Chapter 6

I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't seem to figure out why Rosalie blamed me for my grandfather's mistake. I never tried to expose them. Why am I making a big deal out this? I don't need Rosalie's opinion.

"I think it's for the feeling of being accepted," Edward said, I sat up.

"Oh great, now your a shrink?" I asked sarcastically.

Edward chuckled, "No, I just want you to feel accepted, and so does Bella. She sees that you're hurting, and it upsets her."

What is he talking about? I feel accepted.

"Do you?" he asked.

"Yes, I do."

Edward shook his head.

"Really, that's weird; I thought I heard you think 'Why does Rosalie blame me for my grandfather's mistake?'" he said.

"What, I did not think that," I said.

"So now I'm hearing things?" Edward asked.

"Well no, not exactly. I did think that, but I also said I don't need Rosalie's opinion."

He looked at me.

"Jake, Rosalie's not evil. I mean she may be pushy, but I wouldn't go as far as evil."

I laid back in the bed.

"She almost backhanded Emmett, because he didn't agree with her," I explained.

"Okay, so she has some issues."

"I do not have issues, Edward Anthony," Rosalie said.

I didn't see her come up.

"Neither did I," Edward mumbled.

"So Edward, you think I have issues. Now, What issues do you mean?" she asked.

"Not now Rose," he said, "Night Jake."

Rosalie and Edward walked out arguing the whole way. I was so tired. I never thought that one person could be so exhausting. Finally, I let the day slip away, and went to bed.

* * * * * *

"Rosalie, wait," Carlisle yelled, as Rosalie pounced toward me.

There was no doubt in her eyes that she was planning to kill me.

"Babe, chill out," Emmett said trying to restrain her.

Edward ran behind her and grabbed her arms, Emmett and jasper joined in.

I tripped over a branch, trying to run. It was no use. I was going to be Rosalie's meal. She pushed them off her.

"Rosalie, I'm sorry. I would never," I pleaded, before she grabbed me by my neck.

"Never what, Dog?" she asked.

I couldn't breathe. Rosalie's grip on my throat tightened.

"Cat got your tongue? Let me help."

She threw me to the ground, and I gasped for air.

"If you're going to kill me, do it already. Why make me suffer more than I already have?" I begged.

Rosalie began to tear me apart with her teeth, each bite burned more.

"No, please stop," Bella cried, as she covered her eyes.

The burning was gone, Rosalie was gone. All I could see was Bella. She was crying, as she looked at the ground. I walked over next to her. I tried to rest my hand on her shoulder, but my hand passed right through her. I looked down to see a body lying on the ground, cover in blood and cuts. Then I realized I was looking down at myself. What Rosalie had done to me?

* * * * * *

I felt my body move.

"Wake up sleepy head," Bella said.

I touched her face.

"I'm up."

She smiled at me.

"How did you sleep?" she asked.

I wanted to say horribly, but I didn't.

"Great, thanks Bells," I lied, "How about you?"

"Good."

"Hold on Bells, my phone's ringing," I said.

Bella nodded.

"Hello? I said.

"Jake, what's up dude," Embry said.

"I just woke up," I said.

"Sam's been looking everywhere for you. Where are you man?"

"That doesn't matter. Where's Sam?" I said.

"Ah dude, you're with Bella, aren't you?"

"Where the hell is Sam?!" I demanded.

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you, actually I have no idea where he's at. He didn't say, he just said that if any of us heard from you to tell him."

"Okay, tell him I'll meet him at Emily's," I said.

"Okay Jake, I will."

"Bye."

"See yah, Jake. Oh and have fun with Bella."

"Shut up."

I put my phone on the bed.

"Sorry Bells, I gotta go," I told her.

"Okay, bye Jake."

"Bye."

I threw a shirt on and walked downstairs.

"Jacob, are you leaving, already?" Rosalie said sarcastically, with a frown on her face.

I move so close to her that my face was only inches away.

"Yah, I have a life to get back too, when are you gonna start?" I whispered.

