Chapter 5- This changes everything and nothing

These back steps are steeper to the ground
the brightest stars are falling down
I'm walking the edge, walking the tightest rope
We can be frank, reality rips on through, rolling like a hurricane
I'm over the bridge and under the rain
Mat Kearney –Crashing Down

The bell rang and we quickly made our way into class, taking our seats. There was a large television on a wheeled cart, indicating that most likely we were going to be watching some movie on bacterial growth. I could feel the boredom seeping from the room and as much as I would have loved to ditch the class, I knew there would be consequences.

'Like having to explain what the hell you were thinking when you told him that you would "share" your complicated story… He's not going to believe you, no one believes you. Now you've just fucked everything up.'

The lights were flipped off and instead of finding the darkness relaxing I was hyperaware of everything going on in the room around me. I could feel each shift and movement of Edward next to me, each intake of breath a sharp contrast to the silence around me.

'Don't think about it. Don't you fucking dare go there.'

My hands were shaking and I found myself hyperventilating. I didn't like the darkness; the blackness of it seeped at my subconscious mind putting me on edge. The television was flicked on and I felt Edward's eyes on me, I looked at him through the spots in my eyes.

"Bella are you alright?"

'Bella, dear, what's the matter little one?'

"Bella?!"

'RUN.'

Before I really understood what was happening, I found myself outside panting in the fresh air, my eyes squinting at the unusual brightness of the day. My legs felt week, unable to maintain standing I slumped down into the grass feeling the wetness of it seep through my pants and make me cold.

'Cold, cold, so cold.'

"Bella," his voice was breaking and I realized what I must look like. "You need to tell me what is going on."

I wasn't really sure what to say but the cold was starting to become irritating so I forced myself to a standing position and locked my knees into place.

"It's fine, Edward." My voice sounded hollow, almost dead. He looked frightened by it and I wasn't really sure how to respond. "I'm not feeling," I paused for a moment taking a deep breath, "well."

'That's the understatement of the century.'

"Bella, you look like you're going to pass out. Maybe I should take you home."

I thought about the likelihood that Charlie would be home and if I was willing to risk bringing Edward into the situation. It only took me a moment to realize that no matter what I was thinking that he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

'Damn.'

As if he was afraid that I would fall at any time, he kept one hand on the small of my back as he led me to the parking lot. Instead of heading for the monstrosity that was my truck, he led me to a small silver car and opened the passenger's door.

"But what about my truck?"

"Alice will drive it to your place later and drop it off for you. I texted her when you bolted out of the classroom."

'Whoa, efficient.'

"Alright," I sighed as I clipped my seatbelt. I gave Edward directions as we drove through the small town, really not sure if he would even need them. How lost could you get in a town this size? I pondered that thought as he pulled up to the curb and hopped out of his car. I checked the street, somewhat surprised to find Charlie's car was nowhere to be seen.

'Thank god for that.'

The breeze outside was picking up and I was chilly but I was really unsure about the condition of the house and it made me hesitant to invite Edward in. What would he think if the living room was strewn with empty beer bottles?

'And why do you care so much about what he thinks?'

Letting out a small sigh, I opened the door walking inside and peeking around the corner. The room seemed to be clear and I felt relief flood through my body. At least it was one thing that I could leave off of the huge explanation I was supposed to be preparing for Edward.

'Take it one step at a time.'

I took the chair, laying my head back against the plush cushion as I pulled my legs up and curled slightly inward while Edward simply sat on the edge of the couch facing towards me. He remained quiet and gave me time to center my thoughts, something I was really thankful for.

"I don't… like the dark." I whispered, clenching my eyes as the words escaped my lips. "Something about the darkness, it feels like it's pressing down on me, like I can't breathe."

'I know what's waiting for me there; something is coming out of the darkness to take me away.'

I stopped for a moment, my arms wrapping around my legs as I rested my head against my knees. "I usually have better control over my reaction but I've just been so tired lately and I just lost it for a moment. I'm sorry I scared you."

"Why were you late to school today?" he questioned, his words a stark contrast to the noiseless environment.

"I really did oversleep. I don't really do well with storms either. My mother was always afraid of them and it just brings back memories of her, which are really hard sometimes. I ended up out here on the couch watching television with my dad most of the night. He left me sleeping here, probably not thinking about me needing to get up in the morning, so I didn't hear my alarm go off."

'Coward.'

He takes in my words for a moment and I can see the wheels turning in his head. It's partially true and that's better than no truth at all but I still feel like shit for lying to him (even a teeny bit).

