Author's Musings: I promise, I will eventually actually get to this damn party, but I wanted to put a little more family bonding, just the three of them. The party is being written as you read this, but I just wanted to get this up just in case I don't actually finish it before my BFF arrives. Because that is how much I love you all.
Disclaimer: only Shannon is mine, the rest are not. Jeez, rub it in why dontcha?!
Chapter 6
The day of the party dawned bright and clear, and I was awoken by the sound of pots and pans banging against each other, and the aroma of fresh pancakes. As I bounded down the stairs, excited about the festivities that would be happening later, I came across quite the sight: Maura and Jane, standing in the middle of the kitchen, covered in what looked like half-stirred pancake batter, I could still see lumps of flour and unbeaten eggs in their hair and clothes. I couldn't help but giggle at the sight, and as they turned their heads away from glaring playfully at each other to look for the source of the sound, their childish grins turned into twin expressions of shame as they realized I had caught them. We were frozen, Jane in mid-throw, a wooden spoon in her hand, Maura scooping some of the sticky batter off of her apron.
"Heyyyy Munchkin, did we wake you?" Jane asked, lowering her weapon. There was still a glint of mischief in her eyes, and that signature smirk was threatening to take over her small smile. I shook my head no, as Maura washed her hands and came over to the breakfast bar
"Here, these pancakes actually managed to cook before someone decided to flick batter at me. Do you want some syrup?" Maura said, her face flushed, flashing me a grin as she gestured towards the refrigerator.
I nodded, "Yes please" I said as I sat down, watching the way Maura and Jane interacted as Jane started cleaning up, while Maura retrieved the syrup. The playful looks between them, the way Jane bobbed her head as she cleaned to a tune only she could hear, while Maura tried to regain her composure, smoothing down her apron after she brought me the syrup, carefully inspecting herself for more bits of batter that she might need to clean off. While I ate my breakfast Maura and Jane cleaned, never speaking, but still communicating through looks and gentle touches. It was like watching a dance, Jane washing dishes and Maura cleaned piles of gooey batter off the counter-tops, never rushing, never bumping into each other. Like they instinctively knew where the other was. I was mesmerized, if something like this had happened in one of my foster homes it would have been nothing but chaos, but this, this was something completely different. It was calm, controlled, the way Maura and Jane cleaned up after their little batter war. Like a choreographed dance. When they were done Jane brought Maura into her arms, kissing her lightly before turning her head to look at me.
"So, you ready to meet the rest of your family?" she asked, her brown eyes doing that thing where they looked like they were staring into my soul. The slight wrinkle in her brow let me know she was worried, probably worried I would have another "attack". But I didn't feel that way, my vision was clear, breath normal. I was just excited, they had all sounded so cool when Maura and Jane had told me about them, especially Frankie and Tommy, my new uncles. Jane told me they loved baseball too, and if it was nice enough outside we could play a game of catch. Maura clearing away my plate snapped me out of my thoughts, and I saw Jane still standing there, waiting. I smiled, a big one this time.
"Yeah, they sound awesome" I said. Jane seemed relieved by my reply, but didn't seem completely at ease. Moving from the middle of the kitchen, she came to stand across the bar from me.
"Look, Shannon, my family is big, and loud, and rowdy, and they are going to ask you a lot of questions and want to know everything about you. I've told them to keep a lid on it, but I know they won't be able to control themselves, they are very excited to meet you" she said, keeping eye contact, trying to convey how much she cared, and I felt enveloped in a blanket of…protectiveness I suppose is the best word for it. Like she wanted to protect me from what might happen. "And if you start to feel like you did the other day, in the closet, I want you to come straight to me or Maura, whoever is closest, and we'll help you, ok kiddo?" The warmth in my heart came back, and I knew that it all came from a place of love. Jane just wanted to protect me from another "attack", and it felt so nice to be understood. In my foster homes, whenever I had an "attack", my foster parents would just assume I was faking it to get out of chores, or homework, and I didn't know enough about what was happening to me to tell them otherwise. Now that I had a name for these instances, and ways to keep myself from having them, I felt much more secure, safe, at ease. Before, I was always on edge, I never knew when something would set off an attack, and sometimes I would have those feelings of panic for days. I wouldn't be able to eat, sleep, or concentrate in school. It was awful, but here with Jane and Maura, I knew I could handle it, because I had them to help me, to talk to about it afterwards, to stroke my hair and whisper words of encouragement during. Just knowing that, knowing that no matter what happens today, that Jane and Maura would be there, was the greatest feeling in the world.