I backed away.

"Urgh! Why can't just kill him and move on with our lives."

"Rosalie, we don't think that way. Jake is like family," Carlisle shouted, "Jacob, will you be returning?"

"I think so, but that all depends," I said.

Carlisle looked confused.

"Depends on what?" he asked.

"If my Dad find's out where I've been," I said, "Edward, I'll call you if plans change."

"Okay Jake."

I walked outside to my car. Why was Sam looking for me? Did my Dad send out looking for me? Did Sam even know? All these questions kept ringing through my head the whole way to Emily's house. When I came up on her little house I parked on the road, and sat in my car for a few minutes.

I took a deep breath. Not knowing what was going to happen when I opened the door. What if my Dad's in there? I didn't want to think about it.

I got out of my car, and slowly walked up to the house, and rang the doorbell. Sam opened the door.

"Jake, nice to see you again, where have you been? Billy said you ran away," Sam asked.

"I had a lot to sort out, and I needed to do it on my own," I said.

"Jacob, you're never alone."

"How? I'm alone all the time."

"What is that in your pocket?" Sam asked.

"My cell phone?"

"Exactly, you're not alone, because if you were, Embry couldn't have talked to you, and what about the pack?"

"What about them?"

"They are always in your mind, even more so as an Alpha. Jacob, you want to hold the responsibility of the whole pack, and you can't even control your own life," Sam explained.

"I can control my life," I said.

"Why did you come here?" he asked.

"Embry said you were looking for me," I said.

"You came, because Embry told you to."

I was in control my life, and I could easily take over the pack. I didn't need Sam to tell me I'm out of control!

"Jacob, why do you think I called you here?"

"I don't know. If I knew that why would I be here?" I asked.

"I didn't call you here to yell at you," he said.

"Then why did you call me here? Because it seems like that is why."

"I was worried about you, I don't want you to lose yourself. I think that you should be more involved in the pack."

"I am involved in the pack," I said.

"Really? When was the last time you phased?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"I think you should start remembering. This is a great responsibility you hold Jacob, and you are wasting it. You're not going to live forever, and you can't avoid being who you are."

"A monster?" I yelled.

"Jacob Black, you settle down."

"Why should I? My life is so screwed up, that it's a shock I haven't tried to kill myself. I mean Edward, Mr. Perfect even has flaws. He tried to kill himself, and nothing was even wrong. There is no denying what I am. I am a monster, born and designed to kill," I yelled.
"Jacob, you don't have to be like that."

"I don't have a choice. Do you know that I almost killed Bella last night? I couldn't control myself in my car. I am dangerous, we are all too dangerous. I'm starting to think that what Edward used to say about us, that we were all monstrous mutts, is true."

"Jacob, hold your tongue."

"I'm done here, done talking, done with this living hell called my life."

"Stop Jacob. You are forgetting who you are."

"I know exactly who I am. I'm a monster.

I walked back to my car.

"Jacob, please don't do anything drastic."

"Good bye Sam."

I got in the car and called Edward.

"Hello, Jake?" Edward said.

"Edward plans have changed and I'm not coming back."

"If you don't mind me asking, what are your plans?" Edward asked.

"Do you ever question why you are here, what your purpose is on this God forsaken planet?" I asked.

"All the time, why?"

"I've started asking myself those questions, and I used to know the answer, but lately I just don't know. I don't know anything anymore."

"What's this have to do with anything."

"You asked what my plans were?" I asked.

"Yes," Edward said.

"I don't know my place here anymore."

"Jake, just please, get to the point."

"Edward I am planning to take my life."

"What?! Jacob, there is never anything bad enough worth killing yourself over, because no matter how it looks now it will get better, and I know that from personal experience. You don't want to do this Jake," Edward argued.

"I've made up my mind, and you can't stop me."

"Think of what this will do to Bella, to your dad. You haven't even thought about them!"

"I have, and I am tired of the arguing with my Dad, and I am tired of almost hurting Bella. I have to do this."