"How did your mother die?" His question seems innocent enough, and I can hear the sympathy in his voice, but I can feel my pulse raise as the words float in the air around me.

'Murder. It was murder I tell you!'

"Self inflicted," I can feel myself visibly cringe as the words escape my lips. I'm the only one that knows the truth and I highly doubt he would believe me. My father didn't, the police didn't, so why would he?

There is sadness on his face as he processes the things that I have told him. He clears his throat and I can see his Adams apple bob with the effort. "Alice and I aren't technically brother and sister. Carlisle and Esme adopted me before Alice was born. She doesn't know."

I'm a bit shocked and deeply touched that he would share something so personal with me. I find myself reaching out and our hand intertwining together. "I won't tell her."

"I know," he replies as he looks down at our hands, his face softening. "My mother killed herself," the words tumble out of his lips and I find him looking up at me a moment later "and my father wanted nothing to do with me."

'That sounds familiar.'

"Edward," I'm not really sure what I can say but after his opening up and being so honest I feel like we have connected. It makes me feel guilty and I squeeze his hand for a moment.

'Don't do it.'

"I'm the one that found her," my voice breaks and I feel the gentle squeeze of his hand, "found her lying in her own pool of blood. The image haunts me and some nights I have trouble sleeping. The storms make it worse, she hated storms and they always remind me of that moment, of the blood."

There is a silent understanding between us, one that lies heavily between us and in the air around us. I haven't opened up completely, something that is unlikely to happen, but I have opened up some. It's new and terrifying in its complexity, being able to speak about such things and I feel ripped open, exposed. I'm not use to it and it seems he understands because he doesn't question me anymore.

'He's going to end up hurt. In the end they all do.'

Edwards hand is still entwined with mine and I find myself staring at them, relishing the feel and the warmth of it. The silence between us doesn't feel forced and it doesn't feel strange. Instead, in a way, it feels completely right. This thought is both thrilling and terrifying. Before I can contemplate it any further there is a knock at the door and I find myself instantly tense.

'Don't lose it now.'

I hop up and quickly get the door, surprised to see Alice standing with my car keys in her hand.

"How did you?" Before I can finish asking how she got the keys, she answers, a huge grin on her face.

"Edward," Alice replied, looking at his car for a moment before cocking her eyebrow at me. She shoves past and makes her way to the living room, plopping down in the chair I had been sitting in, with a huge grin on her face. If she knows, or at least suspects, that she interrupted something she isn't being obvious at all.

"I texted mom," Alice babbles, "So she knows that we are going to be hanging out with Bella tonight. She seemed pretty happy about it, to be honest. So what are we going to do? It's a weeknight or I would suggest we got to Port Angeles for shopping, but it's really too late now. We could always head over to the diner and get some food. I could go for some chili cheese fries right about now."

I looked up at the clock, realizing how late it actually was. Charlie would be home soon and as much as I liked my new friends, I really wasn't ready to bypass that hurdle yet. Who knew what kind of mood he would be in when he got home.

"I say we go for food. I just need to leave a note for Charlie," I reply jumping up and grabbing a slip of paper, jotting down a quick note. Running to my room, I opened my closet grabbing a jacket in case it got cold.

Turning to flip off the light, I stopped and surveyed my room. It only took me a moment to realize something was off. The picture of my mother and I was gone from the picture frame, in its place was a picture of me as a child holding a stuffed lamb. Next to the picture laid the stuffed lamb in question, a knife protruding from its back.

'Way down yonder, down in the meadow, there's a poor wee little lamby, the bees and the butterflies pickin' at its eyes, the poor wee thing cried for her mammy.'

My eyes immediately went to the window, scanning each of the jagged nails that still protruded from the frame. I could hear Alice and Edward in the living room, just slightly over the sound of my own heart beating. Taking a huge gulp of air, I quickly flicked the light off and slammed the door closed.

'Pretending it isn't there isn't going to make it go away.'

"I KNOW."

I stood for a moment, trying to catch my breath as I stared at the door. He obviously found another way in which meant that I hadn't been careful enough about locking things up. The realization was startling and I found myself wondering where I had slipped.

"Bella," Alice called down the hallway. I turned to look at her, noting that she seemed to be watching me carefully. "Are you ready to go?"

'Act normal, they have no idea how fucked up your life really is. Don't you want to keep it that way?'

"Yep," I forced myself to smile as I pulled my jacket on, "I'm all ready to go."

I grabbed my keys off the counter and locked the front door behind us, checking it twice to make sure.

"I know it's probably a habit from the last place you lived," Alice joked, "but you really don't need to lock the door in this town. Who's going to steal from you? Old man Winters."

