Don't Add Me!
Rating:T
Summary: Gauken Slash!AU: Welcome to the wonderful world of Alfred F. Jones. He recently moved with his family to this new town that he totally can't remember, but that's not important. What's important is showing that trash-talking Russian commie who's the real King of Popularity. First things first…find him on FaceBook. RusAme.
BrooklynBabbii
…
Err. Uh. Well, it's been a while, hasn't it, guys? *coughs in the silence* Blame Tumblr, it kept me distracted. You all should follow me, so we can chat. The link is on my profile, amidst my nonsense reblogs, I do talk about updates and new ideas I have.
.:New Feeds:.
Alfred F'reaking Awesome Jones updated his status to: "Well...that was awkward to say the least... :/"
Nov. 17th, 20XX. 1:36 PM. (via Mobile)
Francis Too-Sexy-For-A-Shirt Bonnefoysays: Could be worse. Have you seen some of the others, yet? Gilbert screwed us all.
Nov. 17th, 20XX. 2:13 PM.
Francis Too-Sexy-For-A-Shirt Bonnefoysays: Oh yeah, and accept my Candy Crush invitation! I need more friends to join me!
Nov. 17th, 20XX. 2:14 PM.
Alfred was rudely awakened by his alarm clock, begrudgingly reaching his arm out into the cold air and smashing his hand along the dresser until he found the snooze button – when he found it, though was already up by the time it had gone out. He groaned, sleep done with, as he dragged himself up and he got up. He yawned, loudly, scratching his stomach, eyes still crusty with sleep.
Last night had been...informative, in a way.
Kinda.
His mother had barged into his room, while he had been doing some math homework – he could get math, but he didn't get shit out of Spanish, woot – and she said they had needed to have a talk. Alfred had assumed that she had gone through his phone and ran through his text messages...but she had given him back his phone, actually looking kind of guilty.
"Al," she had said, "I'm..sorry, alright? I kind of blew up at you, and I'm sorry." Her blue eyes flashed then, as she hurried crossed her arms over her ample chest, "I'm still mad at you." Her socked foot tapped on the ground, as she narrowed her eyes. "Tell me, Alfred. When was the last time you got in this much trouble"
"Uh..." Alfred began, his face burning a bit, as he knew he had to answer, "When, I got caught with an older guy...?" His face, alone, asked if the answer was acceptable.
His mother's expression said it was not, and she furthered how he was wrong. "Correct, but you left out a couple of details – said 'older guy' was almost 20, Alfred, you had been 14. And might I remind you – you got caught with his tongue down your throat, in your fucking bed, and with the bedroom door wide open."
Alfred looked down at his feet, chuckling dryly, that story never got old. Man, he had been such a dumb ass, he had seriously thought he had heard his parents say that they were going to work late that night.
But his mom was right. Alex, excuse him, Alexandru had truly been kind of obsessed with him at the time. Practically in love with Alfred, he had driven him around and taken to places, bought him a bunch of shit that he had wanted and hadn't really needed, and didn't even push for much. They had only kissed a couple of times, that he remembered.
It probably hadn't helped the situation when he found out that Alfred had lied about his age – the American had been tall for his age – and had nearly labeled Alex as a sexual predator and child molester. The guy had been only an inch from straggling Alfred that day. And had it not been for the ugly break up that followed, he might have been labeled as one.
Alexandru had basically dropped Alfred then and there, well...until recently, Alfred had recently added him back on FaceBook, after his 16th sixteenth birthday...and Alex had added him back. They texted a couple of times, but the older male was still a bit cold towards for the whole thing. But it was kind of to be expected, not to say that Alfred was a little sad about it. He liked having nice things for no reason.
"Al?"
"Huh?" Alfred said, zoning back into reality. He really did need to pay attention. His mother sighed, and went to sit on the bed, hugging him. "I love you, my little moron." She socked him gently in the arm, and he made to sock her back, but she growled and said, "Hit me, and I'll shove your fist so far down your throat, your fingers will touch your damned balls."
