I'm back! Apologies for the wait but I assure you it was well worth it! This is big chapter for our two favorite characters. As always owns everything, I only reserve the right to hack it all up. Without further ado...
ONWARD!
BPOV
Jasper! Where the hell did you go? I can't believe he just left me here. I am not cut out for this crap. He didn't even tell me how to track! My basic survival skills kicked in; I wasn't sure if they were from my human knowledge or my new vampirism, but one half of my brain was saying, 'Follow him!' Where the other was saying, 'Don't move. Stay put.' This is ridiculous.
I was starting to panic. What if he kept going? What if he didn't look back; I was going to miss him hunting! Why the hell is that the only thing I'm worried about? OK, Bella calm down and concentrate. I remembered what Jasper had told me earlier; to let my instincts guide me, it's all in my nature. Closing my eyes, I let my hearing flow out around me, catching every rustle, scurry and thump of the forest. Zeroing in on the faintest whooshing footfalls that could have been a running vampire, I could hear more than one of the same sounds. Then suddenly voices flowed on the wind.
I took off again, following the voices. I involuntarily breathed in through my nose taking in the scent lingering on the air. It was clearly Jasper. Picking up speed the scent grew stronger, momentarily clouding my mind with memories of my lips against his. Savouring the spicy aura of old leather, rosemary and lemon I took another deep breath. The voices were louder now, the whooshing gone. Too impatient to stop and listen I ran into the situation blind.
"Bella, how did you find us?" Whipping around Jasper relaxed his stance that had become crouched during my approach. There was another man and woman standing just beyond a fallen tree.
That's a stupid question. "What do I look like a moron to you? I just did what you told me to do as if I was hunting. Considering that you took off on me, you have no reason to be so uncouth." The sharpness in my tone slid across his features like a knife through butter. I could feel the hurt flicker behind his eyes. He opened and closed his mouth a few times as if to say something but nothing came out. Then I remembered the other two onlookers who had amusement written all over their faces.
"Bella, it's finally nice to meet cha'. Charlotte and I have heard a lot about you, in fact, the last we heard you were human? Jasper had been talkin' very highly of you then when you were with Edward. I'm very sorry for both your losses. It is nice to see you join the ranks of the perpetually undead, as sad as that may be for your remaining family."
"Peter, shut up." Jasper hissed his words. "Bella..."
"What the hell is he talking about? Better yet who the hell is he?" I remembered from Jasper's tale that he had made friends with a nomadic couple that helped him escape Maria but why would they choose now to show up on Cullen territory? "Answers people, I need answers Jasper. You may be having a little reunion here but I still want to know what happened to Edward and how I ended up like this." I was royally peeved.
"Please, let me explain them before moving on." He gestured behind him to the tall figure who could have been Jasper's cousin and the slight woman standing at his side. "This is Peter and Charlotte. Do you remember me tellin' you about them?" All I could muster was a nod. "I called them here when you began the transformation. Peter can help us right now, his gift, it can help you." Now we were getting somewhere. I looked on at Jasper encouraging him to go on, not trusting my voice. "He can establish if you have a gift, what it is, and how to control it and its effect on others. Do you have any ideas yet?" Jasper turned to Peter.
"Yes, answerin' your earlier question she does have empathetic abilities," Peter turned away from Jasper to look at me. "But, there's more. She can't manipulate like you can; more along the lines of influence the outcome by changin' the emotions. It only works through touch. She may be able to feel the emotions right now, but she couldn't make me like her from that far away. Say if we were to shake hands she could influence my feelin' towards her. Make me choose to like or dislike her, fall in love or have extreme hatred. She could also change my mind on you or Charlotte, but that would be pushin' it. Maybe in four hundred years, sweetheart." Peter looked at both Jasper and I; my face reflecting his.
"Wow." We both said it at the same time. "So that's why you thought I was projectin'." His words hit me like a brick wall. Did that mean everything that just happened between Jasper and I was fake? That I made him feel that way towards me? Better yet why was I feeling this way to begin with? I loved Edward, Jasper loves Alice.
"Bella!" I was faster than them, I had a head start and I had no idea where I was going. They were following me. I knew they would catch up eventually; Jasper was worried and so were the other two. This was all too much. Could a vampire blackout? 'Cause I don't think I can handle all this.
I stopped dead in my tracks, almost expecting them to run into me from behind. It would have been comic in any other situation. I then sat down on the ground not caring if I got mud on my jeans. Thinking of jeans reminded me of Alice; she wouldn't have dressed me in jeans. Where was she? If there was any time that I needed her more it would be now. "Where are you Alice? I need my best friend. I don't have anyone else right now. What am I going to do?" Saying it out loud didn't make me feel any better. His voice startled me when he spoke.
