged her tightly, 'I have the best girlfriend in the world, in the whole entirety of the universe. I wish you could come tonight but you know, it's just our graduating year...'

She nodded and repeated her question, 'should I, see you tonight? Afterwards?'

Renji thought about this. He was planning on getting drunk, that was true. He was a bit of a partier, which he was beginning to understand lately made Rukia quite a bit uneasy. Maybe he would take it easy tonight, make things up to her. 'Absolutely darling, I will come to your place.'

'From my understanding you may need help getting here?' she asked, glaring at him lightheartedly.

'Rubbish!' Renji said, 'I will skip here, cartwheels, run, hop, bicycle, name it I will do it for you. Just stay in and wait for me okay?'

'Just don't hurt yourself. I'll wait for you tonight okay?'

'I'll be done with them around midnight, sound fair?'

'Yes, now go they're waiting for you.'

He kissed her goodbye. 'You're my favourite girl you know that?' With that he ran off.

Rukia felt a loneliness overcome her as she watched him run off. Your favourite girl? Favourite compared to whom else? She couldn't quite fathom why, but she felt like crying. They had only been dating for a two months, but she hadn't really met his friends at all, but when she was with them they constantly made remarks about Renji and his apparent 'wild, womanizer' side. Her and Renji usually grabbed coffee, or studied, or went to little social events before skipping out to go walk somewhere.

Physically, they had done practically nothing. Maybe that's it… maybe he's losing interest… Rukia was a virgin, and from how Renji acted and what his friends were like she assumed he wasn't. She couldn't help but wonder sometimes if he was seeing someone else… no, of course he isn't. Renji had to care a lot about their relationship; after all he came to her parents' estate at least once every weekend to see them and her. Rukia wasn't opposed to sex before marriage; just the right person hadn't come along. Feeling anxious she decided to head back to her room. She decided she would let everything sort itself out.

%%%%%

Rukia was sulking over her chemistry text at home that night. She couldn't stop thinking about how Renji had flat out ditched her (there was no point in sugar coating it anymore, he did ditch her). First she had been sad about it, then decided to ignore it and let it go—but now she was just down right pissed off. She was beginning to feel lonely when Rangiku burst into the door dropping dramatically on her bed.

'I have had the longest day!' she exclaimed, 'you won't believe what happened, some silly goose decided to—' Rangiku quit talking when she saw her friend hurriedly wiping tears from her face. 'Rukia why were you crying?'

'I wasn't! I wasn't,' Rukia replied.

'Okay, second question, why are you lying to me about it?' Rukia stayed silent, looking away from her. Rangiku had a feeling what was wrong, 'Rukia what did Renji do?'

'Nothing! Why would you think this has anything to do with him?' snapped Rukia.

Rangiku went and sat on her friend's bed by her desk, 'because lately whenever you are upset or near tears, he has usually done something to disappoint or upset you.'

Rukia sighed with frustration, 'that's not true Rangiku. School is just really stressful.'

'Rukia, you're doing brilliantly. That can't possibly be why you're so down.'

'No I'm not Rangiku. I just… I'm not good enough, I feel like I'm studying and I have no fun and—'

'You don't have because you force yourself to study all, and I mean all of the time! You're spending your first year in university locked in this room waiting for Renji to want to see you. He's a jerk to you, I don't know why you put up with it.'

Rukia stayed silent, trying to think of what to say. It was true (Though to a less drastic extent) what Rangiku was saying. Rukia had always wanted to break free from her boring life at home and yet here she was, cooped up at her apartment.

Rangiku saw her friend was in conflict and gave her a quick hug before saying, 'you know, I have just the cure for you Rukia, let's go!'

%%%%%

Intending on spending the night in her room studying, Rukia now found herself at the local student pub that was the most popular with the first and second years. Rangiku had practically tossed Rukia's textbooks out the window before dragging her out. Rukia was very against this at first but quickly opened up to the idea once she began meeting some of Rangiku's new friends. They seemed to take a liking to her and Rukia found (with the help of a few drinks), that she could relax, loosen up and be herself. One of Rangiku's friends, Ashido Kano, took a strong liking to Rukia. He had been chatting her up and flirting with her the whole night.

'So,' Rangiku asked pulling Rukia aside, 'what do you think of Ashido.'

Rukia shrugged, 'he's nice I suppose, why?'

'Well, he thinks that you are very nice, he fancies you I can tell,' Rangiku said smiling.

Rukia laughed at this and shook her head, 'oh no, no no no, Rangiku! I have a boyfriend!'

'One who treats you like garbage, is a drunk scoundrel, and is a pig.'

'Rangiku, why do you say those things?'

Rangiku sighed, 'because it's true Rukia. You're always sad, today you were in tears because of him! Just give Ashido a chance will you? Go be his table tennis partner.'

'No, Rangiku I'm with Renji, I love Renji,' Rukia protested.

'Have you said that to him, that you love him?' Rangiku demanded. Rukia shook her. Rangiku continued, 'well I certainly then assume he hasn't said it to you.'

'That's none of your business, we've only been together two months!'

'And he's already making you unhappy! Just, hang out with Ashido tonight okay? I promise you'll have fun,' insisted Rangiku.

'Fine I'll hang out with him. But nothing more!' Rukia said, knowing there was no escaping a determined Rangiku. Rangiku just doesn't understand…

The girls parted and Rukia went over to Ashido. 'Do you need a partner? I'm not half bad at table tennis you know.'

Ashido smiled, seemingly genuinely happy she had come to talk with him. 'Uh… yeah! I mean yes, please, I would love to be partners with you.'

%%%%%

They played on, the losing team needing to drink each time the other time scored. Rukia was feeling pretty tipsy, but her and Ashido were winning! It was very exciting and she was having fun with him. He was very interesting, a year older and studying science in hopes to get into medicine as well. They had a lot in common. Maybe Rangiku is right about Renji…

As the night progressed, Rukia was talking nonstop with Ashido. They were having so much fun together playing the drinking game. When Rukia scored the winning point in the final game, Ashido hugged her and picked her up in celebration. Rukia felt guilty for a split second, and then brushed it off, allowing herself to enjoy the evening. While in the air, Rukia's eyes caught something—it was a girl with long dark blonde hair and a guy standing next to her. The girl was very pretty, and clearly a little intoxicated. The man was dancing with her, holding her really close to him and whispering in her ear, causing her to let out a flirtatious laugh. Normally, Rukia would not have noticed this. It was just a casual scene in a university pub after all. But no, Rukia did notice this, and she could not put her finger on why until her eyes met with Renji's. Renji was dancing with this other, Renji was flirting with this other girl. Rukia looked away instantly, visibly upset over something, and completely unaware that she was in Ashido's arms.

'Rukia?' Ashido asked gently, 'what's the matter?'

'Nothing, it's just—' she turned to look back only to see Renji's angry face across the pub. Rukia now realized that the whole time she had been here, she had entirely forgotten she had a boyfriend.