Needless to say that Alfred had put his hand down real quick. And people wondered where Alfred got his language and temper from. Hm. Obviously not his polar bear of a dad, honestly, Alfred wondered how his parents even met – his mom was basically a walking time-bomb and his dad was like the human reincarnation of Pooh Bear.
"But yeah," his mother continued, "Like I had been saying before you zoned out like a weirdo -" She flicked his nose playfully, allowing a small smile, as he wrinkled his nose just like she would do. "I said that I don't mind shortening your sentence and giving you back this -" Alfred's eyes were lightening up, and then he heard the catch, " - If you tell me what your attachment to that little boy you were all up on, at that party."
"Uh..." Alfred began, face reddening, as he stammered, thinking back to that night. While most of it was fuzzy, the things that kept him awake at night and not for any of the good reasons – those memories were not; they were crystal clear. "Well, uh, see what had happened was..."
His mother was grinning, leaning back on his bed, waiting, as she decided to scroll through his messages. Now Alfred didn't have Ivan's phone number saved, but...since, he still occasionally talked to Alex, he had changed his name for the case of 'mistaken identity." He had named the contact: "Red", after Alex's natural reddish eye color, that and the guy really had a thing for red, any red at all looked good him.
Which, coincidentally, his mother had pulled up – the contact had been with a red palette for a icon picture, thank God, but as she said, "Isn't 'Red' what you used to call that Ivan kid back in elementary school?"
Alfred gulped, and his face darkened to the deepest red, "UH...!"
Her face was confused for a moment, and then she connected pieces with no seeming relation, as her mouth made a 'o'. "Oh...oh. Oh! Oh crap – shit – fuck!" She tossed the phone from hand to hand, like in hot potato, and then to Alfred. Her face was red, "I didn't mean to read your love notes." Alfred blushed harder. She had read those? Had she read the responses too?
FUCK.
"Although, I gotta say – he's quite the poet, isn't he?"
FUCK.
"MOM," Alfred began, face redder than a ripe apple, "Please get out."
"Don't get knocked up, okay?" She teased, pinching his cheek. "He sounds like a good guy, keep him – just don't get caught on FaceBook again, dear – or making out again with the door open."
With that, the little woman was gone. And Alfred shut the door, thought for a moment and locked it. He knocked his head with his hands a couple of times, and then laughed bitterly, as he looked down at his phone. It bleeped – 1 new text message:
"Im srs bout the kissin thing, keep ur door closed"
"Good night, Mom!" Alfred shouted through the wall, still able to hear her laughter from downstairs. He groaned. Why couldn't he have a normal life – oh, that's right, his family was fucking weird as shit.
The next day was even weirder. Well, for Alfred anyways.
He got up, and went to take a shower. Then, his phone rang - he answered, like any good phone owner would do, and...no one answered him. Silence. And then, they hung up. Alfred ignored it. Shrugging it off, and going back to take his shower. He came out, like nearly a half hour later, and saw he had missed a call. Frowning, he tried to call back. The line opened, after two rings -
And, again, they hung up again, without saying a word.
After that, Alfred put his phone on silent, thinking something must have been wrong with it. He shoved it into the pocket of his jeans, purposely avoiding one of the looser pairs and going for a nice dark pair. He ripped a checkered black and white button up over an even darker t-shirt. He was just tying his shoes, when his pocket gave off the slightest light. He eyed it, not pulling the phone free, and then the light was gone. Alfred went back to tying his shoes, and then going down to breakfast, with his schoolbag in tow. Whistling a tune, he gave a specific series of knocks to his brother's door, getting the reply of "I'll be done in a minute, Al!"
Breakfast was much better, despite his mother's side jokes. His dad was clueless, actually finding them funny as he drowned himself in coffee and pancakes, before kissing his wife good bye and telling both his boys to behave for the day. Alfred's mother continued to tease him, until it was time for him and his brother to catch their ride with Arthur. Alfred found his cheeks pinched and "molested", as his mother made kissing faces and Mathew watched on in horror.