"You aren't alone, Bella." I felt sadness then. It was almost overwhelming; as I waited for the tears that would never fall again, Jasper moved in front of me on his knees in the dirt. "She left, Bella. Alice ran the day of the fight; no one has had any contact with her. I miss her too." He bowed his head as his shoulders shook with silent sobs. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that Alice would just take off and I also had a hard time dealing with the fact that Jasper was breaking down in front of me. I always saw him as the calm, chill warrior that he was; to see him fall apart at my feet unhinged me.
Through the sadness, anger erupted in my chest. "Why would she do that?" My volume was rising, "Why would she think that leaving would be the right thing to do? Did she not think about you?" He looked up at me through his hair with a dejected look on his face. "Jasper, was everything okay with you two? I don't mean to pry but, you both always seemed so far away from each other even when you were right beside her." Scrubbing his face with his hands he took a few deep unneeded breaths.
"It has to do with the big picture, Bella; I want to tell you the whole story. Not just parts of it. Can we get out of the dirt? It may take awhile to get it all out."
With that, Jasper grabbed my hand and started running. I surreptitiously tried to pull my hand from his; I don't need to go and influence him now. Feeling my reluctant pulls he slowed to a stop and turned to me. "Look, I don't know exactly what you are worried about right now, but Bella, think about it this way: I am an empath, you have similar abilities, and I would know if you were trying to influence me in any way." He was staring me straight in the eyes, holding my gaze so I couldn't look away.
"How can you know for sure? I have no way of...knowing...so everything you said... What about-" He stopped my flow of words with a gentle finger over my lips.
"I told you, everythin' will make sense when you know the whole story. Bella, can you trust me enough to unravel this for you? Let the chips fall where they may?"
"Let the chips fall. I trust you Jasper, I always have." Looking up into his eyes, those familiar black-gold eyes, I almost lost it. As I spoke I turned away from him. "I'm asking you to do this right now because I don't want to feel thisright now, but can you calm me down?" I could feel panic radiating off of him, adding to my already swimming emotions. As he gripped my shoulders I could almost hear the calming waves rush over me. Wordlessly he asked what my problem was. "Thank you." I couldn't chance looking up at him again. "I'm alright now." He still wouldn't let go of me and I couldn't bring myself to tell him that it was indirectly his fault.
He turned away from me and started walking, beckoning me to follow. "I'm not sure what just happened with you but, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and let it slide because I can tell you don't want to tell me." Thank you, baby Jesus. The last thing I need is for Jasper to have that on his shoulders too. "And I also think that it will be revealed anyway. So..." If there wasn't already an air of awkwardness from the kiss earlier, it held at an all time peek for the next thirty seconds. "...yeah. Shall we?" He quirked an eyebrow and nodded in the direction of our destination. Man, that's sexy. Before he had a chance to go anywhere he lifted both eyebrows at me and turned with a quiet grin. Shit! He held his hand out for me this time, giving me the option to take it or not. I chose to take it.
Familiar scents breezed by as we traveled. I quickly realized that we were headed back towards the house. We hadn't crossed the river yet when he stopped me at a quaint little flower garden with a cast iron table and chairs set up under the canopy of tall trees, creating a protected grove. "Esme." It wasn't really a question, more like a statement.
In a quiet voice he responded with the reason for the outdoor space. "Yeah, we're near the house now; it's far enough away that we can't be heard by anyone. Everyone has used it at least once; it comes in handy when you want to be alone with your thoughts," the corners of his lips turned up just slightly. "Or someone else."
I was statue still. My absence of movement caught his attention. It took Jasper exactly five point two seconds to grasp what he just said.
"Why...Holy shit! Fuck. I didn't mean it like that Bella! I'm such an idiot. It just came out; there was never any intention...I didn't mean to offend...he never crossed those lines, always tried to block us as best he could." This time I cut him off.
Holding one hand up; palm facing the vampire who has been reduced to a stuttering heap, I try to hold in the snickering that threatened to escape. "Stop!" Chuckle. "Jas...per, you are such...a...dork!" I was doubled over trying to silence my laughter. When I stood up the alarm present on his face sobered me enough to tell him why I was laughing. "You...you guys have your very own...kissing corner! Holy crap, I can't believe it! You said fuck! And you brought me out here." Jasper still hadn't changed his expression, and his mouth was now hanging open. With one finger I reached towards him, "Close your mouth, you'll catch flies." That did the trick. A small smile crept onto his features, and then slowly fell again. Bella: 0, Awkward: 5.
