Chapter VI
Tadase Hotori exited out of his college classroom, meeting the outside of the foreign place called Massachusetts. It was starting to become cold. He saw the trees beginning to change into the warm colors, of reds and browns. He wrapped his scarf around him, covering the bottom half of his face.
"Eyy, Tadase!" One of the male students patted his back as he walked by. According to Tadase, if he could remember, the young boys name was Jack. It reminded him of his old friends back in Japan. The first Jack Chair to him, in his elementary school days. Kukai Soma, how excellent he was, and how much of a man he had become. He had begun to date his non-blood related sister, Utau.
Tadase felt terrible of how he had mistreated his friends back in Japan. Especially to Amu. Especially Amu. There was so many things happening to him all at once he had to get back on his feet, he had to leave. He needed a fresh new start. With his grandmother's passing, with Ikuto coming back into his life, with Kiseki gone… Yes, Kiseki was gone. His best friend ever since he was grade school. He was lost without Kiseki, but technically speaking - he wasn't. He wanted rule, he wanted rule the world himself and he was. Becoming himself, he was king of himself and that's all that mattered to him.
Kiseki's disappearance happened after one of his dates with Amu after school, he had walked her home.. He was already graduated since he skipped a grade, so in his spare time he would work certain jobs here and there. Though during the time he couldn't just stick to it, he couldn't handle the fact that all he would be returning to was just a cold empty house. No other person but him. Not his grandmother or any of his family to wait for him to come home. Not even his non-blood related brother. Not even his sister who has such a busy schedule anyway. Amu was the only one who occupied his loneliness. He didn't want to depend on her too much, he couldn't possibly keep bugging her of just being with him. So he relied on his guardian who always protected him, helped him in the toughest times.
"I've seen how become so at ease with the joker," Kiseki told him as Tadase plopped on his bed to relax. Tadase release a slight smile,
"For the last time Kiseki, her name is Amu. She's not the joker anymore, nor I king. The only king I am is myself."
"So you've come to realize your would-be-self?" Kiseki floated in front of his owner. Tadase's eyes flew up at the guardian's words, he knew. Golden flakes started to surround the small king. character. He had slowly drifted into Tadase's palms.
Tadase could feel the faint flakes one his skin, as if they it was snow itself. He could feel his tiny friend becoming fainter, and edging closer to his heart.
"Kiseki, I don't want you to go." Tadase felt his eyes begin to sting.
"I'm not going anywhere, fool, " Kiseki spoke sincerely at the mocking name and looked up at his crying owner, "I'll always be here. In you, because," Kiseki began to exude tears himself, "I'm you, Tadase." Slowly, Kiseki's egg came together and entered inside Tadase's heart. He had grown up. He could feel his guardians warmth swell inside Tadase's chest. His tears kept overflowing, and he clutched at his shirt.
"Dammit," he swore between his sniffles, "thank you, Kiseki. Thank you, for everything."
That day Tadase began to look at schools and scholarships. He had to leave, he had to go, he needed a fresh start. He took lessons in English already, he might be rusty so he began to self study with it again. Then, he cherished the moments he had with the pink haired magical girl he fell in love with. As he was parting ways, he kept silently apologizing to her. The rest was history.
To him it still felt like it was yesterday that he left Japan. Him still getting used to reading English instead of kanji. It was all so different. The first time he read kanji here was when he was out with some acquaintances. Just reading the menu all he could, he missed it. Though one day, he had a gotten a letter. Written with neat kanji, it was Amu's handwriting. With his name addressed to him. It was light, she might not have written as much. He figured maybe she would at least write him a ten page essay of how much he hurt her. The envelope was flat, so there was bound to be one or two pages in there. He didn't open it, he deserve this letter. He didn't deserve her kindness, not after what he's done.
How he missed that pinkette though. Her smile, her unique laugh. Tadase was never able to get over those features of hers. She began to earn freckles across her nose and body from the blazing sun when she joined the tennis team. He was so proud of Amu, that she was breaking her shell. That she was becoming more herself, like Amulet Heart. He wondered, if she grown up more like he did. Before he left, Ran had only disappeared. He could definitely understand the pain Amu had felt when she had lost Ran. Tadase could finally understand her more. Though, she would have three more to discover herself. He couldn't help but wonder of what she was up to now. He never stopped thinking of his first official love. He definitely needed to apologize to her, he needed to apologize to everyone in general.
He kept in touch with his non-blood related siblings though. His childhood friends, Ikuto and Utau. Not as much as his sister since of her touring but Ikuto and Tadase had been getting along a lot more than they ever had before. Though, Ikuto of course still has his teasing, but Tadase knew that was part of him. That was just Ikuto's way of saying he gets along with someone. He got a little too acquainted with Amu and he never gave her up.
Tadase still felt as if there is still a battle between them, he felt so silly for fighting over a girl but… Amu wasn't just any type of girl. She was a magical girl, filled with such life and love, who couldn't fall in love with her. He could understand why Ikuto would want her too, but he didn't want to give up. Not after all he's been through. Though Ikuto has had worse. Being brainwashed and all, being used as a puppet. His parents basically abandoning him. Tadase felt so much pity for his older brother, but he wasn't going just let him get what he wants so easily.
Amu chose Tadase, and he hoped she will still choose him. Especially what he had done to her. That he broke his promises of always staying by her side. He felt such depression that he didn't even want to do anything anymore. Even moving into a new place didn't help him at all. All he did was sleep and eat. Sometimes not sleep and not eat. He tired of it, he was tired of just being so… boring. He was tired of just feeling so sad all the time he just wanted to end it all. Every now and then, he even thinks that if he did end it all, things could be better.
Not for Amu though, he knew for a fact that she would never forgive herself if she ever found out about him being like this in general, and if his life just ended. She would be even more lost. So would he. She was the only person he strived to do anything. To be better, to be a better person for her. To grow up, for her. He just wanted to apologize, only if he could.
Knock knock
Tadase broke out of his thoughts, he seemed to doze off as he was walking to his dorm. He turned as his roommate entered with a few envelopes in hand.
"Now, I don't know any other languages, but I know you do. So I'm guessing it's for you." He handed the letter to Tadase, as he looked over at the kanji. Written perfectly in his name, in his native tongue. It was perfect, the return address was from the pinkette. Amu Hinamori. He admired the ink that seeped into the paper, how her calligraphy was just overall in perfection. Especially the way she had written his name. As if she poured her every soul into it. He could only wonder how much time she had spent writing to him. He wondered how she could know where he was, but then again he knew his brother could have something to do with it. He wasn't mad about it, rather he should thank his brother. For giving him this opportunity to apologize once and for all.
The envelope was thick. There had be at least three pages in it. Maybe more, he could know if he only opened the freakin' letter! Without anymore hesitation, he forced himself to open it. But very carefully, he made sure not to damage of the envelope itself. Opening it's flaps and seeing the lined paper inside with some random words he could read. Slowly he set the case of the lettering to the side and unfolded the pages. He saw some of her doodles at the side of the paper, he couldn't help but tug a smile at them. Her art had greatly improved from the last he saw her drawing. He then began to read:
Dear Tadase,
AN: Yooo, sorry peoples. I'm in the middle of moving, and I had no inspiration to write any of the stories I had. Don't worry I'm working on them though, just super super slowly from my writers block. Thanks for being patient with me. Happy Reading.