Disclaimer: The characters, places etc. belong to J.K. Rowling

A/N: A big big SORRY for not updating for ages! I had a pretty strong writer's block and just wasn't able to continue writing. But now the story is finally finished in German (one more chapter after that) and I will update as soon as I finished translating it!

Chapter 6:

Sirius' POV

Damn, damn damn, damn it all! Why did I have to be such an idiot and agree to a massage from Remus? I should have known what would happen!

Frustrated I hit my hand against the tiled wall of the shower a few times, and then leaned my head against it, while letting the icy cold water run over my body.

I thought that it would be getting better if I distanced myself from Remus but, by the looks of it, it was actually getting worse. Damn it, would it always go on like this? Would I never be able to touch Remus without my body reacting so strongly?

It had been nothing more than a completely normal and harmless massage and still… Remus' hands on my back had felt so damn good! And I hadn't been able to stop imagining how they would feel on the rest of my body and I really had had to pull myself together and stop myself from simply turning around and kissing him or doing God-knows-what.

I punched the wall once more and made a frustrated sound. How long was this supposed to continue? I wouldn't be able to endure this much longer. And I didn't just mean my current state but the whole situation. If this would really be going on until the school year was over and I wouldn't see Remus every day anymore, then I would definitely go insane! Or do something incredibly stupid that I would regret forever.

But the way things were looking right now I was nonetheless about to destroy our friendship. If I continued behaving like an idiot, Remus would realise that something was wrong (if he hadn't already), and that the whole thing with getting-a-girlfriend-as-a-distraction wasn't working out had been made pretty clear just now. But I couldn't just tell Remus the truth. Oh man, if something wasn't happening soon, I'd really be going insane!

"Sirius? Are you alright?" OK, that's not what I meant when I said that I wanted something to happen…

"Yes, I'm fine!", I called in the direction of the door over the rush of the water. I just hoped I didn't forget to lock the door! If Remus was coming in now… No, I shouldn't even think of that.

"Are you sure? You were practically fleeing earlier…"

Of course Remus wouldn't just give up like that. "I wasn't fleeing. I just thought that, uhm, a hot shower would be good for my aching muscles. And you know how I am. As soon as I have an idea I have to put it into action at once!" OK, that sounded even to my ears completely ridiculous. I definitely had thought up better excuses before. But thinking while being completely frozen wasn't very easy.

I turned off the water before I was catching a cold and grabbed my towel.

It was strangely quiet behind the door, had Remus bought my excuse after all and went away? That would surprise me, but I wouldn't complain, if that was the case.

I put on my clothes after I had dried myself off, then open the door… and came face to face with Remus, who was leaning against the doorframe and had obviously been waiting for me. And judging from his expression he hadn't believed a word of what I had said earlier.

"Uhm, hi!", I said intelligently, and then quickly added, in the hope that I wouldn't sound like a complete idiot: "If you had told me that you wanted to use the bathroom too, I would have hurried up some more. Anyway, it's free now." With these words I tried to push past Remus, but he took a step sidewards and blocked my way.

"I don't need to use the bathroom. But I finally want to know what's wrong with you. And don't even try to make up more stupid excuses. You're only acting strange when you're around me, so it must have do something with me. And if I did something, I want to know what!"

"You didn't do anyth…", I started but Remus cut me off, with a suddenly concerned look on his face.

"Why are your lips blue?", he asked and reached out to touch my face. I held my breath, but he had already pulled back his hand and his expression changed from puzzled to concerned.

"You're freezing! What where you doing in there?"

"Uhm…", I felt my face getting hot. I could hardly tell him that I had badly needed a cold shower because of his massage, after all.

But what if I simply confessed everything? Tell him why I had acted so strange lately? I looked into Remus' face, who looked at me questioningly and with a still slightly concerned look in his eyes. But what if I told him and then this look would change into disgust?

"I can't do it!" I shouted, and when I realised that I had said that out loud, I added: "Tell you, I mean. I'm sorry, really, but I just can't do it!"

With these words I pushed Remus out of the way and walked towards the dormitory door, even though I knew that running away again was the stupidest thing I could do right now, and Remus would most likely never forgive me for that.

And the look that Remus gave, just before I pulled the door shut behind me, was a clear sign that I was most likely right with this assumption.