"Oh my God, Ma! Please stoooop!" Alfred complained, and the minute that she let go - the boy was out the door, yelling out good bye and snatching his book bag. Mathew paused, to sigh and take up their dirty dishes to put them in the dishwasher. "Mom, do you think this is helping him?" He asked, as he gathered his things.
She smiled, "Maybe not, but it's fucking fun." As she laughed, Mathew rolled his eyes, and kissed her cheek before he said good bye and went around the corner to see Alfred already babbling to Arthur and whining.
"She's onto us, Artiiiiie," Alfred whined, "She wants to separate us! For good, this time!"
"If you don't get the fuck off of me," Arthur began. "I will kick you so hard in your balls." Alfred immediately let go, dropping his dramatic face and pouting, "Bitchy, much?" Arthur huffed.
"Gilbert and his stupid pictures got me on probation, Alfred," Arthur explained, still in a bad mood. "My car restrictions are for school only, and then the key goes back to Angus. Not only that, but the fat twat is telling Father. As if that old bastard will do anything but bring up the fact that it's mother's fault for leaving us, if not this is what I get for hanging around you."
"He still doesn't like me, because of the tea incident?"
"No, Alfred," Arthur said, a bit of a grin escaping him, as he got in the front seat to start the car. "And I doubt he ever will like you again - that was still a brave stunt you pulled, though. I'll give you that, it made me laugh to see him get so flustered." Alfred laughed with him, as Mathew walked up and got into the car. Arthur pulled out the driveway, accelerating down the road to pick up Francis, and seeing the other blonde leaving his house with a last word to somebody in the house. The French boy frowned, and said something back and then slammed the door, glaring. He got in the car, and almost immediately, his bad mood was sensed.
"Mona blamed you?" Arthur started, pulling back into the road and driving off. Francis huffed and nodded, "For the huge mess she made of the house, while I was helping Nana the other day. Little liar." Arthur sighed, shaking his head, and making a move to change the radio station. Francis said he would do it, and let the Brit concentrate on driving as he handled the radio himself.
But what none of them escaped to find, when they approached the school parking lot was Ivan by his own car. The taller teen was waiting by the door, as if he was waiting on something...or someone. As Arthur parked the car, and the group made to get out, Ivan pushed himself off the wall. His face was placid, as he stood at the stairs, looking down on them, then finally he shouted down to them, "Hey. Alfred. Could you come up here and talk to me, for a moment?"
Alfred paused, debated on whether or not to answer, considering how he didn't like the Russian, when said taller teen shouted down, "If you don't come to me, I'll come to you, I'm tired of you avoiding me. I need to talk to you. It's about the party."
Fuck my life, Alfred thought. Why couldn't anyone see he didn't want to talk about the party?
Status Feed: Alfred F'reaking Awesome Jones updated his status: "Ba-da-bing! I'm baaaack! Who missed me? :*"
Arthur English-Gentleman Kirkland says: Good for you, now shut up, it's 3 AM.
Nov. 18th, 20XX. 3:42 AM. (via Mobile)
Alfred F'reaking Awesome Jones says: artie wait -
Nov. 18th, 20XX. 3:42 AM. (via Mobile)
Arthur English-Gentleman Kirkland says: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU FUCKING WANT?!
Nov. 18th, 20XX. 3:43 AM. (via Mobile)
Alfred F'reaking Awesome Jones says: ily,artie, thnkx 4 answerin meh status – LATER BITCH.
Nov. 18th, 20XX. 3:44 AM. (via Mobile)
Arthur English-Gentleman Kirklandsays: YOU FUCKING TWAT.
Nov. 18th, 20XX. 3:46 AM. (via Mobile)
/facedesk and rolls into fiery pit of lava/
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