Author: VictoriaEsme

He's snoring obnoxiously and has been since they'd got in several hours ago. They'd worked the night shift (and the day shift preceding it) and they were worn out. Jacob gives another irritating snore and on any other occasion she would have replied with a sharp dig to his ribs but today Connie simply gives a sigh which comes from deep within her lungs. She's exhausted. Her eyes are burning and her limbs feel heavy but there's not a single cog in her brain that's willing to stop turning and allow her to fall asleep.

She's scared.

Terrified in fact and she hates herself for it. She feels weak for even admitting it, if only to herself.

Connie gingerly rubs her lower abdomen in an attempt to settle her stomach, a low lying nausea nudging at the her sleepy haze. She tries to distract herself with the mid morning light that's attempting to peak through the curtains but her efforts are futile and it isn't long before she's forced to take several deep breaths to ease the nausea that feels vaguely reminiscent of a period that now feels like a lifetime ago.

Jacob and Connie had married last year on a beach, their toes in the sand and sun in their eyes. They'd had four guests in total and they'd had 14 year old Grace as their bridesmaid. That night they'd talked about children in earnest, aware that time was ticking. It had been Jacob who'd announced that he loved Grace like a daughter and frankly didn't feel like he was missing out on being a father because of his strong bond with the teenager.

They hadn't talked about it since.

Jacob gave a long snore reminding Connie that he was there. She hoped he would wake and stay asleep all at once as she rolled over with a sigh, the sudden movement making her feel nauseous once more.

"Connie?" Jacob grumbled, roused by her movement. Connie felt her breath hitch in her throat as she suddenly forced her eyes tightly shut, pretending to be asleep. Her heart hammered against her chest until she heard Jacob's breath even out indicating that he'd gone back to sleep.

Connie couldn't deny that she felt sick (although she'd desperately tried to all week). At first she'd put it down to something she'd eaten and then a bug but in absence of her period and in addition to an unusual craving for cucumber, Connie was being forced to admit that perhaps she might be pregnant.

Pregnant.

It sounded absurd. She was the wrong side of 40 and already the mother to a 14 year old (who was going on 24). Connie allowed a wave of fear to wash over her. She couldn't be pregnant, could she? Connie found herself wondering if she deserved the chance to be a mother once more. She hadn't exactly got it right with Grace and while their relationship had improved tenfold there was still a lot of unresolved guilt that they'd never worked though. Connie doubted that they ever would.

Jacob would good for Grace. So good. He helped give her the stability she so desperately needed. He could be there to pick her up from school, drop off forgotten PE kit and attend last minute netball matches whilst Connie was stuck in board meetings. He'd helped her to flourish as a kind, gentle and loving young woman. A daughter that they were so proud to raise together. Connie allowed herself to picture them then as perhaps a family of 4 and soon a timid smile pinched at the corner of her lips. It soon faded as the fear took over once more.

Connie rolled over feeling perhaps more restless than before. She debating getting up but her legs burned at the mere thought and her sudden craving for coffee repulsed her. Connie gave a shudder but was soon forced to clamber from the bed, her hand clamped to her mouth.

She'd barely made it to the bathroom before Jacob was by her side. As she slumped by the toilet Jacob crouched beside her, one hand holding her hair from her face and the other rubbing soothing circles into the small of her back until the sickness finally subsided. Her throat burned and Connie almost let out a strangled sob. It put her in mind of being pregnant with Grace but she had been so alone and now Jacob was here and already making things better without even knowing it. Connie allowed herself to sink back into his embrace for a short moment before embarrassment took over and she scrambled to her feet, washing her face at the sink.

"What was all that?" Jacob asked softly when she straightened up, one hand holding a towel and the other hanging shakily to the sink.

"I think I'm just overtired" Connie mumbled avoiding his gaze as she dropped her eyes to the floor. Jacob frowned but found himself giving a soft nod as he opened his arms to her once more. Connie stood staring at him for a long moment before she stepped into his embrace, her shoulders finally relaxing as he held her close.

"Ready to go back to bed?" Jacob asked, his voice as soft as she'd know it. When Connie gave a nod he silently lead her back through to the bedroom. He fussed around her for a while finding her a cold glass of water and a flannel. When he clambered into bed beside her Connie instantly curled into him, her head on his chest. He'd silently noted her reluctance to do so that morning when they'd got in from work.

"Sorry I woke you" she offered then, her voice no more than a whisper. She soon felt warm, wet kisses on her forehead.

"Don't be silly" he assured her. "Do you feel better now?" Connie gave a nod despite the low lying nausea which had only threatened to settle. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" Jacob asked, absently running his hands through her hair. She'd been 'off' for a few days now and any attempt to ask her about it had been brushed off. The nurse watched as Connie considered his question for a long moment before simply stifling a yawn. Now in his arms Connie was unable to ignore her exhaustion and soon found her eyes growing heavy. Worried about being left awake when Jacob went back to sleep she quickly gave into the sleepily haze which washed over her.

Several minutes later it was Connie causing the soft snores. Jacob smiled, his lips in her hair as he kissed her softly.

"Love you" he mouthed before relaxing once more and closing his eyes, willing sleep to wash over him too.