The awkward slowly vanished as the ever present sadness settled between us again. "Come to think about it, Alice and I never came out here." He absently played with the zipper on his sweater. "But that's not what I thought you were reacting to. I thought when I said about being alone with your thoughts that you were thinking of Edward being in our heads. And I'm allowed to swear, it's not like a crime or anythin'." Just like that, the mention of his name stops the unnatural need for me to intake breath. Jasper tried to cover it up with a joke of sorts but it didn't help much. Well, maybe a little. I felt the anger inside of me flare up at Jasper again. Reminding myself that it may have been his fault that I was now like him, it wasn't directly his fault for Edward's death. Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
"Enough," saying it to myself and Jasper, I tried to gather any scattered thoughts. Which was much harder now, my mind seemed endless. "If we both keep stalling we'll be hear for a year." I decided for myself that I would no longer follow Jasper's lead, and do this for myself; for closure. Sure, I had only been a new vampire for less than six hours but the distraction count was growing. First was my near panic attack about hunting, then sucking face with Jasper, thirdly he ran away from me, then I met Peter and Charlotte, and then I ran away. Steeling myself, I turned and sat down in one of the chairs, hoping Jasper would do the same. "Okay, start from the beginning, please, I'm all ears."
As he took his seat, I noticed him reinforcing his own walls. "I will start from the top but, promise me that you will try your hardest not to interrupt." Choosing to nod, not trusting my voice yet, he started the epic narrative that would change us both.
"When Alice found me in that diner I didn't know what to think at first. Her visions scared me, but I knew I could trust her; I just felt it. Years before we met you, you would have been a young girl; Alice started havin' visions of someone. In the beginnin', they were always blurry; always just out of her grasp. As time went by, things in the visions became clearer: the surroundin's, the weather, and me." I gasped as the reality of what that could have meant played different scenarios in my head. "So, as I got clearer in her visions the other person stayed as a vague outline and silhouette of a girl. This frustrated Alice to no end because she could see enough of the outline, enough colour through the blur that the girl was taller, and she had lighter, longer hair; definitely not Alice." My thoughts were all over the board. Holy Mother of God, could she have seen me? "Do you need a minute Bella, I could stop and give you some time to process." That was the last thing I needed.
"NO! Keep going, I need to hear where this actually goes so I don't come to the wrong conclusions too quickly. Please, continue." Calming myself was what I should have been doing, freaking out was what was really happening.
"Easy Bella, I think you have the right idea. Don't rush ahead though. Over the next two years the illusions of this person kept showing up at the same times, same dates, and some were even triggered by the same people. Alice's vision was always myself and the mystery person; we would be walkin' or runnin' and laughin', holdin' hands. I think that's what bothered her the most; having to see me that way with someone else. Anyway, this is where you start to come in, the first day you showed up at school Alice was supposed to have one of the recurring visions. She didn't. Instead, the dates changed; instead of your birthday, your first day of school and the day we voted on your future they came on the day Edward brought you to the house, and the day he left. The one date neither of us could put a label on was three days ago. In hindsight, we understand the meanings of those dates now, but we couldn't have known those dates would be changing factors in our lives."
There were some things that made absolute sense and others were as clear as swamp water. "Okay, so what you are saying is that Alice really did see me coming, she was just looking in the wrong spot. Edward would trigger the visions on my birthday and because he was in my biology class on my first day." I was getting lost in my own thoughts trying to put things together. "I don't get it though..."
"You are still missin' a big chunk; maybe if I carry on things will get clearer for you. Try and stay focused on the bigger picture. After we met you and got to know you a little better, Alice started seeing you in her visions more. You were always clear as day so Alice assumed that it wasn't you in her other visions. At least that's what she told me. Then your birthday happened. I hated myself so much for reacting, that when Edward told us he wanted us all to leave with him I didn't even protest or make a fuss. I regret not fighting to stay. I regret what I did that day."
He couldn't look me in the eyes. His face was downcast; hiding behind his golden hair that fell just below his eyes. Before I could say anything to reassure him that I didn't hold him responsible for what happened he rushed on into his story. "After we came back and everythin' was relatively the same Alice started to become distant, mostly from me; spendin' more time with you or Rose. When we would talk she was always resentful towards me, whether she realized it or not. I always chalked it up the other stuff going on: the imminent attack from Victoria, keepin' an eye on the Volturi, and just everything that was stressin' her. In the many years we had been together Alice had never really kept a secret from me, never really pushed me away to keep me out. The days leadin' up to the attack she spoke to me only when she needed to. She allowed me to take over for her, doin' everythin' to prepare everyone." He looked up, straight into my eyes, "That scared me the most."