James' POV

There was a cold war going on between Remus and Sirius for a few days now and it was starting to drive me mad. Not only because they were most of the time acting like the other didn't exist but then stared at each other behind their backs for ages when the other didn't notice, but also because they were in a bad mood all the time and you couldn't have a normal conversation with them any more, not even when I was alone with one of them.

Sirius was then constantly whining about that he had screwed up completely this time and that he missed Remus, and Remus took turns in acting like everything was alright, just to then drop "vague" hints of how disappointed he was with Sirius because he apparently didn't trust him, especially since Remus had always put so much trust in Sirius.

I would just love to tell Remus what the matter with Sirius was, but I had promised Sirius to keep my mouth shut, so I didn't. But I would do something, if the situation stayed like this. Especially since I was now absolutely sure that Remus loved Sirius back and I definitely wouldn't allow their friendship to get destroyed, just because Sirius was too much of a coward to finally confess his feelings to Remus.

"Argh! There has to be some way to open the eyes of those morons without having to break my promise!", I exclaimed and put my head on the table, on which I had originally tried to finish an essay, practically last minute, but hadn't come very far because my thoughts kept rotating around Remus and Sirius and how I could help them.

"Planning another prank?", I suddenly heard a voice directly behind me and I jumped and spun around. Hadn't I been alone in the common room just a minute ago?

But as soon as I saw who was standing behind me, I wished that I hadn't jumped like that or at least managed to hide it better.

"Uhm, hi Lily…", I stammered. "Shouldn't you already be in bed?" Great, now I surely sounded like her mother.

Lily shrugged. "I couldn't sleep and wanted to use the time to work on my Transfiguration essay a bit more. And what are you doing here at this hour? Planning your next pranks, now that you're allowed to again?" Lily's voice had got a lot more icy during her last words and I knew that I shouldn't say the wrong things now. On the other hand, I wasn't planning pranks at all, but Lily had the ability to make me feel guilty for no reason at all.

"Actually, I'm trying to write that Transfiguration essay as well, but I can't really concentrate on it. But don't worry, the reason for this has nothing to do with any kind of pranks.", I explained.

"I see.", Lily said. "Who did you mean with "those morons" then?"

"Remus and Sirius.", I answered shortly. Please, please, don't ask any further, I think it's awesome that we're talking in a normal way right now, but I still can't tell you, what's the matter!, I thought, but like it's always the case in situations like this, the complete opposite happened.

"Then there did something happen between them!", Lily said thoughtfully. "I thought that they were acting strange lately."

OK, that is really observant of you, but I don't like the direction our conversation is taking at all!

"Uhm, speaking of that essay…", I tried to change the subject, but Lily interrupted me at once.

"Hey, no change of topic! Remus is my friend too, well, something like that at least, but anyway, I'm worried about him too, and I want to help him if he has problems!"

"I think Remus' main problem is that he doesn't know himself, what his problem is.", I murmured more to myself than to Lily.

"Oh! So I was right with my assumption that he fancies Sirius!"

Uhm, what?, I thought and then repeated it out loud. Why the hell did Lily know about that?

"Didn't you notice?", Lily asked back.

"I did. But why do you know about that? Uhm, there's no definite proof or anything, Remus never talks about what's going on in his head, but I still think it's true. But why do you know about that?" I repeated.

Exactly how close were Lily and Remus that she knew so much about him? And why had he never told me? All the possibilities that could have arisen out of that… I could have got so much information about Lily from him… I really had to have a word with him tomorrow!

Lily shrugged. "Well, I never was completely sure myself, I just had a feeling… It's a bit hard to explain." Lily was apparently looking for the right words but then gave up and looked at me invitingly.

Looked like it was my turn to explain now. But I promised Sirius that I wouldn't talk about it with anyone.

"I'm sorry, Lily, but if I told you I would be breaking a promise and I won't do that! But I think it's great that you want to help Remus!"

Lily smiled. "And I think it's great that you're keeping your promise. And yes, James Potter, that was a compliment, so stop looking at me like that."

Lily laughed and I blushed. Partly because my reaction to her compliment had been so clearly visible and partly because she really looked great when she was laughing.

"So, how far have you got with your essay?", Lily finally changed the subject before I might have let something slip after all.

"I'm not even halfway finished.", I admitted with a sigh.

"Let me see it!"

"Why?", I asked somewhat suspicious. Lily was a bit too friendly to me this evening (or rather: night), something had to be amiss!

"So that I can help you, of course!", Lily laughed. "It's faster if I help you and you don't have to sit down here for the rest of the night and I can get some suggestions for my essay. So, what do you say?"

