Joe sat motionless, leaning forward in his chair. Quagmire had his arms crossed, refusing to look Joe in the face, and there was an ominous, unsettling silence.

"I don't think I understand you right." Joe said, pressing a palm to his forehead.

"Whatever, Joe. Okay? Forget I said anything." Quagmire said, picking up the wine bottle, forgetting that he had emptied it a while ago.

"No, but, Quagmire- do you realize how crazy this sounds?" Joe said, "I mean, it's not possible. You know that. Any kind of future, any kind of relationship. It's not possible. At all."

"I fucking know Joe, okay? I know."

"I don't think you do." Joe said, his voice tinged with a concern that made Glenn's skin crawl, "I mean, this isn't just… this isn't just like 'oh that wacky Quagmire!' I mean...you've been carrying on an affair with our friend's daughter. And I mean, from what I understand about it, you are both very emotionally involved."

"Does that make it better or worse, Joe? That I might care about her?"

"Worse." Joe said without hesitation, "Quagmire, you aren't a relationships kind of guy, and you know it. I might be able to let this go if it was just a fling, or if you were just hooking up with her. I mean, she's perfectly capable of making her own decisions and you're both technically available, but… you don't do well with relationships. And she's fragile."

Quagmire scoffed "How would you know anything about it?"

"Because she fell in love with me, Quagmire."

Glenn raised an eyebrow at that and considered a moment.

"You didn't fuck her, did you? I mean, can you still...you know?"

"No! Oh, god no! And fuck you." Joe said, furrowing his brows, "Remember when Bonnie went out of town for a few days and she had Meg check in on me and Susie? Quagmire, all I did was tell her that I wasn't embarrassed to be seen with her. She let it get to her head and she fell head-over-heels, and fast. It's just in her nature, and with someone like you… it's just a volatile situation from all angles."

Quagmire was quiet for a while, running over his conversation with Joe, as well as the things he had said to Meg this morning. He had been truthful with her, after all. He did care about her, but what Joe was saying made sense. All his serious relationships failed, after all, and Meg was only 19. She didn't have Glenn's life experience, she didn't have the strength of character to handle relationships and rejection at the same level he did, and that was something that he had forgotten.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He looked to Joe, seeing if he had heard it, but Joe hadn't reacted.

"I'll be right back." Quagmire said and went into the bathroom. He looked at the phone, it was from Meg. He read the message a couple times before thinking a moment and sending his reply. He reached for the door handle, but reconsidered a moment. He took out the phone and selected Meg's name, deleting the text history, before replacing the phone in his pocket and coming back out to the living room.

"You've given me a lot to think about, Joe." Quagmire said, looking at his friend. Joe raised a questioning eyebrow.

"So what are you going to do?"

"You said it yourself, Joe, Meg and I aren't just hooking up. We're both emotionally involved, which means we need to work it out together."

"I don't know that I can trust you to do that, Quagmire." Joe said, "I mean, if she were anyone else I might just leave it alone, but this is Meg. This is your best friend's daughter. You've known her for how long? I mean, you're practically a third parent. You didn't just take advantage of Meg, you also violated Peter and Lois' trust."

"Last year I told Peter explicitly what my intentions were." Quagmire said, crossing his arms, "And after they came to the cabin to stop us and Lois told me to stay away for a while, I did just that, but I never said that it was never a possibility. Not to mention, as a point in my defense, that I was not the one who sought her out- by her own admission. I'll admit, it was just casual fucking at first, but now it's become more, and it isn't, nor was it ever, your business."

Joe sighed through his nose, shaking his head softly.

"I'm disappointed, Glenn. I don't know why, though. I want to say that I thought you were a better man than this, but we both know that's not true."

"I guess it's not." Quagmire said, crossing his arms over his chest, "You may see yourself out now, Joe."

Joe shook his head and turned around. He paused at the door, looked back as if he wanted to say something else, but apparently thought better of it and left. Quagmire shut the door behind him and bolted it. He considered watching Joe to see if he would go to the Griffin's, but he had a feeling he didn't have to worry about it. He pulled out his cell phone, flipped back and forth in his contacts for a few moments, then dialed.

"What the fuck do you want?" Brian answered.

"Are you with her?" He asked.

"What's it to you if I am?" Brian said.

"Just, excuse yourself or something. I need to talk to you."

There was a moment of silence, then Quagmire heard some murmuring, shuffling, and the sound of a car door.