I forced a laugh through my lips and shoved the keys in my pocket, figuring I would likely be riding with Alice and Edward. I didn't have the heart to tell Alice that I wasn't worried about my stuff getting stolen, it was other things I worried about.

'Like having someone shove a knife through your old stuffed animal.'

The car ride was calming, the normality that I craved. Edward had the radio blaring and Alice sat in the backseat jabbering away about the different teachers at school and the gossip surrounding them. It seemed like she knew everything and had a hard time keeping it to herself.

'That's not a problem you seem to have.'

When we pulled up to the diner I was unsurprised to find Jasper, Rose, and Emmett waiting inside for us tucked in a back booth. It seemed like they did everything in a group and it was something that I was quickly becoming used to.

'Just don't get too used to it.'

Jessica, a girl from school that I had talked to once out of obligation (the teacher had forced us to work in pairs), was our waitress for the evening. It became immediately clear that she had a problem with waiting on us and the glares she was shooting were putting me on edge.

"Are you guys ready to order, or what?" she grumbled her pen poised above a small slip of paper.

'What the fuck is her problem?'

"Cheese fries and a coke," I muttered pushing my menu in her direction before playing with the paper napkin ring around my silverware. I wasn't sure if it was because of the talk with Edward earlier in the day, the fact that I was super tired, or the fact that I had shit to deal with at home but I suddenly felt way too exposed and in no mood to be in a group.

'Nothing can ever truly be normal can it?'

"Don't take it personally Bella," Rose leaned forward conspiringly, "Jessica is in love with Edward. She's just jealous that you are sitting with us, Edward especially."

"Rose," Edward growled warningly causing the entire group to burst into jeers and laughter. I listened as they bantered back and forth feeling like an outcast and wondering why that bothered me.

'It never would have before.'

I could feel myself sinking into a mood, and I stayed silent as they continued to talk. Out of habit, or simply needing something to do, I found myself pulling off the paper napkin ring and tearing it into tiny little pieces. My hands worked quickly and efficiently and I found the actions soothing me back into a place I was comfortable.

Edward stilled the action moments later by placing his hand over the top of mine. I looked up at him sheepishly, noticing he was watching me pretty intently.

'Look at those eyes!'

"I'm sorry," I whispered lightly, noticing that our interaction hadn't drawn any attention (yet), "nervous habit."

He nodded his head, leaning towards me to whisper. "Are you alright?" I wasn't really sure what to say to explain what I was feeling and I knew better than to lie. I shrugged my shoulders, feeling the stress seep back into my consciousness. Edward must have noticed me tense because he frowned a bit and put his hand up on my neck, gently squeezing.

I was so caught up in what was happening that I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings or prepared for what happened next.

'Rule number 1; be aware of your surroundings at all times. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.'

Alright then... As promised, here are a few quick responses to some of your questions and comments from the last 2 chapters…

Sunsetwing
This story is killing me. Please tell me that you are going to give us a clue soon at what is going on.
Of course I am! There are 3 clues I am going to dish out here…. Pay close attention ;o)
1. Every font I use has a purpose. There are a reason things are bold, italicized, ect.
2. I've said from this from the get go, and will reiterate it: Not everything is as it seems.
3. Re-read the summary and the prologue… there are clues in everything (even song/poem choices I use, especially the one in the prologue)

jenn9394
Are the police saying that Renee committed suicide? Was she really killed by James? I know in the last chapter, Bella felt like someone was watching her, and then in this chapter, she believed someone was outside her window, and then a note was left on her windshield. Does that mean that James has found her? Or is this one of the things where not is all as it seems? I can't wait to find out all the answers.
Yes, the police believe it was suicide... Maybe, that's a biggie…. yes/no/possibly/all of the above (Vague enough for you? lol)

amgrant3
I like that the story is confusing. It keeps you guessing, not knowing, wondering!
That's kind of the point! I'm glad you're enjoying it though! I am too!

Edward's-a-beefcake
I am really liking your story and I hope Bella opens up to Edward. You can't do everything by yourself and its ok to ask for help!
You are completely right and I agree 100 percent, sometimes you need help and it is OK to ask! Hopefully you got a bit of what you wanted this chapter. I think it's been pretty clear that Bella will remain very tight lipped about some things… She feels like she has to (and we will find out why shortly!).

**I appreciate all the recommendations for songs/poems. I love checking out the music and a few of you have given really good suggestions that I may use in the future. Keep them coming my way and you may just get a shout out!**

Thanks to Nicki for the song recommendation; this chapter is for you!