"Sure thing!", I said and hoped that I had managed to hide my nervousness this time. Lily actually volunteered to spend time with me! I must have fallen asleep over my homework and would surely wake up any moment now.

"OK, let's get started!", Lily sat down next to me at the table and pulled my rolls of parchment over to her and started to read what I had written so far.

About three-quarters of an hour later we were done and we had even managed to have a normal conversation without Lily running away in a rage or complaining about me in any way. Most of the time I had even managed to not act like a complete idiot for a change and the few times a stupid comment had slipped through my lips, Lily had only rolled her eyes but hadn't commented on it. And once I had even managed to make her laugh!

At the moment I was feeling like I was floating a few inches over my chair and if I'd come across Snape at the moment, I suppose I even would have given him a friendly greeting, that's how good my mood was right now.

Lily yawned and then got up slowly. "Well, I'll be off to bed now.", she announced and started to pack her things.

"Uh, yeah, I suppose I should too.", I replied, even though I could have spent the next few hours just sitting here next to her.

"Oh, by the way, there's going to be a Hogsmeade weekend in two weeks.", she then said casually.

"Ah, right, I totally forgot about this." If you could go to Hogsmeade through a secret passageway whenever you wanted, the Hogsmeade weekends sort of lost their charm.

"Would you like to invite me to a Butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks, then?", Lily continued in almost the same casual voice as before.

It took me a few seconds to realise what she had said but then my jaw dropped. "You… you mean…", I stuttered and when I was unable to finish the sentence, Lily helped me along: "Yes James, that's exactly what I mean: You can take me out on a date. But don't get all smug about it now. As soon as you start to get on my nerves it's over."

"Sure, of course. I'll behave." I still couldn't believe it! All those years waiting for that exact moment and here it was!

"Well then, good night!"

"Night!", I muttered, without really noticing. And when I finally woke up from the stupor I was in and was capable off getting up and making my way towards the dormitory, the common room was empty again and Lily had disappeared into her dormitory.

Remus' POV

James had finally done it then. Well, not entirely, he still had to proof himself at the Hogsmeade weekend, but the fact alone, that Lily hadn't just agreed to go on a date with him, but had actually been the one to ask him, was definitely a giant progress. I had almost given up hope that this might ever happen and naturally was happy for James.

"And you're completely sure that she was serious and not just taking the mickey out of you?" Sirius apparently still couldn't believe what James had announced to us a few minutes ago, after spending the entire morning in a daze and we had started to get really concerned about him.

"Of course she was serious!", James said indignantly. "Why would she want to take the mickey out of me in such a way?"

"Well, she never could stand you up until now…", Peter chimed in.

"Exactly!", Sirius agreed. "Why would she change her mind all of a sudden? I mean I'm happy for you if she did, but don't you think it's a bit strange?"

"Well, she'll have seen how much effort I put in for her lately and that's why she wants to give me a chance!", James replied somewhat annoyed. "You really must have a high opinion of me if you all act like there's a conspiracy going on, just because Lily happens to be nice to me for once!"

"Yes of course, we secretly think you're a complete imbecile and all those years of friendship were just an act.", Sirius said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "We're worried about you, you moron!"

"You should congratulate me instead of worrying. Soon Lily Evans will be my girlfriend and after school we will move together and get married and…"

"Oh no, not again!", Sirius grumbled, but James didn't even seem to hear him.

"Lily Potter… sounds good, doesn't it?", James muttered while staring off into space with glassy eyes.

Sirius started to turn over in my direction, but then he seemed to remember that we weren't talking to each other anymore and instead turned towards Peter and pulled a face to make fun of James' daydreams. I felt a stab in my chest, usually it was me he was making those faces at when James started to gush over Lily.

But I still wouldn't give in so easily. It hurt to be not on speaking terms with Sirius, but he still hadn't shown the slightest signs that he was willing to explain his behaviour, and I was sick of being taken for a fool. His behaviour definitely had something to do with me, that I was sure of, and if Sirius had some kind of problem with me, than he should damn well tell me, instead of lying to me all the time and acting like everything was alright, when it was obvious that it wasn't.

I had always let Sirius get away with too much, partly because I didn't want to loose his friendship at any cost, but now I would stay strong and not just forgive and forget everything as soon as Sirius looked at me with those puppy dog eyes of his. Of course I was still scared of losing him as a friend, even though I was on my best way of doing just that, but I also didn't want to have any unspoken things standing between us, which were somehow my fault and were apparently bothering Sirius quite strongly. But it still got harder with each day to not just give up and go over to Sirius and apologise, even though I wasn't even the one who should do the apologising.