"What." Brian demanded.

"I need to end this, Brian." Quagmire said, "and I swear to you that if you help me you will never have to see me again. I think that would be in our mutual benefit."

"I'm...I'm listening." Brian said.

"I need you to make an excuse for Meg tonight and take her to an address I'll text you, then go back to my house. I'll leave more instructions on the coffee table."

"You'll leave Meg alone afterwards?"

"You will never see me again." He promised. Brian was silent for an uncomfortably long time before sighing.

"Okay."

"Have her there by 5." Quagmire said, then hung up. He sent Brian the address, then set his phone down. Looking at his clock he groaned. He needed to sober up, he needed to take a shower, he needed to meet Meg in four hours. Better get started.

Meg stepped out of Brian's car, folding a lock of her hair behind her ear. Brian smiled kindly at her from the driver's seat.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Brian?" Meg asked, her voice uncertain. Brian smiled and nodded softly.

"You know you can't just not see him again," Brian said, "and maybe, I don't know, this will help."

"Why do you want to help him?"

"It's not helping him, it's helping you." Brian offered, "I mean, you like him, right?"

"Well...yeah." Meg admitted.

"I want you to be happy. If Glenn Quagmire makes you happy, well... I'll be there to support you."

"...Thanks, Brian." Meg said and shut the door behind her. Brian watched Meg disappear into the hotel restaurant, his chest feeling heavy, before starting the car again and driving away.

Quagmire was already at a booth, glass of wine in hand, when Meg came in. He raised his arm over his head, beckoning her to the table. She looked radiant. She wore a blue dress that flowed like water from the cinched waist. She had a black shawl, black pumps, and had curled her hair oh so slightly. He suddenly felt self conscious in his sport coat and light blue undershirt, but brushed the feeling aside.

"Hello, Meg." He said, motioning her to sit. She did so, sliding into the booth opposite him. The waiter approached and after a set of judgmental eye sweeps, took their orders and sauntered off.

"So...Glenn-"

"Listen, Meg-"

"I just-

"I need-"

They were both quiet for a long stretch, then Meg spoke first. "I didn't... I was wrong. This morning." She fiddled with her dinner napkin, "You were right to worry, and when Joe saw me leaving your house everything kind of came out. He didn't tell my parents though."

Quagmire smiled and leaned back in his chair, running his finger over the rim of his glass, before finally saying, "Do you want to get out of here?"

"But, our food?" Meg said, glancing around for the waiter.

"Don't worry about it." He said, "I got a room for the night."

He kept his gaze on her as she thought for a moment, then blushed furiously.

"Glenn!" She scoffed.

"C'mon, baby." He said, standing up and offering her his arm. She took it, her face heating in the passing glances of the other diners as they left together, arm in arm, toward the elevator.

Meg woke up blearily, her face pressed into the pillow. She sat up, momentarily confused as to where she was before remembering that she had stayed the night with Quagmire in a hotel. She pressed her palms into the silky sheets, pressing herself back down into the pillows and moaning softly and smiling.

"This room is so nice, Glenn." She said. She reached out her hand to feel the other side of the bed, but it was cold. She opened her eyes and leaned up, looking around. There was no sign of him.

"Glenn?" She asked, sitting up in the bed. She let the sheet slip away from her bare body as she stood, pressing her feet into the plush carpet.

"Glenn?" She leaned around the corner, looking into the bathroom, but there was nothing. Even the spread of miniature soaps was untouched. She frowned and went back into the main room, looking around at the other side of the bed. His clothes were gone. She searched around the room a little bit more, her heart sinking in her chest, before seeing a note on the door.

Meg,

Thank you for everything you have given me.

-Glenn

Meg, crushed the note in her hand, then spun around to find her purse. It had been flung haphazardly into a corner the night before. She pulled out her cell phone, but realized with a thud that Quagmire's contact information, as well as their whole text history, had been deleted. At a loss, Meg gathered up her clothes from the night before and put them on before going into the bathroom and washing the old makeup from her face, pulling her hair back into a plain ponytail and picking up her phone again and dialing a number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Brian."

"Oh, hey."

"Can you… can you pick me up?" She asked, hearing her voice betray her.

"Yeah, Meg. No problem."

"Thanks."

"Your parents think that you were at a school dance." Brian said as they pulled up to the house, "I told them that you crashed at a friend's house last night."