I had the sudden urge to hold him, and to bitch it out on Alice for neglecting Jasper. I still don't understand how her visions of this random person fit in with it all. Still angry, I butt in right as Jasper was about to speak, "That wasn't fair to you. Why would she cut you out like that? If she was having an issue you could have helped her, made her feel better instead of pulling away from you." My voice was getting louder. "I mean, you both were going off into battle for Christ's sake! Did she even let you hug her for safety before everyone left? Gawd, what an ass!" My words just spilled out like vomit; making a mess.
"You have no idea what you are talkin' about!" His outburst caught me off guard. The depth of his accent came out very clearly. "You really have no idea what I'm tryin' to tell you, do you?" he was on his feet and towering over my seated position. "Bella, I was tryin' to tell you this slowly, so it could sink in, but you really don't get it?" The question was answered by my silence. "Bella! That was you in all of her visions! The night before we left, Alice came to me sobbin' because her vision cleared! She just started talkin' through her cries, it was almost impossible to understand her at first. She told me the reasons she was distant, why she hadn't even looked at me in a week, and why she didn't...love me the same." My face whipped around to find his instantly. I was blank. As we stared at each other he said the words that I didn't want, but needed to hear. They didn't warm me as they should have. In a flat voice he delivered them, "Alice had really been seein' us clearly together for a month. She was convinced from a long time ago that it was always you she had seen; the dates are proof of that. It wasn't really a shock to me that it was you, but we couldn't figure it out. How I would end up with you. How Edward...would just give you up." Instead of stopping to let me think he just blew through the rest of the story with a pained expression. "Before we knew it, Alice and I had to leave for the battle; and yes, Bella, she did let me say goodbye to her. Alice and I will always love each other in some way, always. The only part that bugged me the most was that I didn't feel guilty for saying goodbye. The remorse that I should have been feelin' wasn't there. Alice felt the same. We both ended it on good terms that both of us understood, that both of us could live with.
The kicker was that at the time we didn't know it was our end. We left for the battle as a couple, fully expectin' to come back after it and try to work through what was really goin' on." If I could have shed tears, my shirt would have been soaked. "The fight started off just as we had suspected, the newborns were ravenous and dimwitted. I was keepin' check on everyone, Alice, Esme, Carlisle, and Emmett in our clearin' and you and Edward in yours. I have to ask you this before I go on: Bella, are you starting to remember anything from before?"
His question was simple enough, but I couldn't make my voice work because I was remembering things. Only flashes as he mentioned little bits here and there, but it was enough. I slowly nodded. Closing my eyes was the worst thing I could have done but I found it almost impossible to open them. He took both my hands in my lap and I noticed that his were trembling a bit. "Okay, I'll try to say this gently. I'm goin' to assume that from where you were sittin' when I got to the cliff that you watched all of it. Did you watch Victoria kill Edward?" Suddenly I didn't want to hear anymore. But I knew I had to. So I nodded again. "I'm sorry Bella, we couldn't save him. Victoria severed his spine twice. It was a futile recovery. I'm so, so sorry." Feeling my desperation, Jasper brought my hands around his neck and held me, just rocking gently until I calmed enough to hear what else needed to be said.
"Sometime from when I left the clearin' and when everyone else showed up by the rocks, Alice had slipped away. No one knows where she is, and she hasn't tried to contact anyone. We didn't find her anywhere so she is definitely alive, but where, I have no idea. I also have no idea why."
There was an infinitely long pause and I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to say something. My mind was reeling with memories and mental images of Jasper fighting and Alice silently running away. As if a light bulb was turned on in the back of my mind understanding grabbed hold of me. "Of course! That's why she would have run! You said that she was seeing us clearly in her visions, so when I decided on how I was going to distract Victoria she would have seen me holding your hand and kissing your cheek! It would have been in real time too because she had just been fighting beside you. She would have seen your torn shoulder and the clothes that she packed for me. Hell, she could have seen it all. If she had seen Victoria decide to take Edward's head off she could have already been on her way." Jasper looked startled. He didn't say anything.
From his body language I thought he was going to freak again and defend Alice. He tensed to an almost statue-like state. I realized that we weren't alone anymore. From in between the trees a dark figure materialized.
"Hello Bella, Jasper."
Well, that's all folks! I hope that taking so long with this chapter and the evil cliffie isn't too much for you all to handle. I'm sure you all can! So, it was a really long one, there was a lot of information given and who could it possibly be hinding in the bushes? Laurent coming back? A missed newborn? Or could it be someone else? Cookies for whoever figures it out!
Until next time...
[Jazz]