I glanced at Sirius from the corner of my eye, who was by now talking with James and laughing about something he said. I felt the stab again and suddenly wished that Sirius was laughing like that about something that I had said. Damn it, I couldn't take that situation much longer!

"Are you alright, Remus? You look like you have a stomach ache.", Peter suddenly asked and I smiled at him comfortingly and told him that everything was alright.

"Oh, I see! Getting angry at me for not talking about everything that's going on in my head, but not being better a single bit!", Sirius called at once.

"That's a completely different situation.", I countered. "But please, if you're so eager to know, I was just thinking what a shame it is, that you just won't tell me what your problem with me is." Great, and just like that we were fighting again. That's not the way I imagined our first talk after days to be!

"Hey!", James warned, but we were both ignoring him.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't have a problem with you!", Sirius hissed and I finally lost my temper and everything I had been racking my brain over these last few days was blubbering out of me: "And I'm supposed to believe that? You're avoiding me for weeks now and evade every touch, while you act completely normal around everyone else! As soon as we're alone for a while and I start to think that everything's back to normal, you suddenly flee the room as if I did God-knows-what to you. And then you tell me that this has absolutely nothing to do with me? How stupid do you think I am? Don't you think it hurts when you're treating me like that? When you obviously have a huge problem with me and can't even tell me what it is?! Do you think I don't worry about it and don't ask myself what the hell I did wrong? And everything you do is come up with all kinds of excuses!" I felt tears well up in my eyes and I angrily wiped them away.

Sirius looked at me with a shocked expression and then said quietly: "I'm sorry! Honestly, I didn't want you to worry. I…"

But he got interrupted by James, who had jumped up from the armchair he was sitting in, and for some reason looked furious himself. "OK, that's enough! Remus, you come with me!"

James went over in the direction of the portrait hole and indicated with a motion of his head that I should follow him.

Sirius, who had been sitting on the floor, jumped up as well. "James, what are you up to? You promised! Don't you dare…"

"Oh, shut up, you already messed up enough!", James interrupted him and then grabbed my arm, because I wasn't following him quick enough and pulled me out of the common room.

For a while he just dragged me along, while walking quickly and ignoring all my questions about what was the matter, but then he found an empty classroom and dragged me inside and slammed the door shut behind us. Then he turned around and glared at me and I instinctively took a step back. I had never seen James so livid.

"What's the matter?", I asked again and James didn't answer this time as well, but he seemed to calm down a bit.

"Sorry, I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at the entire situation. And at Sirius. I'm seriously starting to wonder how he ever managed to end up in Gryffindor!" James anxiously ran his hand through his hair and apparently seemed to consider how to phrase whatever he wanted to tell me.

"You know what's the matter with Sirius?", I asked and James nodded.

"Yes, but he can bloody well tell you himself. Now that he thinks that I'm telling you everything, he might even do it."

I raised an eyebrow. "So you merely dragged me here to make Sirius think that you're telling me everything?"

James smiled. "No, until we arrived here I was really planning to tell you. But I promised Sirius to not tell you anything and even if I think that you have a bloody right to know, it wouldn't be right if I did." James sighed and continued: "There's something I want to ask you though. You don't have to answer me, but I want you to honestly answer it to yourself."

I looked at him in a puzzled way and James ran his hand through his hair again and then looked me straight in the eye.

"OK, I can't think of a way to phrase it better, so I'm just going to ask you directly: Have you fallen in love with Sirius?"

What?! I stared at James with wide eyes. Where did he get that idea? Why should I be in love with…? But then it hit me like a sledgehammer and suddenly everything seemed to make sense. Why I was a lot more at ease when Sirius was around than I ever was with anyone else and why it hurt so much that our friendship was about to break apart, why I couldn't stand Sirius' girlfriend even though she had never done anything to me, why Sirius merely needed to look at me and I was at once willing to do anything for him… Why had I never seen that before? And what was I supposed to do now?

James put his hand on my shoulder and asked: "Do you want me to leave you alone for a while?"

I merely nodded, because I wasn't able to make a sound at the moment, and after he reassuringly patted my shoulder once more, James left the room and left me alone with my wildly spinning thoughts.

To be continued…