I couldn't contain all the emotions flowing through me, I had to let some of it out, let Jane and Maura know how much it all meant to me. I jumped down from the stool, and ran around the breakfast bar, grabbing Jane in a hug, squeezing as hard as I could, Jane letting out a small "oomph!" at the impact. I buried my face in the soft gray t-shirt she was wearing, inhaling the unique mixture of lavender, laundry detergent, and a scent that was just Jane, being comforted by the aroma. "Thank you" I mumbled into her stomach, and I felt her hands, one resting gently on my shoulder, the other stroking my sleep-mussed curls. "You're welcome kiddo" was her reply. I let go of Jane, and saw Maura standing by the sink, leaning against the shiny metal of the dishwasher, watching us. I went over to Maura, and wrapped my arms around her as well. I knew that I wasn't as comfortable with Maura as I was with Jane, but she was my new mother as well, and I loved her just as much. I hugged her with all my strength, soaking in her scent as well, different from Jane's, but soothing all the less. "Thank you Maura" I said, looking up at her. I could see tears in her eyes, and she wiped at them, sniffling a little before she replied "You're welcome, Shannon"
A clap from Jane's direction made us both jump, and we laughed as we turned to face Jane, breaking the embrace. I could see Jane's eyes were shiny too with unshed tears, but she didn't let that phase her as she reminded us that the whole family would be here in a little less than two hours,
"And that's just enough time for Maura to get ready" Jane said, her eyes twinkling with laughter at Maura's indignant huff of "I do not take that long to get ready! ... Anymore". And at that we all raced upstairs to get ready.
Twenty minutes later I was showered, teeth brushed, hair combed, and dressed in a new pair of jeans that actually made it all the way down to my ankles, new socks that I hadn't worn holes into yet, and a new baby-blue polo shirt, my new sneakers on my feet. The outfit had been picked out by Maura the night before, when she had found me standing in front of my closet, mesmerized by all the clothes that had seemed to magically appear over the last week, unable to pick something out. I had told her that all the new clothes were unnecessary, that I would just outgrow them, but she shook her head at me, smiling.
"Every girl has to have a well-stocked wardrobe, so she can be ready for any situation" She had said. Her smile was infectious, and I couldn't help returning it. Even though I thought it was ridiculous and excessive to own more than one pair of jeans, or to have the same polo shirt in different colors, I had to give it to Maura, she always managed to pick clothes I liked after that first shopping day. There were very limited amounts of pink, and absolutely no frills or lace. Though I had agreed that the jeans with the rhinestones sewn on the back pockets were really cute, and made me feel special, and girly. It was those jeans I wore today, and I looked at myself in front of the mirrored doors of my closet, making sure nothing was wrinkled or out of place. There wasn't much I could do with my hair, Jane had given me a special cream that she used on her hair to keep it from getting frizzy, but even then my hair, laying just to the bottoms of my shoulder-blades, was wild. It stuck out in some places, and all the combing and patting down with my hands didn't do diddly squat. But there was nothing I could do about, so I shrugged at myself, and continued looking my clothes for wrinkles.
A small knock at the door halted my assessment, and I saw Maura standing in my doorway. She smiled, eyes roving over me, no doubt doing her own quick inspection. Her smile widened as she finished, I guess I passed.
"Jane's in the shower, I was just about to go do my hair but I figured I would check on you first, see how you were doing" she said, walking over to my bed and sitting on it. She smoothed my carefully made covers, a habit I guess, before continuing. "Are you sure you're ready? Jane's family can be…overwhelming, I know the first time I saw them all together, it was crazy. And them, in addition to my parents, and our friends from work, if it's too much just tell me, we won't get mad." Her voice was shaky, unsteady, as if she was searching for the right words to say. Her brow was furrowed, and she was twisting the rings on her right hand, she looked as nervous as I felt. But it was a good nervous, like when it was the bottom of the ninth and the Sox were down by a run, two outs, batter on third. Like the whole world was pausing for a moment, waiting to see what would happen. Would they win? Or fail? But I was the batter at the plate, and everything rested on my shoulders, on how well I performed. Before, this would have terrified me, but now I could feel this energy buzzing in my bones, and I knew I could handle it. Because I had people rooting for me, and I couldn't let them down. I couldn't let Jane and Maura down.
"I'm fine Maura, really. Everyone sounds really cool, I'm excited to meet them, I promise" I said, and watched as Maura seemed to relax, a smile spreading across her face.
I promise I won't fail you.
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