Until The Last Of Days
Chapter Five
Written by: xlovestory
Chapter published: 28/2/10
---
Her eyes widened immensely, and I immediately knew I'd said the wrong thing. I cursed to myself. I'd known it was too soon. It's just… it made sense, and gosh - if anyone had ever loved anyone as much I loved her, they'd have done the same thing.
When I looked up again, her eyes were just as shocked. I closed my eyes, scrunching them together. "Please, Bella. Say something… anything. The silence is worse than any rejection." The silence continued; the only thing I could here was Bella's increased breathing.
I'd known this was the wrong thing to do.
She released a breathy sigh. My eyes snapped back to hers. She opened her mouth, closed it again and then a few seconds later, opened once more. "I…uh, are you serious?" Her voice was quiet, lilting, with a sharp questioning edge. It was as if she thought we'd never make this step. As if she thought she didn't mean this much to me.
I reached over the little coffee table between us, taking her small hand into mine. I threaded our fingers together, feeling the happy bubble grow inside of me at the simple gesture. I never thought I'd feel this way with anyone. I looked at her, hopefully conveying how much she meant to me through my eyes. "Bella… I love you. You must know that. And, it makes sense. I know we've only been dating eleven months but… I think we're ready."
Her eyes softened, and her thumb stroked my palm gently. "You… you really want me to move in with you?' She looked down, blushing. 'I know I seem hesitant but… I just, it seems surreal. I didn't think we'd do this so soon.' She shrugged. 'I guess it's not as soon as I think it is. That's just me and my commitment issues. But if you're sure? It would save me looking for an apartment." She acknowledged, nodding her head at her own thoughts.
A small grin flitted over my features, and when I caught her eyes again I could tell she'd made her decision, one that made me incredibly happy. She slipped her hands out of mine and tiptoed round the coffee table, falling into my side and nuzzling her face into my neck. I sighed in contentment - this was the place I wanted to be. Always.
She pressed a small kiss onto the skin of my neck before moving her head out and glancing around my living room with new eyes. Her hand trailed from my elbow to my wrist, wrapping her fingers around my own again. I squeezed gently. She hummed in agreement. This was a good thing to do. "I've always liked your house."
My smile widened as I looked down at her, shaking my head slightly. Confusion passed through her eyes and my other hand came around to cup her cheek, feeling the warmth I loved so much being soaked up through my fingers.
"Our house," I corrected.
My eyes stay glued to hers, unable to move away. I'd always been a quick thinker, but apparently my brain wasn't willing to co-operate. It's Bella. She's standing in the other room, flesh and blood. After all this time of never thinking I'd see her again, of thinking she'd never be close enough to touch, she was mere metres away.
And suddenly my mind wasn't fast enough.
In the haze that was Bella, I didn't catch her. She blinks, erasing her thoughts of me before turning back to Emmett. From the side of her face I see her lips tremble, moving with speed I've never seen - or maybe I'm just not thinking straight. She's standing up, grabbing her bag from her side and heaving two heavy folders into her arms, quickly exiting the room. Her head stays down and I can't see her eyes. I can't read her. She's walking, tripping with every second step. Desperate to get away.
And I can't let her do that.
I won't let her go again. Not this time.
My legs move on their own accord - a different type of autopilot to the one that I've been on since she left my life. My hands shake as they push the door and out of the corner of my eye I see Emmett storming from his office, coming towards me. My head shifts, watching Bella run away from me, further and further, nearer and nearer to the corner.
I snap my head in Emmett's direction, a confused and slightly angry look on his usually smiling face. I place my hand out. "Please. I don't know what she's told you, and frankly I don't care. All I care about is catching up with her. Don't try and stop me."
I'm turning and running faster than I ever have in my life before he can reply. He is unimportant in comparison to the woman in front of me. She can hear my thundering footsteps along the hall and I see her speed up. I call her name, begging her to turn and listen to me. She ignores me. I call again, louder this time as I blank out the shocked stares of colleagues. Again, they mean nothing to me. Bella is all that matters; is all that has ever mattered.
She reaches the elevator, tapping her foot insistently as I get closer to her. I hear the 'bing' sound and curse as I realise that she's slipping away. She steps in, pressing any button blindly, and turns facing my direction. I call her name again, watching as the doors close in front of me. Her eyes meet mine for the first time in months and it knocks me backwards for a second. I'm so close; I could touch the steel casing of the box shielding Bella from me. But she stuns me. Her eyes had never been so guarded. And as the doors close I hear the first words she's said to me since the last time we were together.
"I have nothing to say to you." She mutters lowly, her voice completely monotone. No feeling whatsoever. It was like the life was sucked out of her. And I'd done that to her. I feel the guilt wash over me in vicious waves, each larger than the last. The doors bang closed and I've lost her face.
She's gone.
But not completely.
My legs begin to move again, striding towards the fire exit. I feel as if I'm in a movie, desperate to catch the woman walking away from me. And I don't care how cliché this looks: this is me trying to catch (and win back) the woman I love. She is simply gone… momentarily.