Edward

"Jacob, taking you life is stupid and unnecessary. You never have to do anything."

What was he thinking, taking his life. I needed to stop him, but he'd never let me.

"Edward, my time is done here."

Jacob hung up the phone. I needed to stop him. I couldn't just let him kill himself. I ran upstairs where Bella was laying in Jacob's bed.

"Hi Edward," Bella said as she gave me a kiss.

"Bella, I need your help," I said desperately.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I need to get a hold of Sam, do you have his number?"

"No, Jake does though, you could ask him," Bella suggested.

"No I can't, it's about Jake."

"What happened to Jake," tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'll tell you on the way to Sam's house, let's go."

"Okay."

I pulled Bella out to the Volvo.

"Buckle up."

I punched the gas and sped down the driveway. I didn't have long to get to Sam and stop Jake."

"What happened to Jake?" Bella asked.

"He's confused, lost."

"What, where is he?" tears streamed down her face.

"I don't know."

"What happened to him?" she cried.

"Jake thinks that he would benefit everybody if he..." I stopped myself.

"If he what?!" Bella screamed.

It hurt me to see her in this much pain.

"Edward, tell me. If he what?!" Bella yelled.

"If he took his life." I said softly.

Bella covered her face, and began to scream.

"No! He can't do that! Doesn't he know how much I need him?!" Bella cried.

"He thinks that he's a monster. He said he can't keep hurting you."

"No! He can't do this, Edward, we have to stop him."

"I know."

We pulled into Emily's driveway. I helped Bella out of my car, and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"We have to stop him, we have to," Bella cried.

We walked to the door and rang the doorbell. Emily answered the door.

"Sam!" she yelled.

"What's wrong Emily?" I heard Sam say.

"It's a vampire."

Sam stood up from the kitchen table and made his way to the door.

"Edward Cullen?" Sam asked.

"Sam, I know you are probably wondering why I'm here," I explained.

"Yes I am."

"Do you know where Jacob is?" I asked.

"No, but I just spoke to him an hour ago."

"He called me, and told me this ridiculous idea that he was a monster, that he couldn't keep hurting people."

"He told me the same thing."

"And you're okay with that?" I yelled.

"He'll sort it out, and if he needs help he'll find it."
"Did he tell his idea of sorting it out was taking his life?" I yelled.

"What?!" Sam yelled.

"Jacob said that his time was done here. He is planning to kill himself."

Bella busted into tears.

"Sam you have to help us," Bella begged.

"Did Jacob say where he was headed?" Sam asked.

"No," I said.

"Hold on."

I nodded.

Sam phased into a massive werewolf with dark fur. He stood there for a few minutes, before phasing back.

"I've warned the pack. They are all running patrol, looking for him, I want you to check Forks."

"Okay," I said, "Bella why don't you stay here with Emily."
"Good idea Edward. Bella, Emily's in the kitchen," Sam said.

Sam phased back into a werewolf.

"Let's go."

Sam nodded.

I got into my Volvo and sped down the road, we had to find Jake.

Jacob

Life is useless to me. I am nothing but a disgrace and a monster. I need to do this. I stood at the top of the cliff where I last thought about suicide. Everything looked different. I had a different view on the world. I ripped the necklace that Bella gave me off my neck, and tied it around my hand.

I knew how I was going to do it. I was going to track down Victoria, and ask her to kill me. Finding her was not going to be easy, but it is possible. I still remembered her scent. It wouldn't be hard to follow the trail. I took a deep breath, and followed the burning smell of vampire. Maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. I was never going to find her, before somebody else finds me. I needed the next best thing, Rosalie, but would she be willing to get her hands dirty like that? It was worth a shot.

I ran towards the Cullen's place. I just hoped Bella wouldn't be there. I wouldn't be able to stand there and have her watch me die.

I came to the driveway of their house, and slowly made my way to the door, trying to think of ways to ask her to kill me. I needed a painful death, to punish me for all the pain I've caused.