"I haven't been in high school for a year." Meg said, eyebrow raised, but at a look from Brian she sighed and nodded, "Yeah, I know."

"They mean well, you know." Brian said, "They care about the big things."

"No they don't. My nineteenth birthday, my high school graduation… they have never cared."

"They care, Meg. In their own way." Brain said, "I won't give an excuse because I don't understand all of their processes, but I know that you've had your moments with them in the past."

"Brian… I think that the only people who have ever cared about me have been you and Quagmire."

"Look, Meg- about Quagmire."

"I know, Brian. You were right about him the first time. You knew he would-"

"No, Meg… you don't understand." Brian interrupted, "Quagmire… Quagmire's gone."

"What?" Meg asked, "Do you mean… like, he… did something happen?"

"No, no, nothing like that, Meg. He's not, like, dead, or anything, he's just… gone. He moved."

"Moved? He was with me last night." Meg said incredulously.

"Go take a look." Brian said, gesturing to Quagmire's house. Meg stepped out of the car slowly, looking from Brian, to Glenn's house, and back, before beginning her walk. No way. Brian was just yanking her leg. Maybe Glenn had to work this morning and had forgotten, that's why he left her sometime in the night. Maybe Brian had seen him driving early this morning and mistook it for something else-

The living room was empty. The giant bay window was blank, the curtains having been torn down, and the room inside was completely bare. Meg gasped lightly, her brain searching for a brief moment, before she reached into her purse and pulled out her copy of Glenn's house key. It still turned in the lock and she opened the door.

Everything was gone. All the furniture, all the rugs, all the paintings, everything. His bedroom was barren, the bathroom stripped, the closets all cleaned out. Everything that was Glenn Quagmire in the house, aside from the paint on the walls, was gone. Suddenly overcome, Meg sank to her knees in the center of the naked bedroom and cried into her hands.

Brian watched Meg disappear into Quagmire's house before pulling out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. He opened it, pressing the folded corners against the steering wheel before reading over it again.

Brian,

I've been in Quahog too long. A few weeks ago I was offered a promotion from the airline, but it required a relocation. I've always lived light just in case I needed to get away, I just never thought I would need to do it. I've hired a moving company to come through and clear out my house tonight, I need you to let them in while Meg and I are out. I don't want her to know where I've gone. My disappearance is as much for her as it is for me. I'll send you my new address in a few days, so if you could look out for any mail that needs to be forwarded I would appreciate it.

I can't believe that, out of everyone from my life here in Quahog, you are the one I can trust the most in this matter.

May life be kind to you, Brian.

I still hate you.

-Glenn Quagmire

Brian sighed and ripped up the note, pressing the ripped pieces back into his pocket, and stepped out of his car.

~Six Days Later~

Meg tiptoed into the kitchen, keeping an ear out for movement from upstairs. She couldn't sleep tonight, like many nights, and came down to see if there were any leftovers that would be good to eat cold. She opened the refrigerator, but frowned in disappointment before closing it again. She was about to go upstairs before she heard Brian's ringtone coming from the living room.

The phone was the only light in the living room and Brian was nowhere to be found, he must have left it behind. She thought he was in Stewie's room tonight so she grabbed it, intending to take it up to him, before the name on the screen caught her attention.

G. Quagmire.

Wait… Quagmire? Glenn? Why would Glenn be texting Brian? Why would Glenn be texting Brian and not her? She bit her lip, glancing upstairs, before opening the message.

G. Quagmire

1303 14th St, Palm Beach Gardens Fl 33410 . Thanks, Brian.

Anger flared in Meg's heart, staring at that Florida address, before a realization dawned on her. Glenn hadn't disappeared. He had for a while, but now she knew where he was. She had an address, an address he didn't know she knew. As the plan blossomed over her mind, she felt herself smiling. He had loved her. He hadn't said it, but she knew… she had always known. Glenn loved her, and she loved him. And now… there was a way.

She took Brian's phone and pressed it to her chest as she padded carefully up the stairs and back to her room. After closing the door softly behind her, she flipped open her laptop. It didn't take long to find the flight tickets. $300, but a small price to pay to see Quagmire again. She stared at the screen for a long while, studying the tickets and the price, before pressing 'Submit.'

A/N: I did not anticipate this story to turn into what it did. I originally anticipated this to be a short little story, maybe three chapters at most, and instead I have this 13k-word beast that has consumed my life for the better part of a week. Well, now it's out, and I hope y'all liked it.