I fly down the stairs, careful not to fall over myself. In my mind's eye I see the elevator moving, Bella's face so distraught as each level wound away. If I strained my ears I could almost hear the movement of the elevator - and I wanted nothing more than to hear her voice again; I'd settle for screaming as long as it was coming from her beautiful mouth.
I reach the bottom of the stairs, panting fiercely, but making no move to slow down. As long as I don't go into cardiac arrest I'll be fine. My hand reaches out and wrenches backwards, the door screaming against the hinges as I fling it back. I ignore the sharp pain that moves up my bicep at the sudden strain - I've felt enough pain, however emotional it was, to know that this pain wouldn't hurt me as much as the woman in the elevator could. I swing around in the direction of the opening doors, watching as Bella's feet step out and continue walking at a fast pace across the hall floor.
I was out of breath and exhausted, but nothing could stop me now. I bounded towards her and pushed myself in front of her, effectively encasing her with no way of getting out. Her eyes snap towards mine, that same look of hurt and disgust shining back at me - where had the love in those orbs gone? I flinch at the glare she sends my way. But this time I stay glued to the spot. I watch as her eyes shift from side to side, her mind whirring with ways of escape. "Don't try it, Bella. I'll just run after you again."
This time she didn't grant me with a reply. I'd rather have had her harsh words than nothing at all - but then again, I was probably expecting too much. I stare at her for a few seconds more and I come, finally, to the conclusion that I'd been looking for. Everything had been such a blur up to this point, but now it was clear. Bella was here, a breath's distance away from me. This was what I wanted; a chance to explain, a chance for forgiveness. I take a deep breath, slowing my rapid heartbeat. "Can we talk?"
She lifts her head once more, her hair no longer curtaining her reactions from me. When she eventually replies her voice is the same - no feeling at all. "I've already told you. I've got nothing to say."
She side steps me, but my hand reaches out and grasps her wrist, softly but securely. I feel that familiar spark settle in my stomach and I can't help but notice the shiver that flows through Bella at our skin once again touching. I sigh dejectedly. "But I've got a lot to say, Bella."
She snorts; a sound I've missed dearly. "I think you've said quite enough. Or did you not get your feelings fully out there last time?"
My thumb moved, stroking her skin to try and calm her down, but all it seemed to be doing was stroking the fire within her. She is against me and anything I am going to say. It almost seems like it isn't worth trying, but I'll be damned if she doesn't hear at least one of the things I need to say. I desperately try pulling her closer to me, but she stays stubbornly in the same spot. I close my eyes, willing the words to come out as they were intended. "Listen, I have---"
"No.' She states demandingly. I am momentarily stunned. I admire this woman greatly, but this one side of her - the harder, tougher side - is new to me. It makes me love her even more. Those thoughts are tossed aside as I feel her wrench her arm out of my grip, stronger than I thought she could be. I look into her eyes again, seeing a new strength. Before, when we were happy, she'd often told me that I would dazzle her. But that was no more. She doesn't trust me anymore; the hurt that rings her eyes was proof of that. 'No.' I hear her repeat, the word pushing from her lips forcefully. 'I don't want to listen to you and whatever excuses you come up with to try and win me back. This time, there's nothing you can do. I won't be so easily jaded to think that what you say is true. You broke me. And you broke the trust that came along with our relationship.' Her eyes close as if she's reliving the pain. 'Please… let me go."
The one thing she wanted was the one thing I didn't want to give her - and believe me when I say I want to give her the world. But I'd hurt her so badly… and I felt that it was the least I could do. I see her eyes open, moist with tears she won't allow to be shed in front of me: I'm not worthy of them anymore. I never was. Bella… she's in a league of her own. And I'm nowhere close to being good enough. Her eyes beg with me to let her walk away. I'll do anything for her. So I nod my head, giving her the silent 'yes' she wanted.
"Thank you." She whispers, her voice catching on the last word. My head hangs down - I can't physically watch her walk away. It would only hurt more. I hear her footsteps measure and I drag my head up to stare in front of me. Amongst the heat of the moment we failed to notice the audience that had formed to watch our conversation. I looked away from the pitied glances; they didn't know the full story otherwise they wouldn't be looking at me like that. I don't deserve one ounce of that pity.
I turn my head to watch her feet disappear into the Ladies Toilet, and my eyes long to see her face just one more time; to hear her voice just once more. My feet move again, past the crowds and they stop outside the door. I look up at that cartoon drawing of a girl as if it'll give me all the answers I need… but it never will. My hand presses into the door, desperate to feel a connection with her again but all I feel is cool plastic.
Nothing… except a single, unfamiliar voice.
My ears strain to hear it.
"Wow… who broke your heart?" Whoever this woman was, she definitely wasn't a sensitive person. No doubt she was talking to my Bella. I shake my head. I had no right to call her my own.
My head drops as her question registers in my head. All I can think is… me. I did.
So close, but yet so far. He'll keep trying, I promise. Things will all work out in the end; I feel I should at least give you a happy ending after what I did to Edward in My Beautiful Disaster. (:
Thank you so much for the reviews. Again, feedback for the chapter would be greatly appreciated!
-xlovestory