I knocked on the door, and Emmett answered.

"Hey Jacob, Bella's not here right now, she went out with Edward," he said.

"I know. I actually need to speak to Rosalie."

Emmett looked confused.

"Okay?" he said, "Rose, babe, come here."

"Yes Sweetheart. What is that doing here," Rosalie said, pointing to me.

I dropped down to my knees.

"What, no sarcastic comment?" she said.

"I'll leave you too alone," Emmett said.

Rosalie stepped outside and shut the door.

"What do you want?"

I looked up at her, "I need you to kill me," I said softly.

"What?! Is this some kind of joke?" she asked.

"No it's not a joke. I am done here."

"I'm not going to kill you Jacob," Rosalie said.

"Why?!" I yelled, "You've always wanted to."

"That's true, but I couldn't do that to Bella. I'm not that mean."

"Please, Rosalie, help me do this."

"No Jacob, I will not help you kill yourself. Edward would never forgive me. Carlisle would probably send me away. No matter how much I want to, I won't kill you."

"Rosalie, please! I just don't know what to do this anymore."

"No Jacob! I think you should leave now," she said.

"Fine."

I turned and ran down the driveway.

Edward

Jacob isn't anywhere to be seen. I should probably call the house to tell them to be on the look out for Jake. I called Emmett's cell.

"Edward, hey what's up."

"I need you to keep a lookout for Jake, he's gone insane, and thinks he needs to kill himself."

"He was just here like twenty minutes ago. He wanted to talk to Rose."

"What did he say?" I asked.

"I don't know, they wanted to talk in private."

"Let me talk to Rose."

"Hold on."

There was a long pause.

"Hello?" Rosalie said.

"Rose, what did Jake say to you when he was there?"

"Why?"

"Because, it's a matter of life or death."

"He asked me to kill him."

"He what?!" I yelled

"He came over and told me he needed my help. That he wanted me to kill him, I told him that I wouldn't and he got mad and left."

"Where did he go?" I asked.

"I don't know."

"Okay, thanks. I'll call you later."

"Okay, just let me know if you find him," she said

"Okay," I agreed

"Bye."

"Bye."

Jake couldn't be far from here.

Sam

I couldn't help, but to take blame for this. Jacob came to me, and I didn't tell him differently.

Sam, I found Jake. He's at La Push beach, Leah said.

What is he doing? I thought.

He's just standing there...Wait. Oh my God he just jumped off the cliff.

Jake! I'm on my way.

So am I, Quil thought.

No you stay, Sam thought.

We are all coming, Embry thought.

Yah Jakes like family to us, Paul said.

Jacob

The water water was freezing. I felt like my body was slipping. All the feeling in my body was gone. It was just me and my thoughts. I could feel my life coming to an end. Everything was gone. It was silent. I've heard that drowning was the worst way to die. Everything was taken from you, oxygen, sight, sound, feeling, all of it, gone. Dying, is peaceful. I had no more problems, they all slipped away with the rest of me, and the world faded to black, I was gone.

Sam

I phased back, and the rest of the pack followed.

"How long has he been under, Leah?" I asked.

"I don't know, ten, fifteen minutes."

"He would be gone by now. I'm going in to get him. I want you guys to start a fire and get as many dry clothes together, we are not going to let him die."

I took my shirt off and ran towards the icy water. I knew I wouldn't have long to get Jake and get out before hypothermia took over. I quickly swan to the bottom by the cliff, Jake was no where to be seen. I was running out of air, I had to swim to the top to get another breath, when I reached the top I gasped for air.

"Somebody call Edward, let him no we've found him!" I yelled.

Then I dove back under. I was going to find him, dead or not. I was not going to tell Billy we've lost his son, and no body to burry.

Suddenly a shock of cold water hit me. Then I saw Edward swimming to the bottom.

Edward, it's Sam. I'm glad you're here, you'll be able to stay down here longer then me, I'll help as much as I can though, I thought.

Edward nodded. We were going to find him.